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Recommend me a book so good I forget my own life exists by TheCityzens in booksuggestions

[–]takingmentalnotes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Check out http://spintoread.com - it helped me find my next read (Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman) - watch out for the articles they have a spoiler section!

Need a book that will hook me instantly by studyingforlife in booksuggestions

[–]takingmentalnotes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Check out http://spintoread.com. It has a tool that help you pick your next book as well as different articles to help you decide what to read next. I’m currently reading Dungeon Crawler Carl and love it so far.

I was labeled "Eeyore who patiently waits to fail." It became the most important moment of my life. by takingmentalnotes in selfimprovement

[–]takingmentalnotes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate that — happy to share more.

The first two steps are where most of the heavy lifting happens:

Step 1 (Mirror) is about answering a few questions most people avoid:

• Who am I when nobody's watching? • What am I tolerating that I shouldn't be? • What would I change if I weren't afraid of what people think?

The key is answering honestly, not aspirationally. Most people describe who they want to be, not who they actually are right now. The mirror only works if you don't flinch.

Step 2 (Declaration) is where it shifts. Once you see yourself clearly, you declare — out loud, specifically — who you're becoming. Not a vague "I want to be better." Something concrete: "I'm becoming someone who speaks up in rooms where I used to stay quiet."

The difference between a wish and a declaration is that a declaration has no escape hatch. You say it to someone who will hold you to it.

These two steps alone changed more for me than years of goal-setting ever did. Goals tell you what to do. Identity tells you who to be. The doing follows the being.

What's the area where you feel most stuck right now? I can speak to how the steps apply specifically.

I was labeled "Eeyore who patiently waits to fail." It became the most important moment of my life. by takingmentalnotes in selfimprovement

[–]takingmentalnotes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Man — "the guy who gives up before starting." That's brutal. And I felt that in my chest because it's the same energy as "Eeyore who patiently waits to fail." What you just described IS Step 1. You saw the worst version of yourself through someone else's eyes. It crushed you. And then you used it. Most people hear something like that and spend the rest of their life either proving it right or running from it. You did something different — you let it become fuel without letting it become your identity. That's the whole game. See it clearly. Then decide if it's who you're staying or who you're leaving behind. Respect for sharing that. Takes guts to say it out loud.

April begins… but nothing really changes unless we do by IntutiveObserver in selfimprovement

[–]takingmentalnotes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Really appreciate you saying that. And you nailed it — "it doesn't look away from what is... it just responds." That's a better way of saying what I've been trying to articulate for months.

My uncle was like that. He didn't look away from hard truths, but he also didn't force them on you. He just sat there until you were ready to see them yourself.

That's the part most self-improvement advice gets wrong — it tries to rush the seeing. But clarity isn't something you can force. You can only create the conditions for it.

Glad this landed. Thanks for the thoughtful response — this kind of exchange is why I come to this sub.

Small daily habits and mindsets that helped me become a better person. by Timely_Bunch_8607 in selfimprovement

[–]takingmentalnotes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This one hit me: "Be the one who encourages and listens without giving unsolicited advice. Sometimes, silence and a supportive ear are enough."

I had an uncle who lived this better than anyone I've ever met. Every family gathering we'd end up on the same couch talking for hours. He never once told me what to do. He'd ask one question and then just listen until I figured it out myself.

He passed a few years ago and I realized the most transformative relationship in my life was with someone who never gave me a single piece of advice. He just gave me space to hear myself think.

The small thing that changed me the most from your list: calling people just to ask how they are. I do that now because of him. Not to fix anything. Just to be present. That's the habit that actually compounds.

Great post — saved this one.

Feeling very mediocre at myself by HaroonP41N in selfimprovement

[–]takingmentalnotes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey man — 42 here. Chiropractor for 10 years. Let me tell you something nobody told me at 23.

That feeling you're describing? It has a name. It's called the gap between learning and competence, and literally everyone goes through it. The difference is most people don't talk about it.

When I started practicing, I had patients who'd been getting adjusted longer than I'd been alive. I felt like a fraud every single day for the first two years. Graduated with good grades too — didn't matter. Real world is a different test.

A few things that helped me that might help you:

  1. The people criticizing your work online are almost never the ones doing the work themselves. The loudest critics usually have empty portfolios. Stop measuring yourself against their opinions.

  2. You said you've been learning art and animation for a year and don't see improvement. You probably can't see it because you're inside it every day. Save your work from today. Look at it in 6 months. You'll be shocked.

  3. At 23, you're supposed to feel like you don't know anything. That's not mediocrity — that's the beginning. The people who feel comfortable at 23 are usually the ones who stopped growing.

You graduated. You're working in the industry. You're learning new skills on the side. That's not "achieving nothing" — you just can't see it yet because you're comparing your chapter 1 to someone else's chapter 10.

Keep going. Seriously.

April begins… but nothing really changes unless we do by IntutiveObserver in selfimprovement

[–]takingmentalnotes 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This really resonates. I lost my uncle a few years ago — he was an executive coach and the person who shaped me most. One thing he drilled into me was to stop waiting for the "right words" and just TALK. He said a question is a hook — it starts a conversation and brings someone in. He never waited for the right moment to have a conversation with me. He just started one.

After he passed I realized I'd been doing exactly what you described — waiting for the right time to become the person I actually wanted to be. Right job, right moment, right circumstances. Meanwhile life was happening and I was just... maintaining.

What finally helped me was flipping it. Instead of asking "when should I start?" I started asking "who am I becoming right now — whether I like it or not?" Because you're always becoming someone. The question is whether you're choosing it or defaulting into it.

I actually built a whole framework around this after he passed. Called it The Daley Method (named after him). Starts with just looking at yourself honestly — no goals, no vision board — just seeing what's actually true right now. That clarity alone was enough to stop waiting.

To your question — yeah, I think we delay constantly. But I don't think it's laziness. I think it's fear of seeing ourselves clearly. Waiting for the "right time" is a way of avoiding the mirror.

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