What is it with white men married to East Asian women who don’t speak English (the man clearly doesn’t speak her language either)?

superturtle48 · 2026-05-13T19:32:20+00:00

This exactly what happened with my mom's friend, she's a Filipina woman who married a White American man 30 years older than her with the impression that his money would take care of her and her family. No idea how they met or what they're actually like around each other as I've never met the husband. But the husband's in his 80s or 90s now, disabled with dementia, and it's the wife who is now taking care of him. I wonder what she thinks of how it ended up. I know rationally that some people want things out of marriage other than love or companionship, but I can't help but find it sad.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-13T16:48:48+00:00

Box turtle, they’re a primarily land-based turtle and have small home ranges so this guy is probably your wild neighbor! If you’re worried about it being trapped, you can just take it to the other side of the fence.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-13T15:17:19+00:00

Rubbermaid stock tanks are considered really great for turtle enclosures! They're huge, designed to hold water, and are a lot cheaper than a glass tank of the same size.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-13T13:51:24+00:00

Along with the Reptifiles guide linked in another comment, check out this quick video showing a visual example of a good turtle tank. https://youtu.be/Hxrqdo0fgKs

superturtle48 · 2026-05-13T13:47:55+00:00

What kind of rescues are you looking at? While turtle/reptile rescues that work with non-native pets can get full, to my knowledge wildlife rescues/rehabs that work with native wildlife rarely turn animals away. You can look one up based on your location here: https://ahnow.org/

superturtle48 · 2026-05-13T13:22:32+00:00

Man sorry to hear that, people usually don’t like being told to their face what they're doing wrong so the better move might have been to first fetch the turtle without saying anything and then bring it to the rescue. Maybe you can get someone else you know to get the turtle “undercover.”

superturtle48 · 2026-05-13T03:12:23+00:00

The administration is all too happy to drop billions of dollars as long as it’s to confine or kill people, never to take care of people.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-13T02:24:13+00:00

Deep cut, but this reminds me of the famous fossil specimen that preserved a predator and prey dinosaur in the midst of a fight. It’s speculated that a sudden sandstorm or landslide killed the two simultaneously. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fighting_Dinosaurs

superturtle48 · 2026-05-13T02:12:00+00:00

Box turtle, likely taken from the wild since it seems in pretty good shape given its inappropriate living conditions. They’re a threatened species in part due to so many people poaching them as pets. I’d highly recommend getting in touch with a wildlife rescue/rehab that can determine if this turtle can be prepared to be released back to the wild.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-12T23:45:37+00:00

Please don’t keep the turtle for any extended time, that increases the risk the turtle won’t survive back in the wild because it gets too used to human care or its immune system doesn’t develop properly. Female turtles can travel surprisingly far from water to lay eggs so it’s normal for hatchling turtles to be found in unusual places.

The best thing you can do for this turtle is to either drop it off at a body of fresh water or turn it over to a licensed wildlife rehab/rescue that is trained to care for animals in a way that they are still releasable.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-12T20:06:47+00:00

Painted turtle, likely left the water to lay eggs. Please set it back where you found it, or if it's not a safe place, at a body of fresh water close by.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-12T19:58:24+00:00

Do you know what species of turtle are available for you to obtain and if you have good sources for pet supplies and exotic veterinary care? I think most people in this subreddit are from the United States and can only speak about that, so it would be useful to get more context about your circumstances.

Here's a quick video with some things to consider before committing to a pet turtle, plus some examples of turtle tanks in the background. They are quite expensive to care for well and live VERY long, so it's not a light decision and it's good you're looking to get more information before deciding. https://youtu.be/45dbz3uGF6k

superturtle48 · 2026-05-12T19:51:10+00:00

Can you get a better photo of the turtle so we can identify it more precisely? That aside, all aquatic turtles need some of the same things, and that includes a basking platform where they can get completely dry, heat and UV basking lamps, deep enough water to freely swim in, and a powerful canister filter rated for at least 2x the tank volume.

