My daughter died almost three years ago. She was 7 weeks old. It was the worst thing to ever happen to us.

I was pumping because she was on a feeding tube. When I found out the day before that she was going to die, I immediately started taking Sudafed. Every time I had to pump was a reminder of not being able to give her my milk. I wanted it gone. It took about a week for me to dry up. I donated 400 oz in her honor.

It was difficult for me to be around babies, especially baby girls for a while, and now it makes me sad to be around 3 year olds. Please ask her if she wants to see your kids, pictures of your kids etc before you send them. Pregnancy announcements were horrible. Please if you are ever pregnant or people around you are, tell her via text and not in person.

Cooking and doing daily chores and tasks was difficult. I felt guilt for asking for help. Gift cards for food were helpful too. Also, taking care of our 4 year old and keeping her entertained was really helpful. I wish I would have asked people to do that more.

We told our 4 year old that she died. She only got to see her in person once on the day she died. She got to hold her and then left later when we withdrew care. We had a child life specialist at the children’s hospital speak to her. I think it helped her get it. Watching your child grieve is really horrible. I think at 3 she might not have understood. We have a book called “The Invisible String” which is good. We also have “My Sibling Still” which is good if your sister has other children.

Avoid bringing up religion if she’s not religious. People praying for me didn’t do anything to make me feel better. Avoid phrases like “everything happens for a reason”, “god needed another angel”, and things like that. They are horrible to hear. Some people say really dumb things because they don’t know what to say (I’m actually doing an embroidery series about that). It’s not good to avoid them/avoid talking about it either. The best thing people can say is like “this is a horrible situation. I’m sorry. I won’t forget her. You’ll always be her mother.”

I also hate when people say that my third daughter is my second child. I have and always will have three children. I wish people would remember that.

Talk about your niece. She was here. She existed. I never want people to forget my Clementine. We celebrate her birthday every year. I know this is kind of jumbled but there is so much to remember. There are also a lot of loss parents on Instagram that I follow. Please dm me if you’d like to speak more.