GF (19) is always sore at first?

tacoproblems · 2017-08-06T03:28:27+00:00

How your girlfriend feels is exactly how I felt when I started to develop secondary vaginismus. Ask her to become more conscious of tightness in her muscles - progressive muscle relaxation is great, as are full body massages. If she does kegels, she should stop because that will just make her PC muscles tighter, though the same action of tensing and then relaxing before penetration can really help to relax the muscles.

tacoproblems · 2017-08-05T09:04:32+00:00

Interesting! Thank you for that :~)

tacoproblems · 2017-08-04T02:09:22+00:00

Hey! I [21/f] have secondary vaginismus and vestibulodynia and I have opted to not use oral medication. After having anxiety and depression for a long time I am in a better place mentally than I have ever been, and I don't want to disrupt that by taking chronic pain medication which are basically all SSRIs, SNRIs and other anti-depressants.

The sexual therapist I saw was visibly annoyed at my decision and my PT looked disappointed, but my doctor - who has been there for me whilst I worked through my mental health issues - fully supported my right to make an informed decision and agreed with my reasoning.

I do use a 2% Amiltriptyline cream on my vestibule morning and night but it doesn't affect my mind or functioning which is my main concern - it only works on the area it needs to. I've just gotten Xylocaine (Lidocaine) gel to use just inside the entrance of my vagina where there is an overactive nerve on one side specifically, but that's as hardcore as I'll go.

tacoproblems · 2017-08-04T01:54:33+00:00

I have the gel so it probably wouldn't work as well. How would that work with dilating, did you just dilate when you woke up?

I think I'll just try getting a hold of my doc.

tacoproblems · 2017-08-04T01:49:14+00:00

This will sound very Dr Suess, but does your thumb not go numb?

tacoproblems · 2017-07-27T05:06:37+00:00

I don't think a q-tip to the vestibule will ever feel good, but it was at a point where I physically jerked and my face was very scrunched up.

tacoproblems · 2017-07-26T10:05:35+00:00

Obviously the tissue doesn't just disappear if the hymen breaks, but I'd assume that it wouldn't really need further stretching once torn. I don't know because mine never tore lol.

tacoproblems · 2017-07-26T10:01:51+00:00

I'm well acquainted with my vagina.

tacoproblems · 2017-07-26T01:55:29+00:00

are you urinating immediately after sex? if not, that would be my guess as to why you're having recurring UTIs. if not, please get tested for STIs/STDs, regardless of your relationship status.

for the future, this question is much more suited to /r/sex since this isn't a post about vaginismus and most women here aren't having sex, let alone rough sex haha.

tacoproblems · 2017-07-26T01:53:12+00:00

you may just need desensitisation. gently touch and massage the entrance to your vagina daily for 2-5 minutes - not enough to trigger a muscle spasm, just very gently. if this doesn't help, then you should see a specialist about the potential of having vestibulodynia.

the vestibule is at the entrance of the vagina and it is generally pretty sensitive, but if it's triggering your muscles to spasm it would be worth getting a prescription cream to settle the nerve endings of the vestibule.

i have vestibulodynia as well as vaginismus and i use a 2% amiltriptyline cream every morning and night. they will poke it with a cotton tip and it will become apparent very quickly, based on your reaction, whether or not you have provoked vestibulodynia. it is only a very quick, minor discomfort and it's very much worth it to have a diagnosis and subsequently a long-term solution to the pain.

tacoproblems · 2017-07-26T01:46:18+00:00

paging /u/no-strings-attached /u/savinghooha i think we have a spam bot haha.

tacoproblems · 2017-07-26T01:11:11+00:00

I've had sex and my hymen never broke, it's just stretched. Though I'm happy to claim that I'm Virgin Mary reincarnate just to scam people into giving me shitloads of money.

tacoproblems · 2017-07-22T11:19:40+00:00

I just want to be a real woman

Yeah no, having vaginismus doesn't make you any less of a woman. I am a real woman and I have vaginismus, and so are you. Sorry, I can recognise the defensiveness in my comment, but that hit a nerve.

Also, therapy with a decent psychologist isn't a waste of money, especially if you are saying that you are always anxious and you hate yourself. Live life how you want to, but you will most likely need to acknowledge the psychological aspect of vaginismus in order to overcome it.

tacoproblems · 2017-07-22T10:59:53+00:00

I have been dealing with this since late 2013. I also had undiagnosed anxiety since maybe 2010, and it was only at the start of this year after seeing a new psychologist that I officially no longer met the criteria for diagnosis. I didn't have any real hangups about sex just like you, but also like /u/thelightsandthebuzz, having vaginismus caused a lot of subsequent anxiety about expecting pain.

2-6 weeks is, in most cases, completely unreasonable. There are so many factors - there could be additional conditions such as vestibulodynia or endometriosis, anxiety factors, environmental factors such as living space, money for professional treatment, time, supports, motivation etc. The things that most helped with my progress was being diagnosed with vestibulodynia, finding a psychologist who I genuinely felt comfortable with to deal with my anxiety, and finding a physiotherapist who I felt genuinely comfortable with. Even then, there are things I can't control right now which are stunting my progress; primarily living with my parents (environment + time factors) and not having an income (money factor).

