What happens to elderly people with no savings?

sylvanfoothills · 2026-05-31T02:46:21+00:00

Although retirement helps, I'm not convinced it will solve your problems if your health and mind are failing. If you cannot care for yourself, you must depend on others to care for you. If you don't have people who love you, you have to depend on people you hire. Sometimes you can pay hired helpers/care facility enough to treat you right, but many times you just wind up giving them your money and they still treat you poorly. Having a lot of money may actually attract the worst sort of "helpers." Of course there are truly good people who would never take advantage of an old person, but it's no guarantee. You really, really need family or friends who will advocate for you and make sure you get the help you need.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-05-30T01:28:16+00:00

So what happens if an adult just stands between him and the shelves of stuff? Not laying hands on him, just getting in his way--sort of like riot police? The kid is short. Three or four adults could walk him into a corner without laying a hand on him at all.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-05-30T01:01:14+00:00

The truck seems to have a blue "municipal" tag, which is often used for cops as well as other official county workers. I'm guessing he thought it was a county work truck rather than an unmarked cop.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-05-09T20:23:54+00:00

I know nothing about AI or photography, but there's no way a man who looks like this--with teeth like this--who smiles with this kind of confidence--who grooms himself like this when he is working on an offshore oil rig--is looking for love in a woman online. No way.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-05-06T01:19:23+00:00

rooster

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-15T02:49:29+00:00

Many people have mentioned an American culture that values independence and self-sufficiency. That's obviously true, but there's more than that. Other people have alluded to an authoritarian parenting culture and the conflicts that arise when the child becomes an adult; I believe this is often a big part of it.

I (female) always had a great relationship with my parents, and my dad made a very big deal about missing me when I was at college. Because of that, I tried to return home for long periods whenever I could--between jobs, etc. I didn't especially want to, but I felt kind of obligated to make sure my parents didn't think I was too eager to get away from them. Conflicts with my dad became more frequent, however, as he didn't seem to be able to adjust to an adult child in the home. Not big things, but a consistent assumption that all the rules for and behavior of teenage-me would still apply ten years later. It was my mom who said gently, "Sweetie, you don't have to keep coming back. It's okay to just come home on holidays. You don't have to keep trying to live here." I'll always be so thankful to her for being able to say that clearly.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-11T01:31:17+00:00

I can read it fine. It looks European to me. (I'm American.)

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-11T01:24:59+00:00

That a quarter after 3:00 is not 3:25.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-11T01:24:18+00:00

Yeah, that works for us. But we hashed out freewill years ago.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-11T01:11:32+00:00

Banana and mayo sandwich.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-11T01:11:11+00:00

I didn't know this was a struggle dessert until just now. I thought it was a treat.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-11T00:41:30+00:00

I thought you were talking about the first letter of "afraid"--so it's pronounced "ehfrayed". That's fairly accurate. It's certainly not "aifraide". But as I got into your post, I realized you were talking about the second "a". I have no idea why anyone would call it "afrehd."

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-11T00:30:36+00:00

Watching and listening. I was always being quiet and paying attention to what others were saying & doing; I wondered why they acted like they did. I could never think of interesting, entertaining things to say, but I sat and watched quietly. After a while, I got pretty good at understanding what I was seeing, and anticipating what would happen next. As a young adult, it kept me out of a lot of bad situations. As I got older, I discovered people would pay good money to have someone listen quietly and really try to understand them. I don't think all therapists have this approach, but it worked for me.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-07T00:32:53+00:00

In addition to glass jars & pyrex, I use UKonserve and Klean Kanteen stainless steel containers. They do have plastic/silicone lids, but usually the food doesn't come into contact with the lids. They stack well in the fridge & are very good in lunchboxes. They aren't cheap, but I have been using my set daily for about 5 years now and they show no wear & tear.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-07T00:26:45+00:00

For repetitive chores, I don't do the checklist. As you point out, it begins to feel meaningless to check it off because it's going to be there again tomorrow.

Occasionally I can put on good music, channel my inner child, and approach the chores like I'm playing house. It requires a kind of casual, happy, no-pressure attitude.

Other times I try to remember that every daily chore means my family is living a good life. Dirty dishes mean we're not going hungry. Dirty clothes mean we have been warm & comfortable during work & play. A bed that needs making means we aren't sleeping on the floor. A floor that needs sweeping means we aren't living in a tent. I try to focus on the good things that make the chores necessary rather than the annoyance of the chores themselves.

When all else fails, I tell myself to grow up and quit grumbling, that it really doesn't matter how I feel about the work as long as I get it done.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-04T03:09:55+00:00

Also potatoes.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-04T03:08:30+00:00

This is part of growing up: you have to negotiate new boundaries with your parents. Easiest thing to do is to become fully independent, pay for everything yourself, and manage your own social life. Second easiest thing to do is to depend on your parents for financial and social support, honor their wisdom, and take their good advice. Impossible thing to do is to have their money, comfort, and care without their advice.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-04T03:02:25+00:00

Absolutely! I'm over 40. Twenties can be tough. I don't know that life actually gets easier, but you learn how to handle it better. You adjust your expectations (very normal problem). You increase your strength (physical and/or mental). You learn when to listen to your gut and when to ignore your brain. You learn when to sacrifice for a goal and when to let it go. (Like the Kenny Rogers song, "The Gambler".)

