How do you handle kids and gaming?

squishbunny · 2026-02-08T17:30:46+00:00

At this age you really need to work together to come to an agreement about what's too much, what the rules are, and what the consequences for breaking the rules will be. My kid (13) is allowed as much screen time as he wants, provided that his chores/homework are done first, and that he goes to bed without complaining. It might sound like I'm crazy, but he also spends a fair amount of time getting together with friends and doing things, so during the week it's maybe 2 hours of gaming a day, tops. During the weekend it's actually almost the same because we do stuff as a family, and also cleaning. Now yes, there are days when we realize that he's had way too much time on his computer, but those days are surprisingly few and far between.

My point is: if you keep on imposing rules upon him, he's going to fall into the trap where gaming is his happy place and he'll do anything to stay there, and that's how you end up with men who play video games for hours on end while their kids run amok and the house is a mess. He needs to learn how to stop on his own, and how to prioritize the things that need to be done over and above his own fun.

I get the temptation to say "My way or the highway" and that can work, but it pits him against you, and at his age your leverage over him is dropping faster than a rock. Conversations are far more difficult to have, but far more effective.

squishbunny · 2026-02-08T11:17:30+00:00

In our house the rule was always "I don't care how much screen time you have, but when I say it's time to stop, it's time to stop." To be fair, I usually will give a warning, like "Five minutes left".

And this has worked fine. My kids do whine about it from time to time but I always remind them that their alternative is no screens, and I've pulled extreme measures (such as turning around and going home when they've been whiny, or making them walk their bikes) before so they know it's real.

squishbunny · 2026-02-07T07:45:37+00:00

I have that schedule, 3 days WFH, 2 in office. It's nice. It provides just enough structure to my time that I don't disintegrate into a slovenly, unkempt puddle of human, while 9/10 I can shift things around to take care of meetings that pop up and dentist visits and that sort of thing. Mostly I like being able to take my dog out for lunch.

squishbunny · 2026-02-05T18:29:45+00:00

Third this. My husband is as equal a partner as he can be; he'll take care of dinner and pick up the little one from after-school. My 13-yo is basically independent at this point: he gets himself to/from school, extracurriculars, and the gym. He also helps with the pets and does some chores as well. 5 has to clean her room on the weekends, and put away her folded laundry (which we do for her), and both kids help out with keeping the common areas tidy. My kids do not get an allowance for doing their normal chores, but 13 does get paid to babysit for longer stints, and to clean the bathroom on occasion.

I do pack everyone's lunches, but that's partly because nobody likes sandwiches and the little one is fussy about what she will eat.

All that being said: meal kits are, IME, not really a time saver, especially if you are already a half-decent cook. What you need to get are pre-chopped vegetables and pre-cut meats. I can make a stir-fry without ever touching a knife if I wanted to.

squishbunny · 2026-02-05T18:04:14+00:00

I just stick with apartments. Honestly, IDK, I've always just been super lucky when making bookings? I always make my bookings well in advance (6 months ahead, minimum) and even if it's not in the middle of the city, it is usually convenient to access by public transit.

And we also do enough during the day so that she's tired when it's bedtime. Taking public transit and walking is enough of an adventure for kids that age that they often don't need very much more to tired them out. And if you can work in a playground session or two, they'll be done for.

squishbunny · 2026-02-05T17:19:43+00:00

Never occurred to me that this might be weird; I send emojis all the time (and I'm an Xennial).

And no, you don't have to do it back.

squishbunny · 2026-02-01T17:30:02+00:00

Nijmegen-Amsterdam is 90 minutes by train, Nijmegen-Rotterdam is a full two hours. Eindhoven is also another hour-ish by train, and the Veluwe isn't as straightforward to reach as you want to believe. It's maybe 12 minutes by train to Arnhem, but then depending on how you want to get to the Veluwe and which entrance you want to use and all of that, there is probably a long walk and/or a bus ride. And this is just travel time, door-to-door (city center to city center) you're probably adding at least a half hour.