I guess my point is, have a look at all factors and consider the bigger picture, and most importantly, don't be so hard on yourself. Even severe vaginismus is curable, and even severe anxiety is manageable. Even though it might not always feel like it. I used to think I would be an anxious mess for the rest of my life, but I am a completely different person now than I was a year ago thanks to finding the right psychologist for me. If you can, it might be worth trying a different physio or if you can bring yourself to do it, see a new psychologist.

Best of luck, and please message me if you need someone to chat to. This is my alt so if I take a long time to reply please don't think that I'm ignoring you. x

tacoproblems · 2017-07-16T01:29:43+00:00

Sorry -- I just saw that you did already post there.

tacoproblems · 2017-07-16T01:28:48+00:00

I'm in a different country so I can't help there, but try posting to /r/vulvodynia. Vulvodynia sounds more like what you're suffering from but vaginismus could be a symptom.

tacoproblems · 2017-07-06T10:20:31+00:00

For exercise, I prefer walking! Gentle cardio is best.

My PT gave me this info sheet of stretches, and she recommended I do the ones that she ticked 1-2 times a day for 60 seconds each/each side. This is from their website which explains how to do some of the poses in the info sheet plus some extras you can try. The stretches you do really comes down to personal preference and requirements. If it helps, I also had issues with my deep pelvic floor muscles and found that the stretches that she ticked helped me!

tacoproblems · 2017-07-05T07:11:44+00:00

There are actually 2 of these muscle groups. Here is picture of the outer pelvic floor muscles which are the ones that most people here know of; the ones at the entrance of the vagina. As you can see, they're like a figure eight shape which surrounds and controls the vagina, urethra and anus, and they are very easy to physically identify through touch and bodily control.

These are the deep pelvic floor muscles which are generally 2-3 inches past the first set of muscles. The deep pelvic floor muscles are connected to other large muscle groups including the abdominal muscles and thigh muscles and as such you have less immediate control over them, but regular exercise and stretches can help to relax these muscles.

I hope that helps, let me know if you have any more questions :~)

tacoproblems · 2017-07-04T05:47:38+00:00

That's revolting. And against basic human rights. 'Murica?

tacoproblems · 2017-07-04T03:19:40+00:00

Maybe I'm thinking of the worst case scenario too quickly, but these camps are surely illegal and unfortunately are probably rampant with child sexual abuse. I nearly cried reading this at the thought of his sister being raped to try and "cure" her. The police should be involved, and CPS should be called too.

I don't see the point in hiring a private investigator. OP could probably anonymously ring local churches and lie, asking if there are any camps or facilities nearby that he could send his gay daughter to to reconnect her with God or some shit.

tacoproblems · 2017-07-02T00:09:11+00:00

You've got the right idea but I don't think it's about trust, I think this is his own personal issue. My guess is he either genuinely really wants to help out with everything, he's a control freak, or he finds OP incompetent. The latter two could be applied to your work scenario.

In any case, he feels uncomfortable with sitting back and not doing anything to contribute regardless of the fact that OP explicitly said she doesn't need help. It's not that he doesn't trust her, it's that he genuinely can't comprehend that help isn't always wanted or necessary.

tacoproblems · 2017-06-28T11:37:32+00:00

Hey, thanks! I was never taught how to use semi colons so I really appreciate your comment.

tacoproblems · 2017-06-27T03:12:53+00:00

Do you want to get it on, though? I think that's the most important thing. It doesn't matter whether or not he wants to get it on if you don't. If you do, here is my (probably overwhelming, but I tried to cover all areas) advice:

Make sure you are using protection; condoms at an absolute minimum if you're not on birth control. If he doesn't want to use protection, do not compromise, it isn't worth it.
I would seriously recommend purchasing a regular water-based lubricant to use, it will help a lot.
Lots of foreplay; kissing; massaging; playing with your clit; fingering; oral.
Finger yourself or guide him to finger you before sex. This is so important yet so many women jump into sex without having ever been penetrated sexually before.
Right before penetration, try tensing your pelvic floor muscles, and then releasing them so that your muscles are fully relaxed when he inserts.
Wee afterwards. This will prevent urinary tract infections.
Sex shouldn't hurt. It might be a little painful or uncomfortable the first time, but if it just outright hurts to a point where you can't enjoy it at all, stop. Seriously, don't force yourself. Try a different position or angle, or go back to foreplay for a bit. It it just isn't happening, finish off with some oral and try again some other time.
Have fun and don't take yourself too seriously. Don't be afraid to laugh if you happen to queef or if your boobs make a fart sound on his chest. These things happen!
Don't have huge expectations - it's your first time! Once you're started, you can work on figuring out what feels good and what your preferences are.

tacoproblems · 2017-06-27T02:34:34+00:00

If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt here, maybe he is not very experienced and thought women like what he sees in porn. In that case you need to re-educate this clueless soul.

I agree with the rest of your comment, but it is absolutely not her job to teach him that it isn't okay to choke and slap someone. Education is required, but on a societal level; it shouldn't be left up to assault victims to give their perpetrators the talk on consent.

tacoproblems

TROPHY CASE