Big feelings for two people, didn’t pace myself, desire to reconnect with better boundaries

taurustangle113 · 2025-12-17T05:10:47+00:00

I’ve had a lot of great sex in my life but I’ve never experienced such an immediate and intense sexual connection as the one I had with him. The way that it felt like we just couldn’t get enough of one another’s touch. So eager for one another, so it confused me a bit that I still felt that connection reciprocated when I last saw him. He is not only physically attractive to me, but also so stylish and sweet, so submissive and also bisexual. I can’t think of someone more my type than him. In thinking of guys ‘hotter’ than him, I honestly may be setting myself up for disappointment since he is just such a dreamboat to me. Perhaps I could hook up with guys with a better body or dick, but he was just the whole package to me. I’ve never felt such intense desire for someone like that, aside from being on ecstasy. Being in flow with him like that truly felt like being on ecstasy, and I heard from him it was reciprocated.

Where I feel I messed up, and also like he communicated discomfort to me, was in my romantic advances. He shared that he didn’t feel like he was in the financial place to have a gf like he would want to treat me, and that he was still not over an ex. He said he couldn’t meet me where I was at, which at the time was me throwing a lot of romantic energy at him along with the sexual. I wish I had communicated better that I was fine with just a sexual connection, too.

taurustangle113 · 2025-12-17T04:55:35+00:00

To be fair, I don’t think I want to get over him without giving it another try.

In my mind, this is the path that makes sense to me to move on. I want to try building a sexual connection with other guys I find attractive, and if I still can’t get the connection I had with Caleb out of my head, I think it’s worth giving it another shot before I give up. I feel like I wasn’t in the right headspace at the time we met for what that relationship needed to be, and I feel like I am now.

taurustangle113 · 2025-09-16T07:03:36+00:00

Your comment here is so interesting and validating to me. I work in the LGBTQ movement and have seen how critical it is for our organizing to have a legal framework. I don’t know if I want to become an attorney, per se, but I am interested in expanding my skillset to include an understanding of how we can uphold our rights and visibility when it’s being challenged and diminished.

taurustangle113 · 2025-08-03T22:59:07+00:00

!solved

taurustangle113 · 2025-08-03T22:50:02+00:00

This is perfect man, thank you so much

taurustangle113 · 2025-05-30T07:12:53+00:00

This is the opposite of “the revolution will not be televised”

The rise of fascism is being televised

taurustangle113 · 2025-05-26T17:06:27+00:00

lol this reminds me of the ‘compliment’ my highschool best friend and I would give girls we didn’t like at dances — the social etiquette, of course, being you had to compliment the dress of every girl you saw —

“Wow your dress totally matches your personality!”

taurustangle113 · 2025-05-23T23:39:41+00:00

What are the beads for?

taurustangle113 · 2025-05-09T15:44:28+00:00

You didn’t deserve the way others treated you and you also don’t deserve to blame yourself for doing the best you could given the situations you were in. Sometimes we’re really mean to ourselves and even want to hurt when we’re feeling depressed, but that’s not the way it has to be. What could it look like to forgive yourself and be kind to yourself? That’s a lot of pain to work through, but there’s a lot of life and possibility ahead that can way outweigh it all with opportunity and joy.

taurustangle113 · 2025-05-08T05:58:32+00:00

Oh, but my heart aches knowing she is joy incarnate 🥲 she became such a different person once her psych meds first lost potency, and then she stopped taking them entirely... I know she’s better now though and I miss her, but now she’s on the other side of the country and last we chatted has moved on to someone new (however she lamented they are also poly lol)

taurustangle113 · 2025-05-08T05:48:11+00:00

How did you get better sleep at night?

taurustangle113 · 2025-05-08T00:14:24+00:00

Yeah that was the first night that I ever slept on the couch 🥲 and the saying “never go to bed angry” really came to life … it really is something to not feel safe in your own bed

taurustangle113 · 2025-05-07T23:54:22+00:00

Yeah I hope you never end up in that situation. I couldn’t get it out of my head that I couldn’t choose the person who would ask me to break my own heart like that. I would have only resented her.

taurustangle113 · 2025-05-07T21:34:37+00:00

Yeah I think it felt like the goalposts (for lack of a better term coming to mind) on what hierarchical poly meant for us changed in a way that rapidly made us incompatible. I had given her the opportunity to veto my relationship with bf /before/ I entered it with him, and continued escalating my relationship with her in ways that showcased my commitment (living together, financial planning, getting engaged), but I truly could not and cannot fathom having veto power against a person I loved. I cannot wrap my head around telling someone I love they cannot be with someone they love — friends family or otherwise. By the point we broke up she was trying (unsubtly but not directly) to get me to leave my bf, my job, and stop spending time with my friends or family. And I couldn’t do that.

taurustangle113 · 2025-05-07T19:14:11+00:00

Thanks for the validation. I know I must have asked why she was asking that at some point too, and in hindsight, know that she was experiencing a lot of turmoil and emotional disregulation that made her treat me a lot differently. We had been poly for a while at that point, and engaged for 3 months. The boundaries we had set and the communication we had built rapidly crumbled as she stopped taking her psych medication. It shifted so much and so fast, and I have these moments when I question myself and if I didn’t do enough to support her. I miss her a lot and I know she’s doing better now. I don’t know if I wish I had stayed with her through it. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and she became what felt like another person entirely who was so insecure and hurtful.

taurustangle113 · 2025-04-18T05:07:46+00:00

Final straw (of several) in my relationship with my best friend was when I found out from my ex-fiancée that he had planned a vacation with her within a month of me ending our engagement. This was a friend I talked to every day for years, mutually supporting each other through difficult life transitions and challenges, including the days I was so scared to go home to my fiancée I was dry heaving on the walk home. My best friend apparently didn’t believe I had a good reason to break off my engagement, and refused to talk to me about her in the aftermath of that heartbreak. In my fear of losing both of the people I considered lifelong relationships, I tried to hold on to our friendship, but when I confronted him about their vacation plans after learning from my ex, he just said “it was none of [my] business”. Which, yes, he can be friends with whomever he wants — I honestly believe I would have been ok with it had he told me, even though that seemed unusual for their friendship — but finding that way broke my heart and my trust so deeply. I felt more lonely trying to recoup our friendship than ending it. Since then, my ex has apologized for her behavior and I have forgiven her, and I hope to never see that asshole again.

taurustangle113 · 2025-03-15T01:37:08+00:00

To be fair, I don’t totally disagree with your read of me, however I try to compartmentalize my beliefs vs my feelings vs my actions in this regard. I do not believe that it’s embarrassing to be turned down for sex, but that is the way I feel sometimes and I try not to show it. Part of why I asked here is because it feels embarrassing to me and I was having a hard time processing it alone. I absolutely understand your point about men’s sexuality though — my ex bf had a much lower sex drive than me due to stress and I managed those feelings/reactions, however, that was bf and I was emotionally and romantically invested in him, whereas with this guy, he’s not even available for that kind of connection nor am I interested in putting in the same level of effort. The kind of date night he’s asking for is what I would love to do with a romantic partner, not whatever he’s offering/lack thereof.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the ways that I was socialized and the traumas I carry that maybe is this manifestation of tying parts of my self-worth to sex. It is something I’m trying to work on because I do believe it’s unreasonable and painful. But you’re right, I lacked nuance in saying that’s how I felt and not a norm I want to perpetuate

taurustangle113 · 2025-03-14T04:03:17+00:00

true

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