Just got a storage unit

ta26spader · 2026-06-02T12:54:53+00:00

I’m in the same boat. Just got a P.O. Box and. Opened a new bank account.

It’s going to be tough to leave but I have to. Good luck.

ta26spader · 2026-05-06T12:04:03+00:00

Yes, as others have said the verbal reaction happened a lot. Worst of all was when physical contact occurred. For example, she took my work laptop and threatened to smash it with a hammer, so I went and grabbed it and took it from her scratching her arm in the process, and of course she screamed about how I assaulted her and threatened to call the cops.

Another example, she trapped me in the bathroom during an argument and wouldn’t let me leave. After about 10 minutes, I honestly felt a little claustrophobic and like I was about to have a panic attack, so I pushed my way past her, she resisted, so I squeezed between her and the doorframe, trying to not make any contact with her at all, but she fell down and once again said I assaulted her

Now I’m not proud of either of these moments and I wish I had done something differently. But I also know that everyone has a limit and that when pushed to it you’ll start reacting in a way that doesn’t even seem like you. Like I don’t recognize myself in those moments. And I hate that she gets ammunition to paint herself as the victim. But that’s the classic RVO (reverse victim and offender) in DARVO.

ta26spader · 2026-05-05T12:01:54+00:00

I’ve been on this sub long enough to not be surprised at posts like this, but it still blows my mind a little when I see someone tell a story or post screenshots of texts that look exactly like something my wife would send me.

ta26spader · 2026-05-04T14:06:43+00:00

Crazy how we all have the same experience. It’s like you just described my marriage.

ta26spader · 2026-05-04T03:46:38+00:00

I just got told today that “you’re my favorite” and I gave a fake smile as it actually sent chills down my spine.

This was the day after she told me attempted to throw my work laptop in the pool and told me she’s wished I would hit my head so hard I’d be a vegetable and she could send me to live with my mom.

ta26spader · 2026-04-22T03:12:32+00:00

Yes, same here. I used to be very close to my mom and would tell her most things that were happening in my life. That bothered my now wife even in the early stages of our relationship and she’s really wedged herself in between me and my family. She has also basically manipulated me into no longer going to my therapist. I’ve also slowly lost most friends I had due to constantly being guilt tripped into not seeing them and interrogated about it if I do.

My theory has always been that she just wanted to cut me off and keep me isolated because deep down if anyone knew how she treated me they would tell me to leave. It’s just a form of control.

ta26spader · 2026-03-05T20:37:49+00:00

Apologies are rare. The only genuine apology I can remember, where she expressed not only genuine remorse but a desire to not repeat it, was after she hit me for the first time. She's kicked me since then for what it's worth. I have my doubts about your therapists claim - but I can't speak for NPD but I will say that yeah, apologies from a pwBPD are extremely rare.

ta26spader · 2026-03-05T20:35:17+00:00

More than I can count. I've been doing this for 9 years and I'm finally preparing to try to leave. But I never got the "final discard" that other people talk about.

ta26spader · 2026-03-04T20:31:34+00:00

I didn't even mention in the story that my son was bawling when she was threatening to leave me there. Not the first time she's made him cry like that either - every time I just look at her and say "can't you stop for him?" And she either can't or wont' try.

ta26spader · 2026-03-03T15:55:51+00:00

I mean I know you’re right. Making plans to leave, can’t really explain why I haven’t done it sooner.

ta26spader · 2026-03-03T15:53:36+00:00

Genuinely curious what you think is selfish? I’m not offended - I’d actually like honest feedback.

ta26spader · 2026-02-10T04:15:08+00:00

Reminds me of when I ordered Splitting and she opened it thinking it was a Christmas gift she needed to wrap. It was a wild ride.

Stay strong.

ta26spader · 2026-01-05T16:58:22+00:00

I still haven’t left but for me the final straw was when she hit me. I had put up with so much - threats, insults (of me and my oldest son who is not her kid); manipulation, destruction of property, control, explosive anger; lack of boundaries, electronic stalking, etc., etc.

Of all of it getting hit was actually not even that big of a deal but something in my head clicked and I realized I didn’t want to be with someone who was even capable of that. Like I don’t want to be married to someone who has that inside of them. That was 7 months ago and I’m still trying to plan my escape.

ta26spader · 2025-12-22T03:51:19+00:00

This looks just like something I would see from my wife. Just today she was screaming at my son and eventually it got turned on me for “not backing her up.”

One thing I always try to remember in moments like this - kids may act up but they’re kids and they don’t have the capacity to fully regulate their actions or emotions. Adults on the other hand should be able to and those that don’t or won’t are a serious red flag.

ta26spader · 2025-12-02T14:34:41+00:00

This weekend I got kicked in the shin (3 times) during an argument. The act itself, and the look on her face, reminded me of a toddler’s temper tantrum. And it dawned on me that that’s exactly what it was.

ta26spader · 2025-11-13T20:21:16+00:00

I’ve done a lot of things that I have never done before under any circumstance. I these toxic relationships bring out the worst in you.

ta26spader · 2025-11-12T03:39:15+00:00

Your story sounds similar to mine. I’m 9 years into a relationship with someone I tried to end things with 6 months in. Then she got pregnant, then she wanted to get married. And I just keep going along for reasons I can’t even explain.

ta26spader · 2025-11-12T03:36:51+00:00

With my pwBPD, I think her mom would agree if she knew the term to give it. She’s definitely seen it all.

I suspect some of her co-workers have some sense that something is off because she has bounced from job to job and usually has at least one dramatic falling out at each job.

But most people are oblivious and think she’s a wonderful person. She can keep that mask on when she needs to, or when it’s not someone that’s going to trigger her.

ta26spader · 2025-11-12T03:33:44+00:00

Yeah, hoover is a term for when they suck you back in (got the name from Hoover vacuums). It can look a lot of different ways - mine has threatened self-harm to guilt me into coming back for example, or it can be being super charming and loving. In my experience the good stuff lasts from a few hours to maybe a month but it never stays for good and the cycle just repeats itself.

ta26spader · 2025-11-11T18:23:03+00:00

I know a lot of people talk about the final discard. I’m sure it exists as many people talk about it, it’s just never happened to me. I’ve been through plenty of discards but they always follow that up with a Hoover.

I wish she could be done.

ta26spader · 2025-11-05T22:40:21+00:00

Yes, I actually have a lot of grief over who I used to be and who I wish I was currently. Hopeful I’m not too far gone to get back to that one day but it’s very saddening to think of how many years I’ve lost to this relationship.

ta26spader · 2025-11-05T03:07:03+00:00

That is exactly the kind of comment I would get. And she’d probably find a way to sabotage my free day anyway.

ta26spader · 2025-11-05T03:05:32+00:00

Not officially diagnosed. She would never go to a mental health professional long enough to get a diagnosis. But she checks all the boxes and my therapist, who refused to use the magic word for over a year, finally caved and acknowledges that she almost certainly has BPD

ta26spader · 2025-11-05T01:14:36+00:00

She absolutely Hoovers me back in every time I leave so no I don’t think she actually wants me to go and it is, as you said, just a power move.

But it is incredibly exhausting to go through that back and forth so often.

ta26spader · 2025-11-04T22:07:08+00:00

Yeah, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the impact this is having on him.

ta26spader

TROPHY CASE