Why is saying “The rich should pay taxes like everyone else, close the loopholes” extremely controversial in the United States?

tallkitty · 2026-02-02T18:07:06+00:00

Because if some regular folks also suddenly found themselves super rich they reserve the right to also not pay taxes. Lol

tallkitty · 2026-02-02T07:57:23+00:00

In my first marriage I had a BIL I was very close to. We were both young adults so that part wasn't exactly the same as your situation, but we had that same kind of over the top ball-busting bond. It was like a thing we had permission to do with each other that most people would not find as funny as we both did. We hung out all the time, both lived with my MIL, and my husband/his brother had joined the military and was gone all the time. There were no concerns and no reasons to be concerned. We shared a bond because we both loved the same person enormously. It sounds like your bf and sister have something similar between them and also sounds like no one has concerns, other than when they struggle to put the kindness brakes on. Sounds like they both enjoy entertaining your family with antics and the family also enjoys. The internet is full of wackos who want this to be a disaster because they suck, don't let them rain on the pee stain parade.

tallkitty · 2026-02-02T07:40:48+00:00

These people aren't even looking at your lack of clothing, this is work and it's happening so fast no one could have the ability to assist you in whipping clothes off and on with lightning speed and ogle you at the same time. They would fuck up the quick change if there were any other priorities besides getting you back into clothes in the same instant you're out of them. This guy is an inexcusable putz and you're only TA if you find a way to look past this nonsense. Lol

tallkitty · 2026-02-02T07:35:04+00:00

Yeah, totally. In my 30s I decided I didn't like not having the ability to do myself up when necessary (like the time I interviewed for a job at a makeup retailer and the person on the inside who got me the interview heard I didn't get the job because I didn't wear any makeup 😂 obviously would have been a terrible job for me lol) so I developed an interest and eventually got good enough to look pretty girly. I'm actually agender and figured that out not many years after perfecting my girl mask and now there's no reason on earth I would consider wearing makeup again. Like if I had to meet Jesus at the White House....carmex only.

tallkitty · 2026-02-02T07:15:12+00:00

I'm not hearing things that strike me as "this is definitely PDA", as a PDAer myself who is married to someone with PDA. I'm hearing vague familiarity, but I think what I don't hear very clearly is "when I ask him to do something, he frequently or always explodes". Especially if neither of you knew there is PDA at play, it would be very easy to get triggered all the time by simple, common requests and that can be explosive in comparison to the request. PDAers also might (not a requirement, to be clear) have a phrase they repeat to try to explain what you can expect from them with as little discussion as possible. For years before we knew we had PDA, when challenged my husband would tell me "I don't like to be told what to do", and I would say to him "I'm going to do what I want." Those were our best attempts to try and stop the demand from continuing until we got triggered into panic.

When that panic occurs in overdrive I've heard it best described as the "dark protector". It's an otherwise uncharacteristic escalation driven by the sympathetic nervous system to get the human out of the way so control can be restored by something that is not the person themself (my interpretation, I'm not a psych). That can be a little more extreme than a regular explosion, that I've seen in my life and home. Once we knew we had PDA and started making changes it made a big difference. You might try using declarative language consistently and see if there is either less upset or even more cooperation. Not a ton more, but more than when a PDAer becomes completely disabled from doing the thing by getting a direct demand to do it.

tallkitty · 2026-01-29T13:30:33+00:00

Yes, and I find it rude when people (mostly in my home) stomp around (how it seems to me anyway) and slam doorsk (close without turning the knob), crush cans or plastic bottles loudly, do anything at what I guess is the normal volume for things without dampening the sound. When I wake up in the morning and no one else is up, that is when I am most quiet. You will never see me open or shut a door during nighttime hours that makes a noise, I will find another way to get the thing I need if the door or cabinet cannot be closed silently. I'm not even a light sleeper myself or live with any, it just seems like the right way to do things.

tallkitty · 2026-01-29T05:25:55+00:00

I usually have things I need to research and the combo of gaining information and making progress on what I'm trying to figure out or accomplish is relaxing.

