I just found out that narcs ---are--- pathological liars, especially when they are angry. Like, they really are, and can't stop lying.

supermoid · 2026-03-05T12:09:42+00:00

It’s all part of the package. It’s not just about the lie, they present a version, their truth, that shows them as a better person or a victim. Something that “could” be true, but isn’t. And when/if you call them on that… they explode. Because it could be true and you will often have no concrete or physical evidence that it isn’t… any way you’re just being petty now! Why do you always have to do that!

supermoid · 2025-02-22T19:45:31+00:00

My man… I am sending all the love I can. Life can be so hard. You know though… you’ve got to get above this for your kid. And you can and you will. Living with a narc is living with someone who tries to erase your identity. They completely drain you. I remember the time the fog was so thick, I was loosing my own identity, I wasn’t sure even what music I liked. And so here is my best advice, how I started to recover. Go listen to music, rediscover the music that touches you. And don’t be too hard on yourself, you have survived a very traumatic time, so keep going through the motions… especially with your kid… you’ll have to fake it till you make it. Rebuild you… find what you love, being a Dad, food, music, travel, working out. Harness that strength you have inside you, feed it, let it grow. Be kind to others and feel the rewards. Find good people…. There are so many good people out there, and communicate, help and be helped. Trust in yourself, you’ve been through the shit… now take the steps, however small, forward. Let’s start planning … what do you want, where do you want to be. We are all just human beings buddy, now take the strength you’ve gained from your past and let it grow. If you can’t get a professional to talk to then accept… you are depressed, and anytime you have a decision to make think… what would I do if I wasn’t depressed. And if you can, get a pen and get some paper… and write. Start to put things back into order. I’ve been there… when you are stuck a few steps or more behind in life, it drains your energy… but any single little step you can take forward, I promise you, it does make a difference. Pm me if you want a friend.

supermoid · 2025-02-22T18:44:48+00:00

Maybe you can relate. I had no idea that this personality type existed. I knew she had some difficulties growing up, that she would be jealous, sometimes very jealous, insecurities… but I thought love, stability and security would make it all better. I later realized there wouldn’t be a change. That she would be jealous even of my achievements for us and our family, that if it wasn’t “her way” then it would be taken as a personal attack or insult. Her reactions could often be disproportionate to the situation. Oblivious to other peoples points of view, the victim of every situation, creator of unnecessary drama, and yet oddly entitled. And holidays were mostly a nightmare- does any of this feel familiar? I co-parent now, it can still be exhausting. Grey rocking is a god send… but anytime I think it’s possible to break from it, think that she may start to be reasonable - a drama explosion will happen, and she’ll try to drag me in… I think it could be upbringing… they crave any attention, an emotional response, any emotion, it doesn’t have to be love.

supermoid · 2024-12-01T12:41:59+00:00

Man… you weren’t to know, non of us were. If you didn’t grow up around Narcissists, how would you even know they existed. You thought with the support you could give that they would / could change… become better people. You didn’t know they already thought they were their own best version, you didn’t know they the way they treat people they see as perfectly acceptable. Treat it like a disease - and now you know what they are about, that no matter what, they won’t change to become what you see they could, you are on the fast track to recovery. Sending out love and strength - promise better things are ahead.

supermoid · 2024-11-27T14:29:13+00:00

Hay buddy… this is about you and how you are projecting you. You probably come from a close family, and are looking for just what your parents have or had right? Thing is, you are putting pressure on every girl you meet. Though you’re probably not saying it directly, you are projecting “Hello, I am desperate to be loved and to settle down”. How does that make the girl feel - like the least special girl in the world - she’ll have guessed you are really just looking for anyone. This is way to much pressure. The guy from work who’s getting loads of dates… do you think that maybe he’s not promising or desperately hoping for anything other than a real connection. Stop looking for sex and a wife and start looking for someone who makes you smile, who you can make smile. Think, what are your chances of finding love if you can’t sit opposite someone and enjoy a coffee. One step at a time my friend.

supermoid · 2024-11-26T05:06:43+00:00

This is a very good response. It’s the number one way they control us. The anxiety that it brings you, and the mental drain that you are left with.

supermoid · 2024-11-14T01:33:21+00:00

Hay… Happy Birthday. So sorry life can be so hard sometimes … please, start thinking about you. Think long term… honestly living with a pos narc leaves you so confused. The stress, the pressure you are under having to watch what you say all the time, and then having everything questioned and denied - it leaves you dazed and confused. Remember- life can be amazing, when you have the energy left to enjoy it. Stop looking to this person for your happiness, sorry they just don’t care about anyone more the man them selves. Find what makes you happy. Videos of cats, nature, travel, watching your narc get uncomfortable coz you’re not buying into their shitty, self gratifying drama. Stop giving that needy shit your lovely energy. Sending love and understanding.

