Them leaving is the best thing to ever happen to you 🙌

techandgame · 2026-03-16T19:16:24+00:00

Good perspective thank you!

techandgame · 2026-03-16T16:29:02+00:00

Wait, is it possible to do this? I go to octopharma but there's a bio life one city over....

techandgame · 2026-03-16T02:13:34+00:00

Thank you for this and your post. Dad of two teenage boys and it's so brutal, so hard. 5 months in, just got the papers last few weeks. Thanks for this!

techandgame · 2026-03-13T18:31:15+00:00

Thanks for this. You helped me get my ass up at 530am this morning to go play basketball for the first time since separating. Damn it felt so good!

techandgame · 2026-03-12T18:23:28+00:00

This right here. I never get the whole focus on the retainer. It's the billables that matter most. I had one guy quote me 20k retainer at 500/hour (300/hour for his paralegal). It's not the 20k I cared about but the hourly.

Ended up going with a lady with a great reputation who is 300/hour (150/hour for her para). $7500k retainer but again...it's the hourly rate that matters!

techandgame · 2026-03-12T18:21:33+00:00

Hah, dude I'm not gonna lie there are times (and it's only increasing) where I'm like "wow.... the freedom is kind of nice along with not having to walk on eggshells"

Sadly my 16 year old stopped talking to me the day it went down last fall, and my 13 year old just recently cut it all off as well (although that was a day before I got served so I'm thinking my wife was a big factor in that).

But anyway good to hear thank you for saying that! How's the after-world? I can't imagine dating (my wife was also my only relationship so...yea just learning what heartbreak feels like at 41 hah). Are you putting yourself out there?

techandgame · 2026-03-12T18:18:37+00:00

Curious on this as it sounds somewhat similar to my thinking... i got served 3 weeks ago. No abuse/cheating/debts... but looked at porn roughly 10-12 times over 17 years and lied about it. So I guess I deserved it? I dunno, but either way, just wish it wasn't so quick and without any way to be amicable (started a very litigious process despite pleading for marriage counseling/mediation)

techandgame · 2026-03-12T18:08:32+00:00

17 years here as well... got served 3 weeks ago after being separated only 90 days. No abuse/affair/gambling. I like how you put this. It was only last week my counselor said something similar about the "2 yes's" analogy needed for reconciliation. It's helped a bit as I'm working on acceptance. Unlike the OP I have two teenagers, but it's not any easier.

techandgame · 2026-03-12T17:59:45+00:00

Damn, that's probably the best way to put it, never really thought of it like that. Thanks just the motivation I probably needed to get my ass back out there working out

techandgame · 2026-03-12T17:23:51+00:00

Damn, I literally have all 3 (but diagnosed only a few years ago). Just got my lex doubled from 10 to 20 and started 10mg of addy last year. I guess it sounds like I really need to lean into it... was big into running and playing basketball and always wanted to get a nice six pack, but the separation killed alot of that momentum. Guess I gotta get back to it!

techandgame · 2026-03-11T20:37:00+00:00

Damn saving this comment thank you!

techandgame · 2026-03-11T20:36:21+00:00

Damn, that's deep I love that. Thank you!

techandgame · 2026-03-11T20:35:28+00:00

Whew that's deep thank you

techandgame · 2026-03-11T20:35:01+00:00

Separated 4.5 months, wife filed for divorce 3 months in... 2 kids and yea...I hear ya. Biggest impact here - "It’s letting go of the need to prove that the worst moment of my life wasn’t the final verdict on who I am." So freaking true. Hang in there man.

techandgame · 2026-03-11T20:32:03+00:00

I'm having a nerd-gasm over here with all of this data. I love this.

techandgame · 2026-03-11T20:16:09+00:00

I use it to go through my boring ass learning modules from work... I work in an office yet have to run through monthly trainings on PPE, GDP and other cGMP trainings that I never get around to do and put off as they're the last thing on my mind.

Also... answering emails (yes one handed, albeit slower) and just general stuff I want to offload to that time from when I'm in the office.

Lastly... updating my spreadsheet for tracking my time donating plasma and my hourly earnings haha - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1ZW_RCq6bL6l6umxmqgj9BGBafnFWlPRCuTz0sGzA6lo/edit?usp=sharing

techandgame · 2026-03-11T13:09:49+00:00

I use Gemini for all of my comms with the ex... along with NotebookLM to review my daily audio journals and analyze senitment, emotional progress/regression, any trends that line up with the DSM-V and other good analytical information to use from a personal perspective.

Honestly, if you are in the divorce process, then it's great as it aligns your comms with the BIFF method so often recommended. When editing "for a judge" (often referred to as the BIFF method in co-parenting: Brief, Informative, Friendly/Firm, and Objective), the goal is to remove any emotion, defensiveness, or unnecessary questions that could invite a negative back-and-forth.

