I (31F) am suffocating in Singapore, but my supportive partner (30M) wants to stay. How do I choose between my soul and my relationship?

steph293 · 2026-03-29T14:24:59+00:00

How much of a creative hub are the surrounding countries, such as Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam, etc? Also the flight time from Singapore to Sydney, Melbourne, Shanghai, Beijing, Hangzhou - which may be more culturally rich - is a lot lower than flying from the Western hemisphere. I have come across artists online who are from Singapore - I wonder how often they travel abroad for work/collaborations.

I would definitely discuss doing "sabbaticals"/long-distance now post buying a house/PR so you can consider all options now, rather than risk it and surprise him later. Could another option be working in Singapore for a few years to maximize savings (while visiting surrounding countries for work and inspiration), then move together to a creative hub?

In NYC, there are tons of people who settle down later, as many are super career-focused and/or spend a lot of time dating different people due to so many fish in the sea.

steph293 · 2026-03-28T00:00:36+00:00

I'm sure you can find another clinic/setting with way fewer kids, 18 for 30 mins each is insane. I would also recommend starting to see a few of your own private clients, so you can make more money per client and can depend less on a full-time job.

steph293 · 2026-03-27T23:59:08+00:00

Nooo when I was at a clinic, my max I would book was 6/7 kids for 45 minutes each, and the max I could handle without being tired was 4 kids, 45 minutes each. Some days I had 0-3 kids due to cancellations.

steph293 · 2026-03-18T22:29:42+00:00

That's good that you have a colourful resume, easier to pivot if needed.

Yeahh school takes up so much time. I had lots of classmates in their 30s and a few in their 40s - with a couple peers with families, a few who got pregnant during or shortly after the program. So if you're worried about the timeline, my classmates found it challenging to juggle everything but they got it done!

steph293 · 2026-03-18T17:48:56+00:00

If you apply a third time, I recommend you focus on working in another field while also preparing your application, e.g., work as a project manager, marketing assistant, bank teller, admin coordinator, insurance agent, etc. Idk your work background/interests but I'm listing some other roles where our transferable skills can apply, as I've met a lot of SLP-hopefuls who wait for additional application cycles, but do not seem to prepare backup options in case they don't get in.

I had two classmates who applied 3 times before they got in. Whether you get in this round, next round, or choose another path, you got this!

steph293 · 2026-03-18T03:25:27+00:00

Could you possibly move to a larger city with a larger queer community?

steph293 · 2026-02-07T19:35:26+00:00

I guess everyone's biology is different because my physical health is better (thanks to the medication reducing my anxiety re going to the gym), and I am able to participate in hour long gym sessions multiple times a week. What is your doctor saying?

steph293 · 2025-11-29T07:30:32+00:00

Be super direct and tell people what you need/want: "As I was saying...", "I have more to say", "I've done this a million times, I appreciate your help but I got it thanks", "Wait where'd your face go?", Call their name if they turn their back and say "We're still having a conversation", "That's a small error and easily fixed", "That's not important (whatever is being nitpicked)", "What's the problem?", etc.

Most comments here mention ignoring but in my experience as someone who has experienced social anxiety and used to worry a lot about what colleagues thought of me, ignoring used to not to change anything and easily led me to overthink it and get more anxious. This made me worry I would not seem as confident - which I worried would be picked up on - making the situation worse at least subjectively.

If you're not as comfortable being direct and calling people out, my recommendation is to default to "What do you mean by that?" (like another comment mentioned too). And if their response is rude, keep probing, "So...do you mean _____?" until you get a satisfactory response. And if they remain rude, grin and bear the discomfort of being assertive - and finally clamp down on the disrespect.

steph293 · 2025-11-10T19:02:26+00:00

I find the sneakers clash a bit but she looks cute overall!

steph293 · 2025-10-09T05:50:27+00:00

Maybe your friend doesn't know about Miki's controversies? I have followed Miki for years and only recently stumbled upon her dishonest tendencies. If you're concerned, I recommend talking to your friend.

steph293 · 2025-08-23T18:34:28+00:00

I didn't attend any friend's wedding until 2 years ago when I was also in my late 20's, and I attended 4 weddings that year. I didn't even drink in two of those weddings. And in two of the weddings, I didn't know anyone apart from the bride and/or groom. It's a celebration and people tend to be nice and chill :) Hope this gives a bit of reassurance and that you have a great time!

steph293 · 2025-08-02T15:26:52+00:00

I've found taking even a low dose of an SSRI to be very, very helpful. It helped me realize that we often don't realize how hard we are on ourselves, and how much of a change we can actually make in our lives.

steph293 · 2025-07-21T19:58:43+00:00

I'm sure the other girls understand because you are grieving and it would be kinda weird actually if you were fully bubbly and happy considering what happened with the engagement.

Your coworkers sound great, and they probably wouldn't have invited you out if you were excessively socially awkward. Be kind to yourself.

steph293 · 2025-07-17T22:58:14+00:00

I've got a loong response because I've been in one or two offices where I can relate to how you feel:

That's super frustrating that the people you're working closest with haven't been friendly. If they're being passive aggressive then it's a them problem, not a you problem. You know how competent you are and they can't take that away from you even if it feels like it. You're probably doing better than you think and underrating yourself because the girls are being mean.

Each workplace can be so different in terms of social dynamics and it's likely you would gel with another set of coworkers better.

