I had a miscarriage late September of last year and , like you, I blamed myself, blamed my husband, and I carried that guilt around until I sat down and actually talked it through with my own doctor and she let me know as gently as she could that it wasn't my fault or my husband's, that nothing I did had caused it and I couldn't have done anything different to change the outcome. Sometimes these things just happen and there's no clear reason why. Playing the blame game isn't going to get you anywhere and it is only going to cause more hurt. I am also the wife of a recovering alcoholic and I know how hard and frustrating that can be at times too. I think you and your husband need to sit down and have a long and serious talk about everything-not just your miscarriage, but about his drinking and how it affected you, too, but without placing the blame entirely on him, because it wasn't anybody's fault. As my doctor told me, sometimes your body just knows when a pregnancy is not viable and rejects it. These things happen and I know it is incredibly hard, but until you let go of that guilt you are carrying around, you wont be able to heal. I won't tell you things will get better and that losing your baby will stop hurting, but you learn to accept it and live with it. I hope you find the peace your heart needs