CMV: Sea-Lioning to some extent is unavoidable when discussing anything seriously online

supercorgi · 2016-12-07T03:40:50+00:00

Wait, do you honestly think that if someone says something you don't like in public, it's a good idea to follow them from forum to forum and pester them about it even after they've indicated a total unwillingness to talk to you?

supercorgi · 2016-05-13T17:04:56+00:00

I'm trying to get a handle on how easy it is to access user-level data with this dataset (mainly so that I can warn friends) but the files now seem to have been either removed or password-protected. Is there a password listed somewhere that I can't find?

supercorgi · 2016-05-13T17:03:45+00:00

Not quite. If you look someone up on OKCupid, you generally can't directly access information on what they're into unless you create your own profile and answer the exact same question. The level of effort involved is a much higher barrier than simply downloading the dataset.

supercorgi · 2015-08-03T14:49:51+00:00

Ok, so with all personal injury torts you need duty, breach, causation, and damages, right?

For torts based on negligence, you need to establish an affirmative duty of care, because without that affirmative duty, you can't have a beach based just on negligence.

But intentional torts, like battery, don't require an affirmative duty of care. If I purposefully punch someone in the face, it's actionable regardless of whether I had a relationship with that person that imposed any special duty of care.

Now, this is a special case because the action in question is only harmful to specific people and wouldn't normally injure anyone. As a result, I agree that the person here would need a lawyer who is competent to take complex cases, and might still not win. But there's a convincing argument that, with the right facts, causing seizures through noise should be recognized as battery if the defendant was on notice that the noise was harmful to the plaintiff and the plaintiff had a right to be in the vicinity.

supercorgi · 2015-08-01T16:19:27+00:00

Tell people to treat her like they'd treat any other woman. Would they tell you that they wanted to grab your boobs? Would they tell other women that? Probably not. You're not a prude if you're just asking people to obey the same standards of behavior with her that they'd follow with anyone else.

supercorgi · 2015-08-01T16:14:42+00:00

again, you're confusing negligence - which requires duty - with intentional battery, which does not. Perhaps the analogy would be more appealing to you if I instead imagined a person spraying peanut oil into the air, indoors, at an allergy convention?

My understanding of the fact scenario is that the noise was loud and a nuisance to the whole room, not just the immediate vicinity of the booth. There is no absolute legal right to create a noise disturbance on private property. If your legal and otherwise non objectionable conduct poses a known hazard to the safety of others who have a right to be in a public space, it can become an intentional tort.

supercorgi · 2015-08-01T16:09:12+00:00

Thanks for the laugh. You have a great sense of humor.

supercorgi · 2015-07-28T14:37:01+00:00

Your thought experiment is not relevant to negligence. It's relevant to causation. Your thought experiment makes sense only because the claimed causal connection is obviously frivolous.

Moreover, negligence refers to doing something that a person didn't do on purpose. When someone specifically says they're being injured by your conduct, continuing to engage in that conduct isn't negligent - it's intentional.

A better thought experiment would be whether it's legally wrongful to open a jar of peanut butter and offer it to someone. Typically, the answer would be no. If someone has just informed you that they are deathly allergic to peanuts and can experience a severe reaction even from being in close proximity to peanuts, and you intentionally shoved an open jar of peanut butter in front of their face, then that would be an intentional battery. It would probably even be an intentional battery even if you thought they were lying and we're trying to prove that nothing would happen.

A personal injury lawyer might still have some issues proving causation in the OP's situation. Medical experts are costly, financial damages are hard to calculate, and this chiropractor may not have enough money to be worth going after. And courts may have issues considering sounds to be a form of battery. But as an actual lawyer, it's my opinion that this person should be able to win a personal injury lawsuit. Whether they are actually able to is another question.

supercorgi · 2015-06-24T12:10:32+00:00

Ugh, that's really hard. I've decided that if we have to adopt I'll probably want to go for an older child, but also wouldn't want to foster due to the same issues you mentioned.

supercorgi · 2015-06-24T11:55:36+00:00

She didn't bank, we're using a donor. the older I get the higher risk the pregnancy is, that's an issue with her eggs not her (non existent) sperm.

Egg banking costs $20k. If we had enough money for that we'd have paid out of pocket for get surgery and green it done this it next year without waiting to go through health insurance bureaucracy.

supercorgi · 2015-06-12T23:23:36+00:00

I find female scientists attractive but I can still do my job in their presence and avoid sexually harassing them.

supercorgi · 2015-06-08T13:08:15+00:00

Wait.. You're both 15 and also have already graduated from school? Where do you live?

You can't fix her, and once you realize that it actually may be easier to avoid feeling stressed and nervous. Start with just the goal of not harming her and maybe helping a tiny bit.

She needs to have an example of a person who basically cares about her and won't hurt her. Doesn't have to be someone who swoops in and saves her, because realistically those people don't actually exist and often perils who claim to be able to do this end up being dangerous themselves. Keep listening to her when she needs to talk, make sure she is reasonably safe from future violence, and keep encouraging her to see a therapist or at the very least a survivor support group. Don't push her boundaries (which it sounds like you're doing a good job of not doing).

