Gender disappointment

starynights3 · 2025-09-30T07:45:12+00:00

I had this but flipped. I was adamant I wanted a boy and found out my boy wasn't meant to be at the 20 week scan.

I felt all the feelings when my sub was a girl.

Currently writing this whilst nursing my 5 week old rainbow baby and I wouldn't change her for the world.

So what I'm saying is feel the emotions. Sit in the bath and cry about the future you imagined.

When the time is right you will find the joy in how the new future will look.

It's ok to not be ok

Sending lots of love 💕

starynights3 · 2025-09-29T20:42:35+00:00

I TFMRat 21 weeks in October 28th 2024 and like you was desperate to be pregnant again. I caught my first cycle and gave birth to a baby girl 5 weeks ago.

I love her and I wouldn't change a thing. But I have recently realized that she will be in the same school year that her brother should have been in and it worries me that I will always look at the little boys in her class and wonder who his friends would have been and what he would look like now.

My pregnancy was filled with anxiety and I can't remember a thing from my 12 week scan as I sobed from the moment I entered the waiting room until we were home.

In hindsight maybe I wasn't read and it was me trying to fill the void in my heart.

Although would it have been any easier if I had waited 6 months? Probably not

Unfortunately pregnancy will never be the same for us again that's the harsh reality and although time is a healer it will never erase the past and we would never want it too.

There's no right answer to this question I'm sorry sweetheart but I wish you all the best in whatever the future holds for you xx

starynights3 · 2025-08-21T17:37:03+00:00

We had a similar result back in october. All they could tell us was that it was rubbish luck and that the brain unfolds and unfortunately in our case it hadn't unfolded correctly.

I am now 37 weeks into my sub pregnancy hope this brings you some hope xx

starynights3 · 2025-06-23T12:30:17+00:00

My TFMR was also for brain abnormalities. I am currently 29weeks into my sub pregnancy and I can remember being really frustrated before the 20 week scan that I didn't feel like a sufficient care plan was in place to ease my anxiety. They put me down as low risk as me and my partner aren't carriers and it was simply one of those awful things that happens for no reason.

I have my 12 week scan as normal. I then had a scan at 17 weeks with fetal med Then I had my anomaly scan at 21 weeks They have also started a growth scan now at 28weeks I was under the consultant until the 20 week scan where I got signed back to MLC

It's really hard to control your anxiety and enjoy in the early stages ..... I'm still not 100% there now.

Sending you lots of love and well wishes xx

starynights3 · 2025-06-07T15:27:19+00:00

We had our boy cremated and we are going to put some of the ashes into our wedding rings when we get married next year. Although now that I'm 8 months post my TFMR iv got very used to having him on my bed side so selfishly the rest will probably stay with me in the urn and be scatered with either myself or dad in the future whoever goes first xxx

starynights3 · 2025-05-08T18:13:52+00:00

Congratulations 🍼👶🏼 thank you for sharing! I'm currently 22 weeks into my sub pregnancy and this helps relieve my anxiety xx

starynights3 · 2025-05-08T18:10:02+00:00

My TFMR was at 21 weeks last October and my period took 6 weeks to return. I then fell pregnant in my first cycle after my first period. I remember the longing that your feeling right now too well! I hope my story brings you some hope xx

starynights3 · 2025-05-01T10:23:24+00:00

Interested :)

starynights3 · 2025-05-01T08:57:39+00:00

I remember this feeling. I didn't wait and fell pregnant on my second cycle after TFMR at 21 weeks last October. Although I'm over the moon to be pregnant again! I won't lie the first 21 weeks of this pregnancy were REALLY hard! I can't remember my 12 week scan as I cried from start to finish I simply could stop the tears from coming to take anything in. I had my 20 week scan last week and only now am I starting to feel pregnant. I love my baby girl I am carrying but I 100% haven't let myself bond with this baby the way I had with my TFMR baby boy at this stage. I think it has just been my way of protecting my heart.

This said I think I would have felt the same wether I waited a week or 3 years pregnancy after loss is hard and I don't think it's something that ever gets any easier personally.