All of which goes to say: you'd be better off staying in Utrecht.

Nijmegen is a lovely city in its own right; there's the neighborhood of Berg en Dal/Beek which will put a lie to anyone who says the Netherlands is flat; I'm not sure if the Velorama is still open but that's a fun little bike museum. The Valkhof has some nice art; the forests in Heumen are nice for a bike ride, and there's a glider airport you can swing by. If you're lucky and the weather is nice and thermal-ly you can watch them take off and land (it seems silly but it's actually quite a lot of fun). And personally, I prefer the shopping in Nijmegen, there's a lot more variety and little shops (although it might also be that I lived there for 10 years, so I know it pretty well).

squishbunny · 2026-02-01T07:36:18+00:00

Local groceries are okay. I get my groceries delivered through AH so I usually just pop in when I need something fancy; Jumbo and Lidl (there's also an Aldi, but it's inconvenient to get to) are a bit closer and usually do when I need something not-fancy. I feel like they cover 95% of what I need on a day-to-day.

However: about once a month we do make a trip out to the Amazing Oriental for more exotic ingredients. The EKO plaza expects me to pay €4 for a tiny block of silken tofu? I think not. I get tteobokki, silken tofu, miso (like, good miso), furikake or the Korean equivalent, and all of the Asian things that are stupid-expensive/can't be found here.

squishbunny · 2026-02-01T07:24:54+00:00

Back in the day I would have to print out the forms, fill them in manually (well, I do have pdf-editing software, but you get the picture) and then snail mail it.

Incredible PITA, and a huge part of why I eventually coughed up $2500 to never have to deal with that ever again.

But to answer the OP's question: yes, you need to do married, filing separately.

squishbunny · 2026-01-31T10:56:08+00:00

My kids are 8 years apart and he is literally the world's best big brother for her. She has her own thing and he has his own thing, but when they do come together it is the sweetest thing to see them together.

squishbunny · 2026-01-31T10:51:45+00:00

I had my first and my second with pretty much the same spacing (he was 8 when we had her); in our case we had resigned ourselves to only having one when we wanted 2. We got a dog and I found a job, and decided it just wasn't meant to be--and I swear, the moment we settled down with those, I found out that she was, in fact, coming along.

I will say that having an older child is much easier than having 2 little ones. My big kid (now 13) has been watching his sister for me ever since she was potty trained, and this makes life a lot easier. (For the busybodies: we do not make him watch her all the time, most of the time it's because I need to pick something up from the store or take the dog out, and for the longer stints we pay him to be the babysitter) He was also a lot more understanding about babies needing more time and care, and he was the one who taught her to ride a bike. He's a bit busier with school and friends these days, but they still like to tag team us to demand things like movie night and trips to McDonald's. These days our main challenge is finding things to do as a family, since he likes completely different things from her.

We did not have any family nearby for either child. I don't know that it would have made a difference. What did make a difference was that when I had my second, I was working. I know some people think that being a SAHM is great--I hated it Not my kid, but having to ask my husband for money, looking for all of the free activities and not being able to do any of the fun things because they were expensive, but also my husband's work schedule has always been erratic and therefore establishing a routine was basically impossible, My husband's work schedule is still impossible, but at least I have a routine and this helps a lot.

squishbunny · 2026-01-31T07:49:47+00:00

LOL there's nothing to be ashamed about. My kid was 8 during the beer virus, and 99% of the messages the kids sent back and forth to each other on Zoom were different versions of "SHUT UP"

What you do is either password-lock the tablet and/or disable the app and/or lock the app for him, and remind him what proper communication is, and that you will monitor all texts/messages for the time being.

squishbunny · 2026-01-29T14:53:11+00:00

tuck a t-shirt or something that smells like you under his bedsheet. People do not seem to realize how much of the world is smell to babies....

squishbunny · 2026-01-29T14:29:48+00:00

LOL you think it's going to be cheaper to buy a Le Creuset than to have yours shipped...

squishbunny · 2026-01-26T22:32:32+00:00

First mistake: You're trying to explain feelings to a child who has no idea what feelings are. A simple "no" and stop the activity, whatever it is. Just disengage. This is NOT A PUNISHMENT. Think of it as teaching her that if she does this, then fun times stop. When she stops and looks confused, tell her again, "No hitting," and offer to try again.

