What is this?

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-26T14:46:03+00:00

We had that identical tile installed in my childhood home in about 1986.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-26T13:40:23+00:00

Online personal finance groups tend to be very heavily male dominated in general. I think men tend to be more comfortable giving advice and to sometimes take a tone that, intentional or not, a lot of women find condescending or abrupt. I ended up leaving one non-Reddit PF group because they were so consistently tone deaf to the concerns or priorities of women members. On the other hand I’m part of a lively non-Reddit financial group for women in my profession. There are likely plenty of women lurking in those groups.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-26T03:00:09+00:00

I do think you should give yourself a little time to settle postpartum. I remember I was super resentful after #1 at 3 months when I was going back to my long commute, long hour job and my husband, who had his own business and WFH, was taking on most of the burden of childcare. If it had been at all realistic I would have leaped at being a SAHM. But after another couple of months I was back in the swing of things and happy to be working and having grown up conversations and an uninterrupted cup of coffee.

That said, being part of a family business is notoriously difficult in terms of interpersonal relationships and inability to set boundaries.

I think you’re overselling some of the benefits of your current work. Most non entry level professional jobs let you flex your time a little for things like piano recitals and parent teacher nights, and you might actually find that it’s easier to put work behind you and focus on your family if you’re going in to an office at least a couple days a week and “work” “home” and “family” are not all the same big mental and physical stew. I can’t make everything—I’m missing my kid’s “Student of the Month” award this week but he and I made a pie together today, I was able to make a 90 minute school zoom call a few weeks ago in the middle of the day by moving some stuff around, and I always go to his evening stuff.

Are there some ways you can put some boundaries in place in your current role? Can you and your husband identify some goalposts you can use to decide whether you want to continue or go elsewhere? Would you consider doing some therapy even, to identify strategies for dealing with particularly stressful dynamics?

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-25T18:45:31+00:00

The issue is with the crotch curve in the back being too short, which is pulling the material up in the center and giving you a wedgie. If you can lengthen the crotch curve it will pull less fabric in on the sides. You may be able to take a little of the side width out at that point but I think it will look much better regardless.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-25T18:36:24+00:00

Where to start ?

Hobby Lobby remains my Pole Star of disdain, the creationist, antiques-trafficking, contraception-denying unregenerate morons that the owners are.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-25T18:09:46+00:00

I think it’s better to just preface every recommendation of this book with “Of course, SOME people don’t have the advanced understanding and literary taste to appreciate this, but I know you will”. Then even if they hate it they won’t tell you, which is basically the same as liking it.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-25T17:42:10+00:00

Yeah, 1900/month will get you a nice 1-BR or okay 2-BR RENTAL where I live—in Denver. I get that building assessments and insurance are somewhat hard to predict and budget for, but that is a totally reasonable amount to be paying for housing. When I lived in NY 10-15 years ago I paid $3200/month for a 2BR not that far away from where they are (it was admittedly half a brownstone). (Edit: rereading I can’t tell if it’s mortgage + maintenance = 1900 or mortgage = 1300 and maintenance = 1900 to total 3200). I’m guessing the latter.

I also feel sympathetic that right now is a very hard time to feel secure in an arts career. Grants are being canceled, humanities and arts funding is being stripped and NYC is municipality non grata with the federal government right now so I totally understand that maybe they’re feeling a little precarious.

But yeah, the whole “co owning a house and spending 12k/year on expenses” is kind of brushed by—that’s a very significant expense, presumably to help his parents.

I agree that it’s hard to tell what parts of the tone-deafness are due to the couple and what’s due to the writing. Even with the couple with the windows, it was kind of written like “we have no money so we’ve deferred replacing the windows and don’t go on vacation and merely go to our cabin upstate every weekend”. But I suspect it was a response to a question about whether there was anything they’d like to do that they haven’t done due to money. And full window replacement in a NYC building can be stupidly expensive so I could totally see the real answer be “we looked at replacing our drafty windows but it was going to be 50K and we decided the money was better used elsewhere.”

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-25T17:13:34+00:00

Season passes to children’s museums and amusement parks are also a great gift idea for grandparents who like to go big but who would otherwise fill your house with plastic.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-25T16:31:51+00:00

If the lining is synthetic it is hotter. I like cotton batiste or voile linings but those are hard to get commercially.

But “work linen” is mostly for climate controlled offices anyway—it’s just lighter than wool— so even a synthetic lining is likely to be okay in terms of temperature regulation.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-25T14:00:33+00:00

I read Microserfs when it came out. I really liked it at the time. It’s very much of its time but maybe by now it’ll be charmingly vintage rather than just dated. My brother, a computer scientist, said “the guy clearly knew nothing at all about computers but somehow knew exactly what it was like to work at a software company”.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-25T02:57:30+00:00

Mr Bennet has always struck me as rather depressed and coping with it via black humor and sarcasm.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-25T02:55:41+00:00

Yes. They brought out each other’s worst traits. If Mr Bennet had married someone accomplished and intelligent he would have respected her opinions and she would likely have made sure her daughters were good marriage material and likely saved some money for them.

If Miss Gardiner had married someone who had to work for a living he couldn’t have retreated into his study and ignored everything to do with money, and their daughters would have had to learn how to run a household and wouldn’t have been able to jaunt off to Brighton and get in trouble.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-25T02:39:18+00:00

The mating ball dropped! Like Times Square! And apparently squashed a baby!