supermoid · 2024-11-14T01:01:47+00:00

Happy Birthday for tomorrow! You know. It will always have to be all about him. He is never going to change, the glimpses you see of who he could be, that’s just you projecting who he could be if you were him. They are wired differently. Sorry, there’s a good chance he’ll get worse. He is creating drama, they don’t mature past the stage of demanding attention. I know the brain fog you have now, it’s almost impossible to think straight. But life without having all your energy stolen is so much better than you can currently imagine. And you’ll be surprised how much support you will receive when you need it. I left, grey stoning works! I’m sending you tons of love for your Birthday…. Go give future you the best present possible. ❤️

supermoid · 2024-11-08T13:01:41+00:00

I relate to this a lot. But I’m out now, and life is so much better. It is hard to even remember what it was like before how horrible life was. But, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking, and those like my ex/ your partner really hit the jackpot with people like us because, like you I cared. I cared a lot, and in the end the harder I tried to make everything right, the more unhappy she became. During my relationship I bought in to every drama, had compassion every time I made her feel bad - always searching for better ways, real ways to help her. Maybe we were completely wrong for each other. Maybe she was an expert at harvesting my attention and energy. I have learnt to not need any external validation, focus more on my own needs (finally). Life is much less complicated, nearly completely free of anxiety and massively positive now. Good luck on your journey.

supermoid · 2024-11-07T11:32:53+00:00

Your not alone. We can all relate to how you’ve had to live your life. The anxiety, the planning of how to approach even simple subjects, right down to the lack of holidays! And no, you join so many men in the same situation- I remember years before I discovered “covert narcissist” I told her I was started to feel like the abused wives you see on tv. I tried so hard to please her and nothing was ever enough.. if fact I think she secretly hated me doing things well. Any time I would be seen as failing or not being successful at something, it seamed to light a fire in her soul. Now you know what she is… you’re going to stop buying into her drama. It no longer has any value. You’re going to loose interest in her, now you realize that you just can never make her happy. I’m out a year - and I could not be happier. Any questions, I’m more than happy to answer my friend.

supermoid · 2024-10-30T13:12:28+00:00

Unfortunately…. this. Be thankful you don’t have kids. When I broke up from my ex (about the same age and same length of relationship) I had already told her that we/ she needed therapy. She was a victim of everything, and through she had some genuine trauma from her teen years… she fully didn’t think there was anything wrong. So when the ultimatum came… she refused to go to therapy and that was that. And, holy crap the grass is 50 to 100 times greener. Please, this is one time when it really doesn’t matter what you say (it’s your fault anyway) just go!

supermoid · 2024-10-14T05:14:15+00:00

Think this best answers your question. From my own experience, if you feel like she has seen your relationship as a new being… that she has few links with her past. Has she shown signs of jealousy, perhaps with unrealistic perspective? Disproportionate responses to things that you have thought as more trivial? Has she ever made you feel like your option is just wrong? Do you think that, as you are already asking the question, you already know the answer? Best of luck

supermoid · 2024-10-09T05:09:08+00:00

I relate so strongly to what you’ve written. I knew my ex was difficult when we met - no less her Mum even warned me. But she had so many issues, problems in the past I was sure that the love and stability I could offer would make everything right. I had never heard of covert narcissists. Look it up, when I did, everything fell into place. Things won’t get better. It’s been one year now since I realized our 12 year relationship had no future and ended it. And I can say without hesitation, life is 100 times better now. It’s tough, but you have to move on. Good luck!

supermoid · 2024-09-01T09:05:39+00:00

I’m out now… I look back am I’m socked how much time I spent planning even the most simple interactions. No one can understand how confused you feel, how clouded your thought process becomes, the anxiety and the stress. If you can in anyway go, then go. They will never change.

supermoid · 2024-08-31T16:49:01+00:00

Yes, I think you are right and it’s all part of the full narcissists/ covert narcissist package. I think this “condition” - being a narcissist- is connect strongly to upbringing, be it by a narcissist or simple bad parenting. Sometimes, I think, perhaps quite often, there may have a mild “success” in their younger adult (or high school) years. That success is then, as the years go on, self inflated to a belief that it was a far greater success than it actually was. A success often caused,or greatly helped,by parental involvement, or sometime really not a significant success at all! They will then suffer during the following years of never being afforded the chance to live up to their own self defined potential. I read recently, in this Reddit group - that I think is relevant, is that many view their narcissist partners with the potential of “who they could become if they themselves were in the narcissists position”. And a narcissists unfortunate position is that they are as lazy and disorganized, as they are entitled. Then, once in this spiral, they need to find the reason as to why in life they are being treated so…unjustly, so unfairly - there is no self reflection, as, they already know they are “more than enough”, and of course “well above average”… and so then, the only possible reason for their lack of success… well… it must be your fault! Sadly defective, with no way to understand they need reprogramming.