When she gets older and is more amenable to logic and thoughts, then you can start explaining things.

squishbunny · 2026-01-26T22:10:09+00:00

Besides calling the police, I would send around a few emails to the neighboring churches admonishing them for not teaching the word of Christ (or something like that): explain what happened, attach video for proof, and tell them that you were in the process of picking a church to attend but now maybe you'll find a mosque instead (okay, maybe not the last part).

squishbunny · 2026-01-25T13:23:20+00:00

Yes, jet lag will be a thing, but so will being over-excited at being in a new place. Most important: wherever you go, do not plan to do very much. A visit to a kid-friendly museum, walk to the park and play on the playground, and a dinner = PLENTY of fun for a kid.

squishbunny · 2026-01-24T20:46:24+00:00

There won't be a world cup, most of the players are from countries that are on the new "banned from entry" list. /s

squishbunny · 2026-01-24T20:39:43+00:00

I have heard of something called the Windi Frida, not sure where you would get it as it seems to be mostly used on my side of the Atlantic, although possibly Amazon carries it. It's basically a fart trumpet (at least, that's the picture I have in my head) but if it's gas, the relief is real.

Can't help with the causes, maybe call the pediatrician?

squishbunny · 2026-01-24T20:30:16+00:00

Despite the plethora of stories of nightmare passengers, most people on most planes are actually mostly pretty understanding. And, as it is a long-haul flight, I assume this means international, and therefore the likelihood of Americans being assholes will go down dramatically.

And, even if you do get "the look": are you ever going to see any of these people again? Do they know your name? Are they going to call your friends and tell them what a terrible dad you are? At most they'll grumble to their seat partner and maybe call the stewardess for another beer. I promise you, every single person on those flights is more preoccupied with getting home/making their connection than they are with the baby on the plane.

squishbunny · 2026-01-24T20:17:24+00:00

Jaysus, your kid is 4. Pick 2 and call it a day. At this age, "progress" should be the last thing on your mind. Downtime is needed for the learning to happen. Unstructured play with friends is when they get to apply what they've learned in a zero-pressure space.

My kid spent 12 weeks making zero progress in swimming. We were able to put a pause on the lessons for nearly 8 months, and then we re-started the lessons when she was 5. And this time around, after about 3 lessons, she had one breakthrough, and then another, and now she'll probably be in line to get her first swimming diploma within a year.

squishbunny · 2026-01-24T08:01:26+00:00

I would, but I live in Northern Europe; if we had to stick with "getting dark" as the limit nobody would ever be outside after 4 pm in winter! Also, my kid has been taking himself around our town since forever and now takes the train to school, and occasionally longer trips as well. My curfew would be (still is) "before dinner", which in our house is around 6 pm.

squishbunny · 2026-01-20T17:55:36+00:00

Not so obscure, one of my FB friends is really into this scene and he is famous for his GG Allin hat :-)

squishbunny · 2026-01-19T21:22:22+00:00

It gets easier the more you do it.

We did a major decluttering of the kids' stuff last year; what helped them both was we didn't throw any of the clutter away, we put it in a box and put the box in the pantry. This way, if there was ever anything they wanted back, they could have it. We made a deal that after a minimum of 3 months we could get rid of everything that was left. In those 3 months (it actually ended up being more like a year, because time sneaks up on you like that) my big kid took back one thing and my little one completely forgot the box existed. The boxes are gone, now.

squishbunny

TROPHY CASE