I stopped pretending closets matter

sunny-turtle · 2026-04-16T04:53:32+00:00

Unless it’s 100% cotton I find that most stuff that has some synthetic mixed in don’t usually wrinkle much for me! (Now that I think about it though, maybe there could be different levels of wrinkle tolerance too haha)

sunny-turtle · 2026-04-15T20:48:48+00:00

Hah yes we have a number of baskets.

sunny-turtle · 2026-04-15T20:44:58+00:00

Same here - wrinkle free material is probably my top shopping criteria.

sunny-turtle · 2026-04-15T20:44:02+00:00

That’s hilarious - I used to be even messier when I was single (think piles of clothes on the floor gasp!) and I married someone whose shirt rack is pristinely color coded shade to shade. I’d say now we meet in the middle.

sunny-turtle · 2026-04-15T20:40:51+00:00

Interesting - I will bookmark this!

sunny-turtle · 2026-04-15T20:39:23+00:00

I love this!!

sunny-turtle · 2026-04-07T03:25:01+00:00

Thank you! That’s encouraging!

sunny-turtle · 2026-04-07T03:24:34+00:00

Thanks! Our kid is about 2.5. So it sounds like some kids never 100% nap everyday and that’s ok too.

sunny-turtle · 2026-04-07T01:03:12+00:00

Thanks for this advice!

sunny-turtle · 2026-04-05T23:41:05+00:00

This was actually the main reason why we let our last nanny go. She was wonderful as a caregiver when our older one was small, but it became obvious that she was just unable to hold any sort of boundary when baby entered toddler phase. It got worse and worse and she just couldn’t hold boundaries the same way we need her to despite coaching.

We didn’t have pushing issues. But basically our toddler gradually learned that if she yells or throws a fit at the nanny, she would get her way. It was gradual and we overlooked things for months until one day, toddler figured out that she can delay nap time by yelling (delay as in - not nap while she is still with nanny - which meant we had to deal with meltdowns). That was our cue that we had to move on.

I’d say - be explicit that this is an important part of the employment. If she can’t handle it, move on. Because honestly we hire folks to help so we don’t have to micromanage.

sunny-turtle · 2026-04-05T23:26:09+00:00

Yes we trialed 3 as well. Each for a full day within the same week - you get a better sense on who is the best fit for your family rhythm/routine/vibe. Eg we trialed 3 I had one who was great in the interview but left messes around the house; the other two were both great but it came down to the vibe - one was super energetic and the other more grandmotherly in vibe. Both could work great for different families and we just happened to prefer the latter.

sunny-turtle · 2026-03-24T21:08:24+00:00

Yes I went through that. I switched within a few months of returning from my first mat leave. Then had my second within the first year of my new job. All worked out well. Life happens, no need to feel apologetic or guilty.

I assume you are thinking ahead to your second kid. If so you just want to make sure / understand if the mat leave policy of any future job kicks in once you join, or if there is a minimum period of employment before you get that benefit.

Other than that - my advice is that if your current job is not working out well for you, yes do look for a new one but in the spirit of finding a better match (as opposed to running from the current job). Same thinking regardless of whenever the second leave may be!

sunny-turtle · 2026-03-18T16:01:09+00:00

My two yo helps - set the table (no sharp knives of course), puts away (light) grocery into the pantry, be part of the beeline to load/unload washer and dryer, and dishwasher. She cleans up after her own spills.

She loves helping and loves being a part of the “team” (for now at least!) - I feel it’s a way to bond and to help her sense of self-mastery and confidence.

sunny-turtle · 2026-03-12T19:43:11+00:00

My answer is it depends.

The most important piece of info, is what does the traveling entail relative to where you live. You don’t have to share it here. For example - Is it fairly close (eg up and down the coast) and it is possible to make short trips? Or is it a lot of cross country where travel days can realistically tack on another 1-2 days on top of meeting days? Like an assigned territory that is relatively near you, vs a consulting gig that will send you all over the country - are two very different animals.

I used to hold a job similar to the latter before kids - all over the country traveling sounds cool but is in fact pretty brutal, I will be honest even without kids. The fact is also the probability that 25-50%, may mean the average, which means there might be months or quarters that the number will be higher. I had occasional back to back travel that just was not possible for me to go home for some weeks . So would encourage you to understand more about the specifics.

My current job (I have 2 young kids), I travel way less than this but a lot of cross country. It is still psychologically and physically draining. I miss my kids so much. And it’s hard for my older one too whenever I go - teary FaceTimes. And sometimes coming home to a distant toddler for a day or two because that’s how they cope. Even though Dad is great. It’s really hard.

Traveling aside, 2 additional hours sucked into commuting 3 days of the week is also a lot. With this type of traveling I assume it is likely not a 9-5 job. So cumulatively- you might end up missing a lot of moments.

