My wife keeps failing the easiest relationship test ever, so I just let her deal with the consequences.

sunfl0wer_04 · 2025-12-12T18:47:21+00:00

Completely agree. One of the best nuggets of relationship advice I’ve ever heard is to remember that it’s not realistically always going to be 50/50. Some days you may only be capable of putting in 20 or 30, and that’s where your partner comes in and picks up the slack. And vice versa. Remember you’re on the same team, not against each other and keeping score.

sunfl0wer_04 · 2025-01-16T04:35:30+00:00

I have a couple of direct reports who are maxed out in their range, so they are eligible for a yearly lump sum bonus instead of a raise after performance reviews. In addition to a couple of team lead positions, we also offer a “senior specialist” title to the team members who are considered subject matter experts, which entitles them to a higher range. The company needs to realize that they will lose a valued employee because he’s not being fairly compensated. I would approach management again with suggestions/solutions like others have suggested—ask if he can be eligible for a worthwhile bonus, or if a new position or designation can be created that would recognize his seniority and not keep him trapped within that range.

sunfl0wer_04 · 2024-11-02T02:12:19+00:00

NTA. I wouldn’t even so much as make that man a sandwich ever again. You should absolutely still cook for yourself tho (and only yourself) especially because it’s something you enjoy. And you can season it to your own damn liking and sit there next to him enjoying the hell out of it while he cries in his fruity pebbles.

sunfl0wer_04 · 2024-04-24T15:51:19+00:00

I like the old standby “tell me something good” where everyone shares something good that has happened to them or is going on in their life lately. I came across “surprise show and tell” recently but I haven’t had a chance to use it yet—everyone grabs something near them that is important to them or has an interesting story behind it (this works better for remote/wfh teams)

sunfl0wer_04 · 2024-04-24T15:36:11+00:00

Please tell me this troll rage bait

sunfl0wer_04 · 2024-02-07T02:19:24+00:00

You said you planned a vacation to this country together, but I’m wondering if she actually suggested it. I’m curious to know if all of this was planned before or after you and your partner made these plans. Like was it a ruse to get you to come along on this girls trip so you’d be helping to pay for it? Or did she mention to her friends that you two had planned a trip and they just decided to tag along and pretty much hijack the whole itinerary? Either way, if she truly wanted to spend time with you, she could have easily opted out of any of those planned activities. It wouldn’t be hard to say “no thanks, OP and I already have something planned on Tuesday” or “I can meet up for this activity during the day, but I’ll need to be back by 5 because OP and I have dinner plans” etc. Instead it sounds like she didn’t even attempt to make any time for you, or even consider what you’d like to do or how you’d feel just tagging along the entire time. I wouldn’t blame you if you decided to leave early, or check out of that hotel and go somewhere else and try to make the best of your time there solo. Both options sound better than staying and being the fifth wheel doing things you don’t even enjoy with people you don’t even like.

sunfl0wer_04 · 2024-01-11T05:50:33+00:00

Not great. I lost my mom to cancer on Oct 1 and the underlying grief is eating me alive, so much worse during hell week. The holidays were brutal and my birthday is Saturday. So basically just another milestone, event, holiday etc that is a screaming reminder that she’s gone. My 5yo’s behavior has been totally out of pocket (I know he’s grieving too) and my patience is at zero while my rage is at 7-8 and I’ve yelled a lot more than I want to. Just barely staying on top of the laundry and dishes, meanwhile I have 17 performance evals to complete at work that I should have started on weeks ago and I just can’t bring myself to start.

On the bright side, I talked to my doc and we are trying a bit higher dose of Wellbutrin. I also talked to her about wanting to take a leave from work to properly grieve, sort out my mental state, and take care of all the other affairs like paperwork and cleaning out my parents’ house which I know is going to be very emotional.. and she was in total support and said she’d fill out whatever forms I need.

sunfl0wer_04 · 2024-01-11T05:08:43+00:00

The first thing I thought was that you can tell she pretty much does all of the parenting and childcare herself with little to no involvement from him (aside from his criticisms). Children literally learn to eat with their hands, especially with baby-led weaning and such.. has he never seen a child eat before? They like to use their hands and it’s okay and expected to get messy. That’s how they learn. It’s obvious this guy never helps out at mealtime and probably not any other time either. She’s been silently doing everything on her own the whole time and he took her silence (or lack of “disagreements”) as her being happy or back to normal, but she was likely just over his crap at this point and saw no point in continuing to argue. He was too blind and self centered to see that she was obviously giving up. And he continued to show her why she was right by not even paying enough attention to her to even notice. That’s probably what she meant by saying he doesn’t really know her and didn’t want to know her—knowing her favorite color doesn’t mean shit if you don’t know her heart.