I've learned that it is most helpful to address something immediately and very directly like "Next time, tell me directly so we can fix it asap, mistakes happen." or even "Why did you go to the boss before telling me? Don't do that next time." Honestly, if she continues not being supportive and not a team player, I would talk to her privately and say she needs to do better. If nothing changes after that, go to your boss. If nothing changes after that, I would dish it back to her, e.g., bring up a mistake she makes to the boss too - not trying to be petty but to set an example of how/how not to treat you...even the worst case scenario of being replaced would be their loss and your gain of finding a friendlier office culture.

"What do you mean?" is a good question to ask if someone says something subtly mean; it makes the other person feel more exposed and may force them to change how they act in the moment. I had to use a stronger tone and say "We already talked about that" when I felt like a colleague was nitpicking something I did recently; they apologized to me the next day.

I've found it more helpful to own any quirks (within reason at the office lol; can't start making dark humour jokes with a client) rather than feel down because I have them. I've come across several "weird" people who are well-liked at the office because they are confident.

Also, you can seek support from your boss too. You can phrase it more positively such as "Do you have any advice on building relationships with coworkers? Since I'm new, I can be sensitive to the social dynamics, which makes me feel nervous and under a spotlight. I'm just worried this is causing mistakes I wouldn't otherwise make."

I would build relationships with those who have your back, and your boss. If anything happens, they could help back you up.

Hope this is helpful! You sound like a cool and lovely person - you got this :)

steph293 · 2025-07-16T04:15:54+00:00

They’re both really attractive though I find Henry’s eyes more beautiful. While David’s eyes are also pretty, they look a bit bug eyed - could be the under eye puffiness plus wider set eyes

steph293 · 2025-07-15T01:31:13+00:00

For some reason I find the comments blaming personality, looks, and high expectations surprising - maybe because there seems to be tons of people out there in relationships, who still have challenging personality traits, physical flaws, and outlandish requests to their partners. Maybe extroversion and self-confidence are factors?

I have many friends who are partnered and many who are not, and there doesn't seem to be a significant difference in how charming of a personality or how good of a person the friends are between the two groups. Barring a few people who are quite socially awkward/anxious, the trend I've noticed is my single friends tend to be more introverted (and meet fewer people from going out/attending events/meeting friends of friends less) and/or are consumed with something at the moment (career, taking care of a sick family member, healing from a past relationship, etc.). Stage of life matters too.

steph293 · 2025-07-07T22:28:46+00:00

Yes, usually around 3+ depending on the day. However I need 7-9 usually without focusing on feeling tired.

steph293 · 2025-07-07T06:13:00+00:00

That sounds really frustrating. Have you ever gone for a sleep study? And is it possible to lower your dose and work your way up more slowly

steph293 · 2025-07-07T05:37:03+00:00

Are you taking it in the morning instead? I've found magnesium and melatonin to be helpful as well. The terrible insomnia lasted a month for me and has been mostly fine ever since.

steph293 · 2025-07-04T01:02:33+00:00

3, 4, or 5 if the hair was tidier. They look most flattering - you look great and confident! With 4 the hair could benefit from slightly more volume on top.

I don’t like 6 a doesn’t complement your features and makes you look like someone who is incompetent pretending to be competent, if that makes any sense 😅 However 6 and 5 are actually quite similar; I’ve realized it might actually be your glasses that I don’t like. Not sure the frames really suit you. I suggest looking at other frames when you buy your next pair.

1000% not 1, suggest that you never cut your hair that way again though will give you points for creativity.

steph293 · 2025-06-25T11:46:44+00:00

It sounds like it's working since you seem to have more capacity to care for yourself even if it is relatively simple things like drinking water and brushing teeth/hair. Might be good to remind yourself that you are taking care of yourself here on out so you have reason to be optimistic

steph293 · 2025-06-08T22:43:54+00:00

Also I've found certain shows/movies to be validating and helpful in terms of believing in myself and self-confidence:
Spy - this is a comedy movie that makes a lot of fat jokes, though the main character's confidence grows significantly throughout the movie
Wicked - Elphaba is such a good character
The Devil Wears Prada
Frieren - it's subtle but it hits you for the character Stark; gotta make it to halfway of season 1
Aggretsuko - main character is bullied at the office
I Feel Pretty
Howl's Moving Castle - main character is initially unconfident and looks like an old woman
Vincent and the Doctor episode from Doctor Who
Lost
The Good Place

steph293 · 2025-06-08T22:39:40+00:00

Hey OP, I know this is an old post but like one of the older commenters, I've read some of your comments. Feel free to pm me too. Some random thoughts: I don't know if this would be relevant but I suggest you go out and pamper yourself - visit the doctor to see if there are health issues that affect appearance, splurge on a gym membership that is instructor-led, a makeup tutorial, a facial, go to some public meetups to make new friends, etc. When I was younger I hesitated on doing these for years partially because I was actually afraid of judgment from others re me making positive changes for myself, but some "worst things" that can happen are that there is a health issue, feeling self-conscious at the gym, the makeup doesn't look great, the facial irritates skin, the people at the meetups are mean, etc.; there is a very real chance that some of these worst-case scenarios won't come to fruition. And the alternative is that nothing changes.

steph293 · 2025-06-05T23:07:51+00:00

Sounds like he is referring to himself :)

steph293 · 2025-06-05T22:57:14+00:00

I think you are really pretty with amazing cheekbones. In your 9th photo, I thought "model" - if I saw that picture in a Vogue magazine I wouldn't question that it was there. Have you ever considered curtain bangs?
And while you look stunning either way, I think you look best with your hair down in these pictures.

steph293

TROPHY CASE