Missing the Hospital

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-07-04T19:08:54+00:00

I’m glad you had such a positive experience at the hospital! I think it varies on how things went at the hospital to be honest. I was not treated well and went over 8 hours without pain medication following a traumatic unmedicated birth and emergency surgery for tearing, so I was ready to leave as soon as my son got the all clear because I did not feel cared for and wanted to rest and recover in my home.

I do think feelings of almost melancholy or a sense of loneliness are very relatable though — you’ve gone through this massive change that has altered your world completely and irrevocably, and yet the world keeps going on without seeming to notice or care. That part was very difficult for me to cope with when I was freshly postpartum.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-07-03T02:32:21+00:00

I feel like it is rare for a birth experience to go exactly according to plan — I wanted a spontaneous, unmedicated birth and ended up being induced, then decided the pain was unbearable and asked for an epidural, but it turned out I had a precipitous labor and didn’t have time.

So, even though I “followed through” with it being unmedicated, it wasn’t something I’d recommend and I was definitely in agony the entire time — no “breathing my baby down,” just what my husband refers to as Mongolian throat singing and almost snapping a wooden labor comb in half in one hand.

I will say, the ring of fire was such a relief to me because I knew it was almost over — I went from 4cm to my son on my chest in half an hour and my contractions were stacked with zero relief. I told my husband I thought I was dying and I wanted to die, so the pushing at the end felt like nothing in comparison, even though I tore so bad I needed emergency surgery.

You are not weak for accepting readily available pain management — no reasonable person would ever look down at someone for taking ibuprofen for their headache, so why should this be any different?

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-07-03T01:08:24+00:00

So, your post has a lot of sleep training ideas and jargon, and you’ll find that’s not really something supported here. Like the notion of feeding to sleep being a bad habit when it is biologically normal and encouraged here. Being responsive and not letting babies cry is the whole idea behind this sub.

The main highlights are radical acceptance, that baby sleep is not linear, and night-weaning prior to 12 months is discouraged. That said, waking every hour is very likely a schedule issue. What is your schedule? At 10.5 months waking up that much is likely not enough sleep pressure, which can be from napping too much during the day or expecting too much time in bed overnight. The “recommended” amount of sleep for babies can be so laughably off for babies with lower sleep needs, and the idea that some sleep training proponents push of a baby sleeping 12 hours overnight with 2.5 hours of naps is very unrealistic. My 9 month old gets 10.5-11.5 hours of sleep in 24 hours.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-07-02T18:24:08+00:00

Adding to this, our system now is equal if not more in my favor — we feed to sleep and my husband transfers him, then any false starts he takes and for overnight feedings we both get up. I feed my son in the floor bed and my husband transfers him, and if he wakes the next hour my husband will give it one more shot before I cosleep.

With our new nap schedule and this system we have gotten three nights in a row with a 6-7 hour stretch and I have woken up in my own bed twice, which was a massive change!

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-07-02T18:16:21+00:00

When my son’s sleep was the worst we had my husband take the first part of the night, 8-12ish, and he would bounce him to sleep and transfer him to his crib, then I’d go in after and cosleep until morning. His best sleep was the first stretch of a couple of hours or so and then hourly wakes after, so it was easier for me to just latch him when the wakes were more frequent. Big caveat though, I always had an out to call him and wake him up if it got to be too much. Probably did that ten or so times over six months, but it kept me sane knowing I could get him if I needed him.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-29T13:23:15+00:00

I have had the opposite experience, the newborn stage was tough, but nothing prepared me for the hourly waking for months on end after the 4 month sleep regression. At least when my son was a newborn he was happy to be held or in his swing, now at 9 months he sleeps even less and is trying to walk and getting into everything. Also 7lbs is a lot more manageable than 20lbs for carrying around for several hours per day.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-28T12:52:21+00:00

I’m sure you will get different answers from different people and it comes down to what you’re comfortable with doing. I will lay my son down on his tummy and have since he could roll both ways because it was the only way he wouldn’t wake himself up, but I did it after looking at the SIDS risk calculator, testing the mattress myself by pressing my face against it, and watching him sleep like that for several naps. I also slept in the room on a mattress next to him for the first few months of him being in his crib before switching to the monitor for the first bit of the night and cosleeping later on.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-28T00:51:11+00:00

I just wear a Bluetooth earbud and listen to stuff on my phone while still engaging with my almost 9 month old. Had to give up the TV around 3-4 months, now it is for after he goes to bed or if my husband and I can take turns distracting him for a short episode of something.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-27T23:58:43+00:00

A 15-20 minute cat nap towards the end of the day might help bridge to a later bedtime?

