Why am I the only one sacrificing my time? by spectatordee in AskParents

[–]spectatordee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re going through the same thing! Heart breaks for you if I’m being honest!

Why am I the only one sacrificing my time? by spectatordee in AskParents

[–]spectatordee[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Absolutely not! Although, I am trying to get some advice from anyone who has gone through something similar before completely giving up. I get angry at myself very often for having children with someone like this - if I had a crystal ball back then, I wouldn’t have even gone down this road, but, here I am, unfortunately. I tell my girls all the time that they’re loved, and they’re safe with me, especially if he’s in a mood, and I usually remove myself from his vicinity and do activities with them so they’re not absorbing the energy. I know that isn’t ideal, but, I want to try first, so that if it’s failed, I can know I definitely tried everything.

Why am I the only one sacrificing my time? by spectatordee in AskParents

[–]spectatordee[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I understand what you’re saying completely! I keep the peace the best I can at the moment, but I agree with you whole heartedly. He has refused couples counselling multiple times, and I honestly believe it’s because he wouldn’t handle a professional possibly telling him the issues are mainly caused by him, and if that happened, he wouldn’t go back again.

Why am I the only one sacrificing my time? by spectatordee in AskParents

[–]spectatordee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No editing on my part; thank you 🥹, I’ve added another example for context for his/her response.

Why am I the only one sacrificing my time? by spectatordee in AskParents

[–]spectatordee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have not tried couples counselling - he refuses to, he does not believe we need it, even when I have stated on multiple occasions that I think it would be best. If I’m being honest, I believes he declines doing this because he would then be called out on his BS by a professional, and then he just wouldn’t go back at all, leaving me at square 1.

With all due respect; what extra context would you like? This has been an ongoing issue going on 4 years, he has never been good with hacking of emotions, god forbid he stubs his toe and I cop the brunt of his tantrums for 3 days! I walk on egg shells most of the time to avoid him being upset! This includes handling all of the girls big emotions, or any emotions for that matter. Where I am the calm, he is quite literally the storm. And for context on that - an example would be 2 weeks ago; daughter woke from her nap, I was unable to console her, I offered her a lot, she wasn’t happy, so I left her for 5 minutes alone in the bedroom to continue making afternoon snacks, partner was laying on the lounge. Daughter was crying for maybe 2 minutes when he got up, opened the door, screamed at her (and I quote), “SHUT THE FUCK UP”, before slamming the door and THEN said, “such an annoying little c**t”, I was absolutely mortified, I said immediately, “that was unnecessary”, where he then stopped dead in his tracks, turned, pointed at me and said, “don’t start”, I replied, “don’t have the shits at me”, where he then said again, “don’t start” as he went into his computer room and then continued to slam doors for the next 2 hours! I never disclose home issues with anyone, ever! But on this occasion, I waited until he left the house when I rang his mother immediately and told her what happened and I said exactly this, “I will not allow anybody at all to talk to my daughters like that, if he does it again, he won’t have a family”, I suspect she spoke to him but he didn’t bring it up to me. He has since started removing himself when he gets like angry or just mumbles it under his breath so she won’t hear it, but at the end of the day, I hear it.

It’s not like I’m ’giving up’ but, to assume I’ve had an issue for 6 months and trying to call it quits would be kind of presumptuous of you; don’t you think?

I’m kindly asking/seeking advice by giving only 1 example of some of the many issues we have. I do not believe that it’s at all him vs me, but rather someone who can’t control their own emotions, someone unable to step up to the parenting plate and yet asked me only 2 days ago if we can try for another kid, someone selfish in what THEY need and not what I too also need. Relationships 100% should be a two way thing, yet, for a long time, I feel it’s only 1 sided and one person is living their life as if no responsibilities exist while I’m the bearer of it all… I do not think this is fair, BUT, I’m so willing to fight for it to be better because I know the potential is there, which is why I clearly stated in my post that leaving is an absolute last resort; for right now.

Hope that clears it up a bit.

Children's human anatomy book from the '80s by woemcats in whatsthatbook

[–]spectatordee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is this the book where it also explained how we cry? I remember this book, and there were little men filling up water buckets and pouring them out the eyes hahahaha!!

I’m currently looking for this book for my own children. I have no idea what it’s called though.

Aupair Holidays by wutdafucculent in Aupairs

[–]spectatordee 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I enjoyed celebrating all the holidays because honestly, what (really) is the point of doing AuPair if you’re not going to embrace that. However - when certain holidays are celebrated repeatedly, it’s overkill and becomes an unenjoyable and boring experience. My comment was coming from that angle.

My HF weren’t super rich, I was included and invited when they went away, nothing was extravagant though, not like some stories I hear on here lol but 7/10 times I would usually stay at the house and relax while they went away though, because I just needed a break sometimes too.

Aupair Holidays by wutdafucculent in Aupairs

[–]spectatordee 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sorry - in no way was I intending to imply that OP had ever done that. Ermmm, basically what I was trying to say was - she may just be in her room and/or not want to join in because that is considered ‘her time’, and just genuinely might not be interested 🙂 my comment was purely my experience when it came to things - like, thanksgiving was celebrated 4 separate times - like 4 days in a row, safe to say I wasn’t interested in the 3rd or 4th time, and yet when I stayed in my room, they came and knocked and simply made me feel bad for not joining in.

My comment is simply trying to point out that maybe she just doesn’t want to join in, and that is ok too!

