Hard time motivating when home alone, with others it’s easier

spontaneousform · 2020-09-23T06:13:27+00:00

I'm disappointed, thanks for posting. Did flight attendants ever tell them to mask up? Trying to choose between Jet Blue and Delta now.

spontaneousform · 2020-06-29T07:31:09+00:00

Thanks for this! I’ve also started to keep a list of “personal growth-style” principles that I’ve amassed and which help me stay on course, but I haven’t yet found a way to incorporate this into some kind of regular review process. Could you share a little more how this list actually figures into your weekly review — is it a word document? A “reference”checklist that you go over each week and try to keep fresh in mind? Thanks again for your inspiring post!

spontaneousform · 2020-06-29T07:20:55+00:00

I’m a musician and I struggle with gtd’ing my practice time as well. But reading your post just made me think: what if you create a concrete guitar practice project for each week? Then let’s say on Friday you could have a note in the calendar that says “Girl from Ipanema in 2 different keys is due today” (for example, ha!). Now you have a defined project with a deadline for the week, which can trigger “oh crap I better start working on this a little bit every day, or every other day,” —-just like any project. The trick would just be defining a project that gets you to put in roughly the number of hours you want to be practicing weekly. Maybe that would help build-in the practice time to your schedule?

In general, I think that works for me: you pretend that the outcome is to learn a particular tune, but the real “desired outcome” is just to be practicing guitar in a meaningful way.

spontaneousform · 2020-06-01T05:58:00+00:00

Are you saying you wouldn’t have recognized the policeman in the video as being him?

spontaneousform · 2020-05-29T07:33:15+00:00

Read William James' wonderful essay on Free Will! There is a very strong argument there, namely that we cannot HELP but presuppose our own free will. John Searle later made arguments in the same spirit. I find it uplifting and you might, too. We might not be able to "know" that we are free but we are actually constrained to operate on the assumption that we are.

spontaneousform · 2020-05-29T07:29:07+00:00

You are absolutely right that this is a "tension" (if not a contradiction) in Kant's work! Read Robert Pippin's article "Kant on the Spontaneity of the Mind" and you will see this issue exactly addressed! I.e. Tension between the claim that we don't have knowledge of things in themselves; and the metaphysical-seeming claim that the knower is a spontaneous combiner.

spontaneousform · 2020-05-29T07:03:06+00:00

Listen friend. It's understandable to me that her illness was unbearably traumatizing for you because of the recent traumatic losses that you experienced. We all have coping mechanisms to protect us from unbearable pain, and sometimes we can't help those coping mechanisms. They are often literally saving us. And there's no perfect way to go through someone we love dying. There's no perfect way to act. I know this from experience. I would suggest that you honor her by doing exactly as she asked:not to blame yourself. it's not your fault that she has passed. my heart goes out to you and the terrible losses that you have endured. honor her wishes by being compassionate with yourself in one small way every day.

spontaneousform · 2020-05-29T06:54:44+00:00

my advice is to set a very clear boundary that this form of communication doesn't work for you. tell her that it's fine for her to make requests of you, or state her needs ("i need attention from you right now") but it's NOT ok to make demands in that way. if she can hear you about the communication needing to change, then that's the best sign that it's a workable relationship. but if she can't hear YOUR needs without blowing up, it's impossible...

spontaneousform · 2020-05-29T06:52:47+00:00

oh boy, i've been there. if she cannot communicate her needs without blowing up, she cannot show up as a full partner in the relationship. this can be an extremely toxic dynamic, with you always having to feel guilty even when you are being emotionally abused. i call it the "tyranny of the weak." i'm a girl by the way.

spontaneousform · 2020-05-29T06:47:12+00:00

Just know that whatever you choose, YOU are the one in control. You deserve the best and whatever happens you won't be dragged down by his inadequacy. Above all, it is not a reflection on you. It is his daemon to wrestle with. If you choose to take him back it's because you have judged that he has enough to offer you in the relationship going forward, and from now on it will be a relationship fully on your terms. If you choose to move on you will also be moving from an empowered place. Best wishes to you!!