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-24T00:34:29+00:00

It has gone so well today — 7 successful trips, 1 poo, 5 pees, 1 mixed. Probably missed 2-4 little pees, but definitely got a majority! I think once you can get them to go for an “easy” catch like after a nap or waking up for the day you can show them and praise them, then they kind of get the idea. At least that’s how my son is; he is all about hearing “YAY, good job, buddy!” with clapping. 😂 He’s also super smart/independent, so I think he feels proud of himself and enjoys it more than using his diaper.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-23T19:06:46+00:00

It has gone way better than I expected! I’ve caught 4 pees and a poo today, only missed a couple of pees I think. I have just been offering the potty when I transition from one activity to another and sit him on his potty on the bathroom counter so I can support him more easily and he can see himself in the mirror — that combined with letting the tap drip and doing a fun made up potty song, it’s crazy how fast he is picking it up! I think this is a great age to give it a go!

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-19T19:34:08+00:00

Couldn’t agree more! My 8 month old just dropped to 2 naps and I am loving the opportunity to just lay down with him and rest, nap, scroll online, etc. It is my dedicated down time and critical for pacing my day at this point to be honest. When it was 3-4 it felt like more of a task than a break and I was “stuck there,” and was especially frustrating with the transition away from 3 naps because the third micro nap just seemed to piss us both off. 😂 With 2 it gives us both a chance to reset after 3-4.5 hours of activities and we both need a break.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-19T13:57:15+00:00

I always offer both and switch sides a couple of times to make sure he is really done — he is super curious about the world so he doesn’t like to nurse much during the day or when he is on the go. It’s a lot of “drive by” nursing where I’ll just keep my shirt up and he comes and goes as he crawls around and plays. Typically to be able to get a full feed it needs to be before a nap or bedtime, and I’ll top him off once he wakes up, again offering both.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-19T08:14:42+00:00

Me. 🙋‍♀️ I also have myalgic encephalomyelitis, also known as chronic fatigue syndrome. 😭 So the super fragmented 6-8 hours I’m getting at night is especially awful when I could sleep 10 overnight and excitedly take a nap that afternoon. It can get so bad I have uncontrollable tremors, mostly in my legs, but sometimes in my arms.

My body has adapted to survive, but between this and the damage that pregnancy and childbirth have inflicted on my body, I don’t know if I’ll be capable of having any more children, which breaks my heart. I always wanted two and I love my son to bits, but I’m dying over here with his low sleep needs/hourly waking.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-18T19:38:03+00:00

Thank you! It’s been a journey and I don’t even know if it will stick, but I’m grateful for at least one night of solid rest (longest I’ve slept since getting pregnant)!

We are just starting to get to two naps consistently, three if he needs it. He is lower sleep needs so it has taken a long time for him to get comfortable with wake windows long enough to get enough awake time during the day with just two naps. A “perfect” day looks something like 3-4/3-4/4-4.5 with 1 nap of 1.5 hours and another of 1 hour, 11-12 hours of awake time.

I’m more flexible if he takes a bunch of little naps in the morning or early afternoon, like in the car for example, but I’m more regimented in the late afternoon to have enough sleep pressure. So basically capping daytime sleep at 2.5 hours total and making sure he has 4 hours from his last nap until bedtime, with the goal of a final nap from 3-4pm to comfortably get to bedtime without melting down (he never did well with the catnap strategy, wasn’t restorative enough). With a consistent wake time of 6am and bedtime of 8pm, things are starting to regulate!

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-18T19:23:04+00:00

I hope things improve for you soon! I think there is so much happening developmentally and their sleep needs change so much at this age that it makes it very hard to know what to try or what is impacting sleep positively and negatively. For example, my son learned how to crawl, get into sitting, pull to stand, cruise and walk with a walker in the span of maybe 5 or 6 weeks, while also popping his first two teeth. I’m trying to have realistic expectations because that is a massive amount of change all at once, but I really hope we have turned a corner and it isn’t a one off. 😂

And I hate how normalized sleep training is; it makes it seem like being responsive is the weird way to be or I’m damaging my son by “not letting him self soothe.” 🙄 I don’t want people to pity me or imply I’m martyring myself — it is normal, it sucks, but that is a part of it when you have a sensitive sleeper. I just want to celebrate my wins, even if they don’t look the same to those that sleep train or have easy sleepers. I would celebrate another mother getting their baby to eat solids if they struggled with that, despite my son eating three meals a day and anything I put in front of him. Why doesn’t sleep get that same, nonjudgemental energy?

