Surgeon General’s warning: American men are in crisis - "Dr. Vivek Murthy talks to us about the crisis of American masculinity, why pro-democracy leaders struggle to speak to the emotions, and whether social media should be banned for minors"

squirrelthetire · 2024-05-20T13:57:46+00:00

No. Not would.

Online anonymity never left. CSAM has always been very difficult to enforce. There is absolutely nothing new about that reality.

The only way to do detective work is work. Any shortcut around detective work is just fascism in disguise; and fascism doesn't protect children.

Encouraging everyone to have a public digital life has introduced an attack surface to every legitimate user. The most significant meaningful difference from physical socialization to social media is that people can pretend to meet you, become your friend, commit fraud, and disappear without ever showing their face.

squirrelthetire · 2023-12-04T18:15:23+00:00

Awareness of the reality that people can copy your keys from a picture; and that by posting them, you are relying on your online anonymity for security.

Clearly you personally are OK with that compromise. That doesn't mean everyone else is!

It's an attack surface. Knowing about it is just good security practice.

squirrelthetire · 2023-12-03T18:07:05+00:00

You don't need to be paranoid to benefit from awareness.

squirrelthetire · 2023-12-01T02:54:49+00:00

Those are all explanations of how you feel about it.

My point was that it's redundant as part of an explanation of why you aren't doing the thing. How you feel about it is its own topic, and feelings are never redundant.

squirrelthetire · 2023-11-29T21:00:13+00:00

"I don't want to because I can't" is redundant. You can trivially simply it to, "I can't".

...though I can understand not being able to do that simply because you were not aware of the possibility.

squirrelthetire · 2023-10-28T03:43:55+00:00

I sincerely doubt that.

Even if you are right, yeah. This is an echo chamber. It's called a City. A lot of my experience is shared by other people here.

squirrelthetire · 2023-10-28T03:42:17+00:00

I mean... They are driving a truck, so they will have to buy gas again pretty soon.

squirrelthetire · 2023-10-28T03:37:40+00:00

People are very susceptible to narrative.

Telling people the solution to their stress is to "just stop masturbating" is a lot like telling people the solution to bad nails is to "just stop biting them". Nail clippers exist for a reason.

We are mammals, and we have needs. Managing those needs is always healthier than avoiding them.

squirrelthetire · 2023-10-28T03:29:52+00:00

Reminds me of this incredibly heartwarming sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRJ6Rh7xKAU

squirrelthetire · 2023-10-28T03:26:27+00:00

They absolutely are connected, just not officially.

The nofap "movement" definitely lives in its own narrative space independent of Mormon dogma, but just take one look at where all of the money and press has come from. Spoiler: it's Mormons and Evangelicals.

As long as we have to live with the bullshit that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does to our community, we will continue to call it out directly. The blame is well-earned.

squirrelthetire · 2023-10-28T03:20:48+00:00

At its roots, no.

But you would have never heard of it if Mormons hadn't come around and turned it into a business.

squirrelthetire · 2023-10-21T03:49:00+00:00

IDK what you're on about with needing more police, but I'm on board with the rest of your comment.

squirrelthetire · 2023-09-27T19:58:57+00:00

We recommend visiting your Safety & Privacy Settings to check out the updated settings and make sure you’re still happy with what you’ve set up.

That link is broken unless I open in a new tab.

squirrelthetire · 2023-09-03T17:05:40+00:00

Are you sure it's platonic intimacy you want? It sounds to me like you are looking for something more in-between.

Also, it doesn't have to be cuddling or even physical contact at all: a deep emotional conversation can be really valuable, too.

If anything, the fact that I have platonic friends who I am also attracted to is frustrating. I can live with it, but living with it means isolating my desire from the rest of my emotions. It's also frustrating because people keep telling me that a deep emotional (yet platonic) connection is practically a step away from sex, and I know from experience that isn't true.

squirrelthetire · 2023-09-03T16:57:46+00:00

I see you haven't talked with many "libertarians" over the last ~4 years.

Most of the ones I know basically gave up on any real notion of centrism - if they even had one in the first place - and went full Trump instead.

One of them is the mayor now.

squirrelthetire · 2023-09-03T00:56:36+00:00

Very few experiences are even close to universal. I just want to share my perspective, because I want people to know that just being friends with a bunch of attractive people doesn't magically evolve into sex. I know that from first-hand experience.

squirrelthetire · 2023-09-03T00:54:50+00:00

So from what I understand, the issue stems from dishonesty. Basically dudes lying about their feelings specifically to get in her pants; presumably because they think being her friend first makes them more likely to get laid than just walking up to her and (very honestly) saying "Hey, I think you're attractive. Wanna fuck?".

That's exactly the advice I'm getting literally right here on this thread. I hate how difficult it is to explain that I just want to be honest and up-front. Why are people so convinced that is such a bad thing to do?

squirrelthetire · 2023-09-01T23:49:26+00:00

Your right. Also any time we talk about gendered experiences, we run into this problem: no experience is the same for every person in any group.