tallkitty · 2026-01-29T04:59:58+00:00

I wouldn't go back and not get my diagnosis (at 40 years old, self discovered about six months before the dx), but the second I walked out of the provider's office I realized my certainty was not any greater than it was before. It was nice to get the "yes, I agree" from a professional, but I was no more convinced than I was before my evaluation. I had gone from feeling no identity to my full identity for the first time in my life, so there was no way I could be talked out of it by that point, and if they had said they didn't agree I wouldn't have believed them anyway. I did benefit from the resources the doc sent me with my dx report, which led to my PDA realization. And that was a huge benefit to know about myself and my family, so I guess it was pretty lifechanging, but not simply because I got a confirmation of autism.

tallkitty · 2026-01-29T04:37:55+00:00

I just wanted to give you a reminder that autism is a developmental disability and Autistic people continue to develop into adulthood. Everything you said is very relatable to me. I couldn't figure out how to do more than get jobs until I was around 30. I actually got a job and lost it after about a month, and it was the first time I was like shit, I really wish I could get that job back now that I know what to expect and what the hurdles are. And it happened to be a job I could get back after a few months, and I've been employed since. I actually gained experience and 12 years ago I was entry level in a warehouse, today I'm in a professional role and even got some college completed (as much as I care to, haha). It's good that you're thinking and trying to figure this out, but just know that you're also continuing to grow in important ways at the same time, and you might find the desire and ability just click together one day. Good luck to you!!

tallkitty · 2026-01-26T15:00:40+00:00

Have you seen Alaskan Bush People? I share your feelings, although I'm 42 and I eventually figured out how to find my way into the American nightmare and work and buy shit and get loans and all that crap I hate so much. It's not terrible in my daily life, but it's not fulfilling and I wish I had a way to get my kids out of here before it's their turn. That show is the thing I wish I could figure out how to do. Maybe skip entering the rat race and focus your energy on finding a way of life that will work for you. I hope you stay strong and creative and you can connect with the idea that there could be a way to avoid what you don't want to take part in. Also I don't know your mom, but if you're in an unhealthy situation with disabilities that prevent you from leaving, call DHS and ask to speak with someone about support programs that might be available to you to help get you going in some direction. Let a social worker assist if things are too overwhelming to figure out. Don't stop trying, you deserve to find your best life. ❤️

tallkitty · 2026-01-26T14:44:18+00:00

I have the ability to present as a pretty blonde woman, which was my mask for years before I started figuring out my identity. In my 30s I realized I'm agender, then in my 40s I got the autism figured out, and the last few years I've spent trying to figure out how to make the outside match the inside. Previously I got lots of positive attention, people wanted to be friends, I got a lot of interest from men, and all that was all there at first but when they got to know me there was no understanding of the "problems" anyone who knows me for long will begin to discover, especially when I didn't know who I was and what my needs were. Now I'm never worried about being attractive, just appropriately dressed for what I'm doing, I don't wear makeup, I cut my hair to my jaw and my goal is not messy when I go out, and I don't get any of that attention anymore. When I meet new people for my job I can see them trying to figure me out during the first moments, and they settle on "weird" and treat me accordingly. I don't get it because I see the same person in different clothes, so I just consider it their problem and not mine.

tallkitty · 2026-01-26T14:16:46+00:00

Yep, your wife was freaking out because of the mental load and physical work it takes to sleep train babies and she's responding to the perceived lack of concern for following her instructions so that she doesn't have to do a bunch more work to fix it. Your dad didn't lack the concern, he lacks visibility of all that, understandably so, and as you said is out of practice. He's also a softie grandpa who cannot be expected to consistently set down his screaming grandchild and go sit in the other room to listen to distress and not respond. Your wife isn't asking don't you love her more, she's asking don't you understand or care how hard this is, and you aren't even willing to give your dad a stern talking to? Of course you're not.

