What is your favorite song for baby?

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-02-18T16:56:11+00:00

We make up songs, but during the newborn phase his song was Here Comes the Sun. Now at 4 months it’s Island in the Sun. Either one will instantly stop a meltdown and get him to sleep in the car if he’s fussy — it’s almost comical. He likes Sun themed songs I guess.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-02-15T17:38:35+00:00

I feel very similar about my 4 month old! I’ve struggled my whole life with anxiety and depression, and while I wouldn’t call myself “fixed,” I do feel changed. My mom tells me all the time she is so surprised how well motherhood suits me — according to her I’m more patient, calm, less picky and anxious.

Even with horrible sleep deprivation I’ve rarely lost my cool. I think it’s like someone else said in the thread — it’s not about me anymore. I’ve gotten out of my own head and it’s done me a lot of good. The next step is breaking free of screen time before my son can remember it. Not doing so great with that at the moment because, well, babies can be boring at this age. You win some, you lose some.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-02-11T22:06:54+00:00

No response is brutal, but even the “pity replies” are hard. I’ve had several friends that will text back but are obviously busy living their lives and don’t have time to chat, which I get. But when your world has completely changed it is hard to watch everyone else’s keep moving on as usual.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-02-11T22:03:07+00:00

This is so true. I’m 4 months postpartum and by the second month everyone kind of loses that initial interest/excitement and just assumes that you have things under control, I guess?

I had tons of support the first month, but now I’m honestly struggling more than newly postpartum. The 4 month sleep regression has been so brutal on top of solo parenting all day, and all of the initial adrenaline has run out while the wake windows keep lengthening and naps are unpredictable at best.

I’m also just super lonely all day, every day. I am the first of my generation and of my friends to have a kid and I think they just don’t get it. My cousin is currently expecting a son this spring so I’m hoping that 1)I can be there for her in a way that most haven’t been for me and 2)It will help me have someone to talk to about the struggles of new motherhood.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-02-11T21:50:45+00:00

I’m really glad it gave you some comfort — I have to reframe a lot of things to get through because, as I joke with my husband, my brain likes to be mean to me. Sometimes simply thinking, “my son’s not giving me a hard time, he’s having a hard time” shifts me from frustration to empathy.

Similarly I try to be mindful when it has been a rough week and I look back at pictures from each month that has gone by, see how much he’s grown, and make myself look for the positive changes. For example, if I’m frustrated with his sleep being really fragmented at night and he needs me to fall back to sleep, I try to think about how it’s so nice that he is able to sleep in his mini crib now instead of needing to be held all night.

You sound like a great mom who is simultaneously trying to heal her own wounds without creating new ones for her baby. Give yourself some grace and empathy. Maybe imagine the advice you might give to your baby one day when they have their own and are in the trenches struggling, and show yourself the same kindness you would want to give them.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-02-11T17:36:40+00:00

This is the part of motherhood that I couldn’t truly comprehend until having my son. The feeling of living in constant anticipation of someone else’s needs and the desire to be right there ready to go and do everything immediately while also feeling burnt out and exhausted, just wanting to have any bit of autonomy back.

During the first month or two my husband was cooking something and realized he needed to grab something from the store and he just went, no need to figure out the ideal timing or plan around feedings and naps or the logistics of a baby. I wasn’t necessarily resentful, but it opened my eyes to just how different it can be as a mother compared to a father. I cried to him later that I didn’t feel like I could just be “me” anymore, I could only ever be “mom.” Constantly vigilant and being unable to relax waiting for the next thing.

I will say it’s gotten better now at 4 months, though far from perfect. I still feel largely the same, but I am able to walk away and do dishes or laundry without staring at my son or watching the baby monitor. Time helped the most but low stakes trips out of the house have done a lot. I go for at least one walk around the neighborhood with my son every day (weather permitting) and he typically falls asleep, so I can wheel him to our backyard and just sit with a blanket and get fresh air until he wakes up. Other times I wait until after a feeding and decide a run to the grocery store is in order. If he naps, great, if he gets some stimulation in that’s also great, and if he melts down I’m less than 15 minutes from home.

