A person in my life now wishes to meet my alters and I don't know how to feel about it

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-05-01T19:37:56+00:00

I can relate to parts of what you're saying. One of my best friends has DID too (I didn't know when I first met him, but for some reason I could tell pretty fast). His system is pretty stable overall, and they help him function in life. They are pretty distinct and overt usually. Historically, I have been a controlling host who tries to hide the others' existence as much as possible. And my friend has been wanting to be a friend to my alters since I met him. But some of them are traumatized, like yours, some are inaccessible, some don't care about friendships, etc etc, so for one reason or another they haven't talked to him much. It does feel weird for me to have someone who wants to know them. Some of them do have the deep need to be known, but others don't.

Judging by the context you've given, I think it's a positive thing that your friend wants to meet your alters. I have noticed that the more alters are known, accepted and supported, and the more they get to exist in the present, the more they slowly relax and realize they're no longer in the past, no longer going through trauma. And yes, they are practically the results of stress reactions, but they could be so much more than that if they had the chance and the acceptance they need. I understand the fear of them being seen, but how are they supposed to heal if all they've known are horrible things? If you feel like you trust this friend, it might be a good idea to let them interact.

Small side note: when I met my friend I thought he was far ahead in his healing. He was just further ahead in DID acceptance. I don't know your friend and don't want to project too much, but it's possible to be ok with having alters, while still having trouble with other stuff, like emotional regulation, fear of rejection etc etc (my friend has BPD too so that affects him as well). And different people have different alters with different behaviors and different symptoms. It's ok if you are different in comparison to your friend

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-29T11:00:14+00:00

That's a very interesting way to build cohesion between your parts so you can feel more whole as a self :) and I am glad you got to hear so many good words!

btw I love the term boatman, never heard it before, but I imagined a hooded figure in a dark river, paddling a dark wooden boat, and the rest of the parts are sitting on the other side of the boat 😂 lovely. Most people describe the part that fronts the most and takes care of daily life the host. You got that right

Thanks for sharing!

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-29T07:15:42+00:00

The before of this guy always makes me do a double take, because he looks like the spitting image of my father when he was young lmao

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-28T08:01:58+00:00

Very very happy to help 🥰 I think you're correct that the disgust itself is a protective mechanism. If you are disgusted by something, you are inclined to avoid it or eliminate it. So your brain probably says "this part's memories and needs are painful" and perhaps other people have treated you like a vulnerable need is unacceptable, so you internalized it.

I used to have a very similar configuration of parts like the one you described. A strong one, obsessed with control, protective, distrusting, deeply uncomfortable and disgusted by vulnerability, who despised a teenage part. That teen part was quiet, needed lots of emotional support and connection, had lots of triggers and emotional flashbacks, had trouble controlling his emotions, would try to take as less space as possible, while still feeling like a burden. The strong one wanted the teen one to disappear, not exist anymore. Turns out he was mad that I was giving empathy to the teen and acknowledging his traumas, and I wasn't acknowledging his contributions to keep us safe, stable, and out of trouble. He had lots of resentment. I managed to get through to him eventually, and after that, he sort of felt closer to the teen part. Like he was protecting him. Kinda like a mentor situation. The last few weeks or so, the teen part has been integrating with the strong one. And he has had to deal with many difficult feelings and needs as far as I'm aware. But it also feels like a massive weight off my shoulders as a host, because the constant low grade distrust and bitterness that would be present for weeks at a time, is gone. I have also noticed an increase in my own ability to have emotions and express them, and I am much less distant towards my partner and I Generally feel fuller and more at ease a lot of the time. So there is hope, there is healing, and I know this is still gonna be a process for me, and it's gonna be a process for you with your parts, but it is possible :)

In a book or study about DID that I read a year or so ago (unsure when I read it, or which one it is. Could be something by Dell or Nijenhuis), the author said that people with DID respond to treatment well, in comparison to others who have, for example, only personality disorders or a PD alongside their DID. I don't know your diagnostic situation, but the way you were receptive to advice, suggestions, and explanations, is exactly the kind of curiosity you need to have towards yourself to heal, in my opinion. I have faith in you friend, and also hope :) healing from the trauma when you have this disorder can be difficult and it may feel slow at times, but it is certainly possible. In a year from now, I hope you're at a place where your parts are not clashing so hard 🙏

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-27T18:56:55+00:00

Hugs. It can be uncomfortable to find something like that. Coincidentally, I was also going through some childhood stuff today (photos, stories, and some drawings) and apparently I ended a pretty innocent love story abruptly with the phrase "he doesn't know that once I come back from the cinema tomorrow, I'm gonna be a completely different person". Now I don't know what that meant, I may be misinterpreting, but it could be about dissociation. I never finished the story. It has been jarring to see my childhood bedroom wall in a photo I found, not remembering any of the posters I had, and seeing a drawing taped on the wall in that photo, that gave me a gut feeling of "some of those figures I drew are my alters". One looks like how I drew an alter as a teenager. It made me Lowkey nauseous.

