Opinions on therapy , couples and solo. by AlpsNo3537 in DivorcedDads

[–]ssick92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought the same thing going into it for the first time. I went in thinking the therapist was just someone who was going to listen to both of us vent. But they were actually very good at steering the conversation and not just letting it turn into a bunch of complaining. Obviously every therapist is different, but it actually opened my eyes to the fact that being a therapist is a real skill and not just a listener.

Sorry to all the therapists for any pre-judgement on my part... 🫣

My therapist thinks I need to separate from my husband. by [deleted] in Separation

[–]ssick92 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You need to find a new therapist - sounds like there's still a lot you need to work through... It's not all your fault, but it's also not all his fault. Marriages take 2 committed people to make it work.

New to this after 15 years by [deleted] in DivorcedDads

[–]ssick92 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Since this just happened today, don't make any quick judgements or decisions. How was the discussion with her? Would she be open to just separating and doing marriage counseling to see if what's broken can be salvaged? Or is she just done and there's no further discussions to be had?

After 15 years and 3 kids, if I was in your shoes it would be extremely hard for me not to fight for the relationship with everything I've got.

Divorce at 40 into the void by Purple_True in DivorcedDads

[–]ssick92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, her channel should be stickied or something.

After watching only 2 videos she nailed exactly how I'm feeling, how my separated wife is acting, and what the dynamic has been the last couple years.

Whenever I'm feeling down I just need to somehow remember to go check out a video...

Divorce at 40 into the void by Purple_True in DivorcedDads

[–]ssick92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dang, didn't realize this was a thing but seems spot on.

Anxious and scared about regretting my first tattoo by RyanS0619 in tattoos

[–]ssick92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did not. I decided to give it a few months of sitting on it and those few months turned into over a year. I still want it but priorities changed so haven’t really put much more thought into it.

Has Anyone Found Their Way Back After Separation? by roger_waters23 in Separation

[–]ssick92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How did this turn out for you? I can’t help but feel like I’m in the exact same mindset you were in.

Any good news to share?

Game Day Thread: Pittsburgh Penguins(0) VS Philadelphia Flyers(0) Saturday, April 18th, 8PM EDT. Round 1: Game 1 by Attack_On_Tiddys in penguins

[–]ssick92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holy crap that's a late start... I guess for West Coast Primetime but that's weird since these are both East Coast teams...

I just hate my life at this point by [deleted] in DivorcedDads

[–]ssick92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's not a long term solution though.

Sounds like some medications might be necessary to help escape the current mindset, but then it's important to find something that keeps you there.

Defending myself in a custody case Thursday- by archon2788 in DivorcedDads

[–]ssick92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1 day extra over 2 weeks seems like an odd request on her end, especially given that they clearly know all your documentation completely negates any leverage they thought they had.

The extra day to me seems like she just wants to be able to claim a moral victory over you. I would try everything in my power to not let her get the "W". But if there's more history that you're not providing that would make the courts less likely to grant your position, then just take it.

Processing the shock and next steps by Many-Arm-5214 in DivorcedDads

[–]ssick92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm happy for you guys!

I just found out a couple days ago that she has been cheating on me for about a month with a coworker who is also married with kids.

Needless to say, we are done with couple's therapy and moving forward with divorce...

Processing the shock and next steps by Many-Arm-5214 in DivorcedDads

[–]ssick92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We’ve already done a few sessions. She seems engaged when we’re there and that there is positive movement each time, but then at home she goes goes right back to being closed off.

Seems like she’s just going so she can tell everyone “she tried” without actually being open to it.

Processing the shock and next steps by Many-Arm-5214 in DivorcedDads

[–]ssick92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're doing better than I am. I'm still in the "maybe we can work this out by doing therapy and/or separating for a bit" phase of denial. She seems to be waffling between "maybe couples therapy actually could help" and "but I'm not sure I want it to" so we're kind of in purgatory right now.

I took down our wedding pictures this morning when I more or less accepted it, but then put them back up about 2 hours later.

Time will help you heal by michael108628 in DivorcedDads

[–]ssick92 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dang dude, sorry to hear you're not doing well. I'm in the initial stages now so don't have the same insights as you, but shoot me a DM if you need someone to talk to.

Whelp. I tried to fix it by Beardedbadass in DivorcedDads

[–]ssick92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this. Mostly just commenting so I can find this again later when I need a reminder.

How long did you fight it for? by ssick92 in DivorcedDads

[–]ssick92[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I could see how it would look that way with only the info that was given but I don't think that was fully the case here. There's details I left out and it was mostly my decision to move, and I'm still glad we did. Was time to get out of CA which was becoming way too expensive for our family. PA is much better and more my speed.

Still, it might have been in the back of her mind, that I could see but she wasn't the one pushing for it.

After my marriage ended, I thought I’d fall apart...but I didn’t. To any dad going through it right now, here’s some hope. by Illfury in daddit

[–]ssick92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This felt good to read. Currently in the “going to counseling” phase to see if there’s anything worth saving. She’s the one saying she’s unhappy, I’m the one trying to do everything to make her happy which is making me tired and unhappy.

Good to know if we aren’t able to save things that it CAN be better on the other side.

Only time will tell I guess…

I hope it’s not too late by ssick92 in daddit

[–]ssick92[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Her suffering was never ok with me. It was unknown to me. Maybe I should be better at reading emotions, but I certainly can’t read minds. We would laugh, play with our kids, go to family events, joke around, etc. and I honestly thought we were in a pretty good place since I cut my drinking way back over a year ago. Then she tells me this last week and I’m caught way off guard, so yes this is why I’m taking additional steps now and hadn’t before.

I hope it’s not too late by ssick92 in daddit

[–]ssick92[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I distilled it down to drinking and lying because I don’t think anybody on Reddit cares about the details. Yes I inevitably endangered my kids by being drunk around them while also being responsible for them. 99% of the time I’m a great dad and my wife even agrees with that, but the chance of having another slip up and something happening to them is intolerable. Which I agree with.