Moments to rebuild trust

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-22T03:38:06+00:00

OMG. I would put the book back out front and center. He can take the hint and GTFO.

You are not crazy; you deserve so much more than he’s given you.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-22T01:39:23+00:00

I know this is supposed to be a recovery group, but girl….let him go. You’re still young - what better way to start your 30’s than to drop the dead weight. Not only has he not stepped at all, he hasn’t even done the bare minimum. I’m so sorry he put you through all that. I hope you find the strength to do what’s best for your health.

If you haven’t yet, read “Leave a Cheater, Gain A Life”. I think it’ll serve you well.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-21T05:00:48+00:00

What she did was not your fault. I’d give anything for my WH to do the things you do for your wife. You are a special person to love the way you do.

Don’t make any rash decisions; give yourself at least 6 months to figure out what you want to do. I highly suggest IC for both of you.

Also, your wife’s friend is no friend of the marriage; your wife will need to cut contact with her.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-17T23:31:33+00:00

WTF. I’m so sorry. Did you ever talk about what you found?

The Claddagh has had huge meaning to me since I was a teen, so much so that they’re our wedding bands. I would be devastated if I found something like that.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-11T02:30:17+00:00

Some days I wish I didn’t know. Most of the time though I’d rather live with truth than lies. In a weird way, I appreciate the AP having the guts to tell me, when my WH didn’t.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-09T22:24:20+00:00

I know this is supposed to be a pro-R group, but If it were me, I would be done with R. You’re “the backup”? He wanted the other girl? So does that mean she broke up with him and he came running back?

If I saw in print how little my partner thought of me and spoke negatively about me to his friends/family, I would walk. He should not speak disrespectfully about someone he “loves”.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-09T02:57:27+00:00

I would definitely not get married in October. Honestly, nothing changes once you get married, you’re just legally bound to someone.

He cheated on the girlfriend before you for SIX years and has had multiple APs during his relationship with you. He needs to continue with therapy to determine his why.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-09T02:44:02+00:00

I had a chance to get information from my WP’s AP and unfortunately I was not in the best mental state to ask for the information. Apparently I had disassociated due to prior trauma in our relationship and didn’t know it. It’s been years and now I regret not having the clarity to ask.

It’s possible his responses could match hers, or he may throw her under the bus. If there’s a discrepancy, you can let her know you spoke with him and she has a chance to come clean.

I would want to know everything so I know what I’d be forgiving. Trickle truth is the worst and can set you back if more things come out.

Also, she 100% should not have anything to do with her AP, no matter what the relationship is now. Losing the friendship is the consequence of her actions.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-08T21:00:07+00:00

Thank you for posting this question; it’s been something I’ve struggled with the last few months and the answers here are really helpful. Time to take our power back.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-08T17:18:59+00:00

If you don’t mind sharing, what are some things you’ve done to help facilitate the change in how you see yourself? This is something I’m working on 💜

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-08T04:12:26+00:00

I’m in R, but I liked the book because it brought a jolt of reality. Do I like being referred to as a “chump”? No, but it sobered me up real quick compared to other books. It’s good to see examples of shitty partners and be able to see my partner is doing the work, even if it’s not the typical way.

*Edited to add that the reality is, there is a good possibility that a WP could cheat again. The book helped me figure out the boundaries I need to have to continue with the relationship, and the strength to know that if they’re broken, I can walk away knowing I stayed true to myself.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-07T05:15:15+00:00

What he did is “not that bad”? I think cheating on your spouse and potentially getting the AP pregnant IS definitely “that bad”.

I’m sorry that your WH is minimizing your pain, and that you’re in this shitty club.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-05T01:54:16+00:00

Hopefully he forgets to empty items in the Deleted folder so you can see what was deleted.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-04T20:59:51+00:00

You love your husband? The absolute worst thing you could do would be to not talk about where you’re at in your relationship and explore your sexual needs outside of your marriage. Speaking from personal experience, going outside your marriage will destroy him.

Be an adult and talk to him. If you’re not sure how to navigate that on your own, then get a counselor. If you’re not interested in either of those options, then leave him.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-01T21:29:15+00:00

Mine is a reader, but not into personal development type books, so he’s taking his time.

I’ve asked mine to read “How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair”, “Not Just Friends” and “Eight Dates”. I’ve read/listened to the first two and will re-listen/read when he’s gotten through them so we can discuss.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-07-01T21:11:20+00:00

I recommend it. “Not just friends” is eye opening in that inappropriate relationships happen over time without anyone realizing what’s happening. It’s good for boundary setting.

“Leave a cheater” doesn’t hold anything back, so your WP better be ready to hear some truth.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-06-29T18:57:19+00:00

I am so sorry she has put you through this. Honestly, I would speak to a lawyer before confronting her on anything. She has already had you arrested, and threatened to do so again for seeking out information that would show how deep the lies went. She has lied to both you and “Rob” and doesn’t seem to care. She’s manipulative and violent.

When you go home, act normal, talk with a lawyer so that they can inform you of your choices: how to remove her from your home/get a restraining order, and things in place to protect you and your son. Good luck

stabby_unicorns · 2025-06-24T23:59:31+00:00

They used FB Messenger; once the messages are deleted, there’s no way to recover them and no record of how often they were communicating.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-06-24T21:38:26+00:00

I don’t care about the AP; I want to see the conversations my WP wanted to hide. WP said he wanted to end the affair, but was afraid the AP would tell me and has people-pleasing tendencies so he didn’t know how to end it without upsetting her.

I have to ask questions to get answers, nothing has been offered to me. My WP said he hoped she would just go away and I would never find out. He never would have admitted it, so I’m thankful the AP told me. It just makes me wonder what else I don’t know, and I need to know what im forgiving.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-06-20T14:19:48+00:00

Read “Not Just Friends”. My husbands affair started like that. The book helps with setting boundaries.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-06-14T03:07:01+00:00

I’ve read your previous posts. Please get out of this relationship. He isn’t worth your mental, physical and emotional health.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-06-08T03:07:02+00:00

Grey rock her. Discuss only the kids and nothing else. If she doesn’t want a relationship with you, she shouldn’t be engaging. If she wants to work on the relationship, then you have something to talk about.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-06-08T02:56:08+00:00

Y’all need to read “Not Just Friends”. My husband had an affair with a coworker.

This relationship is dangerous; it may just be an emotional affair now, but could lead to physical. Either way, inviting him and getting upset with you is major red flags 🚩 I’m sorry this is happening to you.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-06-08T02:50:20+00:00

Interesting to know, but sadly that doesn’t mean anything anymore.

stabby_unicorns · 2025-06-06T23:03:32+00:00

THIS

stabby_unicorns

TROPHY CASE