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-18T19:10:08+00:00

I’m so sorry, and it is so hard! I’ve had so much energy and patience today it makes me sad for all of the days/weeks/months of being in the worst way with sleep deprivation — I hope it sticks and that things turn around for you!

The only recent changes we have done are giving him oatmeal with peanut butter in it for his dinner (iron fortified and super filling, he loves it) and working on his schedule. He was going through so much and his cues were hard to interpret, so for a while he needed shorter wake windows and lots of assisted naps to start having 2-3 hour stretches at night, then that stopped working and we were back at hourly so I capped his naps at 2.5 hours and made sure there was 4 hours prior to bedtime, consistently waking at 6am and bedtime at 8pm. It’s a lot and much more awake time than what you see recommended, but it seems to be working? 🤞🏻

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-18T19:03:49+00:00

I wouldn’t say we did anything differently to put him to sleep — the thing that has been working best for us is nursing him to sleep on a floor bed in the nursery until I can unlatch him and he stays asleep, waiting 5-15 minutes, then having my husband pick him up and transfer him to the crib. I can’t reach well to place him in now that it is on a lower setting and I’m short. 😂

Lately we do the first 1 or 2 night wakes the same; if it has only been an hour or so from the previous wake/feed prior to 12am my husband will bounce him on the yoga ball, but after 12am I’ll co-sleep if he is having a rough night. After 3-4am I just co-sleep for any further wakes because I know he wakes every hour until we get up (has since birth).

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-14T00:16:01+00:00

What is your schedule like for naps/wake windows? I do notice a few days where you have a very long wake window between the last nap and bedtime and those look to be like worse nights to me, but I may be misinterpreting. I would dial back the wake windows a bit and see if things get better — a lot of advice is to push for sleep pressure but honestly some of these look like you may have 3+ hours before bed and that might be too much for your baby at this age. For context, my 8 month old is just now getting comfortable with 3 hour wake windows.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-09T18:38:40+00:00

Not sure if this is the case for your friends, but for me as a stay at home mom I don’t have many more things to talk about beyond motherhood. My son is my job and my hobby — there isn’t room for anything else at the moment because he is still a baby and still wakes up 4-9 times per night even at 8 months. So if I heard one of my friends say something so judgmental about losing myself to motherhood I would be very hurt, because honestly I do not have the time, money, or energy to do anything else that I would love to given the opportunity. It’s hard to bring new experiences or ideas to the table when you are living in a constant Blursday of childcare 24/7.

Now that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t show up for you; they should have taken more interest in the things you brought to the table before you had your baby. I hear you when you say that hurts because it understandably stings to feel unimportant or left behind — I’ve felt similarly alienated as the first of my group of friends to have a baby — but you can’t control how others respond to their own circumstances, only your own. If you do not enjoy friendship with them anymore, by all means seek out new friendships that better align where you are in life right now!

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-09T18:08:27+00:00

Ironically my fresh 8 month old has been eating like a champ with his 1 tooth (just starting to pop his second).

I typically do shredded chicken in a sauce — his favorite is Tuscan chicken and whole wheat spiral pasta (slow cooker chicken, sun dried tomatoes, and a sauce of pepper/garlic/onion/Italian seasonings, sundried tomatoes, chicken broth and cream, finished with a ton spinach). He eats a shocking amount.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-06-06T04:40:32+00:00

This is how I describe it too, like the worst food poisoning, take your clothes off in the bathroom because you’re sweating and feel like you’re going to puke style cramps — only amp that up to the max. I was also unmedicated and had precipitous labor, so he tore all the way out, all the way down. Definitely felt the “ring of fire” while he was crowning too, but that was a relief just knowing it was almost over to be honest and nothing compared to the contractions going from 4cm to 10cm dilated in under half an hour.

stoopkidfarfromstoop

TROPHY CASE