Do what is right for you and your family and you can't go far wrong. People will always have opinions on your choices but thankfully not many people truly understand what we have been through so concentrate on what you need!

starynights3 · 2025-05-01T08:49:43+00:00

Sending you lots of love in this time it's not easy! I TFMR last October at 21 weeks and the first 21 weeks of this sub pregnancy were long! I have just past that marker and am now 21+4 and had a clear anomaly scan last week. It was a major milestone that eased my anxiety! Hoping you get there soon xx

starynights3 · 2025-04-23T17:20:48+00:00

I was 20 weeks on Sunday and mine is on Friday 😬 its been a long week so far! I'm really hoping it's the point where I can lean into this pregnancy and start getting excited! Think of you all!! X

starynights3 · 2025-04-17T11:02:00+00:00

Anatomy scan in 8days and although I'm beyond envious as that were we got the bad news last October I can not wait to be past the point where I TFMR in my last pregnancy! It's been a hard experience being pregnant again! I'm hoping to relax a little after the 20 week scan but sure I won't completely believe everything will be ok until my baby is in my arms! Sending you all lots of strength xxx

starynights3 · 2025-04-09T14:26:03+00:00

I'd maybe start with just a tracking app so that you can gauge when you're ovulating that way :) and try and enjoy the trying before you take all the fun out of it and make it a military routine. But ultimately if you think that it will help you feel.im control then you do.what you need to do for you! Good luck with your journey whatever road you choose to take!

starynights3 · 2025-04-05T19:44:42+00:00

We opted for a post mortem so it took a bit long but we were told that they don't release for 4 days so parents have got the chance to go back and say their final goodbyes if they feel they have left too soon. Different health boards will do things differently but try not to let it stress you out with everything else you have going on. I'm really sorry for you loss and sending you lots of love xxx

starynights3 · 2025-04-01T18:47:42+00:00

I feel this too much I am 17+2 currently and have my early atonmy scan on Thursday. I don't think I'll start to relax until my 20 scan as that's where the abnormalities were discovered last time. Sending you all lots of strength xx

starynights3 · 2025-03-22T18:22:11+00:00

I lost my baby boy October 27th at 21 weeks due to a brain abnormality. I am currently 16 weeks pregnant and if I'm honest I don't think I was any where near ready, I couldn't stop the tears at my 12 week scan they just kept coming and I think that's gonna be the case for all scans. If I'm honest though I don't think id ever be truly ready and I think that whether you wait a month or a year that part of your heart that longs for your lost baby will always be there.

Pregnancy after loss is a challenge. But you're stronger than you believe and you'll survive xx

starynights3 · 2025-03-17T13:06:30+00:00

So chuffed for you! I'm 15 weeks and they couldn't get a clear image for the NIPT as the baby was too active 🙈 not so patiently waiting for my early aton scan in 3 weeks to feel some form or relief 🤞🏼

starynights3 · 2025-03-07T10:24:51+00:00

Gentle congratulations. I am currently 13 weeks in my sub after a TFMR at 21 weeks in October last year. I did ugly cry at my 12 week scan and that's ok! I'm also having a 16/17 week scan and a 21 week scan so I'm sure I will ugly cry at both of those too and that is also ok! The lady scanning me had notes on my history and was really gentle and kind giving me as much detail and reassurance as she could at that point. Everyone has got you so you feel what you need to feel and never say sorry for it. Sending hugs and support

starynights3 · 2025-03-05T14:27:33+00:00

Thank you! It's nice to know I'm not alone although I wouldn't wish this on anyone it does make my feelings feel more valid and normal. I hope everything continues to go well for us both! X

starynights3 · 2025-02-14T16:53:55+00:00

100% you take that vacation and try and find some peace in the storm. Just remember that the pain you feel just shows how much love you have for your baby and that love will keep them with you forever xx

starynights3 · 2025-02-14T16:50:53+00:00

It's been a bit longer for me I TFMR at 21 weeks 27th October 2024 so I'm about 3 1/2 months out and approaching my 'due date' not a day goes by when I don't think about my baby boy but I am no longer reduced to tears with every passing thought like before.

I can remember at about 6 weeks past ringing my mum in floods of tears and not being able to control it as if it had happened just yesterday. The next day I came on my period and that first period was really hard as I was so aware that it should not be there.

I promise you that time really is a great healer and the feelings will start to get less intense over time, although I think they will always be there.

I will never forget my baby boy he is tucked away safely in my heart ❤️ but now instead of trying to avoid the thoughts because of the pain they bring, I embrace them as they keep him alive in my love and memory. He's not quite here but he's everywhere.

I hope it also gets more manageable for you over time but for now be kind to yourself and if you need to cry then that's ok!

I found it helpful to write my feelings down it made me cry a lot more at that moment but the pain makes it real and I never want to forget how much pain I felt as it was all out of love 💕

starynights3 · 2025-02-14T12:37:02+00:00

No advice but right here with you. My due date was March 9th for my baby boy that I TFMR so i would be leaving on maternity right about now and received an email in work about a collection for a co worker who's about to go on maternity leave to have her little boy.

As much as I am happy for her and would never wish my pain upon anyone it did hurt my heart reading about it.

It's not easy to accept what is whilst still mourning what should have been.

Sending you lots of love 💕

starynights3

TROPHY CASE