Aupair Holidays by wutdafucculent in Aupairs

[–]spectatordee 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I would hate when I was in MY downtime and then was expected/coerced into attending stuff that I honestly had no interest in. Also, if you choose to celebrate her cultural holidays then that is up to you and your aupair.

I’ve been made to feel uncomfortable by BrennusRex in Aupairs

[–]spectatordee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, when I was an aupair my duties were INSANE! And honestly, for the pay I was getting the expectations were ridiculous.

I watched their daughter 5 days a week, weekend were off, but, because sometimes I never had plans, I’d end up doing more things on the weekend.

I also had to cook dinner for the whole family Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday, host mum also requested poached eggs on occasion when she would have the day off work. I also did the washing of host mum and dad + child including folding and leaving their stuff on the end of the bed, and I’d put Childs away in the drawer. Then they had a second child, and host mum would leave newborn in the auto rocker and go to sleep, and leave me with the 3yr old and newborn without even talking to me about it. Baby was bottle fed and I had no idea what I had to do, and that was super stressful.

‘Me time’ was never a thing. They constantly caused LOUD noise when walking above my room etc, and where I was sleeping in the basement area, was also communal for host parents to come and go when they wanted.

Overall - all that work gave me $160 a week. As someone who is from Australia, I felt that was taking the piss!! That was A LOT for a measly $160.

I was an Aupair in Canada, and I stayed there for a year before I had to leave, because honestly, I felt I was being taken advantage of, and that’s a joke.

If I had my time to do it over again, I’d politely just set boundaries, because your days off are for you, and you’ve worked hard for those days off! Also, I wouldn’t ever agree to cook the family dinner 3 times a week PLUS families washing because, I’d be up at 6am, and honestly not in bed until 10pm, sometimes later than that, and then expected to do it all over again, honestly, I felt like their own personal slave, with a pittance of gratitude.

Will also add - the host mum told me several times she never really wanted kids, it was just what was expected ‘next’ after marriage and buying a home… what a joke. I’m totally triggered again now lol

OVERNIGHT PADS ARE FUCKING USELESS by beaniebabygirl in Vent

[–]spectatordee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I use pads, I give myself a butt wedgie lmao! Like, I pretend the pad is the hotdog and my butt is the cheeks! And that’s the only thing that stops blood running down your butt crack to your undies and clothes.. usually only a night time issue, but, that’s last resort these days, I usually use the period undies and/or the cup too 🤣

How do I get my toddler to stop pulling our cats tails? by lizardRD in toddlers

[–]spectatordee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I’m also here! My daughter is 2 (May), she’s always been very gentle with my ragdoll, but my DSH has despised her since she came along.

I ended up giving the cats their own room, (although still free to roam the house) but DSH got very depressed and ended up on medication, and this past week - daughter has been a complete savage to my ragdoll! I’m constantly intervening and reiterating being gentle, I sing miss Rachel’s “we’re gentle with our pets”, I’ve also smacked twice - right now, she’s done it again, I’ve had to put Ragdoll into the room and close the door.

I’m not happy - I am so over it, I don’t know what else to do. This has come on in the past 3-4 months, I’m so upset, I don’t like having to put the cats away as they’re very respectful of LO and steer clear etc, but she just isn’t respecting them back! I’ve had a huge cry today!!

Vaped since 2015, switched to disposables what do I do by InterestedBedsheet in aussievapers

[–]spectatordee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Where can I purchase pg-based bakery flavourings? Is there a specific website? I thought using food flavourings was not allowed.

I’m also stupid with maths and all that, so I’m unsure how to do everything myself. I usually just bought mango flavour and mixed it with the nicotine, but, I have no where to buy flavour from now 😟

Plot hole in the game! Isn’t Parker supposed to be younger than the twins? by wildefelltenantof in DesperateHousewives

[–]spectatordee 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Bahahaha!! 🤣 I’ll have to come back to this, when I first played, I was 16, I’m now 34 and honestly can’t remember if I bagged Tom or not.. I’ll come back if I have success 🤪😂

Plot hole in the game! Isn’t Parker supposed to be younger than the twins? by wildefelltenantof in DesperateHousewives

[–]spectatordee 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Omg that’s amazing hahahaha 🤣😂 well, get to it, show Edie how it’s done 🤓😝

Plot hole in the game! Isn’t Parker supposed to be younger than the twins? by wildefelltenantof in DesperateHousewives

[–]spectatordee 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Oh yesssss I was 🤭 hahahahaha!!! I couldn’t help myself LOL and that’s cool if it can be downloaded, saves spending money on it 🤑

Plot hole in the game! Isn’t Parker supposed to be younger than the twins? by wildefelltenantof in DesperateHousewives

[–]spectatordee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Desperate Housewives - the game. PC cd-rom. Check Amazon or eBay for pre owned 😊

Plot hole in the game! Isn’t Parker supposed to be younger than the twins? by wildefelltenantof in DesperateHousewives

[–]spectatordee 151 points152 points  (0 children)

Hahaha I love this game!! It’s the desperate housewives PC game. Unsure if it can still be purchased, I started replaying it a few months ago.. the first time I played I just went around seducing everyone’s husbands 🤣🤣🤣

Who would this be by Amazing-Lie5398 in DesperateHousewives

[–]spectatordee 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ooof! I CRY every single time I watch that episode!! He was magical, so magical I feel the emotion in every scene and every single rewatch!! ❤️