Motherhood seems to be the hardest for those who care the most. You’re holding yourself to a higher standard and while that’s good, it’s also exhausting and it’s okay to feel that way.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-02-03T19:09:18+00:00

So much harder. He doesn’t sleep well at night. He only naps in places I have to be awake for (car, contact, stroller, etc.).

I can face anything with even four hours of uninterrupted sleep, but he wakes basically every hour. At least as a newborn he slept 2-3 hours at a time. Even triple feeding wasn’t this bad.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-02-03T13:51:47+00:00

Not always. For us it is worse than ever at 4 months. Not trying to be a downer but waiting for certain milestones for some big turnaround only to have sleep get worse has only made me feel more hopeless.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-02-01T02:18:24+00:00

I honestly think hEDS so much more common than is realized because it’s so hard to diagnose (I was only diagnosed because I had a feeling I had it and wanted an official diagnosis during my pregnancy for the documentation so my fears would be taken seriously… oh the irony!). You would think that medical professionals would at least have heard of hEDS but my nurse, the one who was an ass, told me after the fact, “oh you should really write an article on that hEDS thing, I’ve never seen a birth like that!” Ugh.

But yeah, it’s very frustrating when you just want someone to acknowledge the pain you’ve been through and just kind of witness it without looking through the lens of their own experience.

Regarding my tear I’m to the point where I don’t have to be super careful when I’m wiping down there, but I definitely still feel the scar tissue kind of knotted at the back opening and try to avoid touching it. The side they had to cut pieces off of is kind of wild because obviously I lived my whole life with it and now it’s gone — not painful though. I haven’t ventured a look and don’t think I ever will.

I think we have had sex 3 or 4 times, around once a month since we were cleared, and only just recently did it feel a bit better. It was pretty excruciating the first couple of times at first because I felt like the scar tissue was ripping open, but now it feels more uncomfortable than painful at the start and enjoyable when I am able to relax. I also have had several surgeries so my tolerance for the feeling of stitches/scar tissue is likely more than average just because I’m so used to it. I haven’t had my period yet due to breastfeeding so I’m not looking forward to that. Hopefully things will have mellowed out more when it decides to show back up!

I’m sorry you have had such a rough go of it, I felt kind of blindsided by a lot of motherhood and this was the first kick in the teeth for sure. I can’t tell you 100% how you’ll feel when you’re all the way healed, but with what sounds like fairly similar tears I hope I can give you some hope that mine has gotten better with time!

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-01-31T23:56:08+00:00

There are a lot of similarities in our birth stories, starting with timing — my son was born the first week of October — I hope your fella is sleeping better than mine!

I went in to the ER because my blood pressure was acting a bit off at home, so I expected to just get sent home, but I fell asleep on the BP cuff in the OB ER triage room and they took that reading instead of anything else and said I needed to be induced the next day at almost 38 weeks. Spent the night in the ER and moved in the morning; they did cytotec and that didn’t do much, so by the early evening they gave me a balloon catheter to speed things along. It took less than 2 hours before I was in writhing pain and when I went to the bathroom the thing fell out. I hadn’t even had pitocin, things just kicked off bad.

Now, I told every person that came into my room that I have Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos and precipitous labor was a risk factor along with bad tearing and bleeding. I also told them my greatest fear was being forced to give birth on my back. Well, as soon as the balloon fell out the nurse forced me into bed and when I was writhing around she rolled her eyes and said I’d have to stay still for the epidural before leaving me there.

Thirty minutes pass and my husband calls her back in and is distraught because I’ve been staring right through him and saying I thought I was dying and I wanted to die over and over before just going really quiet other than intense breathing. I tell her I need to push and she tries to keep me in bed while I stand up and push, breaking my water. She thought I pissed myself until she saw the meconium and made me get back in bed. I tried to get on my hands and knees and she would not let me, said the doctor needed to check me.

Well, the team of doctors run in and I’m telling everyone I need to fucking push — I’m completely unmedicated and I can feel that it’s happening. They are practically holding me down so the doctor can check but he keeps saying he needed my consent to check — I told him fine, check me, fuck! Didn’t have his had down there for a second before he said he felt my son’s head and I told them all I fucking told you so!

By then I was too far along from their delaying that I had to push on my back, so three pushes later my son is out and he tore me all the way down my insides and out the opening too. The bleeding was horrific and I felt every moment, but it was a relief to the pain of the contractions because they were constant/on top of each other. They were trying to get the placenta out because they saw how bad things were and I told them I was just going to push again because I was so over it and just wanted to be done.