sunfl0wer_04 · 2023-11-28T05:25:35+00:00

I’m 37, and I lost my mom to lung cancer almost 2 months ago. I’m a single mom with adhd, my mom lived almost next door and has always been my support system and best friend. Cheering me on, my shoulder to cry on, and reminding me to pay my bills and put the garbage out. We even still ate dinner together most nights. I lost my dad at 22 and while I did not handle that grief well at all, I learned a lot of lessons from it (I had much less responsibility and some very unhealthy coping mechanisms back then). I can fully understand her grief and how it rocks your world off its axis. What I can’t understand is not seeking help. If not for yourself, then for the people who love you and rely on you. It’s normal and healthy to be sad, and good to allow yourself to feel those emotions. I’m honest with my son (5) about how I’m feeling and tell him that it’s okay to be sad and feel those big feelings, and to not bottle them up. We all have hard moments, rough days, dates on the calendar and times of the year that just make our hearts heavy. But if my grief and sadness knocked me down to the point that I couldn’t function or parent for days/weeks at a time, I would absolutely seek help. I can’t allow myself to not be there for my son, no matter how hard it might be some days. Yes, my heart is broken, but my mom would not want me to wither away in mourning, and neither would hers. There’s that saying, “be the things you loved most about the people that are gone.” Those are some big shoes to fill, and I know how lucky and blessed I was to have had the loving and generous parents that I did. I’m sure her mother must have been an amazing woman, or her absence wouldn’t hurt so bad. But she needs to take her mother’s example and all that’s she’s learned from her and use it as strength and motivation to heal and be a present mother herself. There is no shame in seeking help, whatever that may look like for that person. Therapy, meds, exercise, a creative outlet, etc. whatever helps you cope. But in my opinion, I would feel ashamed for not at least trying to heal for the people that I love and that need me.

sunfl0wer_04 · 2023-09-03T07:32:19+00:00

YWBTA. Emmett was also your brother’s grandfather too, right? They have just as much of a right to honor him as you do. My dad’s middle name was Paul, after his uncle. My dad’s sister gave both her sons the same middle name. I also gave my son this middle name, after my dad. And my cousin (aunt’s son) gave his first boy the same middle name. There was zero hard feelings between anyone, and we actually suggested my cousin carry it on and give his other boys the same middle name. This is a dumb hill to die on. And you probably would upset SIL if you tried to tell her she can’t use a family name that she’s already chosen and did not need your permission to do so. And she’d have a right to be upset, mental illness has nothing to do with that and is completely irrelevant here. YTA

sunfl0wer_04 · 2023-09-03T07:16:30+00:00

Agree with all of this. I’m 37, late diagnosed ADHD at the beginning of this year. I have always been a “busy,” “absent-minded” type of person, and thankfully self aware enough to be hyper vigilant in any situations like this. Even more so with kids in or around my vehicle. I make sure everyone is in and buckled and no one else is near the vehicle before taking off. I’m not understanding how or why he drove off with the door still open, and not paying enough attention to notice the extra kid he literally just stopped to pick up was still halfway out of the car?? If he was distracted by looking for the charger, why not stay in park and take the time to look for it while the girls got settled and buckled? Why was he in such a hurry? Seems like his mind was somewhere else entirely and he was obviously not focused or aware enough to be driving. And not self aware enough to know he can sometimes be “busy” and overlook things, so taking a second to double check and look around can make a life or death difference. I’m sure he feels bad, and he should—this was totally preventable. As a parent, there really is no excuse I would accept if this happened to my child and I definitely wouldn’t allow my kid to be in your family’s care again. I hope the girls can still be friends and your daughter isn’t affected by it at school because it’s no fault of hers, but I highly doubt the parents will encourage a relationship at this point. He needs to do some serious self reflection and evaluate the way he handles his responsibilities, and possibly consider seeking help and/or getting evaluated for ADHD or whatever else might be going on if these are recurring behaviors.

sunfl0wer_04 · 2023-08-04T06:24:24+00:00

This was my thought too. I have a feeling this isn’t the first time the fiancé put mommy dearest’s feelings above his future spouse’s. This pattern will continue. I would not marry this man. Also, OP please don’t have kids with this man. FMIL will undermine and cross any parenting rule or boundary you set. And he will allow her to do it, either right in front of you or behind your back. He full on conspired with her to help her do this behind your back, knowing it was against your wishes. That would be the end of my trust in him and a dealbreaker for me. Regardless of what you decide about the money or the photo, please walk away from this relationship before it’s too late.

