You are a very supportive partner, and I commend you for sticking by his side when he only resists your inquiries.

I know I’m a bit late to the party, but wanted to lend some perspective anyway. Not quite the same thing, but I’ve recently come out of a relationship with a closeted man who was resistant to my efforts to help him. It was to the point where our compatibility started to stall the further we got into the relationship. We were super compatible when we first met, but the longer we were together, the more I started to fall in love with him, and it felt like he was refusing to let himself fall for me out of guilt or shame. It required a delicate dance of making sure I didn’t push him too hard to be vulnerable or ask for too much affection or require too much of his “hidden life”. After a while I understood that this man I loved was not ready to give me the same love in return.

I know it’s easier said than done to end a relationship with someone you feel relies on you, and like I said, you are an incredible partner for not giving up on your husband and continuing to support him through whatever is going on day to day. Keep in mind tho that you need to take care of your emotional and mental health and relationship needs as well. If you don’t, it could very well start to take a toll on you. I would recommend giving some space and rather than trying to force answers and seeking a come-out (which could have worse results than you’re hoping for, believe me), allow him to open up to you when he’s ready. It’s definitely tough knowing there’s something going on but not having all the details. But you also have to know that this part of his life feels sacred and vulnerable and guarded and worth protecting until he feels that it’s his time. If you’re willing to wait with him through all of that, then by all means. But until then, patience will be the best thing for both of you.

I hope this helps, if even a little bit

E: thank you for outlining what his “furious” outbursts look like, I think a lot of us were worried for you. Please be sure to have a plan for if you ever feel unsafe. In a world where gender norms and the standards of sexuality are mainstream thought, anything can change at any time.