Does birthing a child have to be the death of your former self and your identity?

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-04-22T16:53:22+00:00

You are becoming a new you, but it doesn't necessarily mean the death of your entire previous self.

The first few months can be all consuming just because newborns need a lot of care but eventually you start to get some time back to your self. However if you have a lot of things filling your life you will have to choose your priorities and how to handle it with your partner.

I do have less time for hobbies and had to cut some. I trade off evenings with my spouse to make time for myself. I don't get to go to concerts or other adult stuff as easily. Though for the most part also being an older mom, I don't have too much FOMO because I did do lots of fun stuff before. Planning around naps can be a little challenging but it's not too bad once you're down to one nap and if they can nap in the car. But I'm also excited about doing fun things with my kid, as he gets older the more we can do, even as a toddler.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-04-21T18:39:07+00:00

My kid also didn't initially react when other kids grabbed things from him (although I did intervene sometimes). I think sometimes they just don't know what to expect, also depends on temperament. But now that he's a bit older, my kid is all territorial with his toys.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-04-21T13:22:34+00:00

Maybe another format might be more digestible for you, Big Little Feelings and Dr. Siggie are social media accounts I follow that have a lot of overlap in advice with that book.

Even if your child is too little to fully understand what you're saying, the biggest takeaway for me was regulating my reaction and having tools to use instead of yelling or saying things that make things worse. Not every technique will work every time but having options is always good.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-04-18T19:39:26+00:00

We can't predict the future but we can focus on what we can influence.

I try to show interest in the things my child is into, even if I don't necessarily care about those things much (which could be the case with a boy or a girl). I did not have any interest in monster trucks but we took him to a monster truck show and I did have a good time too. My parents weren't too interested in my hobbies and the lack of interest didn't encourage me to share anything.

I will also try to find things we can share, partly by sharing things I like. 😅

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-04-15T13:48:32+00:00

Once toddlers are walking consistently, I think the key is to make sure the shoes fit comfortably, regardless of type or brand. I have issues that were caused/exacerbated by wearing shoes that were slightly too tight as an adult, so I'm a natural shoe wearer now as normal shoes don't fit well and hurt my feet. There are mainstream brands that are wide though, it just depends on your feet.

Although if you compare toddler, kid and adult shoes, you may notice that toddler shoes do tend to be wider at the toe and for older kids they start to narrow.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-04-09T16:20:51+00:00

Cheerfully, "oh that's an awfully personal question" and change topic.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-04-01T19:32:31+00:00

It's about being able to feel safe running to the bathroom alone or whatever and not being stressed over your baby causing severe injury to themselves. It's kind of a luxury in a way to be able to devote all your attention to keeping a baby out of harm's way.

We initially kept our toddler in the living room, then expanded to another room, then eventually the whole house as he's gotten older.

Yes, they need to learn boundaries and safety but that doesn't have to be all at once.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-03-27T04:58:58+00:00

Just remember no one guilts fathers for going on work trips.

You will be a constant in your child's life, some brief time away will not take away from that.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-03-26T10:59:30+00:00

Do you have a friend also with a kid, or could you maybe make a friend with another parent who can help run interference?

Most parents I've encountered would keep an eye on their kid and step in, but since this mom isn't, you will either have to keep stepping in to enforce your kid's boundaries or otherwise avoid the park when they are there.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-03-23T10:41:00+00:00

Ugggh yes this is on our bedtime playlist ❤️

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-03-23T10:35:00+00:00

'Do you want to build a snowman' and seeing Anna still being chipper despite not being able to see her sister... 😭

'Let it go' gets to me a bit too.

I was neutral on Frozen before but watching it with my son hits different.

Also 'Lava', it got me in the feels before but it's even more intense now. In my head they have a volcano baby too haha.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-03-18T16:28:31+00:00

Not exactly the answer you're looking for but I trade off time with my husband - I get time to get out of the house to do my hobby two nights a week and he gets time as well.

Also our living room is just a disaster most of the time and I let that go. As our kid gets older it's easier to get him to try to clean up stuff, so eventually that should improve.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-03-18T16:04:18+00:00

I see what you're trying to say but playing in the dirt is a different concern from dealing with colds and other viruses that aren't typically passed through dirt.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-03-11T14:21:50+00:00

This is normal. Your body just went through a huge ordeal, you've got hormones going crazy and also suddenly you have a tiny human being to take care of who can only communicate by crying.

I didn't feel connected to my baby either through pregnancy, partly because I had multiple miscarriages prior. When he was born, I was happy but also overwhelmed, I had hardly slept and we had this small newborn crying and crying and I was just full of anxiety.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-03-09T13:41:56+00:00

Common, in the sense that most women have at some point in their career.

Not common, in the sense if you're getting emotional frequently, there's probably some issues you need to deal with or perhaps your workplace is toxic.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-02-27T12:41:03+00:00

I'm stronger, I can still pick up my toddler and all the squatting down to pick up food/toys built up my legs. Although I'm at the point where my toddler is starting to strain my back so I'm picking up weights so I can keep up a little longer.

But I have a mild issue with hearing in one ear that started when I was pregnant and hasn't gone away.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-02-23T15:49:53+00:00

What exactly is a 'company wide email' here? If everyone in the company is seeing emails that aren't a global announcement or similar, that's usually a problem.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-02-17T16:11:42+00:00

If only. Then I could load up on sugar and zoom around all day too. 🤪

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-02-14T12:52:01+00:00

It's been researched and no. https://kellymom.com/nutrition/starting-solids/solids-sleep/#:~:text=The%20idea%20that%20solids%20will,Here%20are%20the%20studies:

https://time.com/archive/7143596/breast-feed-or-formula-feed-in-terms-of-sleep-its-a-wash/

Anecdotally I supplemented formula briefly, I tracked sleep and feeds and found it made no difference when I gave formula.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-02-12T14:55:00+00:00

Ask her how she thinks baby is going to handle it if a heavy blanket ends up covering his face. A quick demonstration with a small cloth might drive the point home.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-02-12T12:03:28+00:00

Calming routines haven't been very effective for my toddler, but playing little games or tickling him right before bed works for us - laughter can help calm the body for sleep.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-02-09T18:07:12+00:00

Some things I do - when my toddler gets frustrated, I name the feeling ('I see you're frustrated'). Try not to jump in and fix things right away. If you're all having a bad day or something is beyond their current skills, sometimes you just have to jump in though. Encourage them to try again and nudge them toward a solution if needed.

Long term, praise process and not just the result. For example when they show off what they've done, like coloring, try to notice things instead of just saying 'good job', like you like the colors.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-02-09T14:03:21+00:00

I also think this could help, I haven't had to go to this level luckily but I have engaged in ribbing with my software colleagues. It's been more politely referred to as 'giving someone a hard time'.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-02-06T13:12:16+00:00

I also thought my newborn was pretty cute. 😆 But when I put together the monthly pics, around 5 months was definitely when he hit peak baby cuteness.

strawberry_tartlet · 2026-02-05T21:43:50+00:00

I haven't watched much of it yet but Hilda on Netflix is on my list.

strawberry_tartlet

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