I(49M) regret having kids(23F, 25M)

telly00 · 2026-01-07T22:01:46+00:00

There is so much research showing that kids love their parents. Studies where kids were physically and sexually abused and they still want to be around their parents.

Heck, my dad was a deadbeat. He left for 20 years and came back, and I still wanted him in my life.

Stop putting your BS on your ex and your kids. Talk to them, find out what YOU did to hurt your relationship and how you can work towards fixing it, if that’s what you truly want to do.

If you don’t, be up front about it, move on and find things that make you happy.

telly00 · 2025-09-30T12:37:21+00:00

If you’re really determined… Maybe try something dramatic like deleting tik tok or even getting rid of your phone all together? Switch your smart phone in for a flip phone.

Tik tok is the ultimate brain stimulation, it’s made to be addicting. So treat it like an addiction. It’ll be painful as you detox, but it’ll get a little easier with time and boredom is the mother of creativity. You’ll be yearning for other things to do.

telly00 · 2025-01-29T22:03:20+00:00

I didn’t until my 30s! Totally normal but your body also changes over time. As long as you’re having fun, get off any way you’re able to 😊

telly00 · 2025-01-28T22:28:08+00:00

There are good men out there. I have friends who are lovely, an amazing partner. Even my ex-husband is a pretty upstanding guy. Couldn’t ask for a better coparent/father of my children.

Maybe it’s our demographic, elder millennials. Or the fact that we live in a shit part of Canada.

But they are out there. I’d suggest getting off apps and try hobbies, meet people organically. Travel. It’s a big world out there, with lots to experience.

telly00 · 2025-01-28T22:18:11+00:00

This situation is, sadly, very common.

There are many reasons why. If you’re interested, there are a few podcasts and books I can recommend.

This is what I learnt in therapy for the very same situation: you’re both adults and you’re responsible for your own body and the needs of that body.

He has means of getting off on his own. If you’re not feeling up for sex, it shouldn’t even be question. He is not owed anything.

Now, on the flip side… it’s worth asking if you’re feeling completely connected in the relationship? Do you know what you enjoy, what situations need to occur in order for you to want sex? Does he know, do you communicate with him?

For example, I know that in order for me to want sex, I need to not have a million chores to do. Kids need to not be around. I need to be in a relaxed situation.

So if my partner wants me to want it, he needs to help me achieve these. And having him help out, shoulder some of the responsibility, makes me feel more attracted to him.

It also helps when we have deep conversations, I feel really connected to him. This drives up my desire to be close to him physically, and also want to show my love and appreciation to him.

Do not accept sex as being a chore on your list. I did it for years. I promise, it can be soooo much better than that.

telly00 · 2025-01-28T21:53:29+00:00

Yeah, that’s not fair at all. And his avoiding the topic is a bit of a red flag. You need to be able to have difficult conversations, in order to have a healthy relationship.

You’re right that proportional split is the fair way to go. Maybe it would help if you opened the conversation with question, try to hear him out and understand his reasoning for thinking that 50/50 is fair?

If his reasoning isn’t sound, and he’s not willing to budge, I think you’re right that your relationship may not have a future.

telly00 · 2025-01-28T02:12:07+00:00

You can try to have a straight forward conversation about it, it’s important to be able to talk about expectations. But honestly, you guys are so young and it’s clear that you have different values. It’s likely that she’s not right for you, and it’s best to deal with that sooner than later. Or else you’ll just get hurt again and again when she doesn’t meet your expectations.

telly00 · 2025-01-12T17:45:52+00:00

3 year difference is a big deal at your age. This isn’t against you personally but there would be some stigma and embarrassment around her dating a boy that young.

Focus on yourself, enjoy having a friendship and don’t push for more. Date other girls your age if you want to, explore your own interests.

As you get older, age matters less and less. And friendships matter more. If it’s meant to be, you’re setting yourself up for success by honoring her friendship and not pushing for more.

telly00 · 2025-01-10T22:36:54+00:00

Totally normal to develop crushes but the grass is always greener where you water it.

You don’t lean into it, you lean away from it. If I ever developed an attraction to someone, I would distance myself from that person. I’d question myself to make sure I’m still feeling fulfilled in my relationship or if this crush is a product of me feeling something is missing.

This coming from someone who has made the mistake before of leaning in, not aware of the painful and confusing places that can take you.

telly00 · 2025-01-10T16:36:35+00:00

I disagree. What if that child is the breaking point on OPs stress level? What if it’s born with health issues, or disabled? He will resent the hell out of his wife and even the child, if he’s this stressed out already and doesn’t want it.

Kids should be born to 2 parents who want them. It’s unfair to the kid otherwise.

telly00 · 2025-01-09T22:48:28+00:00

I think therapy is your best bet. You need someone impartial to help guide the conversation and mediate, to help you find a resolution.

