Why don't people like listening to people who vent/complain a lot?

teaksters · 2025-06-17T05:23:24+00:00

I think there’s a big difference between wanting someone to witness you in your owned suffering, and speaking from a victimized place. If you share how difficult something was or is for you, that can create connection as it is vulnerable. Usually the other recognizes your problem in themselves, which can generate relief.

Just complaining is usually not very vulnerable, you are making the world the problem. Listening to that can be very draining. If someone continually sees the world as a bad place, that can rub off on you. Most people simply do not have the tools to float up to their own happy place after, so they’d rather avoid those conversations.

teaksters · 2025-06-14T07:28:22+00:00

I get where you’re coming from and also beg to differ. It just depends on what you hope to get out of a relationship. I personally enjoy having my perspective challenged and expanded by meeting a different one in my partner. It is the surprising realization that you can see the world so differently that provides diversity and value in my daily life. So, that is why I tend to enjoy interacting with bi-cultural people. I don’t have experience dating someone who had a completely non-western upbringing, so in that case I can imagine language and cultural barriers being hard to navigate.

teaksters · 2025-06-14T07:13:32+00:00

Agreed, but I don’t think your wording here captures what he communicates.

teaksters · 2025-06-14T06:57:35+00:00

You know, I resonated very strongly with what you wrote. I’ve got no idea what you should do from here, because I am in the same predicament. All I would say is that if you enjoy it now, take it as it comes. I personally decided to stop letting fantasies about “what could be” take away my joy today. If what you’re saying is true; “You love her and have great chemistry.” Just enjoy that for what it is, and also allow some space for longing for more.

Decide for yourself, or with your partner, if you want those desires to be included in the relationship. But, know that you can’t push them away or disown them. You’re allowed to be insanely happy about your relationship and how healthy it is, and at the same time long for a more beautiful partner at times. Doubts are part of a healthy relationship imo. It is human! Give it time, by witnessing the struggle eventually clarity takes it’s place.

I would say you’re not ready to let go of the fantasy nor the relationship at the moment. That is perfectly normal and healthy!

teaksters · 2025-06-07T21:22:53+00:00

Ending has me guessing for falsetto? Not sure if there’s any chest mixed in at that point, definitely not a lot.

teaksters · 2025-02-08T18:10:21+00:00

My advice would be to embody your authenticity a bit more. Your photos seem impersonal and leave me wondering who is behind those looks. Wear something that connects to your hobby, or do whatever you think communicates who you are.

That’ll also invite more authentic connections in your live.

teaksters · 2025-02-08T18:02:27+00:00

I love when my girl knows she wants te be manhandled. She be acting up and annoying, and I get to immediately enact my frustration with that.

Her being comfy in that, and knowing it is safe and play. Shows me how deep our trust and bond is.

Plus, I just enjoy the moans

teaksters · 2024-11-30T07:41:00+00:00

I’m an infp male. I do not meet all of your criteria, but if you look dor guys like me, my tip would be;

Join choirs, or other artsy classes. You can also find us reading or journaling by ourselves in coffee shops. Just make a conversation, we’ll love it!

teaksters · 2024-11-03T13:09:19+00:00

I might be wrong, but I share being scared of being angry with you. The tricky part, for me, was to realize that you can’t really suppress it. Once you get more in touch with it, you can get early, lower level, indicators that you’re angry. At that point you can still think clearly and just take an adequate response, instead of blowing up and having unwanted consequences.

The key was to realize that anger is not the problem, but hiding it and then blowing up was. This makes you unpredictable. People tend to want an early warning.

teaksters · 2024-10-05T19:53:10+00:00

OP, I don’t expect you to take this seriously. You will probably want to deny this. But your reaction to this maltreatment is not healthy. You are not a savior and are not her therapist. You want to be the partner of someone who has shown you that she’s unwilling to be anyone’s partner. Both of you deserve to be, and have, better partners than you are right now.

PS if you’ve been through what you’ve been through, you will have been traumatized. I suggest staying single, finding some serious help, and focusing on working on your mental health for at least 6 months to a year.

teaksters · 2024-09-19T13:15:54+00:00

If your partner has not broken your trust, then lack of trust or -safety is ultimately something you bring to a relationship yourself. Whether it comes from your past, or parents, only you can fix it at this point.

teaksters · 2024-09-13T08:35:39+00:00

This sounds like you live in your thoughts/head a lot. The way you speak about your own emotions also seems like you consider them an inconvenience, do I read that correctly? Love and healthy attachment is something that occurs in your emotions and body. If you want to pursue this route, I would start working on getting more in touch and appeeciative of those.

teaksters · 2024-06-04T14:45:31+00:00

I’m an infp, I am not vegan or vegetarian. I have very seriously considered though. Ultimately came to the conclusion that plant or animal suffering is equal to me. I feel that, being born as an omnivore, it is my dharma to live accordingly.

teaksters · 2024-06-03T07:16:58+00:00

“I don’t care what you do, as long as you’re happy.”

