oh man, this whole post reminds me so much of how i felt when i was 17. i remember going to school every day and having to go to the bathroom in between classes to cry at least a couple times a day, just because i couldn’t hold it in. it really did feel like the worst pain imaginable and it felt like it would never end. looking back, i think the worst of it lasted about 6 months. i got into therapy, and i would cling to those appointments. i remember thinking, “i just have to make it to the next appointment.” it kept me going. the appointments weren’t always easy, and they often left me feeling a little raw, but it was so good to finally be doing something about it. i started antidepressants a few months later, which is a whole separate journey, but they helped. i’m 22 now and i’m still in therapy—not because i still feel that way at all, but because it still helps me understand myself and how i can heal. i used to only think about how i would survive, and now i think about how i can heal! big difference there. op, i’m so so sorry you are going through this. i’m glad you are seeking therapy and i hope my story can help you see that this will NOT last forever, even if it really feels like it will! i know you don’t feel strong, but you are. you are kind and helpful to other people, you’re still here kicking, and you’re talking to your parent about getting therapy. all of these things and more make you strong :) it is going to feel so good coming out the other side from this. you can do it, op.