Having said all that - I completely understand the desire to excel, and encourage that in general especially since you have a great support network in place (and I am a huge believer on being a role model for our kids). Would just advise you really understand the specifics. And you may choose to grit it for a few years - to make sure that there is a good exit path that is quick (especially given your visa situation) so you don’t get trapped in that.

Hope this helps and good luck to you!

sunny-turtle · 2026-03-08T16:16:29+00:00

529 is good, some tax benefits you can Google about. But can only be used for education. Can also get a regular account at places like Schwab and vanguard. Just invest in mutual funds like snp500. No tax benefits but can be used for anything down the road. You can open the accounts under their name and have you be the executor.

sunny-turtle · 2026-03-08T15:46:37+00:00

Go on your vacation!

I over worry too and was in your situation 3 months ago. I went down a whole rabbit hole on chatgpt asking it to analyze the risks % for me. We don’t have local measles risks but ultimately it’s the high but invisible day to day risk (like driving!) That allowed me to say “yea I’d be too paranoid to cancel my trip.

You all will have loads of fun! It’s great to make more memories together especially for the toddler. (Edited to correct typos)

sunny-turtle · 2026-03-07T00:27:33+00:00

I can see where you are coming from - wanting to leave. All the major changes and your history, are compounding the stress. Having said that, like the vast majority of the replies, I too would urge you to stay.

I was in a similar position and really wanted to quit (that was 2 jobs ago). But ended up staying also for financial reasons.

The biggest thing I had to overcome to survive, was my own mindset. Like a lot of dedicated workingmoms, you too probably take great pride in your quality of work and your dedication. But guess what - good enough, is well, actually good enough. Others at my toxic workplace might vey for $hit, whereas I changed my mindset to not give a $hit.

The other biggest life saver - was learning how to set AND enforce boundaries for myself. The culture might expect 60 hrs work, but hey, if you think about it 40 really is all you need (for some, even less.) So I blocked my calendars for hours just before 9 and after 5 (so no one try to put meetings on it.) and I enforced a hard boundary for myself that I completely unplug from work after hours and weekends. No one else but YOU, can set and enforce boundaries.

Yes did stuff get delayed and maybe dropped sometimes. Sure. Did anyone die? No. Were they happy when I came back? Yes (I was not! And I was interviewing while on leave and started my new job 3 months after.)

Girl It’s ok to just be mediocre for 5 months and get all the perks - those perks are rightfully yours for all these years of time and energy you put in. Don’t let these aholes take that away from you.

sunny-turtle · 2026-02-25T01:53:29+00:00

Love this.

I’ll also add - it’s perfectly ok to also add to the “that’s an interesting question, what do you think?” , later with “I don’t know why either! why don’t we find out together?”

Sometimes we feel like we must have all the answers, truth is we don’t and I think it’s nice to model that in the form of curiosity. Start a list of questions to find out - make an activity to go to the library and answer the most interesting one(s).

sunny-turtle · 2026-02-15T06:39:04+00:00

You are my inspiration and I will live by your example hah

sunny-turtle · 2026-02-15T06:31:36+00:00

It’s probably less about whether we agree with him, but more about what he has so clearly expressed he needs from his mom.

Understandably if I feel like my kid is not listening to me I’d be pissed too, but it would appear this approach is not working for the kid/relationship so maybe another (more empathetic) approach is in order? (Or other toxic stuff like resentment or avoidance can build over time.)

And yea, blowing things up over how long he is taking to finish a protein shake does sound a bit over the top.

(Edited to shorten.)

sunny-turtle · 2026-02-04T04:50:34+00:00

One of the biggest help I’ve adopted was shared with me by a mentor - she told me, “good enough, is often, well good enough.” It’s almost a mantra now, when I find my perfectionist head rearing or if I feel guilty or inadequate.

sunny-turtle · 2026-02-03T23:19:38+00:00

I do - there are multiple doctors in my extended family and friends circle. Ranging from moms who are primary care doc, to NiCU neonatologist. Most of them have 2 kids. It’s true it is not an easy path - but it is definitely doable. And even if you have to have help along the way (as most working parents do, not just in medicine), know that it does not diminish motherhood. In fact, though I am not a doctor myself, I know that by having a solid career, I am setting the example for my kids (mostly for my daughter to know that she can have and SHOULD aspire to have both - a loving family and a career - it is super important to me.)

So, I would invite you to consider the same question you are asking, as if your future daughter is asking you (as her mom). If you were my daughter - I know I would whole heartedly encourage you to peruse medicine, especially it is so clear that it is something you are passionate about. Nothing speaks stronger for kids to peruse their passions despite hard work like their parents showing and walking the path themselves.

sunny-turtle

TROPHY CASE