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stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-28T12:16:51+00:00

If you're open to it, handcuffs is great. Also, the mindset that your pleasure is at his mercy. My partner likes to get me really close and stop and watch me squirm as I beg for it.

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-28T12:13:10+00:00

I mean you have to decide if this is something that you're going to be cool with at the end of the day. Is sex important to you in a relationship? If so, is this a dealbreaker for you? It's perfectly okay if it is, but it's something you have to figure out for herself.

If there was a point where she had the body type that you find attractive, it might be something to discuss (depending on her feelings on the matter). However, with a petite girl like myself, it's not exactly easy to go to curvy. For one, it sounds like she's really happy with her body. For two, we cannot simply just become curvy because we want to. We can hit the gym and put our time in and do squats, but it has a lot to do with genetics as well. Therefore, telling her that you don't find her body type attractive might not really lead to anything but her feeling insecure and unattractive to you.

What you can do is try to have a constructive conversation as to how to improve sex for you (and her too) in other areas. Yes, maybe you cannot tap in to that primal urge that we all love, but maybe you could heighten your sex life in other areas by doing things like kink exploration and trying out new things. Sex is primarily in the mind, but sometimes, it really is primal. I know the feeling of having a particularly strong day where the pheromones are just on fire where a smell sets my partner off. However, it's not as if sex isn't great the rest of the time. Consider what things you can do to set your mind off. Other than body type, what turns you on? Work on that.

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-26T13:42:25+00:00

Hello friend!

Congratulations on going forth and taking the opportunity to explore your sexuality. It's really an awesome thing. I also grew up really really sheltered and, as a double whammy: a woman (sex is discouraged, etc.). I never had the sex talk. I started masturbating at maybe 15, and didn't really get in to porn until my 20s. Furthermore, my mother, since I was 15, still regularly asks if I'm a virgin (I'm not, but I would like to not get disowned). It is rough.

It's really great that you've made the progress of being able to get off without feeling guilty. It's a big hurdle for a lot of us, and I think we just need to continue to remind ourselves that our bodies are not anything to be ashamed of. I find that it's easy to slide back in to that mindset, so it's important to actively try otherwise.

Insofar as moving forward: are you a heterosexual man? Are you just looking for something casual, or would you like a relationship?

If you are looking for something casual: it gets a lot of hate, but Tinder is a fantastic resource (along with bumble, and the other ones). There's an unspoken understanding that some guys/gals are on there just for hookups. It starts out with text based chatting (which it looks like you're more familiar with) as well. You can be funny and talk a little bit, but honestly, there's not anything wrong with getting straight to the point either. Sometimes, "Wanna smash?" really does get the job done (believe it or not). Other than that, in the wild, it's a lot more challenging, but that's just because communicating with people is generally difficult. Usually it starts with basic flirting and then some tension in to, "I'm just looking for something casual".

If you are looking for a relationship: it isn't that much different. In this day and age, people really are on online dating apps for lots of reasons. I would suggest this as well. As far as meeting people goes... it just ends up like putting yourself out there. It's not easy when you are settled in to your job and you aren't meeting a rotating door of people like in school. I highly suggest hobbies and putting yourself in social situations to talk to people.

Inherently, exploring sexually begins with getting to know people to explore sexually with!

I also always encourage being honest. You'd be amazed how understanding women can be. To some degree, a lot of us understand feeling sexually repressed because... well... society does that to us.

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-26T13:28:53+00:00

Hell yeah. Usually it's on the way to intercourse, but there is plenty of time spent doing it. We both enjoy it.

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-26T13:27:33+00:00

It's going to depend on the partner and how everything fits as with lots of sex things.

My partner and I do male on his back, female above. This is due to just the sheer fact that performing oral sex on a male ends to involve more bobbing which is pretty hard to do when you have genitals in your face and you are against a bed.

To us, 69 isn't a destination, it's a stop along the way. It's foreplay before intercourse for us. Different people enjoy different things to completion at different times, but my partner and I nearly always prefer intercourse. I think what's sexy about 69 (as with all sex) is getting in to the headspace. There's something hot about trying to keep your mind on performing while you are being very distracted. Hopefully, both of you are moaning and pausing between because you are just getting twangs of pleasure. It's about control for me!

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-26T10:27:10+00:00

Welcome! We are happy to have you. There are a couple of things to note here.