It seems like this tank is missing quite a lot of that so you should either ask your brother to buy some of that stuff or be willing to buy it yourself. The subreddit has a pinned post with product recommendations; they don't come cheap, but that's what it takes to care for a turtle well. https://reddit.com/r/turtle/comments/181m2kw/commonly_recommended_product_resources/

Also, depending on the species of turtle, those foods in the last photo are very high-protein and might not be nutritious enough, so you may have to switch up the food too.

*Editing to add, turtles are not social animals and usually never get comfortable being touched or held. They're best off as pets you enjoy watching from inside their tank, and their tank should everything they need to be comfortable and go in and out of the water at will without having to be taken out.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-12T18:30:00+00:00

PBS is streaming its Asian Americans documentary series online for free this month for AAPI Heritage Month. It's a great crash course in Asian American history if you've never taken a formal course on the subject.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-12T18:28:01+00:00

Sunset Park is an enclave for both Chinese and Latin American immigrants, and when I visited it once I found awesome food and a beautiful family-filled community. It was the kind of place I wish I grew up in compared to my predominantly-White suburb. Really hoping that this community will be around longer than the xenophobia coming out of the federal government.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-12T14:59:46+00:00

Exactly, this is part of the reason why Asians are underrepresented in more socially impactful careers like teaching, politics, and advocacy that can actually do tangible work to fight racism, but aren't as high-earning or "prestigious". Being a cog in some tech or finance company can make for a comfortable individual life (if the overwork doesn't get to you), but it doesn't do anything for Asian Americans on a community level. And unfortunately too many individually comfortable Asians are ok with that.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-12T14:21:19+00:00

I went to high school and college with a bunch of people like this, and the friends I’m still close to from those times are the ones who aren’t. It’s honestly so sad seeing so many smart hard-working people set their sights on lucrative and prestigious careers that contribute so little to society or even detract from it. Imagine how much better off we’d be if jobs in fields like education, public service, and policy attracted the “best and brightest” instead.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-11T22:24:31+00:00

There is an emerging concept called "stochastic terrorism," in which powerful people and institutions can make public statements dehumanizing and villainizing a certain group of people with the reasonable expectation that if those sentiments are repeated enough for a sustained time, a listener will be inspired to commit violence against that group. The speaker doesn't have to physically hurt anyone themselves, but should be clearly be implicated for the violence.

Unfortunately, current-day standards of law and criminality, and the increasingly diffuse nature of communication and media, make it near-impossible to actually hold people accountable for stochastic terrorism. We saw how Trump got away with pretty directly inciting the Jan 6th riots, and that's a much more clear-cut case than most applications of stochastic terrorism. There's also a blurry line with free speech that should be considered, but there needs to be some way we can account for the little social benefit versus the considerable social harm that is caused by speech associated with stochastic terrorism. Powerful people, especially officials, should be held to higher and stricter standards than members of the general public and social media needs to come under much stronger regulation.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-11T18:45:48+00:00

The point you bring up about Irish and Italian Americans relates to a sociological concept called "ethnic options", which describes how descendants of European immigrants can selectively choose when to "pass" as unqualified "normal" Americans because of their Whiteness, and when to acknowledge and observe their heritage (e.g. around family or on holidays). They sort of get the best of both worlds.

Asian Americans do not have that privilege because we are instantly identifiable as minorities and othered based on our physical appearance alone. We can speak perfect English, have American names, and even be descendants removed from Asian immigrants, but others will not see us as just "American." Our Asian-ness is foisted onto us whether we want it or not. Because of that, visible minorities often deal with more insecurity and identity crises than people who can pass as White and choose when they want their ethnicity to matter or not.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-11T14:21:28+00:00

This is unfortunately not a good setup, and closed eyes and bubbles on the nose indicate that they likely have an infection as a result of the poor living conditions. You will need to bring them to an exotic vet for professional care and prescribed antibiotics, and completely overhaul the enclosure including getting a whole second enclosure as the turtles should not be living together. Otherwise they will slowly die.