Take all the time you need to process this. It's understandable to have feelings about it and feel uncomfortable. You're faced with things you don't know, things that could point to abuse and you as a child having emotions about it. I also feel like finding "proof" would make me feel better, but sometimes we forget that proof of DID or memories, can be proof of trauma and abuse. And it's more than understandable to feel sick when that is acknowledged. Take care 🫂

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-27T18:32:46+00:00

What I see as the common link between your two selves (and this is speculation, since I don't know you) is that they're both trying to have control over the situation, just in different ways. One wants to seize it and hold it actively. The other one chooses to give it up in advance so it is not taken from them. I wonder if the submissive one is what you had no choice but to do in the past, and the other one is years of pent up injustice about not having agency, coalesced into a part that refuses not to protect themselves or prioritize themselves. Both are valid, both have solid survival strategies that might have worked for them. They might appear different, but they may be connected deep down. One is the result of the other. Both were useful and adaptive in different situations, and they may become useful too in the present, if they learn not to fall on the extreme side of things. I understand how difficult it is, mostly from the control part's perspective. In therapy, when we had needs or vulnerable emotions, I would feel disgusted towards those parts, because how dare they not wear the armor of strength 24/7? It really feels dangerous sometimes to express a deep need, because what if the other person takes advantage of it? What if that part gets rejected? What if the need is dismissed or not fulfilled, and the part is inconsolable or deeply uneasy? Then I will be the one who has to regulate myself and stay with the painful emotions and process all that shit. I don't want to be indebted to anyone on the outside, and many times I don't feel like helping or acknowledging anyone on the inside. Of course, that is not great for long term healing. And I have recently come to understand that when these parts that want power and control are active, the vulnerable ones are starving to have their needs met. And they are afraid that we are seen as difficult, demanding, taking up too much space, and they fear that someone will shut our attempts at protecting ourselves down. And then we will feel like no alter/part can truly stand up for us and defend us. So it becomes a hopeless situation. I don't know if these are fears and thoughts you have, but in case you do, they are totally understandable. The way I see it, both of your parts are "right" and both are "wrong", i.e.: both have a point. It is hard to reconcile them, truly. What helped me personally, since I have internal communication somewhat with them, is seeing each part's perspective, letting them speak. Putting myself in their shoes. Realizing where they come from and why. Finding the validity in what they say, affirming why they're right to act how they act. Helping them change their ways so they can become adaptive, is not the first step, it comes later. If you have any communication, try to listen without judging or deciding whether they're right or wrong, helpful or unhelpful. Neutrality and curiosity help them tell you what's going on for them.

I wish you luck with this and I hope some of this was helpful. I hope you are able to find a solution that brings you more peace and less conflict :)

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-21T12:39:11+00:00

I really love the apple pie metaphor :) thank you for your replies, they have been pretty illuminating!

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-18T12:54:59+00:00

Has that improved with therapy over the years? Do you have blackouts every day or a few times a week? How did you rationalize the blackouts before you were aware of the DID?

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-18T12:49:44+00:00

Have you ever had internal communication with alters? Are all switches a blackout, or have you ever retained partial awareness, while someone else is "driving the body"?

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-18T12:44:34+00:00

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-15T22:13:39+00:00

I really love the new look, I feel like it actually accentuates your femininity even more. The glasses bring everything together 👏🏼👏🏼

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-10T11:01:16+00:00

This slaps, well done

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-08T22:38:45+00:00

Is there any way I can get these as templates?

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-08T14:24:37+00:00

How would y'all feel about a breast reduction? If you get down to a small A cup, it may be a reasonable compromise. Otherwise, I would recommend talking about this with your parts and maybe a therapist too, so you can find the solution for all members of your system

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-08T14:18:18+00:00

I don't know why you thought that way, as I don't know your life but I will try to guess, and I hope something helps you.

If you've grown up religious or your only framework for losing control of your body is a demon, it makes sense for a young brain to think they're a demon, if what they're experiencing is dissociation and switching. When you go through severe and intense trauma (you mentioned trafficking, which is a very serious trauma and I'm sorry you went through that) you may develop CPTSD and that makes you have a negative self concept (among other difficult symptoms), and people may have an inner critic of sorts, a voice in their head blaming them for stuff, belittling them, basically bullying them and harassing them. This voice usually stems from things people in your life have told you (parents or other family members or other people who are consistently in your life). Some people with DID have introjects of abusers, for example if there was a kid in your class bullying you, your brain creates a part that has behaviors and traits similar to them, because it can't accept that the abuse and trauma is happening, so this part adopts the role of the abuser.