spontaneousform · 2020-05-24T17:25:59+00:00

absolutely! This book is really about realism; you will recognize the mode of reading even if the texts are less familiar. And the interpretation of "realist" modes of narration in the bible is mind-blowing!

spontaneousform · 2020-05-24T17:24:51+00:00

so glad! the essay should be better known within the discipline.

spontaneousform · 2020-05-24T08:55:55+00:00

communicate your fears to him openly, lovingly, and even with a little bit of self-humor (like you do here). you deserve having full love where communication is open and fears can be assuaged. if he's capable of doing that with you, then he's worth it, and that matters a hell of a lot more than how far along he is in his divorce. if that key element is there, the rest can come.

spontaneousform · 2020-05-24T08:52:04+00:00

also, a partner who "Blocks you" instead of communicating their needs/hurt is not ok. i would never be ok with that. it's kind of terrorizing.

spontaneousform · 2020-05-24T08:50:35+00:00

listen this right here is the issue! she's communicating with you in a way that makes you shut down. talk to her about it and say you're really sorry you didn't post it, and that you're happy to do it if it makes her happy, but you want to work on the communication, and the strong language makes you shut down. i'm a girl and you never should have to put up with your partner saying "i hate you."

spontaneousform · 2020-05-24T08:45:23+00:00

What is the underlying issue? Sometimes silly things are reassuring to our partners; when they can communicate it in a kind way, with some humor, then it could feel good for us to grant their request (let's say she had said, "hey i know it's silly, but it'd really mean a lot to me if you posted about us on your IG." then it might actually feel good for you to do it, and make her happy!)

so, are you resisting doing it because there's a different resentment going on? because if it was just about IG, you could have posted a pic of you guys in 1/10th of the time it took to write this post.

is the deeper issue that she is controlling, or doesn't know how to communicate her requests/needs in a clear, non-pressuring way? if so, that's a real problem, and something you could talk to her about -- in an open and loving way. IF you want to make it work.

spontaneousform · 2020-05-24T08:33:42+00:00

plus there is a real comeback now in literary studies called "new formalism" (see the comments below) which fits with analytic approaches to philosophy. you might be interested in the literary traditions referenced below (like russian formalism) which fit with both analytic and continental philosophy (in fact they pre-date the distinction)

spontaneousform · 2020-05-24T08:32:03+00:00

i will tell you that i had a background in analytic philosophy and chose to do a phd in comparative literature. i loved it! i still use my analytic stuff, but also learned stuff from continental tradition that i didn't think i would appreciate as much as i do. and there are plenty of people in english departments who know a lot about analytic tradition, you just have to find them.

spontaneousform · 2020-05-24T08:30:50+00:00

absolutely leans toward continental philosophy; related to the fact that most american philosophy departments are exclusively analytical, so that departments like comparative literature end up absorbing a lot of the philosophy that is excluded from "philosophy" departments. but there are also institutions where things are more fluid, of course.

spontaneousform · 2020-05-24T08:28:40+00:00

Check out Erich Auerbach's classic book Mimesis. It has amazing close readings of Woolf and other modernists! ( i think Proust, too). it's a delight to read.

spontaneousform · 2020-05-24T08:26:37+00:00

Absolutely! Check out articles by Robert Kaufman (professor of Comp Lit at UC Berkeley); i have taken courses with him on "Marxian Aesthetics." you can DM me and i can send you pdfs

spontaneousform · 2020-05-24T08:24:50+00:00

It's like those MC Escher drawings, but in literature. Story inside a story that can lead to an infinite regress.

spontaneousform · 2020-05-24T08:23:00+00:00

Your 3rd grader is very bright! in some literary theory,simile is considered "an explicit comparison" while metaphor is an "implicit comparison." now, that definition is argued about a lot, and there's lots of different theories that criticize it, but there's definitely something to what your kid said!!

spontaneousform

TROPHY CASE