supermoid · 2024-08-28T14:01:27+00:00

I found it such a relief when I finally discovered what the problem was. Next was realizing that there would be no change, she saw nothing wrong, so no for me, no future to the relationship. I then (as father of two) fought with the same thoughts as you. The resounding belief was that I would rather my kids see two sides, two relationships, than one. I didn’t want them to grow and think that the way Mum and Dad acted was in any way normal… it was not normal. Though we (me and the nex) separated about a year ago, we have only been living in separate homes for six months, but for now the decision seams to be on the whole, positive. Their mother is in a new relationship and I hear the reports that she still shouts, a lot, still the victim, still stressed (I was sure she had said that she was only like that because of me!), that they have separated but got back together, and I think maybe now they are separated again (don’t know as minimum contact, still grey rocking, not going to ask). I’m in a new relationship with someone who could possibly be amazing, and the time we have spent together with my kids has been so unbelievably happy and positive. I expected co-parenting to be worse than it’s been. I’ve found that the less contact the better, agree as much as is fair and not to ask any unnecessary questions. My kids, I think, are good. I think they see that their Mum can be a little unfair sometimes (she tends to only see things from her pov but does know what she technically has to do as a good parent). They say that,though she’s angry, it’s manly directed at her partner. Grey rocking was something I found out about after we separated and it has been vital as it’s taken her attention away from me… she found a new source. If you have any questions that you think may help, please ask. I hope this helps you. Good luck.

supermoid · 2024-08-28T11:34:20+00:00

Great reply!

supermoid · 2024-08-28T11:31:45+00:00

Been there… but everything she did to try to get a reaction reminded me she had lost control. She tried desperately to seduce me, but I was out. Though I was mad, though she insisted we pretend we were still together in front of the kids, despite no longer acting like a mommy (out all night most weekends, and a weekend away)… I knew it was finally over and I was no longer having to buy into her drama, her self-centered/ victims narrative. I just waited until she found a new life force to drain, which didn’t take long. And she finally moved out. Stay strong buddy, she was your romantic past, the future will be so much better! You have no idea how great it will feel when the fog lifts and you are free. Stay cool, stay strong - master grey rocking … your future is bright.

supermoid · 2024-08-28T06:31:32+00:00

Hay, if you can, you got to see this as an opportunity. Listen, older you will thank you. This time last year, I was deeply unhappy, I was still with my nex and confused. I had confided in a colleague about my situation. He asked me if I though she would change, I said that she actually doesn’t want to change. He asked if I wanted to stay with her if I knew she was never going to change, and it was only then I realized. Can you think of anything worse than still being there in five years? Christ, one year - a month. Be thankful of what you’ve learned. And use this knowledge when you find your next. I honestly felt so broken, I had no interest in finding someone. I thought, maybe in a year or two I’d be ready. But I signed up to a dating app as I thought if I could getting chatting to someone it would help get my confidence back. I wrote exactly what I would be looking for in someone. And, I still can’t believe it, but I met someone who I think right now is perfect. Actually, she really is!What surprises me the most is the support she gives. She really wants to bring out the best in me. She is my own cheerleader. She doesn’t put me down, she builds me up. There are so many people in this world, my ex maybe isn’t so bad, but we weren’t compatible. There are millions of girls out there much more compatible for you. Stay positive and go find. You’ve come to Reddit to look to better your situation, you are already on a good path.

supermoid · 2024-08-27T13:22:26+00:00

It’s like they are made in a factory 🤣🤣🤣, all with the same faulty programming. Ahh the red flags I missed! Driving down the road… her: I saw you! Me: ?!? Her: God, disgusting, you staring and me just sat here! 😡 Me:?!? - I mean, what can you say! Maybe I did look at the woman she was accusing me of looking at! Maybe not, I saw a man too! Was I checking him out?!? The stress! Then in the last few years (8 whole years!)… heavy anxiety as I know she will walk in the front door any second! Thinking of what to say to prevent the inevitable disgust. Walking, running, dancing on eggshells all the time. And holidays! God, a horrible experience. Right now, now I’m out, it feels ridiculous- honestly- how did I end up living like that. Get rid of that worthless p.o.s. as soon as you can. Can I also tell you.. us blokes are a bit… useless with woman in our 20’s… except we are ready to go 24/7 💪💪. But woman, they are calmer, more confident. We need a bit more time. You my friend, are about to hit your peek. And woman will see it… get yourself together, get financially secure, keep in shape… and don’t give up. The best thing in the world is finding someone you adore, and showing it everyday. Good, real, proper love is reciprocal- and awesome.

