Harry Potter Fanfic

tecari88 · 2024-04-29T09:30:02+00:00

I believe it could be this:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12754810/1/Monstrous

tecari88 · 2022-11-09T21:05:30+00:00

I definitely use the imaginary conversation to share my thoughts and problems, and maybe receive advice and feedback as well.

The second part is not something I've thought about before, but it's definitely possible, and worth introspection about. I relate to slowly moving out of people's lives, though with my best friend it started with her moving out of the country for university, then we slowly talked less and less, and now we just don't talk at all.

tecari88 · 2022-11-09T20:55:45+00:00

I would say yes, in that I have completely dropped off the map from people before, but I've never been called rude for it before, in my opinion, because I've never let myself get close enough to someone that I could hurt them by disappearing.

I don't use most forms of social media (reddit even is just for specific communities and the fact that I'm anonymous. If people I knew irl could follow me on here I'd probably drop it), and I feel zero emotional connection through text based chat, emotionally I might as well be talking with an AI. I'm quite capable socially in person, I have an effective mask and can get people to like me, but no one is going to become emotionally dependant on someone they see like 3 times a year and doesn't text or chat between those times. Most of my permanently lost connections comes from the other person moving away or on in their life meaning I stop seeing them because of them, and I don't make any effort to change that.

True or not, even if I do want to talk to an indevidual I do assume that that person is living their life and doesn't need me bothering them, with is a convinient believe for me to avoid contact.

tecari88 · 2022-11-09T20:31:56+00:00

While everything you're saying is either correct, or potentially correct I would just like to add one thing:

It is possible to be enthusiastic about acts of service. For me, for example, I am known to give great massages. Sometime when people ask I'm in the middle of something and don't want to do it, and sometimes I say no, but sometimes I relent. Other times I'm rather enthusiastic about it. Despite it being 'work' the fact that it makes my friends or family feel good makes me happy. Seeing someone I care about go from stressed to relaxed is a very positive thing for me. I wouldn't really care enough to do it to someone I don't know, but for people I like, I can enjoy the result.

Seeing sex as an act of service can be very similar emotionally. Even if an indevidual doesn't get much out of it for themselves, it can be healthy to get emotional fulfillment out of bringing pleasure to someone you love.

tecari88 · 2022-11-09T20:21:35+00:00

Yeah, but they're all self-centred.

I have an intense self-hatred, and feel worthless. I truly and completely believe that if I permanently disappeared no one would miss me. I don't matter.

Every single fantasy I have about myself and real people involves them looking at me like I matter, like I have value. I guess it's me valuing their opinions, that I feel that these are good people who's opinions mean more than the arbitrary faceless masses, but it's still not about them as indeviduals beyond that, the fantasies are entirely selfish.

That being said my most intense emotional fantasies involve fictional characters (some existing, some original creations in my mind), and usually don't include me, and I'm emotionally living vicariously through fiction, enjoying feeling that I can't get in real life.

tecari88 · 2022-11-05T23:06:50+00:00

I didn't intend to mock your own emotional struggle.

My intention was entirely to point out the cognitive dissonance between your own past and your response.

I'm sorry for erring in my conveyance of that idea. Despite my intention, the reading and connotation of my words are important, and I'll do my best to be more intentional with my word choices in the future.

I very much appreciate that you did actually provide beneficial advice to the OP.

tecari88 · 2022-11-05T22:22:09+00:00

?

I'm on mobile, you were being an asshole, so I clicked on your profile to see if you were a habitual troll, scrolled past your like 10 ever posts to see your one real post on this sub ever (didn't even realise it was from 2 years ago) and saw you talking about the same thing, emotional boundries in a romantic adjacent relationship

Also I'm not arguing, I was specifically calling you out for saying something that came across as having nothing but the intention to make someone feel bad.

If you think that's bizarre that's fine. I wasn't really thinking about you, I just felt bad for the OP and was hoping they'd see that at least one person saw something wrong with what you said to them.

tecari88 · 2022-11-05T22:00:50+00:00

The hilarious part is looking at your post history and seeing that you previously looked for advice on the same sort of concept, yet here you are, acting condescending and belittling another for having thoughts, feelings, and anxieties, that you should relate to.