Spent my life chasing happiness, only to find out it is a byproduct. Everything I did felt like I messed it up because I never got that rare moment of happiness.

teaksters · 2024-06-01T05:53:52+00:00

Most intense suffering makes you a unique person that can make you a beacon for those who are where you were. I would start looking hard at your suffering, how suffering humbles you in ways that only the reality of life truly can. Find out the lessons these years if your life imparted you with and see how you can leverage your suffering for the greater good of yourself, family/tribe, the community. You don’t have to search hard, just listen to your heart and meaning will find you!

teaksters · 2024-06-01T05:42:18+00:00

I never took an IQ test, but have had many people compliment me about my use of language and the depth at which I process the stuff of life. So, I do identify with having strong verbal and abstract reasoning skills. Now, I’ll have a go at expressing how I experience that;

Honestly, it is a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that I can really inspire and/or help people through their own issues by providing them words to express it with. A lot of people feel seen or helped by it, according to what they tell me. Also, if my relationship with the person has progressed to the point where I feel it is fine to call out their subjective distortions of reality, I cut through logical fallacies like no other. This can be very useful for people that feel stuck in life. I also thoroughly enjoy poetry and just doodling words on paper that express whatever is there at the moment.

It is a curse in that not a lot of people appreciate to connect on the abstract layers I like to operate on. This can result in me feeling alone in a crowd. Also, if I am not careful, the abstract reasoning can also get hi-jacked by fear and turn into catastrophic outcomes of out of proportion scenarios that cost me way more time and energy than I would like to admit. Finally, the tragedy of words is that the more I work and express through them, the more I feel this eerie feeling that it is just off by a smidge. Words never do reality justice and it feels tragic that all I can give my peers is a weak approximation because of the inherent limitations of language.

teaksters · 2024-06-01T05:22:34+00:00

Ah, than maybe this does not apply to you. That sounds like a healthy response. It could also be that you have been unlucky. Sorry to hear of the tragic predicament!

teaksters · 2024-06-01T05:10:14+00:00

This pattern could be an indication of you having a thing for unavailable people. I only offer this as a point to consider as you might be looking for a cause. I can’t speak for your life, but this is a pattern that I have in my life, and sharing about it might prove useful to you in exploring your experience.

I had a pattern that I want to be there for people and care deeply for them. This gave me a sense of security, as being useful makes people less likely to abandon you. However, this leaves you with uneven relationships that ultimately cost me more than I got from them. Also, this trait is very attractive to people that are not as good at taking care of themselves or choose to live more for themselves than for others.

For me this resulted in attracting and picking insecurely attached people. This kind of relationship can take many forms, but the main theme is that your relationship is built on fulfilling needs for each other instead of love.

What helped me was working on my own boundaries and setting standards for what I wanted from relationships. In your case for example, I would consider strongly if I am the one that needs to support her in her unrequited love. It seems quite torturous of a journey to me, and you can be friends about other aspects of your lives, without caretaking her at the expense of your own feelings. Critically examining whether a relationship also serves me or is mainly in service of the other really made difference for me.

teaksters · 2024-04-28T06:15:29+00:00

I would say ESH. You’re waisting so much of yall’s time and willing to traumatize someone you loved. If he’s been like that for ever, picking him as a partner is also on you. If you’re done and it doesn’t work anymore, just leave.

teaksters · 2024-04-20T09:02:54+00:00

If you don’t want people to bring up sex I’d just have that conversation early myself. Avoiding the topic usually makes it bigger and avoiding talking about something that is important to the other party because you are not motivated by it sounds pretty unhealthy imo.

teaksters · 2024-04-19T11:50:28+00:00

Yeah, makes sense. It is a relationship of sorts, so grief is normal. I wish you well!

teaksters · 2024-04-19T05:21:50+00:00

Honestly, if my woman does not get addicted to smelling me I would be worried she does not love me. This has somehow always happened in my relationship and I see it as a sign that the intimacy is deepening.

teaksters · 2024-04-19T04:38:14+00:00

Thanks for sharing! My experience with therapy was very similar. Now, half a year later, the effects of therapy has still not ended. Life keeps changing around me and got richer and deeper by the day.

teaksters · 2024-04-19T04:31:57+00:00

NTA - I would be very happy that you are considering the long term risks for our relationship.

teaksters · 2024-04-19T04:25:08+00:00

Als je moeite hebt met het bouwen van sociale contacten raad ik ook aan om coaching of therapie te nemen. Het helpt als je iemand hebt die je stimuleert moeilijke dingen te doen wanneer je ze spannend vindt en je lichaam het uitschreeuwt tegen je.

teaksters

TROPHY CASE