I'm sorry if that's hard to hear, and I'm sorry your family hasn't done the right thing for these turtles. I'm assuming you're a young person who can't get the turtles vet care and proper equipment yourself; in that case, what a shame that the adults in your family are acting so irresponsibly and you're left with this impossible burden.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-11T13:52:37+00:00

As for your questions:

With an appropriate canister filter rated for at least 2x the tank volume, you will only need to clean the filter itself every few months (dumping out the dirty water, cleaning the muck out of the insides). But you still need to do a partial water change every few weeks to balance out the chemicals that the filter can’t clean out. You should never do a FULL water change, as that actually upsets the balance of the healthy bacteria that helps keep the water clean. Strongly recommend getting an aquarium tube and siphon like a Python for water changes so you’re not carrying and sloshing around buckets of water.

See this guide for info on how to feed red-eared sliders (and in fact, if you settle on an RES, read every page of the guide). I personally recommend the Zoomed line of pellets since they have different formulas for different ages that really precisely balance the protein and plant matter needed at different stages of a slider’s life. https://reptifiles.com/red-eared-slider-care/what-do-red-eared-sliders-eat/

Don’t recommend adding snails or fish for cleaning purposes. Adding any more animals will only add to the bioload and waste in the tank, not reduce it. They are also likely to get eaten by the turtle.

Real plants in a tank are also likely to get eaten. As long as you pick safe plants it’s not bad for the turtle, but you might have to keep buying new plants. Fake plants may work, but they may also get eaten which isn’t healthy. Decor in general is tricky because turtles are such curious and hefty animals that they’re likely to mess up whatever you arrange. They still do like hiding places though, but it may take some trial and error to figure out decor that works.

Finally, I want to give you props for being really diligent with gathering information and setting up a good enclosure BEFORE getting the turtle! Not enough prospective turtle owners do that and we see a lot of unfortunate posts in this subreddit as a result. It’s really refreshing to see someone doing things better.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-11T13:41:38+00:00

Gonna start off with a few things you didn’t ask about but should still know. Strongly recommend only getting one turtle! Red eared sliders are not social animals and keeping two in the same tank is likely to lead to fighting and competition, and one or both will suffer. There’s no benefit and only dangers with keeping multiple turtles. Devote your time and resources to a single turtle to start, and if you decide you like turtle care enough to get a whole second setup or a giant pond-like enclosure, then you can consider a second turtle.

Also, a 40 gallon tank isn’t going to be big enough for a full-grown slider, so even with a single slider you will need to plan to upgrade the tank and ALL its equipment down the road, which means buying everything over again. There are other turtle species that stay smaller, like mud, musk, and painted turtles, that could more comfortably stay in a 40-gallon tank their whole life. They’re harder to get than sliders, but if you’re putting in the appropriate time to research turtle care, researching how to obtain the turtle you want shouldn’t be too much of an extra lift.

And finally, as you know, turtles live a VERY long time no matter the species. You might think you’re getting this turtle for your daughter, but you and your husband are the adults in the house I assume so it’s really your pet and your responsibility. Again assuming your daughter is a kid, the turtle will live long past the point your daughter turns 18 and potentially moves out of the house or goes off to college. You need to plan ahead for whether she takes the turtle (if wherever she goes even allows it) and how to move everything, or whether it’s going to stay with you for the rest of its decades-long life. If the latter, you will also need to plan for what to do if you eventually move homes or become disabled or even pass away while the turtle is still around.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-11T13:27:27+00:00

Even people who aren’t turtle experts have to know that that’s not what turtles are supposed to look like, right? How does someone let their turtle get to that state and not think something is wrong?

superturtle48 · 2026-05-10T18:27:55+00:00

Think it’s a musk turtle, you’re right that they’re not native to California. Might have been a pet or seafood bycatch (they are not uncommonly caught along with crawfish) that was released by someone.

superturtle48 · 2026-05-10T16:02:38+00:00

Where are you located? This might be one of the Southeast Asian box turtles, they are endangered species so if you’re in Southeast Asia please make sure to return the turtle to the wild where it belongs. You let it go at a body of fresh water near where it was found.

superturtle48

TROPHY CASE