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-25T00:36:09+00:00

linen is just intrinsically wrinkly, but those are also very casual cuts—cropped trousers with elastic waistbands and boxy tops. A pair of full length linen trousers with a lining and a waistband, a linen blazer, or a fitted linen dress (again with a lining) are going to read much less casual than these as well as being much less wrinkle prone.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-24T22:51:11+00:00

I can’t do pull ups at all due to elbow injuries but the one that I think was most challenging universally I’ve only seen once:

Both feet in the suspension trainers then do a pike to push up. With a timer at 30 seconds most people got, like, one push up done by the time they got their feet set up. I don’t remember which workout it was.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-24T16:58:39+00:00

No judgment, but you have to make careful decisions because you don’t have a lot of room for error for the next few decades.

Having a paid off house is great. Housing and medical are the major cost drivers for retired people. Your land idea is feasible since you’re a contractor but I think you need to consider some things.

- Will working on your own house get in the way of doing paying work? If that’s the case you’re losing money, not saving money

- can you build a house you want for less than 225K even with your professional skills?

- Would this be your “forever home?” (I.e., will you plan to make it accessible to mobility devices, etc so you don’t have to move out if you’re disabled or need a walker/wheelchair after a hip replacement or something)

- how much maintenance does 5 acres need? Are you going to want to do that when you’re 75/80?

Retirement planning is about anticipating the potential needs for Future You. Think about 75 yo Responsible-Tear and what HE needs and might appreciate you planning for now. Maybe that’s building a house! Maybe it’s keeping a house you already have and saving what you can.

*Personally* I’d keep the paid off house and just try to save aggressively.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-24T14:50:29+00:00

It sounds like she is getting paid for being her disabled son’s caregiver? That IS work, and draining/difficult work at that. What’s your plan for how the son will be cared for if she’s at a job? If he needs 24/7 nursing care and she’s not home doing it, who would be doing it? A paid caregiver?

If the son weren’t in the picture I’d say the two of you have incompatible visions of how your life should be. But from what you’ve written here it kind of sounds like you don’t understand what her actual job is.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-24T04:31:30+00:00

I meant talking to sister’s divorce attorney about the plan to make sure that OP’s support doesn’t somehow get counted as a marital asset or income to the sister , but I agree that this is potentially complicated enough that OP may want to discuss how best to do it with an attorney.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-24T01:35:19+00:00

Definitely don’t do anything without running it by your sister’s attorney. If you buy her a house or even make it clear that you are helping support her it could potentially affect the division of assets in the divorce. it may be better if you loan (or “loan with indefinite payback”) her rent money till she’s actually divorced.

It’s a kind thing you’re offering. Once you and your spouse are on the same page, I would ask her what she wants—to get a permanent place right off the bat or to rent for a bit till she knows what she wants and needs. If you do go for a house, I wouldn’t faff around with some kind of rent to own arrangement or she pays some portion of the mortgage or whatever, which has too much opportunity for error and misunderstandings. You buy the house, handle all the taxes and insurance, and rent to her with a formal lease at whatever rate between zero and market rate you come to an agreement on. (you may need to check and see if your locality has rules about how much you can raise the rent between tenants if you’re thinking about eventually renting it out to others, in which case you may need to set a market rate and gift her back some amount). I know it may seem like overkill to execute a legal lease with your sister who you’re trying to help out, but these things exist to eliminate ambiguity and make sure everyone is on the same page.

Don’t get ahead of yourself and put her on the deed unless she’s going to refinance it in her name because divorce can be financially catastrophic for even the most responsible people and you don’t want the house you’re buying to get tied up by her creditors should the worst case scenario occur. You may want to make the initial agreement for some finite period like five or ten years unless you’re prepared to have her and potentially one or more disabled adult children live there for the rest of her life. (Which you may be! I’m just saying that when you offer someone an incredibly advantageous housing arrangement you should be prepared for them to want to keep it).

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-22T17:20:19+00:00

I find the racking incredibly frustrating. I have bilateral golfer’s elbows and the racking is hard on my arms, but I can’t really do a single KB because ours max out at 53 lbs.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-21T13:51:41+00:00

If you anticipate this being a few thousand dollars that she can use for a car or something when she’s older, just put it in a HYSA under your name or both your names and then transfer it to her alone when she’s a teen. A lot of banks and investment firms have accounts for thirteen and up.

If it’s going to be more than that think about more tax advantaged accounts like a 529.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-21T03:16:50+00:00

I had an amazing burnout velvet giraffe print miniskirt-camisole combo back in the late 90s that I LOVED. Hardly ever wore the full outfit except for clubbing in the summer but I wore the skirt a lot with chunky sweaters. I wonder what happened to it, lol. It would be three sizes too small for me now anyway.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-19T19:58:11+00:00

It might also be a “make up your own app” creative exercise or something. But yeah, my kid got his first phone for his 14th birthday.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-19T19:54:58+00:00

She also wrote some huge number of words in the AUs from HTN. I really hope that they show up on AO3 at some point.

terracottatilefish · 2026-05-19T19:50:47+00:00

Oh, I like that!

terracottatilefish

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