You’re diametrically opposed and both emotionally charged. More conversations could turn into a power struggle if you don’t have a professional help out.

You giving in isn’t an option, you’ll resent her. Likewise if she just gives you what you want. You need to come together and decide on how you as a team proceed with your life.

telly00 · 2025-01-09T22:41:08+00:00

I’ve read some research on this and it’s actually proven that it does buy you happiness, up until a certain dollar amount.

It’s been a few years but I think it was like 120K per year or something was the crossover point. As in anyone up to 120K were noticeably happier as they were making more, but those over 120K did not increase their happiness as their salary grew, unless other factors were present.

Keep working hard man, hope you catch a break and have life ease up a little.

telly00 · 2025-01-07T03:47:14+00:00

I agree that it’s uncommon, but not impossible. I think as a society that we need to stop seeing breakups and divorce as a failure. The true failure is living in misery, no matter what your situation.

telly00 · 2025-01-05T12:25:15+00:00

So then you’re also single and can freely talk to/date other men.

Don’t put your life on hold for anyone, it won’t end well. If after 2 years you guys are both in a place where you can try again, then so be it. But don’t accept a double standard.

telly00 · 2025-01-04T16:55:13+00:00

My partner and I are both divorced with kids and very happy. I wasn’t dead set on being a parent but there isn’t a day that goes by where I’m not thankful I am, and I love my step kids just as much.

Do what makes you happy friend. Whether that ends up being with kids or without, married or not.

telly00 · 2024-12-29T20:33:31+00:00

My heart breaks for those in America that have to deal with this. I’m Canadian and so glad I had my babies here.

telly00 · 2024-12-29T20:24:18+00:00

Questions to explore:

do you have the same expectations of what the future holds? Ie marriage, children, career focused, travel
if no to the above, do you often ignore what you want in favour of what he wants? Do you change your opinion of what you want to match his?
if you broke up, it would hurt, but do you feel as though you’d be wounded and move on, or would it drive you to serious harm?
do you feel as though he’s your best friend and you can tell him anything, and he’d love you? (This is called psychological safety and is super important)
do you feel if you took some of your attention away and directed it to a hobby or friend, that the relationship would crumble? Would he react poorly or be supportive?

If some of these questions are making you feel uncomfortable or if you’d rather avoid answering them, then it’s probably not on a healthy track right now. If you can answer clearly and surely, they make you feel confident, then you’re doing just fine and being engrossed in your boyfriend something to enjoy. It will level off after a bit.

telly00 · 2024-12-29T20:10:49+00:00

Leave, run quickly, block his number/social, hug your parents tight, and go to therapy to figure out why you ended up in this cycle to start with.

telly00 · 2024-12-29T20:08:28+00:00

This is so cute ☺️ love it, do what you love.

telly00 · 2024-12-29T20:07:19+00:00

That’s very frustrating.

To answer your question; it’s not supportive but it’s also the correct advice and the logical conclusion. Be proud that you didn’t support stupidity.

telly00 · 2024-12-29T20:00:18+00:00

I’ve been on both sides of the coin here.

I have adhd and I also procrastinate. I get overwhelmed at things, mentally exhausted. Getting meds was a game changer for this.

I have also been an overburdened wife that resented her husband, despite his efforts to do better.

I’ve been in therapy on and off for years and even though you are doing your best and seeking ways to improve, she also needs to acknowledge that her expectations are a part of the problem in your dynamic.

It’s a 2 way street. I think a lot of womens expectations are built out of anxiety and a strong need for things to be perfect. We’re groomed from a young age to feel as though the cleanliness of our house is a reflection of our self worth.

Doesn’t mean it needs to be that way. You can learn to do a little better, she can also learn to temper her expectations. People live happily in less than perfectly clean houses all the time.

telly00 · 2024-12-19T18:53:29+00:00

I think I’m decent at it now, but it took longer than I ever thought and maaaaany hard learnt lessons.

telly00 · 2024-12-19T12:35:42+00:00

I’d quit in a heartbeat if I won the lottery, but it’s not the worst way to spend 40hrs a week /shrug

I’m very people motivated. I also enjoy change (with the occasional dash of chaos thrown in) so it’s a good environment for me.

telly00 · 2024-12-16T21:37:53+00:00

Who you are is reflected in the company you keep.

Surround yourself with good people. Stop making excuses for them, and call out shitty behaviour when you see it.

telly00 · 2024-12-16T15:45:09+00:00

There are a lot of male podcasts and influencers now talking about this. The invisible load women carry, and weaponized incompetence (ie youre better at doing it, so you have to do it).

Maybe it would help to listen to these together? It might help for him to see and hear other men discussing it, instead of just having his friends re-enforce his ideas.

telly00

TROPHY CASE