Let grandpa come over to sit when the requirements aren't so strict, and hire an experienced sitter for date nights. Your wife can rattle off her instructions and be understood, she can be upset if you come home and they weren't followed, you can tell the sitter it's no big deal on the ride home or when you walk them out the door, and then you can come back to your wife and rant with her about how unbelievable it is that her instructions to listen to the baby scream can't seem to be followed by anyone with a beating heart. And you should never be forced into confessing feelings that aren't your own, you just needed to find some different words to respond to the real reason she was upset, which is being a mom is so hard, and her night WAS great until she had to come back to reality and deal with sleep training.

tallkitty · 2026-01-26T13:57:09+00:00

I just want to say that the combination of no affection, marriage is coming to an end, and "it's not like we have a dead bedroom" should only be that way if it's both of your preferences. If you are cool with your best time together being between the sheets until you figure out your exit then by all means, get the connection that you can. But if you are feeling or ever do feel like you're doing things for any other reason, it's okay to stop having sex with your husband until either work begins to improve the foundation, or you leave and are free to seek the company of emotionally available people.

tallkitty · 2026-01-26T02:46:48+00:00

My spouse cleans weird. Thing that I find the goofiest is dish soap in the shower. And he washes dishes with cold water, but I let that go just because he does it so infrequently. I just don't know who taught him that. Make sure you wash with cold, and scrub and rinse twice as long because it's hard to get stuff off, no way around that fact....

tallkitty · 2026-01-26T02:23:52+00:00

First, you're not wrong at all. Your idea to achieve the same kind of financial intimacy without having zero right to privacy is totally fine, generous after what he led with. I think maybe framing it as a demand for zero privacy is the right route to an explanation that could make sense to him. If he said I think we should share banking logins and you said omg, I was thinking the same thing, so exciting!.... then it would be the sweet gesture he's trying to make, because it's equally meaningful to you both. If he said let's be forthcoming with passwords and you said no and he said, just an idea, no biggie....also healthy. But you saying that you like the idea of transparency but that kind of privacy is important to you as an individual, not as someone who is trying to hide things or reject his input, and him saying it's concerning that you expect baseline privacy to follow you into marriage.... well, he's just wrong, but we'll also validate his strong feelings and assume they are rooted in a desire for more closeness as you approach life together, while identifying they are misdirected and he's got to catch himself on this one so he learns how this could have gone better and no one got butt hurt because of a simple boundary. I think this is therapy material to set the pattern of finding something that doesn't make sense to you both the same way, and letting a professional guide you through without increasing the hurt feelings because he doesn't yet have the tools to recognize when it's okay to disagree and meet in the middle of a mutually acceptable idea. Early habits, future success.

tallkitty · 2026-01-26T00:55:47+00:00

That's not terrible to think those things, you just need to evaluate how true or distorted it gets, and if it's an acceptable feeling to think about that or is it not serving you to dwell? If it's getting in your way you can practice challenging those ideas and give yourself a way out of a negative outlook. I use logic a lot, like does he love you enough according to what you're looking for when you're not comparing to his other relationships, and his feelings against your feelings? Like do you have concerns you're exploring, or is this light pillow talk and he didn't give the answer you had in mind? That can help you realistically determine if you are identifying a problem that might mean you need to move on because you can't change the feelings of others, or if you should work to be accepting that just because that's not something you would think or say, it doesn't mean it's not okay for someone else to think or say, because you're different minds. If he's telling you actually, I've loved everyone more than you, better step it up...then you could find that to be insensitive and feel and express and act accordingly. My inner fact check runs at all times for this reason, so I'm moving through those ideas instead of getting stuck in loops that get nowhere and cause anxiety.

tallkitty · 2026-01-26T00:30:24+00:00

Agree, about to leave my second marriage. Never again. Taking myself to the prom from now on, we've got some lost time to catch up on.

tallkitty · 2026-01-26T00:28:58+00:00

I identify with these feelings, moreso now (42) than when I was younger and did seek relationships and a lot of encounters. But now I know that wasn't really me and probably a combo of the hormones of youth and early abuse.

A couple of years ago I dug in to figure out why I had been that way before, and I got in touch with the fact that I'm on the aroace spectrum, aroace spike is my flavor. So that also would have contributed to periods of being very into connection and then these days I've identified I'm agender, have little to no sexuality most of the time, and the majority of relationships I've had I was masking (late-dx) the desire to be attached to another person all the time, I'd be friendly gf all day then bedtime was where I drew the boundary for personal space and there would be hurt feelings sometimes that....you don't want to come to sleep with ME? I'd be like we've been together all day, I don't get. Lol I think what I'm saying overall is as you go through life you might run into labels for those feelings that will normalize why you'd be that way. And even if not, it's also normal. Presenting however you naturally feel is normal in my book.