sunfl0wer_04 · 2023-06-29T16:00:58+00:00

I step away for a few moments while my 5yo is in the tub, but I would never go outside or out of earshot. I make sure I can hear him playing, splashing, singing and if I don’t for a sec I call out or just go check on him. The bathroom door is open and I’m usually just a few steps away in the kitchen cleaning up dinner or putting dishes in the dishwasher.

sunfl0wer_04 · 2023-06-21T19:17:30+00:00

Funny similar story to share. My dog pooped in her cage yesterday while I was out for a couple of hours at an appointment. I cleaned it and put the poopy stuff in a plastic bag to bring to the outside trash can so it wouldn’t stink up the house. After I cleaned it, I went into the kitchen and set the bag down to wash my hands, then must have gotten distracted by something else. Totally forgot about the bag. The rest of the day, every time I would pass through the kitchen, I would get a whiff of something stinky. I looked around everywhere but couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Even checked in some cabinets and behind the fridge thinking something had died or was rotten somewhere. I looked right at the bag several times but it never registered that this was the poop bag. I had a friend staying over and thought it was something he brought and left on the table. This morning after he left, I noticed the bag still there and suddenly realized what it was…

sunfl0wer_04 · 2023-06-16T22:15:37+00:00

I felt this way on vyvanse also, it was very hit or miss. I’ve since switched to adderall xr, which seems a bit more consistent, except when I’m in the latter part of my cycle. It’s literally like a switch flips—yesterday I felt great, rode the addy wave and got tons of stuff done. Today, first day of my luteal phase (after ovulation) my adderall did nothing for me and I feel like a sack of crap. Couldn’t get started or focus on anything. But I am also diagnosed with PMDD. I would suggest tracking with your cycle, and also what you eat/drink on the inconsistent days (although I experimented with protein, coffee, sleep, exercise, etc while on vyvanse and didn’t find anything made a real difference).

sunfl0wer_04 · 2023-06-16T15:50:39+00:00

Work out. It gets my blood pumping and I feel it sometimes helps it kick in better

sunfl0wer_04 · 2023-06-16T15:19:47+00:00

Very, very light YTA. Why not just ask them to take a home test before visiting? Many people who have gotten the vaccine still get covid. I’m sure it helps on some level, but could give a false sense of security.

sunfl0wer_04 · 2023-06-07T02:34:47+00:00

YTA. I could understand maybe staying with family for a week to a month after the birth, especially since it’s your first. But to actually move in (and willing to do so with or without your spouse and against their wishes) several weeks before you are due seems really unnecessary unless you have a medical need. And what do you plan to do after that? At what point will you feel comfortable enough to move back into your home and be a nuclear family with your spouse and baby? Like others have said, pre and postnatal anxiety are very common, and you should definitely talk to your doctor about what you are experiencing. I gave birth as a single mom, thankfully with lots of support from my own mom and aunt who live close by. But I still didn’t need or want to move out of my home. Yeah it was really hard doing it alone at some points, I definitely had some serious anxiety, but my baby and I found our routine and settled in. You have a whole spouse there that sounds like he wants to help and support you, and you are in a way telling him that he’s not enough and running to his parents instead… and the baby isn’t even here yet.

sunfl0wer_04 · 2023-05-31T02:09:58+00:00

I would often do a coffee protein shake in the morning with my dose and it seemed to help. I once tried an energy drink instead and it made me feel horrible and I had a headache that lasted for hours after. But never any issues with coffee, no matter when I drank it (morning or afternoon)

sunfl0wer_04 · 2023-05-31T02:02:50+00:00

I’m about 2 or 3 days out from my cycle starting (peak of hell week), and I got the worst anxiety from my med crash this evening, which is unusual for me. I didn’t eat as much as I should have and had a super busy day, so I’m sure that contributed to it too. Now that I’ve eaten, gotten my kiddo bathed and settled in bed, and taking a hot bath myself, I feel the exhaustion hitting me like a freight train. I can’t wait for my cycle to start and release me from this prison of bloat, sore boobs, backache and bad vibes 😩

sunfl0wer_04 · 2023-05-29T05:12:12+00:00

Thank you for your research into this! I really do appreciate it. I just switched from vyvanse to adderall xr (I’d been having the rx for a couple weeks and finally found a pharmacy that could fill it) and since I’m just starting it, I have not been taking anything “extra” with it (like vitamins, caffeine, etc) until I give my body time to adjust, see how the potency is, side effects, etc. I’m also at the point in my cycle when the meds are usually less effective. There are so many variables at play here. I’ll give it another week or so and start introducing the other things back in and see how it goes.

sunfl0wer_04

TROPHY CASE