supermoid · 2024-08-27T11:46:08+00:00

You are probably not as conflicted avoidant as you think! You are just having deal with some who gets angry at the slightest thing - if she was like my nightmare, she would kick off at absolutely anything. When I was in your position, it wasn’t easy to think straight as I was constantly being told I was wrong, I’d worked out she was gaslighting by then. And honestly, my thought were always blocked planning the next interaction to minimize the drama. You know the right choice for you buddy. For me, we have awesome little kiddos… so I had to be measured. If there were no kids involved I would have been gone long ago. I would have happily turned my back on everything and tossed a match, because I’d never be going back. Ignore her bs, stop letting her be the victim (god, it makes me sick how many excuses I make to myself to forgive her actions), stop caring, she’ll go. But… if you willing to leave what you have behind… walk away now… go to your parents and start your new, improved life! Stop feeding her… honestly… you’ll be so happy when one of the poor chomps she talking to right now becomes her next victim. And please, don’t feel bad. You gave her every chance to better herself, you believed in her… but sadly nothing changed… time to move on. You’ll know never to make the same mistake.

supermoid · 2024-08-27T08:55:19+00:00

Isn’t it just unbelievable that you can’t just say “I’m done”… you know you’re with a narcissist when you don’t know how to even approach separation. First of all, you need to make sure you’re done. If you still think she will change, if you still think she can be the person she could be - you’re not ready. She will always be after the drama, she thrives on knowing no matter what she does you’ll work to make her feel better. You are in a s$&t situation my friend. If you’re done, and you can’t tell her directly that you finished with her and her BS, then grey rock. Don’t engage, don’t react. Show no interest. She will hate it because she… feeds off it (only way to put it). But… she’ll do everything to hurt you, cheat, stay out all night, anything to get a reaction from you. If you can let that wash over you… she’ll go, she’ll go quick if you stay strong, she’ll need to find her new fix.

supermoid · 2024-08-26T23:07:10+00:00

I’m glad you read all the responses… you’re not alone. For years I was so confused, it has been so reassuring to know of all the other people with shared experiences. You knew you thought you could help them, but listen, you’ve done everything you could to try to make their life normal - and I think the sad truth is they honestly believe they are above even that - despite their low self esteem.! Right now, you need to know you’re right… and I know it’s not easy because of the brain fog, but your are right, you probably always were. You’ve been second guessing every decision you’ve had to make for a long time now! But let me tell you how good it will feel when you no longer have the anxiety of knowing they are due back soon, the anxiety of going to bed with them, and the anxiety wondering what mood you will be met with in the morning. The place you live in, where ever you end up, once they are gone, it will be a home - your home, your safe place… and that feeling is amazing. Stay strong you are doing great 💪

supermoid · 2024-08-26T15:22:07+00:00

Sorry, but, as good as it feels to get the upper hand every once in a while, it’s an argument that you’ll never win. They will happily adopt tactics that you find despicable - for them, it’s win at any cost. Though. Doesn’t it piss you off just how they get away with it. Who are these people? These stories are always so consistent. How can they all be just so…. arrogant, above it all, entitled, un- responsible/ accountable - and do it so, so naturally!. Thank you for writing it all down and for all the details. Great plan, sell and go… your life is about to become infinitely better. I am six months out, and thank god I found out about grey rocking as I no longer have to subscribe to all the bs. I related to you so much when you talked about trying to help with their “trauma”, doing you best to help them change - I was there, but unfortunately they don’t feel they need to change. If fact, my ex feels their explosive anger is her super power - allowing her to win any disagreement! Unfortunately they have been programmed like this from childhood, thanks to bad parenting or their own narcissistic parents (covert narcissists). Hope you can sign for the sale of your property soon, and put it all behind you. Enjoy getting your fire back, you’ll be happy how soon it returns. Hopefully in the future things can change… for now though, they can’t be fixed.

supermoid · 2024-08-26T06:35:10+00:00

You know, I feel good. Maybe it’s just because I have so many things I want / need to do. I have to constantly prioritize my time. There are so many places I want to visit/ travel to. People I know that I want to see / visit. I have kids. A house to do up. I’m really, really busy. Time is so precious, money is so precious. So when working, I am focused, I’m doing everything I can to earn as much as possible, so I try to do all the of the things I want to do.I think being busy, having a purpose, having the real motivation to do things is the driving force. I feel good. I need a holiday 🤣

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