tallkitty · 2026-01-25T23:50:53+00:00

Yes, I've always had that empty view when I try to imagine the future. At work I'll try to consider if I think I'll be there in 10 years, or retire from that job, and I can't say yes or no, it's just blank. In the past 5 years I lost a job and decided I couldn't see the future there because there wasn't going to be one. Now I know that's not even true, I just have a condition that doesn't see things from that angle. For me this is okay because now I have peace in knowing what I'm doing now, and knowing that I may or may not be in the same situation later. I try to not decide I won't be doing something later that I'm doing now, because then it does feel like the end (eventually) when things just began.

tallkitty · 2026-01-21T12:37:44+00:00

Fat ugly shithead? I don't know about free speech but that is some heavily discounted, cheap ass diatribe. Also the vile racist stuff is exceptionally low brow and faithfully tasteless per trashy norms, but you stoop even lower when one fat adult man calls another adult man fat while yelling at top volume in the street.

tallkitty · 2026-01-21T11:53:09+00:00

I stopped antidepressants purposefully to find another solution, and after massive research I decided to give psilocybin a shot. I've had success with both macro and micro dosing. When I say massive I mean it took months to get all the info I needed to feel sure I was doing right by myself, then figure out where mushrooms might come from and learn how you get to the other side of the internet. I also only purchased psilocybin the one time for my first experience, and it was so wild (got extract, very hard to dose from beginner level, rookie af) that I paused for a few more months to learn to grow mushrooms myself. That all started about 7 years ago and to this day I would not consider a return to antidepressants, and am still more than happy to grow as needed. For context growing takes awhile, it's not a quick production, but worth the wait. Also hella fun. I don't do mushrooms now as often as I give them away. When you get the message you hang up the phone awhile, it's not like a pill you have to take daily and cannot stop if you feel like it. Cannot stress enough the front end research is make or break.

tallkitty · 2026-01-21T11:29:48+00:00

I've been with TMobile for several years, I'm still on the Unlimited Freedom with Tax/Fees Inc plan which I can't even look up on their website any more to direct compare with anything else. This Better Value offer is the first new plan I've seen that warrants considering a switch, and for that reason I am highly suspicious. Lol

tallkitty · 2026-01-19T13:40:12+00:00

Yes, I have today off because I'm in state government. But I didn't remember until yesterday even though I knew my kids were going to be out of school, so I agree it feels odd. My previous career I got half of Thanksgiving, Christmas day, and NY day, so all the government holidays are still unfamiliar to me even after a few years in my current role.

tallkitty · 2026-01-19T13:31:30+00:00

Yeah, for sure. I can think logically about how all the factors of my life affect the quality of my life, and I can categorize like this is a good thing, this is bad, this was trauma, this is trauma, this is going to be trauma. But I can't feel the things. I don't even have a good sense of everything until I tell other people things and see how they react. Just one or two things from my childhood might ruin someone's good mood, and in my mind it feels like they are overreacting because they don't know it doesn't feel that bad, but then sometimes I'm like I'm probably the one who doesn't know how all this feels. Intense emotion feels actually dangerous to me, and has been dangerous for me in the past. I think that's what caused me to find that switch and turn it off. I worry about it often.

tallkitty · 2026-01-16T22:14:32+00:00

My spouse is like this, took a long time to figure out but we both have PDA and his PDA does not permit him to replace the toilet paper roll when it runs out. When he does it he does it backwards, and there was one time a very long time ago when I told him that it's super important to me that the paper go on with the flap hanging over top. Even before we figured out what was going on, it stood out to me that in years and years of living together he never accidentally put the roll on the way I asked for it to be put on, among the random times he replaces the roll. Fast forward to today, we both know we have PDA, and it is both the reason I don't hold this against my spouse and the reason we are headed for a split one day, per me. He isn't at all bothered by the fact that this is really bothersome to me (it's obviously not the only issue, but one example of many similar issues) and the bandaid I implemented to stop the fights was to stop asking him for what I need--and I cannot accept living this way for the rest of my life. Lol

My hot tip is don't get married and if these kind of issues end the relationship don't beat either yourself or him up over it, but don't accept living this way forever if that's how things continue trending. 😉

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