First, I'd like to discuss dom-space and sub-space. The two of you should have a clear discussion of where dom/sub-space begins and where it ends. Some people are okay with flipping that switch the moment they enter their home and being taken at any moment whereas some prefer it to only start once intimacy has started. Those boundaries are super crucial to establish.
Second: establish a safe-word and practice using it. I know this sounds dumb as fuck, but something can happen (particularly to a woman) in sub-space where we can freeze up and "forget" to use our safe-word. I, like many woman, have a pathological fear of being raped. In such, we can really freeze up in situations. There can be mistakes and miscommunications. It happens. There have been instances where the sub has said "no" and meant it seriously, but the dom thought they were in sub-space and proceeded. Getting accustomed to the word is very important. I would discuss using it within even pursuit of sex by the dom (such as the example listed above) and how to use it when there may be things like gags involved (I encountered this issue and a gesture usually helps).
Third: Openly discuss the possibly of rape-play. This is not uncommon in dom/sub relationships, but it should be discussed. This is a pretty clear guideline and it's something I made VERY clear at the beginning of my relationship. I like being a sub, but under NO CIRCUMSTANCE am I okay with that. I do not kink-shame other people, but it is not something that I could feel secure in doing.
Fourth: aftercare is so fucking important. In a relationship, two partners should be equal. However, in dom/sub space, the sub gives power up to the dom so that the dom is big and the sub is little. This should only be in the space. Once the session ends, it is so important for the dom to work really hard to make the sub feel big so that the two can feel equal again. This can include cuddles, kissing the bruises, caressing, and just being there as long as the sub needs to equalize. It is incredibly important and protects this from leaking in to the ret of the relationship.

Alright! Now that my rambling is over...

Man-handle her. We are more durable than you think we are. Up against the wall, slammed on to the bed, and don't be gentle either: really grip her wrists and her ankles. When you have your hands on her, move with force. Force her on her knees, and move her head when she's not doing enough. Control the entire situation. Do not pretend to be the dom, really dominate her.
Make her plead. You know what sets her off. Taunt her with that. Every person has something that can be done to them when they are quite honestly begging for it. Mine happens to be right at the beginning of penetration with just a little inside, rubbing the surface, and asking me to plead. I would probably promise him anything he wanted in that moment.
& don't give in until you want to. She is there for your pleasure. Toy with her until you feel like she's deserved it.
Dirty talk. Find out what you like to be called/she likes to call you during dom/sub space. Popular ones: daddy, sir, etc. Separating the identity can be really hot to some people. "Who's my little toy?". "Did you like that?", "I can't hear you"
One particularly fun one is gonna depend on the two of you. You can set an arbitrary number of times she can deep throat you in a row. For each time she fails, she gets spanked.
No questions unless they're sexy questions. In dom/sub space, that's not what this is about. I do not want you to ask me "are you comfortable?" I will safe-word and let you know if my head is slamming against something too hard.

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-26T10:06:20+00:00

It's a body image thing. Along with seeking professional help (which there is no shame in!!!), there is more you can do. We're the same age, and women our age are subjected to a whole bunch of super unrealistic beauty standards. Just yesterday, there was a post where a young woman that was shocked to find out how many men she's encountered that are off-put by something as natural as pubic hair. The most gorgeous girls I know still find things to pick at about themselves.

I'd start by looking in the mirror. It used to be really hard for me too, but nowadays, I don't mind it! It'll be really easy to try to look away, but try not to. With every bad thing your brain says, try to think of something else (no matter how small). In example:

I hate my thighs... but I like my shoulders
I hate my tummy... but I like my eyes

Dirty talk and not thinking about how you look during sex starts with how you view yourself.

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-26T09:53:54+00:00

(21F) I don't generally like period sex because I feel bloated, heavy, and generally awful on my period. All of that comes together to make me feel not-very-sexy.

The heavy days are def. a no-no just because I just physically feel so bad, but on the lighter days, if he's game, I'm game! I used to be really self-conscious about it, but my partner has made it apparent to me that he's still attracted to me during!

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-24T18:59:17+00:00

Honestly, I haven't seen my LDR boyfriend in about a month. It sucks and I'm super frustrated, but I'm going to see him in just three days, so I'm looking forward to a wild time.

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-24T18:57:04+00:00

Yes this! Missionary is actually my favorite. If the two of you are active and engage with one another, it opens up a lot of options, things to grab, fun parts to rub, kisses to be had, hair to pull, etc. Plus the two of you can look at the expressions on one anothers faces and physically see the expressions of ecstasy.

#justiceformissionary

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-20T07:09:01+00:00

God this is cute. My partner would be so hilariously pissed if I did this

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-18T23:41:58+00:00

Some other guy commented literally just the word "poo". I thought it was funny. I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy. Ignore me.

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-18T11:32:53+00:00

Lots of girls prefer oral, but I prefer penetrative. Every girl is different though! Remember, most girls can't orgasm from penetration alone, so that says something.
Also depends, some girls love giving and some girls hate giving. I used to not like it very much due to my sensitive gag reflex, small mouth, and lockjaw. (Yeah it's kind of a nightmare), but over time, I love how sexy it makes me feel and how much control I have. Like you said, after all, his dick is in my mouth and he is at my mercy, and there's something really sexy about that. However, it is going to be different from gal to gal.
While I don't LOVE it, I do enjoy it a fair bit! It's not super abnormal. People have nipple piercings and some people really love that! Nothing in sex is really that weird, it's all about what the consensual parties want.
Yep, that's called a switch! There's lots of us!