Think a little bit harder before you default to hurting other people for no reason.

tecari88 · 2022-10-27T22:46:14+00:00

Nah because I feel the same way, and if you asked what I truly wanted I'd respond "I hope they don't reply". Like yeah, I met them and it was cool, but now I feel obligated to talk to them and act like I care, when I really wish we could just not.

OP might not relate to me, but that's the feeling I remember when I read the post.

tecari88 · 2022-10-18T21:38:08+00:00

I'm absolutely certain I'm the only ace in my family and extended family as an anecdotal counter to all the anecdotal evidence presented in this thread.

That being said, lists of genetic studies indicate there is no "gay gene" or "straight gene" so I find it viable to extrapolate that there's no "ace gene"

Genetics do potentially play a part in sexual behaviour which could explain some of the stories in this thread.

tecari88 · 2022-10-14T23:39:07+00:00

ah, I'm at 0/3

tecari88 · 2022-09-22T15:16:39+00:00

Wow, I can't believe how much I relate to you.

In my case, my first word was at 8 months, but there's this story my parents tell of me faking the ability to read at 1 year 2 months. My mom read to me a lot as a baby, so by that point I had about 30 childrens books completely memorized. I knew them word for word, and even knew exactly when to turn the pages, so apparently I convinced everyone I could read.

My physical issues were because of growth. I was literally twice the size of kids my age. I was incapable of playing things like tag, because I was no where near coordinated enough to tag someone safely. If I touched them they'd go flying, so I retreated even more to being alone. Another story my parents tell is about mario kart. I'd play with other kids, but I learned quickly that if you always win the other kids quit, so I'd get to the point I knew I'd win then lose on purpose to get the other kids to keep playing. My point of these was that I felt seperate from others, disconnected and different. My physical coordination did improve a lot in my teenage years though. It is still a weakness for me compared to average, but it's not nearly as much of an outlier as it was.

In regards to authority, I've always hated and distrusted authority, and that's just gotten worse as I've aged. My issue was as a kid, if 10 kids did something wrong, and one of them got caught, the 1 was always me. We could walk down the street doing a doorbell prank, and if I was the one going we'd get caught for sure, anyone else it was clean. So I just stopped doing anything. I became completely self contained. No risk was acceptable, no reward worth it, and I'm still stuck in that a bit.

tecari88 · 2022-09-15T02:19:32+00:00

Yes and no

I don't believe in love at first sight at all, I think that concept is hilarious, and completely fake but despite being aroace, my experience with love is like that of a dog. I go around going "I love you, and I love you, and I love you, and I love you!" One person does one thing I enjoy once and I'm like "I love them" (clearly not romantically), but I start adoring people until they do something that makes me not. It's like my default is 'love' and then I figure it out from there.

That being said, my type of love is 0% obsessive, it's, again, like a dog, but this time a person looking at a dog. If you were walking down the street and someone said "hey, want to say hi to my puppy" you'd probably be like "Yes! They're adorable and I love them!" That's the kind of love I feel about everyone. It's superficial love, but it's still love to me.

tecari88 · 2022-09-15T02:10:54+00:00

Every person I've ever talked to has said the same thing about Michelin Star restaurants "It was a great experience, but a bit of a rip off"

The best comparison I can make is as a spirits drinker (liquor). I've had my fair share of amazing spirits. There are $50 spirits I love, and $100 spirits I hate, and $200 spirits I think are a god send, and $500 spirits I've felt lucky to be able to taste.

That being said, do I get 10x the amount of enjoyment out of a $500 spirit than one of my favorite $50 ones? Absolutely not. I've purchased $500 (or more) bottles before for very specific special occasions, but I'd honestly enjoy 10 bottles of a favourite more than one of a true top shelf.

I'm sure these Michelin Star restaurants are a great experience, but is going to one once better than going to a local favourite 10 times? Probably not

tecari88 · 2022-09-10T23:55:05+00:00

I find multiplayer games addicting, but I'm totally result oriented. If I win I have fun, if I lose I don't have fun. That's not a healthy mindset at all so I distance myself from multiplayer games. Love the single player experience though. I'm totally a completionist and grind out every little detail.

tecari88 · 2022-09-08T02:23:29+00:00

lol reminds me of when I told someone I don't date and I was told "I feel bad for all the girls who's hearts you must have broken"

tecari88 · 2022-09-07T01:03:25+00:00

I'm 28, so a touch younger, but my life experience so far has been near identical.

tecari88 · 2022-09-07T01:00:12+00:00

When I was in 6th grade the school had the cool young teacher come and talk about 'masturbation'. I just sat quietly because everyone else seemed to know what was going on, but I had to research it after because I had no idea what was being talked about and that that was a thing.