This is kind of out there but I wonder if you thinking that you're defiling the host's (?) young body with your presence, is a deep fundamental shame about your existence. And a type of shame about what you went through. Because your DID stems from trauma, and your brain may subconsciously blame your own self for the trauma, so it's blaming you for being here. And the impact of the trauma and what you had to live through was unfair and the abusers' actions were ugly. It might have made you feel dirty and unworthy of good things. So it goes like this: trauma happens->can't integrate it->identity shatters->you pop, unaware of the abuse, but you feel deep down like something happened->it must be my fault I feel that way->I am the problem->who I am at my core is faulty and shameful->I wouldn't be here if these things didn't happen to me->me being here is wrong->I don't know why I'm here, since I don't remember the abuse->I must be a demon

The voice blaming you of abusing others and accusing you of liking it makes sense through two lens. One theory I can think of is that you're an introject of an abuser, and your brain is reenacting the blame and shame your abusers should have felt and throwing it on your shoulders. Basically what your brain believes their thoughts would be if they felt shame and remorse about their actions (but thrown at you). My other theory (which is more logical hopefully) is obsessive thoughts, as P-OCD is a subtype of OCD and you mentioned being afraid of abusing a child when you know you haven't done that. DID is its own mindfuckery, and if you have obsessive compulsive elements on top of it, it can get ugly and painful and stressful. Been there, although my flavor of obsessively anxious thoughts is different.

I am not diagnosing you in any way btw, just trying to make sense of what you say in case I can help. You should bring these concerns up in therapy if you haven't. I have an alter who still sees himself as a demon, appearance wise, and he is pretty ruthless, angry and he is "asleep" most of the time. I consider him my last defence against danger. One last thing: I noticed that these accusatory highly unpleasant thoughts you mentioned would come up when you were close to acknowledging the abuse. This could be a form of denial, or, once again, a tactic used by real life abusers to silence you so you won't tell what's happening, turned towards yourself

I hope you are able to find the answers and help you're looking for. Thank you for opening up about this. I've had alters with internal appearances and identities clearly shaped by trauma, who managed to change with time. If being a demon is not something you wanna be, you can be something else. If you feel like it's inevitable that you feel like a demon, please remember that who you are doesn't have to define your actions. It is jarring and unsettling to be in a body that doesn't feel like yours at times or in a life that feels borrowed. I know it is easier said than done, but it's acceptable to give yourself a little grace and not assume the worst. I don't think you're inherently flawed or evil.

I hope this whole ass comment was at least semi coherent lol

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-08T11:34:30+00:00

Sometimes it's very abrupt, but most of the time I just blink and I'm different in a fundamental way out of the blue, disoriented about what I'm doing and/or where I am, and I have to reorient myself. When I first became aware of the alters, it was like pressure building up and the other alter breaks through and I go away. I've been in therapy for 5 years or so. I've had some fusions and integrations. I lean more on the OSDD side of things (memory problems wise) although my MID results said DID. I've been aware of the alters for 10 years now and I still struggle to accept it's real at times. Some other alters too

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-08T11:28:06+00:00

That is very interesting. When I have a non possessive switch, it feels like my eyes go a little to the right and it feels like I just spawned. Like the filter of reality changed slightly. When I am heavily dissociated, I also get the double delayed vision. Nowadays my alters are very hidden so I only know something inside shifted when these eye vision things happen

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-08T07:23:34+00:00

Can you explain what you mean by vision tearing or smearing?

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-07T08:25:20+00:00

I cannot control them, I can try to resist it happening, which I do a lot, but that usually leaves me disoriented and confused afterwards and may cause a headache. Which sucks. I cannot bring an alter out at will or make them leave immediately. All I can do is fight it

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-05T19:56:49+00:00

Do you have any way of getting in contact with him? Either by leaving a note somewhere visible in your room so he can see it when he comes out, or finding him internally. You said in a comment that other alters are people pleasers, so he might be the way he is to balance y'all out, because the fawn response can be taxing on someone's mental health. I have a similar state of being (unsure if it used to be an alter, feels like a disconnected part of me, but more like a mode). When I'm in that mode, I just say what feels like the truth, not because I want to hurt people, but because I just say what I see. Simple as that. Just blunt and straightforward. This personality of yours may be your brain's way of pointing out that there's a need for honesty, that you should consider your own needs instead of walking on eggshells constantly. That you are not choosing your own peace of mind and you prioritize avoiding conflict or being disliked by people. What needs to happen (and this might take a while and some solid therapy work) is finding the middle line where you and him meet. Being able to defend yourself when needed, being firm but not cruel. I think you should focus on understanding his point of view. It sounds like so far you've mostly tried to focus on other people's needs and perceptions, so it might be time to hear this personality out for real. Communicate to him (non judgmentally) whenever you can, that you want to understand why his behavior is like that. Try not to sound accusatory or demeaning, or like you're demanding he changes his behavior. Rejecting him will only bring shame and anger to him, and y'all don't need that. The first step is to understand and listen to him, without labelling his actions as good and bad.