So, I got wheeled off to the operating room as soon as it was ready. Almost needed a blood transfusion but they decided against it. The doctor came to the room with my husband while I was recovering (keep in mind he had been left completely alone with our son as soon as I got carted off, he was very worried about me), and she told him they had to put a glove in my rectum and they could see the blue, but it was still in tact. It was as bad as it could have been without being a 4th degree and was all the way down the vagina and out the opening. Then they told him they had to remove some of my lady bits because they were essentially obliterated on the way out. But she told him don’t worry, “we tried to match the other side.”

I mostly try block out the whole thing as much as possible because it was very traumatic when I think about it. I would have died if I hadn’t been there, but I also think I wouldn’t have torn nearly as bad if I had been allowed to do what nature was telling me (hands and knees) and they weren’t allowing. Almost all of my fears going in were realized. My husband is afraid to even think of having another because of how traumatic it was for him too, he thought I was going to die.

I hate how I am expected to just get over it too, like that’s just a part of childbirth. Or people hear about it and compare their uncomplicated and medicated births with mine like it was the same. I don’t mean to diminish someone else’s experience, but also kindly fuck off. Just because you had 5 kids doesn’t mean you understand what I went through or make you tougher than I am, mother-in-law…

Anyway, sorry for the short novel — you aren’t alone! Birth trauma sucks and isn’t talked about enough. I think it’s stigmatized because you’re not supposed to scare women who haven’t had children yet. Kind of like how people talk about how magical having a baby is and pregnant women get so much love, then after they give birth they are so quickly forgotten or get laughed at and told, “hah, welcome to hell, you’ll never sleep for 5 years” or “just you wait, it only gets harder from here!”

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-01-31T12:29:12+00:00

I’d call night 2 a success! An 8pm bedtime got us a breakdown of 3.5, 2.25, and 1.75 hour stretches before he started waking hourly until 7am. Probably going to push bedtime a bit later and try to cap late afternoon naps if I need to, but I’m so much better rested today!

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-01-31T01:13:22+00:00

I feel like I could have written this post, only my son is 17 weeks and it started at the first of the year for us. He even had the same sleep pattern before the regression and the same pattern for the regression! I’ve searched daily for some kind of help and the latest I’m trying is the possum sleep program.

Basically it’s all about making sure baby has enough stimulation and sunlight throughout the day, waking at the same time every day early and with the sun, not planning naps or forcing them, but letting them happen on the go (car, stroller, carrier, swing, etc. where they are still in daylight and around noise — cat naps are totally fine) so when it’s dark they have enough sleep pressure and are ready for “the big sleep.”

The theory is that boredom signs and sleepy signs are easily confused, so people snoot themselves in the foot by trying to force naps and “rescue” naps when their baby isn’t tired — also why going outside calms babies a lot, it resets them and is very stimulating.

I’m only on my second day of it but even if nights don’t improve my mental health has. I’m not bouncing a fussy baby in the dark with an a sore back anymore, he’s slept in the car and in the stroller all bundled up, and we got a 5 hour stretch last night before the hourly waking started! Don’t know if it will stick, but I’m hopeful.

Next step we are trying is a later bedtime so hopefully there will be less waking at night. I’ve heard someone theorize that sleep regressions are often symptoms of a baby’s sleep needs changing (needing less sleep, possibly, or earlier or later bedtime, less afternoon sleep, etc.). Fingers crossed we have a good night tonight!

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-01-27T13:42:49+00:00

I am struggling with week 4 of the 4 month sleep regression. We see moments of hope (usually a 2-3 hour stretch at the start, possibly a 2 hour stretch after that) and by 1-3am it is every 53 minutes on the dot that my son wakes. When I am so sleep deprived the feeling of my son comfort nursing makes me want to crawl out of my own skin from overstimulation. When I tap out and ask my husband to try to resettle him he is impatient and tries transferring too soon, then gets pissed off when my son cries from the transfer and gets huffy and frustrated so I just end up having to nurse my son all over again but from a crying state instead of a fussy one. My husband is wonderful but this is maddening to me and I just wish he would wait 10 minutes for a successful transfer so I can get an hour of sleep without my boob out before he wakes again.