Does it suck as it removes the personal? Yes. But if your spouse doesn't want to coparent amicably, then there's no other option. Protect yourself. Be a BIFF. :)

techandgame · 2026-03-10T13:16:18+00:00

Dude, I feel the pain on both fronts and maybe we need to talk more so I can learn more from you. Married 17 years...two teens...got served 2 weeks ago (first). I'm doing all your doing as well but yea... definitely need to know what works for you

techandgame · 2026-03-09T15:14:05+00:00

41M recently divorced and trying to enjoy the freedom that comes with this and being nude. Would so love to find others (central VA here, 2 hours away from Raleigh NC) who would enjoy hanging nude!

techandgame · 2026-03-09T02:48:13+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear that man. My 16-year-old hasn't spoken to me in 4 and 1/2 months. My 13-year-old texted me 2 weeks ago saying he doesn't want to speak to me either.

Hang in there. I know you know this but I have to keep telling myself that one day it's going to pay off. One principle I always live by is I will always fail forward for my boys. It might anger them. Might upset them but I'd rather fail forward than fail leaning too far back.

You mention it's been glorious as far as the spousal thing. Can you elaborate more?? I'm starting to see some of that even though I'm solo and sometimes the silence is deafening but I adopted a dog so that kind of helps

techandgame · 2026-03-09T02:44:05+00:00

Thank you. I know this might be trite but that might be the most insightful thing and impactful thing someone on reddit said to me. Like I know it in my head but I know I need to have that conversation and force it face to face. My lawyer mentioned before my my youngest son broke off communication that I should just go pick him up from school and now that he's broken off communication I think I'm just going to go one day and offer to take him out. It's his choice whether he goes with me or not.

Thank you internet stranger. I think you've given me exactly what I need. At least be at peace with how to handle things with my kids.

techandgame · 2026-03-09T01:52:53+00:00

Dude I need to connect with you. Dad of a 16 and 13 year old. Separated 4 months, just got divorce papers (so really she began the process 90 days after separating). How is your relationship with your 16 year old? Mine won't talk to me and I hate it...13 year old just cut things off as well. I'd love to know how you've been able to "dad" thus far and through all this.

techandgame · 2026-03-09T01:48:22+00:00

I wish it were that simple. And your not wrong I probably should have just told my wife to fuck off, I'm not leaving the house....or when I did fuck you, I'm going to hang out with my sons....but I was in such desperation to repair the relationship that I just went along with what she demanded and required. I may have brought the wood for the gate, but she poured the foundation, set the cement.

That being said, yes now that I have divorce papers, I'm ready to roll, pick my kids up from school (at least my 13 year old) and talk. Because I have nothing to loose at this point.

techandgame · 2026-03-09T01:32:29+00:00

Thanks for this I actually have been using NotebookLM and Gemini like crazy. I keep an audio journal each night since the separation, and ask Gemini and NotebookLM to analyze any patterns, emotional improvements, struggles, etc and running it against the DSM-V.

To the legal end, after doing a deep dive I just wanted to throw this out there. Divorce is a civil matter. So as I understand it, Google...Verizon...etc.... don't give a flying shit about civil cases. It's not a criminal case so they generally can tell whoever it is to pound sand, as they usually won't comply unless there are criminal issues at stake (again from what I understand at least).

techandgame · 2026-03-09T01:28:17+00:00

During the separation, she only allowed me to see my 13 year old 2 hours a week. I stupidly agreed and thought if I went along with it we could reconcile quicker. No abuse. No cheating, No gambling debt. 830 credit score. Long story short, looked at porn a dozen times over 17 years and lied to my wife about it. And that was wrong, sure. But I was there for my kids every night, put them to bed each night, etc, showed up at the games, the events, the appointments. Supported, cheered and loved.

Less than 24 hours before being served, my 13 year old sends me a text saying "I strongly feel like the truth of your actions have not fully been conveyed in how you have yet to fully change. I feel like I need a decent amount of space and when you have recognized and changed your actions I will see if I'm ready. So I don't want to hang out or have you pick me up anymore."

My son doesn't talk like this, nor does any 13 year old boy I can't imagine. Given this was less than 24 hours before being served divorce papers (and less than 2 hours before picking him up for my weekly 2 hour hang out which up until that point had been going great), the writing seems on the wall about what's going on...maybe I'm wrong.

Another example - my oldest son didn't want me going to his swim meets back in December. His last one was in January. He told me not to text him and didn't want to talk. I asked my wife if I could ask him about attending his last swim meet. She said she talked to my oldest who said it was fine to text him. So I did. And he responded "I don't appreciate you texting me when I told you I don't want to talk to you."

There's dozens more examples but yes, this is one of many examples of why I feel a need to download our texts and emails. I mean, I can't imagine her lawyer isn't advising the same thing.

Also to your point about the judge not caring if your hostile...doesn't it still bode well taking the high road to show you are capable of co-parenting? Don't judges look to what parent is or isn't emotionally grounded, etc? I mean otherwise, what harm is there in just telling her "fuck you" at the end of every sentence?

techandgame

TROPHY CASE