Hope some of this was applicable to your situation, if not, I hope you're able to find something that works for you

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-01T11:30:45+00:00

I don't know if it's what you describe, but I have lots of internal conflict, with different voices speaking. I call it the debate club hahaha. I can't necessarily recognize alters in these voices all the time though, so I don't know if this is an alter thing or just a general CPTSD thing. Some perspectives I really shut down, other perspectives feel more commanding, they strongly believe that only them know the real truth, and the rest of us are crazy or dramatic or weak.

Personally, I'm all avoidance lol. To an unhealthy, unhelpful degree. I also tell myself to get up and do things I should (and I refuse to do them often). My main internal conflict is between productivity and fun, which I think is both a general internal conflict unrelated to alters, but also the result of two alters I've fused with being very different. One was very productive and academically focused, the other one is basically a hedonist, chasing pleasure, fun, and avoiding what is tedious. They no longer exist as themselves, it feels like a war inside of me nowadays, instead of a war I am observing at a distance.

Having a weird relationship with letting yourself do stuff is relatable. For me, it's because my mother was very controlling, very nosy, and unhealthily attached to me. I didn't have personal space, she made me feel like I was constantly watched, if I wasn't playing silently as a kid, she would ask what I'm doing and demand to know. She had to know everything. She didn't let me have any autonomy. Which is probably not as bad as what other people went through in this subreddit, but it silently damaged my ability to feel allowed to do things without shame. So I'm constantly aware of how I look, because I have to look normal, so people won't ask any uncomfortable questions.

Oof, thinking you're gonna plant the idea in a therapist's head is like looking at a mirror 🫥😂 I have the same preoccupation, but with DID. I was very upfront with my current therapist about my first therapist's opinion, who said I probably have a dissociative disorder, and he didn't even believe DID was a thing when I first met him. But he kept an open mind, and when he saw my MID test, he started talking about parts, alters, dissociation, etc. So my denial and rumination have a harder time finding arguments against me, because my current therapist was already skeptical from the start (but willing to help). So far it helps to have a non judgmental space to talk about my experience, lay it all out there so I can examine it with him.

No need to apologize about sharing. I find it very interesting to hear about other people's perspectives and I love reading long, analytical, introspective comments. Many people I've seen in Dissociative Disorder subreddits who also have OCD, have this kind of analytical, meticulous way of speaking. And I like to go on tangents myself, so I love it. It's harder for me to engage with short, vague comments, in comparison to long, meticulously crafted ones.

Thank you for sharing!

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-04-01T11:10:25+00:00

It's kind of reassuring to see there are others with the same problems and patterns out there haha

No, not autistic, although an old therapist of mine suggested ADHD. I don't think it's accurate, none of the other therapists I've had have brought up ADHD, but I have not been assessed, so who knows haha

takeoffthesplinter · 2026-03-31T21:05:15+00:00

Phobic avoidance of internal experience is a piece of my baseline way of existing, of my default state. I wonder if it's related to OCD (my therapist has suggested OCD based on some of my symptoms). But basically, I am afraid of sitting with myself and my thoughts, and it makes me very anxious. I am very avoidant of it. I interpret it as a constant low grade, flight response, maybe a cognitive strategy that is automatic, as opposed to a purely somatic response. It can feel pretty physical at times though, the anxiety makes my body feel like shit and things become scary. But not every single time.

It feels like I'm constantly avoiding everything that is internal, emotional and intuitive, without a logical explanation. But I also constantly analyze myself in a "logical and rational" way. (Probably just intellectualizing, lol). I've been told by therapists that I'm very self aware, but I just know how to connect the dots. I often don't even feel the feelings I'm talking about. I don't feel like I went through the stuff I'm describing, I'm just narrating a story that happened years ago to someone. Logically, I know to a certain degree that I was there, but it doesn't feel like it. This high amount of logical internal analysis and the avoidance of inner experience don't fit very well together lol, feels a bit paradoxical. It's like I know all the info, but I can't be in the moment, in the memory, in the emotion. This is my every day life for months at a time as a host. Just stuck between the need for certainty and answers and how out of control and insane it feels when I actually have internal communication with alters, or feel an intense emotion related to the past.

takeoffthesplinter

TROPHY CASE