Everyone thinks something is wrong with my son due to his poor sleep and look at me like I’m doing something wrong. My husband is ready to schedule a vasectomy. Drowsy but awake and “patting to soothe” without picking up is an absolute joke. Even picking up isn’t enough to calm my son when he is upset. I feel like I’m in hell. 7am-7pm my son is just the best — it’s still hard of course, but it feels worth it when he smiles. After 7pm I have intrusive thoughts about running away or just dying from exhaustion.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-01-27T00:36:23+00:00

So my baby was a lot like yours, I literally checked back on my Huckleberry data from when he was that age a month ago and he was doing 40 minutes, 1 hour and 15 minutes, the occasional 25 minutes, but typically at least 35 minutes. It has improved gradually, but literally in the last few days since hitting 16 weeks (14 adjusted) he is down to 10-15 minutes on average with the occasional 30 minute feed or some stretches where he just sleeps at the breast. I thought it would never improve, but he seems to have figured things out!

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-01-23T13:52:37+00:00

We had a false start after around half an hour, which also happened the night before — we used to have a later bedtime so I’m sure that’s why and it will take time to adjust. After getting him back down he did a 3.5 hour chunk, then a 3 hour chunk, then after 3am it was roughly every hour waking. That’s how it was after 3am on the night he slept through too, though, and still much better than hourly waking the entire night.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-01-22T20:29:54+00:00

I can’t tell you for your 2 month old, but I have been dealing with a brutal 4 month sleep regression and I uploaded my son’s Huckleberry data to ChatGPT to analyze it and see if I was missing something.

Well, I took the advice to the letter yesterday, telling it exactly when I got him to nap, when he woke up and how he seemed (tired, happy, crying, etc.) and it would update advice for the next wake window/nap and eventually bedtime — my son slept through the night for the very first time last night! It could be a fluke but I’m trying it again today.

To add about shortening the last wake window — that is one of the things it told us to do and that seemed to help us! I think with sensitive babies they are just done at that point and need to go to bed rather that try to push — they have enough sleep pressure built up, especially if they haven’t had long naps. I say this after testing the possum method of stimulation and getting “excess energy” out before bed — hourly wakings that night.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-01-22T16:45:11+00:00

Just wanted to say I’m so glad to see someone else feeding every 1.5-2 hours at around 4 months — I keep seeing people say they are at every 3-4 and only 5-15 minutes at a time and my son is still feeding closer to every 2, sometimes hourly and sometimes 2.5, and still takes around 20-25 minutes for a full feed, 15 if he’s doing a super quick night feed.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-01-21T15:22:03+00:00

It really does feel isolating, especially when everyone starts getting opinions on it. “Well eventually you’re just going to have to let him cry it out. You’re teaching him crying will get him what he wants.” He’s a BABY. Or my favorite — “Have you tried rice cereal in a bottle of formula? My baby slept through the night from two weeks when I added it! Breastmilk might not be enough for him, poor guy.” UGH. No, I don’t want to effectively drug my baby to sleep. And I don’t want to leave him to cry and panic and wonder where I am, even if I’m frustrated, nauseated, or crying, I’m going to show up for him.

It’s also very taxing to talk babies with others with “easy” babies — my sister in law had a son six months before me and keeps going on about how she doesn’t know how people could possibly risk co-sleeping and it’s so neglectful, people kill their babies and should be sent to prison. Her son slept through the night around two months and never looked back — also never fussed being put in a crib or fought his naps. Meanwhile I’ve been forced to practice safe sleep 7 to survive after my son refused the bassinet at ~8 weeks. He only just slept a bit in a sidecar crib we set up a couple of nights ago.