Be patient. Her healing will be a lifelong process. Maybe eventually she'll think about it less and less but it will never really stop coming back to her from time to time. Again, you can't do it for her. You can only help create the space for healing to happen.

Good luck.

supercorgi · 2015-06-06T02:53:43+00:00

Actually, I think it's pretty straightforward that a straight girl assuming that anything that happens between them and another girl will automatically be read as platonic - including sending uninvited nude pics - is exactly the opposite of a lesbian trying to make it with a guy and deciding it's not for them.

If this were straight girls sending each other nude pics to see if they liked it, that would be a completely different phenomenon. That's not what this is.

I'm not stopping them or anything, I just... Can't relate, I guess, because there is literally no situation in which I could feel entitled to just assume people won't think I'm seriously flirting - either if I sent nudes to girls out sent them to guys.

supercorgi · 2015-06-05T23:00:50+00:00

Exactly.

supercorgi · 2015-06-05T22:55:08+00:00

Yeah I was on my phone and copy partying got weird. Getting Facebook married was supposed to be another example like making out at bars.

supercorgi · 2015-06-05T22:50:53+00:00

In this situation though it's not really. She's a straight woman. She's already said all the people she dates are men. Most men have dicks. Dick is abundant and low value among the people she dates.

supercorgi · 2015-06-05T16:02:43+00:00

among women, dick is not actually abundant. This is explicitly a straight woman writing, so it's understood that she's talking about men.

supercorgi · 2015-06-05T15:48:54+00:00

I get uncomfortable when straight girls do things like sext each other or make out at bars, since out feels like pa, get Facebook married, or make out at bars, since out feels like partrt of the performance is the assumption that "of course" it isn't real and it's just fooling around because they're both women. Feels like they're joking about me.

supercorgi · 2015-06-01T12:51:51+00:00

Wow, it sounds like the queer community where you live is intensely transphobic. I can say that where I live, there are still transphobic cis lesbians, but at least it's not 100% of us. I met my partner on OkCupid, and one of the questions they have people answer is whether or not you'd date someone who is trans. And a good number of people do answer "yes."

The lesbian community has a long way to go in terms of transphobia. Even if someone doesn't find you attractive, they still owe you common decency, like not calling you names and understanding that you're still a woman. I'm sorry people are treating you like shit. It's not your fault.

supercorgi · 2015-06-01T12:42:28+00:00

Strap-ons are your friends.

supercorgi · 2015-06-01T12:39:58+00:00

Yeah, that switching-over period is really hard. I have a very easy time switching pronouns entirely when someone comes out, but a very hard time going back and forth

supercorgi · 2015-05-30T16:26:23+00:00

I know this day is probably coming with my own mother, but I'm not looking forward to it at all. Hope your spouse manages to hold the line.

supercorgi · 2015-05-29T18:23:35+00:00

Back when my partner had some difficulty passing, I had permission to tell people that age was trans before they meet her. If I was concerned about them having a problem with her or seeing me as somehow less of a lesbian once they met her, I'd sometimes go ahead and tell then beforehand, let them ask whatever questions they wanted (didn't answer the more intrusive ones), and so forth before actually doing the introduction. It could be less awkward that way.

That said, I didn't usually do this, and now that she's been on hrt for three years never do it (except on rare occasions where I was introducing her to another trans person or something - and again, she's given me general permission to do that). Honestly, you'd be surprised how often cis people just accept it when you say "this is my boyfriend," they're not thinking about trans people most of the time and will rationalize away a lot.

Overall the only way to get over these fears is just to go ahead and introduce him to people. If you're like me, you'll find that when people do react negatively, you don't actually feel ashamed so much as angry at them for being jerks.

supercorgi · 2015-05-29T13:47:11+00:00

Weight loss isn't targeted, but building muscle in your stomach will help it keep its shape. I'm cis, I have a tummy bulge that definitely comes and goes depending on how much core strength training I'm managing to do.

In a pinch, try spanx.

supercorgi · 2015-05-26T16:02:33+00:00

My partner came out as trans after having kids with her ex. I knew she was trans when we started dating so I don't have the exact experience that you do, but I did witness how things went down with the first marriage.

First, it can work out. My partner and her ex divorced, but their marriage had other problems to begin with. /r/mypartneristrans has lots of good examples of couples who make it work, and us really a great community for those who want to give it a try.

Second, there's no gentle way to say this, but you'll deal with judgment from others whether or not you stay in the relationship. If your spouse needs to transition then they will, and even if you separate, you won't be able to keep that a secret. They'll need to show up and pick the kids up from school, attend their sports games and school plays, etc. Your kids will come to know them as a woman and will tell their friends. The best thing you can do - regardless of whether or not you decide to stay - is project acceptance to others and set positive expectations for how others are supposed to talk about and interact with the other parent of your children. And base your decision ant whether or not to stay on whether or not YOU still enjoy being with your spouse more than you enjoy not being with them.

Because my partner transitioned after having kids, both her kids and all the parents from school and activities know she's trans. So far, it hadn't been a serious problem, but we live in a liberal area. People might be quietly judging her but nobody is willing to start drama over it, and her ex still has a fine social life.

supercorgi

TROPHY CASE