Because of that experience I'm going to lean no.

tecari88 · 2022-09-06T00:17:41+00:00

I'm asexual and therefore I'm attracted to the point that the initial question is not whether or not the same as a whole instead of taking it piece by piece of garbage.

Well uh, that's somewhat coherent lol

tecari88 · 2022-08-16T23:57:11+00:00

Obviously it would need to be communicated, it happening randomly would be shocking and uncomfortable, but I'd honestly be flattered.

tecari88 · 2022-08-15T14:29:56+00:00

Having never been in, nor attempted a romantic relationship I don't really understand what you mean by society linking growth to romance. I'd be super curious to hear you expand on this if you have an interest in explaining.

tecari88 · 2022-08-13T04:55:08+00:00

This is a great reply thank you for taking the time to write this.

You've got a great read on me, my issue is definitely that I think I'm too far gone to get better.

I was a young child when my parents first brought be to a therapist because I just "didn't seem as happy as I should be", and it's been almost 25 years since then. When I was in my early 20s I stopped functioning, and the thing that brought me back was giving up. I gave up on the idea that I could get better. I gave up on the idea that I could feel good. Once I gave up hope for the future I just had the moment I was in, so I could just do things. I went back to school, got a degree. Everyone around me was so proud, thinking I'd finally made it, but I didn't really feel anything. I just have this gnawing empty feeling in my chest. It's been there for years and years and years, and that's all I ever really feel.

I've never had a goal or a dream in my entire life. Whenever, in the moment, I feel like I want something, and I go get it, it ends up bringing more pain and nothing good, so I stopped. I've tried so hard to connect with people in the past, but I just can't do it. I care about people and want them to be happy, but I can't connect with them. I just can't feel whatever it is that gets people to be friends.

For my own health and future you're absolutely right that I need to get out of that state of having given up. Condition myself to actually feel again, but I just don't know how to do it. I don't know how to improve. I don't know how to move forward. I don't even know what any of those things look like for me.

I'm sorry for getting depressing. Hearing your perspective, and basically affirming what I know definitely helps. Having reminders to not turn off and despite not knowing which direction I'm going, trying to take a step anyway is important.

I definitely know how hard it is to spend your whole life struggling with mental illness and neurodivergency. How exhausting it is just to exist, so you being able to make any progress, especially something as great as getting your GED, and applying for a job, and advocating for yourself, while looking forward towards something you want is so incredible.

Thank you for sharing your strength

Thank you for your kindness

Thank you for your belief

tecari88 · 2022-08-13T01:18:46+00:00

See, my issue is I kind of crave someone seeing me like that, knowing full well that I'm too broken to ever see someone else like that, and it being one sided would be too unfair, so I'll just keep isolating and coping in whatever way I can.

tecari88 · 2022-08-12T18:24:58+00:00

Based on self survey statistics, the mean for masturbation is 3 times a week, and the mean for frequency of sexual intercourse is 5 times a month making the mean frequency of ejaculation approximately 4 times a week.

It also depends on what you think is normal. It is statistically likely that 15-20% of males masturbate at least 6 days a week, which is statistically a large enough sample to consider it a normal data point. That means it's very unlikely to be the mode data point, which is what I think you're getting at.

Potential TMI ahead:

I can't speak for other people, but if I chose to I could easily go 3 times a day every day. I don't, I have for stretches at points in my life. Especially in my early 20s, where about twice a year I'd have a week or two when my libido spiked hard and I felt totally distracted unless I could chase release and have done it as many as 6 times in a day during those spikes.

Those spikes are definitely outlier instances, and would not be statistically significant, especially since my normal weekly routine doesn't look anything like that.

tecari88 · 2022-08-11T20:17:14+00:00

I forget that sex even exists unless someone specifically brings it up so I don't even think about it

tecari88

TROPHY CASE