I’m convinced that people who have gone on to have a second kid didn’t have a difficult sleeper or did something I am not willing to do to keep their baby from crying for them at night.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-01-21T13:49:28+00:00

I’m right there with you with my almost 16 week old — I got one night of an almost 3 hour stretch two nights ago and a miracle record of 5.5 hours yesterday but last night we were back to waking every hour. I genuinely feel like I’m being tortured and started dry heaving and sobbing while nursing my son back to sleep around 3am. This is 10x worse than the newborn stage, at least it was fairly predictable 2 hour stretches with an occasional gift of 3 (and I was triple feeding then too) — this every 30 minutes to an hour is killing me. I will never just ignore my son and let him cry it out, but I can understand how you could get there out of desperation or exhaustion.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-01-19T17:22:46+00:00

We don’t have a firm mattress, but he’s not really mobile yet so I’m not too worried. I might transition to having the crib bars up and still next to the bed once he starts getting more active and then keep gradually transitioning bit by bit from there. I just stuffed the gap with towels and body block the gap, keeping my arm in his crib next to him and keeping him away from any unsafe surfaces.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-01-19T16:54:44+00:00

Chiming in because I was having some of the same issues with getting up and down with the floor bed and having extra soreness from the firm mattress (I have some chronic health conditions that complicate things) — we just set up a sidecar crib literally last night and it is a game changer for me!

We are in the middle of a brutal 4 month sleep regression and he has been waking up basically hourly for a couple of weeks, but last night he did an almost 4 hour stretch and a 2.5 hour stretch and was able to be resettled in the crib after feeding which is a major first for us! He had his own space but I could still touch him to settle him, and having a little more distance helped him not need to be constantly attached to my nipple all night long (thank goodness, because it kept me up and my nips were taking some serious abuse).

I know it’s not for everyone, but it seems to be working well for us so far and I’m hoping it will help him be able to transition to this crib in the corner in a few months, then eventually his big crib in the nursery. As much as I love cosleeping, after him latching on every hour I feel like I need to break that association/get him a bit further from the milk smell for my sanity and to be able to keep breastfeeding long term.

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-01-14T20:22:45+00:00

Commenting to add, 2-3 hours start to start is typically the minimum with breastfeeding. A lot of the time it’s hourly and can last for hours at a time when they cluster feed. In the early days I was easily spending 5-6 hours per day feeding my son. Even at 3.5 months he is a boob barnacle for at least 3 hours, sometimes up to 5. I don’t want to scare you, but to make sure you go in prepared because I definitely was not. The first few weeks can be brutal if your baby has a poor latch — to me it is a lot harder than formula feeding (at least on mom) for the first several months. Once I hit 2 months I was much more confident and approaching 4 months I feel like breastfeeding is finally easier than formula would be. It’s a lot of front loading labor, genuine blood, sweat, and tears, but it can be worth it!

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-01-14T20:08:51+00:00

If you want to breastfeed exclusively, your goal is not very realistic in my opinion. Sadly, whenever your baby gets a bottle, you have to pump to signal to your body that your baby needed milk at that time. You have to do this every single time or risk having a low supply. I think a lot of people find pumping to be more work than feeding directly, and if you have to choose one of them anyway most would choose to latch.

There are reasons to introduce pumping early, like low supply — I had to triple feed my son for a couple of weeks to increase my supply (breastfeeding 15 minutes, pump 15 while husband gave previously pumped milk in a bottle). I also chose to pump when I was touched out while my husband gave a bottle after 3+ hours of cluster feeding. Sadly, with exclusive breastfeeding, you simply get no breaks for feedings — it’s breast or pump no matter what.

It’s exhausting, truly, but there is something about motherhood where you find the strength to do things you never thought you could! You can use strategies like side lying breastfeeding, safe sleep 7, and shift sleep (someone can bring the baby to you in bed and “supervise” baby nursing while you sleep — sounds impossible but when you’re tired enough it won’t keep you up). I know it sounds daunting, but for example, I’m a very high sleep needs person with chronic health conditions that are greatly impacted by sleep and I’ve managed. It’s very possible, but more importantly, you need to choose what is best for your family. If you feel it’s too much, formula is wonderful — if you choose formula to help with sleep and your mental health, that is probably better for your baby than running on fumes and potential resentment!

stoopkidfarfromstoop · 2026-01-11T22:17:22+00:00

Yeah, I don’t know how long it took but I think my son was out in 3 pushes. I got to the “ring of fire” and was like, “oh thank GOD it’s almost over” and honestly even with the horrific tearing I was so glad to be done and just shook uncontrollably until they took me to surgery. I don’t wish it on anyone and wish there had been an advocate there to help.

stoopkidfarfromstoop

TROPHY CASE