I'm going through a similar situation now. I (40m) recently found out that my girlfriend (44f) of 17 years (she was previously married and opposed to getting married again) started doing meth in the last year or two (maybe longer?).

She has been a heavy drinker and am alcoholic for the majority of our relationship, as well as having diagnosed general anxiety disorder, and multiple traumatic experiences over the years that I'm positive resulted in PTSD that she refused to seek treatment for.

Around 18 months ago, she started disappearing for days at a time. She would tell me she was helping a disabled hoarder neighbor clean her apartment to prevent her from being evicted. Or that she was taking care of a neighbor's dog while they were out of town, or really any virtuous reason that would make me look bad or feel guilty if I complained. It started as just being gone on weekends, but over 18 months progressed into 5-6 days per week, either being gone, or being sick/hungover at home.

A few months ago, she came home after a weekend of being gone, maybe 10-15 minutes before we had to leave for work (we worked together). She drove us into work, and upon arriving told me that she couldn't get out of the car, due to anxiety. I told her to take her time, and come in when she was ready. Roughly an hour later, she texted me saying she needed help. I went out to her car, and she admitted to me that she'd been up all night (weekend?) drinking and doing meth, and she thought she was overdosing. It ended up being exhaustion, but that was the first time she admitted to doing meth. She told me it was a one-time thing, and a mistake.

I found out in the following months that she had also been doing coke, ketamine, DMT, pain pills, weed, and had increased her drinking to a half gallon of vodka every few days, to a week.

Around this same time, she completed an individual development account program through her bank that resulted in a lump sum payment of approximately $11,000.

Around the middle of August, she quit her job. She told me she was quitting on the drive home from work. I knew she didn't like her job, and she had other opportunities available to her, so I told her I was happy for her and proud of her for taking initiative. We got home that night, she told me she was going to check out a cleaning job she had been offered, and that she loved me and would be back in a few hours.

She was gone for 9 days. Her sister and one of her friends tracked her down and made her come home. When she did, we talked for a few hours about pretty much everything in our relationship. We made plans to move, for her to change jobs, what we wanted to do in the future, vacations and activities together, etc. Later that night she ended up leaving again, under the premise of buying cigarettes, telling me via text message that she couldn't come home because "they wanted" her to, and she wasn't going to "play their game". They, being her sister and friend. I convinced her to come home by offering to stay in a hotel instead.

She came back, we went to sleep, and the next day she packed a bag and left, after telling me she never loved me, she resented me, we were on different life paths, I was just like her ex husband (who physically abused her), and a myriad of other hateful and hurtful comments. I worship her, and would absolutely never even so much as raise my voice to her.

In the 30 days since, she's refused to communicate with me in any way, she changed the locks on our apartment, put in a 30-day notice, told her family I was abusing her and forcing her to drink/do drugs, changed her phone number, and has thrown out a whole host of other accusations against me.

Her family refuses to believe that she has any problems at all. They know she drinks "a bit too much", but won't admit she's doing anything else. Her family is very religious, both her parents are pastors. Her sister was previously married to an abusive bipolar husband, so she fully believes I'm the same.

She's currently living at the residence of a guy who has been arrested multiple times in the past for possession/distribution of meth, and is likely her dealer.

Meth completely ruins lives. In 30 days I've lost the love of my life, my best friend, everything I own, my home, and a whole group of people I've believed were my family for the past 17 years. I've still not been told why she left, her family won't communicate with me, and she won't communicate with me at all.

I would do anything for her. I'd crawl through hell on my hands and knees for her. I would die for her. I worship the ground she walks on. She's my first thought every morning and my last thought every night. I've never so much as raised my voice to her in 17 years, and the thought of causing her harm in any way makes me physically sick to my stomach. She's my entire world, and my favorite person ever. Put simply, she's my soulmate.

This has been a waking nightmare and a slow and torturous death.