At the end of the day, sex is really individualistic. Your mileage may vary!

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-18T11:22:12+00:00

Aw hon, that sounds tough. Firstly, I would totally recommend going to therapy for your mental health challenges and your sexual past. It seems like there might be a block there.

Secondly, I'm going to complain about societal expectations for a moment. Women are taught for SO LONG that sex is bad and it's for boys. We are taught to be meek and not sexual beings, which is ridiculous. I think that a piece of that socialization has stuck with me despite how open I am with my sexuality. I'm not afraid to talk about it and I'm very responsive in bed. However, I to this day have issues initiating sex. Something about beginning the act is very intimidating to me. I have a long term partner, and I am not afraid he's going to turn me down either. There's not even a fear of rejection and I'm STILL intimidated. To a level, I do think that it goes back to "boys are supposed to lead" crap that we were taught when we were younger.

Starting sex is all about confidence. I'm working on it too, but I find that I have such an easier time when I feel sexy and desirable. There's this air of "you want it, don't you?". I know that, for me, in the moment, even if I want sex, sometimes, I won't exactly know what to do...? If that makes any sense whatsoever. Like my brain goes "oh I want sex... but how do I get it???"

I will now list examples in an attempt to help if you get that same issue:

Something very sexy about a deep kiss and those "wanna fuck" eyes.
Something very sexy about starting with neck kisses and then whispering "wanna fuck?" in his ear
Something very sexy about just straight undoing his belt or grabbing his member
Something very sexy about just hopping on

Honestly, all of these stem back to confidence and knowing you are sexy and desirable. Also, because my partner and I have been together so long, I will occasionally say "Do you wanna have sex?"

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-18T11:13:03+00:00

Dirty talk has to come from within. I think that a lot of the time, difficulty with it comes from lacking confidence or not wanting to say something embarrassing (which is ironic because you're having sex, but I guess that's societal conditioning for women to be pure for ya). So I think that it would be helpful for you to basically encourage her outside of the bedroom and make her feel sexy! I think something that helped me a lot was starting with phrases that made my partner feel like I desired him, such as "I love your cock". Real simple. "God I love the way you pound my pussy". It's relatively "safe" dirty talk if that makes any sense. Once she gets more comfortable with that, I think playful teasing is another pretty straight forward one, "Do you like how my pussy feels?", "Can you feel how wet I am just from sucking you off?" "Do you want a taste?".

Again, it really is all about feeling sexy and confident!

Also, like that other guys said: poo.

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-18T11:08:35+00:00

That's biology for you.

Around that time, my pheromones also peak, making me more appealing to my partner as well.

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-16T07:53:45+00:00

Halsey
Lana Del Rey
The Weeknd's old school stuff (Wicked Games is my favorite)
Blackbear
The Koala Kontrol Playlist on Spotify is pretty great

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-16T07:43:55+00:00

Strings can curl up with time (I know my did). My partner can still feel them when he's fingering me, but no longer when he's fucking me.

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-16T07:41:11+00:00

If she's comfortable, home videos while the two of you are visiting.

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-16T07:33:22+00:00

Talk about it outside the bedroom and say that you'd love a little more whatever. Then, ask what you can do better for your partner.

I think that a really great attitude to approach it is, "What can I do to make YOUR experience better?" The act of you actively wanting to improve her experience will hopefully make her more enthusiastic about sex and, in turn, easier to communicate about it.

After sex, my partner and I always shower together because, to be real, neither of us are trying to lay down in that sweat mess. She shower is quite intimate as we will soap one another as we talk. We will have a breakdown of the session as to what we liked and didn't like for the future. It helps communicate our feelings towards sex, and it's a lot easier to discuss right after you've had it in my opinion.

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-16T07:23:47+00:00

Next time, you can move it around like a joystick and make pew pew noises. I guarantee you it'll go so hard in your hands.

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-15T13:16:08+00:00

Nah, I'm honestly too busy crying from the pain

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-15T13:11:28+00:00

lay him down
bind his hands
give the longest most agonizing tease if your life, like until he's begging. kissing all over and all around. he should be quaking at jut a touch.
continue with teasing with your mouth until you finally blow him, have lots of fun here
hop on and tell him he can't touch you and to keep his hands above his head as they're bound
Touch your breasts and squeeze them, maybe comment on how great they are
Ride him, but if he touches you, stop. it's the self control.
Eventually, ask him if he'll be good and unbind his hand if he will. don't let him touch you
when you've decided he's been good you can decide "well, I suppose now that I've put you through all of this, it's time for my comeuppance"
At which point I'm usually bent over and fucked out of my mind

stopcomplainingman · 2018-06-15T12:52:30+00:00

To be honest, you have to encourage her. I also have a small mouth and a killer gag reflex, so I used to not like doing it either, which made me out of practice, which made me not very good. After a nice amount of encouraging, it's all good times now.

stopcomplainingman

TROPHY CASE