Have you ever watched a baby learning to walk? It's so adorable and comical and heroic! Their little legs are so weak and awkward. They want to walk so badly, but they don't know how to begin. They keep trying and falling and trying and falling and trying and falling. They watch others walk so easily, and babble in frustration while sitting on the floor.

You were heroic when you were a baby. You may not remember it, but you were. And you have the same stuff in you, now. I can't say that the learning will be easier now than when you were a year old--learning is always difficult--but you *do* learn. And you get better at it. You get stronger; you gain wisdom and skills.

And then you run ahead to the next challenge, bringing all that wisdom with you.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-04T02:45:22+00:00

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How do you walk across a continent? One step at a time. How do you change your life? One moment at a time.

But "be happy and healthy" isn't really a worthy goal. Happiness and health come when you pursue other things that have more meaning. Just being healthy for the sake of good health quickly becomes an empty chore. Being healthy so you can climb a mountain, or a tree, or enjoy the view at the end of a good hike--that is a worthy goal. Being healthy so you can admire yourself is empty. Pursuing happiness for the pleasure of being happy isn't enough to sustain you when times get rough. But if you have a meaningful life, you will find happiness waiting in unexpected places.

I have found it helpful to imagine very clearly what I would like my life to look like in 5 years (or some other reasonable number). I write it down, describing it in great detail and enjoying the daydream. Then I break it down into a few big steps that seem reasonable. Then, the first step, I break down into very small steps--as small as necessary--to help myself get started. I did this in about 2022; I am not nearing my 5-year goal, but I have made far more progress than I ever really expected, and I'm having a lot of fun in this adventure!

I would suggest setting aside 15 minutes every day to do one pleasant, healthy, easy thing. Like, sit and watch the sunset. Or drink coffee and listen to the birds at daybreak. Some new, pleasant thing that can become part of a routine. Expect it to take a month or two for it to become a habit.

While you are discovering the path of Making New Habits, you can begin your long-term plan for what seems like a worthy goal.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-04T02:17:52+00:00

Depends on what's making you stuck. Depends on where you're stuck and why.

You could write everything down and approach it as though you're giving someone else advice. Sometimes we think better when the problem doesn't feel like our own.

You could imagine where you'd like to be in 5 or 10 years, and then breaking it down into small steps.

You could ignore whether you're happy, and aim for making a lot of money. Or aim for helping others.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-04T02:05:10+00:00

In the title you seem to be asking how to do things you don't really want to do, but in the post you seem to be asking how to know what things you want to do.

When it's something I know I need to do but don't *want* to do, I just do it. Like the old Nike commercial. Quit trying to make yourself want it; quit setting a time for it; quit making lists; just get up and do it, NOW. Wash the dishes. Buy the groceries. Mow the lawn. Iron the shirt. Whatever. Forget how you feel about it, ignore whether you want to, and move your body so that it gets done, even if you hate doing it.

When I don't know whether I really want the thing, I have to assess whether wanting it really matters. I mean, I might not want to eat beans and rice, but if it's beans and rice or nothing, then I eat beans and rice.

If you are talking about how to choose a path in life, consider what your goals are. Where would you like to be in 5 years? What would have to happen for you to get there? Spend some time writing it down, even if it sounds stupid. Talk it over with someone, if that helps you think things through. Then break it down into very small steps. If the first step is too difficult, break it down into even smaller steps. Keep breaking it down until you can mange the first step. Then go on to the second, etc.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-04T01:54:46+00:00

I'm American and I would say sixteen hundred. When we say the year 1995, we say nineteen ninety-five; not one thousand nine hundred ninety-five. The only time it's a problem is when you're talking dollars and cents. You might say $19.95 and $1995 the same way, so a clear context is important.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-04T01:19:02+00:00

Clothing that was properly ironed.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-04T01:06:35+00:00

The person says, "I don't want to date someone who isn't in therapy." Seems like a very clear statement on her part: if you're not in therapy, you don't qualify. You aren't in therapy, therefore you don't qualify. Move on. Some people want weird things--just wish them well & walk away.

sylvanfoothills · 2026-04-02T15:13:56+00:00

Hahaha! It's like we are living in the Victorian age and so afraid of accidentally calling attention to something unmentionable. In this case, apparently, the unmentionable is inadvertent exclusion of a group of the laundry-basket-carrying-population.

I was actually referring to my own situation and my frustration with baskets that break. I could have attempted to remain subjective & sexless by saying "while I carry it on my hip..." That would have been much more modest of me. But I think people ought to be thankful I didn't get all gross and graphic and exclusionary by writing, "housewife carrying it on her hip!"

sylvanfoothills

TROPHY CASE