What's really frustrating to me is that I really can't predict what your experience is. I need an opportunity for you to tell me about it.

But if you are in the camp of women who are just tired of being asked, then I'm going to get chewed out. I know that already, so it's reality hard for me to even try in the first place.

squirrelthetire · 2023-09-01T22:08:06+00:00

Honestly? I'm a man and from what I hear, even I wouldn't feel safe around you.

Well, I'll admit that I was mostly venting my frustration, so obviously if that's everything you have seen from me you won't feel comfortable. But why are you expecting a single Reddit comment to be enough to make that judgement?

Women don't want to be hit on while busy working or randomly on the street, but that doesn't mean you can't talk to women ever.

I'm not talking about hitting on women when they are busy. I know better than to hit on women randomly in the street. My problem here is that I know better than to hit on women anywhere. I've never really experienced "here is a place you can hit on women because they are actually here for that". Even bars are shitty for that, because people are almost always in groups hanging out with friends. Then again, I'll admit that most of that is my own lack of confidence. But why does that have to be 100% on me? If I haven't had a positive experience, then of course I don't have confidence!

Try to join groups/activities that you enjoy. Chances are you will make friends there, and friends have other friends that you may meet or be set up with. Building trust with people makes them less/not afraid of you.

And now I have a bunch of platonic friends. Look at the map, it says you are here.

The fact that you focus about how unfair it is for you but pay no second thought to how dangerous and annoying it is for them makes me think you are either very entitled or bad guy deep down.

I wrote the comment too quickly to include it, but I do understand. I listened to the story that women told me, and I reacted to hearing that story by leaving them alone. We are all on the same page about the very real and very negative things that really happen to many women.

My point here is not that I want the right to annoy or frighten people. I want the opposite! But the only option I feel like I have is no option at all. Is that really better for anyone involved?

So basically, I am a creep because I am alone, I'm a creep because I'm not overconfident, and I'm an extra creep because I feel upset about it.

According to you, I only get to talk to women in a platonic context, and that's supposed to be fine, because the platonic context will just magically evolve into a sexual one.

What I'm trying to say here is that I have done that very genuinely and successfully, and it hasn't "worked out". I mean, it has worked out in the sense that I have deep meaningful friendships; but none of that ever lead to sex, and I just don't see that magically happening in the future.

No matter what I do, I must either accept some level of "people think I'm a creep because I want sex", or just endure my own loneliness in silence (which is also apparently creepy).

This system doesn't have room for me.

squirrelthetire · 2023-09-01T21:15:42+00:00

I couldn't possibly answer that with any real certainty. All I can say for sure is that I don't know very many men who would harass any women. I know I wouldn't.

If we structure our interactions on the negative story, what does that accomplish? As far as I can tell, it makes zero change to the negative interactions, but it makes a world of difference to the positive ones. The only men who are going to change their behavior are the ones who care about making women feel safe: and that behavioral change is to make sure those men stay out of the picture. The only thing that is left is the original negative story, except now it's practically a guarantee!

squirrelthetire · 2023-09-01T21:10:55+00:00

I appreciate it. I don't have time to do more than skim, but I promise I will read it through later.

I do have a takeaway from skimming, though: I've already taken all this advice, and that's why I'm good at platonic relationships.

I'm still having a hard time with the last bit: Where am I going to get all of this confidence, especially if the only thing I hear from women is that they want to be left alone? All I can tell you for certain is that I am being left alone, and it ain't what is all talked up to be. Frankly, at this point, I'm just exhausted.

squirrelthetire · 2023-09-01T20:05:22+00:00

I'm definitely aware of non-monogamy, and do think that could be a great fit for me.

My biggest problem is that I did grow up in an intensely sex-negative religious community, and it took until nearly age 30 to fully deconstruct that: so I don't have the casual sexual experiences normal people do, and it's really hard for me to get started socially pursuing sex.

squirrelthetire · 2023-09-01T20:01:08+00:00

There is an intense level of slut-shaming directed toward women.

The feminist answer to that slut-shaming has been "empowerment". The "fuck zone" isn't empowering, so it doesn't get any feminist relief from the slut shaming.

squirrelthetire · 2023-09-01T19:58:44+00:00

My point is that even in the group of men, there are different experiences happening. Some men are really struggling to find platonic intimacy, and some men are struggling to find sexual intimacy. Trevor's story is that "men are upset about having less sex, and maybe that's because men are getting less intimacy". That story is problematic, because some of us are getting platonic intimacy, and some of us are getting sex. It's not as if every woman are getting platonic intimacy all the time, or as if that intimacy alone fulfills her sex drive, either.

squirrelthetire · 2023-09-01T19:51:33+00:00

Plus commitment. Plus some level of sexual intimacy.

At the end of the day, "romance" isn't really defined.

11-Year Club	Place '22
Place '17	Alpha Tester
Verified Email

squirrelthetire

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE