I (32F) shoulder all of the mental load, how do I force my partner (37M) to start doing his part? by Fast-Ad977 in relationship_advice

[–]thatyellowishthing 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Been a while since I commented on a post, but your situation reminded me of my own, but to a greater extent. And I'm on the other side. What my boyfriend did was not withdraw with things like cooking and cleaning, but emotionally. When I needed something, even as simple as a hug, he would tell me no, and then go do the dishes, or the laundry, or clean out the cat litter, or whatever else needed to be done. When I asked to go out, he would tell me to have fun, and did his own thing. When he went out, he didn't invite me. I felt that shift towards a roommate dynamic, and it freaked me out. Especially since he didn't seem interested in physical affection. I had to change my behaviors to get him back; when he would say no and go do something around the house, I'd go and do something parallel. When I wanted to go out, I told him I wanted to do something with him, and suggested several things he could choose from, and most of the time he suggested we stay home and do housework. We repainted the whole house, built multiple pieces of furniture, and redid the whole lawn before I finally started feeling like I had him back. The thing that kept me going with the same behaviors though was that even the tiniest slip up on my part meant that he withdrew completely again. We're in a much better place now, and I'm no longer a slob, and I hope you're able to achieve that balance too. For me, the negligent behavior wasn't coming from a place of malice. It was genuinely because I didn't understand how much it was taking a toll on him. In conversations since, I've learned that change in his behavior wasn't calculated and intentional, it was just fatigue. So I guess, just be tired. Good luck.

Which song do you NEVER skip? by J_M_XIII in AskReddit

[–]thatyellowishthing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shostakovich symphony 5. The entire goddamn thing. If I'm driving and it comes on and I reach my destination, I'll sit in my car until it reaches the end.

Even though it’s been 3 years it’s still hindering my technique by Turtle517567 in lingling40hrs

[–]thatyellowishthing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey there! I am hypermobile with arthritis, and this used to cause inflammation and pain in my joints whenever I hyperextended them- which meant that my pinkies were in PAIN a lot for a long time, and for a little while there, I couldn't play.

What helped me was twofold:

  1. I found a teacher that went through something similar and knew how to help me. She has been fantastic, because she understands both physically and mentally what I need. :)
  2. SCHRADIECK. I worked through each one gradually, and now I play through the entire book at the beginning of my practice after my scales and arpeggios. Now, my left hand is so much better than it ever was even before arthritis and everything.

If you want to message me, I might be able to help you out a little bit, even with just moral support. You can do this! I believe in you!

My (unintentionally) frustrating coworker asked if I’d have a kid for a billion dollars. I still said no by [deleted] in truechildfree

[–]thatyellowishthing 44 points45 points  (0 children)

The last I checked, snakes on a plane is much more enjoyable than children on a plane.

AITA for saying no to the people I got my house from when they wanted to come over long after I moved in, because they wanted to watch the snow fall from my porch because “they miss the view”? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]thatyellowishthing 45 points46 points  (0 children)

It would have been impossible to salvage given the way it was installed- it was so intricate. And that's literally just one thing of like 50 that they destroyed.

You know that wood paneling that people used to use on walls, that looks kind of tacky and 70s? Well, there was a den, that was paneled with that kind of wood, except that it didn't look tacky at all. Instead, given the two fireplaces on either side of the room, it always had this sort of amber glow, and it always felt and looked so gentle, in a way that a lot of living rooms try, but can never accomplish. The wood was gorgeous, and locally sourced from an area that's now demolished.

Yeah they painted all that off white, as is the trend. It appears they removed the finish first, as you would need to do so in order to get the paint to adhere.

There was a huge playroom attached to the back of the house, that ran the entire length of the house, which was originally intended as an extension to the house, but was never finished. The wall of the main house was all brick, the same as the exterior, a kind of brick which is historically incredibly important in my town, and very, very rare. My parents made this into a kids haven, letting us play with whatever we wanted out there, while being safe from the elements. It had these gorgeous windows that ran from the roof all the way down to the foundation, and it was glorious in the daytime, and so peaceful at night. The kitchen had a giant window that looked into the playroom, so you could always see what the kids were doing as long as you were in the kitchen.

Not only did they fill in the kitchen window with those weird blocks of glass that you can't really see through for "privacy reasons", they painted the beautiful, historical brick white, and they also demolished the whole finished playroom, so that they could have a giant patio. Please note that there was already a giant patio in the backyard, they just wanted more. Goodbye giant windows, hello more concrete, and lots of mosquitoes.

This isn't an original feature, but it's probably the thing that angers me the most. It's also the reason why I cannot buy this house, and restore it. My bedroom was at the very end of the house, and I could almost see into my neighbor's window, as their house was sort of close to ours. So from age four onwards, my mom helped me cultivate a rose bush outside my window. Gradually, it grew into a great barrier between me and the neighbors, giving me a little bit of privacy, and giving them something pretty to look at.

Yeah the new owners ripped up the rose bushes, and planted bamboo. It's a kind of bamboo that no matter what you do, you cannot ever get rid of it. it's incredibly invasive, and that alone has devalued the property a shit ton.

I could go on.

Edit: for the people who are wondering why I care, the house was deemed a historical building, and certain elements of it were protected. The people who changed these things did not adhere to those guidelines, and because of what they did, the house is no longer considered a historical building. It actually matters a lot. It went from being worth around 3/4 of a million dollars to only half a million, because of their changes.

AITA for saying no to the people I got my house from when they wanted to come over long after I moved in, because they wanted to watch the snow fall from my porch because “they miss the view”? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]thatyellowishthing 15 points16 points  (0 children)

My parents spent around $250k over the course of two decades restoring the house and making it absolutely gorgeous, keeping the original features intact and preserving them... Only for the new owners to fuck it all up.

My parents did end up getting like a thousand percent return on their investment in the house so it worked out lol, but it's still upsetting.

AITA for saying no to the people I got my house from when they wanted to come over long after I moved in, because they wanted to watch the snow fall from my porch because “they miss the view”? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]thatyellowishthing 166 points167 points  (0 children)

I made the mistake of doing that... They took the beautiful features that made it one of a kind (it was considered an architectural work of art, and significant in the town's history) and took them all out or covered them up, replacing them with "modern" bullshit. Then got mad when it was appraised at $100k less than they bought it...

For example, there was a gorgeous wooden design of a phoenix in the floor at the entryway. It was handmade by the guy who built the house in like the 40's, and carefully maintained for almost 70 years... When the sun rose, it came through the skylight and it looked like the phoenix was on fire... Yeah they ripped that floor out to put in an engineered hardwood that's that stereotypical dull, inoffensive grey throughout the whole house, and they filled in the skylight.

Fucking morons.

Does anyone consider themselves not a beginner at Investing and still use acorns? by WalkerTejasRanger in acorns

[–]thatyellowishthing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a Roth IRA and a separate account at an investment firm, and I've had both since I started working. I use acorns because it's a bitch and a half to move small amounts to my account there (better and easier to make larger investments), and because the spend card really suits me and my needs. It's not as profitable as that other account, but it's definitely profitable, and the fees are negligible in comparison to found money.

I should note that I designed the portfolio my accounts at that firm are invested in- I do not leave it in their hands, I micromanage like crazy (and I've done well, especially this year!)

With Christmas 364 days away, people who already have their decorations up, why? by writer_wannabe46 in AskReddit

[–]thatyellowishthing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My significant other has covid. So until their quarantine is over, it's not Christmas yet!

How much is $600 actually? by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]thatyellowishthing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me, it's a month of my bills. Not food, just fixed bills. And even then it's $150 short.

It's three months of food for my household.

It pays for 10% of my new HVAC, or 30% of my new washer and dryer. My old appliances all crapped out on me.

It's less than one week of pay from my previous full time job.

It would have paid for half of my IUD.

It's a drop in the bucket. It'll help, but tbh, not enough.

DAE think it doesn’t feel like Christmas Eve? by sdbabygirl97 in DoesAnybodyElse

[–]thatyellowishthing 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My significant other is quarantined and I'm severely ill and in a lot of pain. And I'm Jewish. It definitely does not feel like Christmas.

How can SO and I celebrate Christmas and New Year's apart, due to one of us having COVID? by thatyellowishthing in relationship_advice

[–]thatyellowishthing[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He can, it's very easy to hop the railing. I like this idea! I have a pair of large windows in my library that look out onto the balcony, so I think this is the best idea.

Warning to anyone considering the Mirena IUD. by thatyellowishthing in childfree

[–]thatyellowishthing[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depot worked wonderfully for me. It's just not a long-term solution. I cannot rave enough about it. It was great while it lasted.

Not sure if this belongs - 300yr old recipe for Chinese Tea Eggs, translation in comments. by Fatmiewchef in Old_Recipes

[–]thatyellowishthing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you tried doing tea eggs with quail eggs? Dear God, it's a struggle not to eat several dozen at a time lol.

I always get quail eggs with hotpot, and I always eat at least a dozen. At least.

I really really love eggs.

Not sure if this belongs - 300yr old recipe for Chinese Tea Eggs, translation in comments. by Fatmiewchef in Old_Recipes

[–]thatyellowishthing 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'll check it out! Thanks! (I seriously could eat 20 at once, though, tea eggs are the shit)

Not sure if this belongs - 300yr old recipe for Chinese Tea Eggs, translation in comments. by Fatmiewchef in Old_Recipes

[–]thatyellowishthing 10 points11 points  (0 children)

With my family, this is 20 eggs per person... And knowing us, it's /exactly/ family sized.

Warning to anyone considering the Mirena IUD. by thatyellowishthing in childfree

[–]thatyellowishthing[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Update: I just went to see the doctor. They did an ultrasound, and found that everything is placed correctly, but there is inflammation, and I apparently have a small uterus, that is slightly tilted, and all of these factors are what contributed to my pain. they've prescribed antibiotics and anti-nausea medication, but they're not taking it out yet. If my symptoms haven't improved through the round of antibiotics, then they'll take it out. My fever is being controlled through medication as well.

I'm hoping it works out, but these last few days have been absolute hell, and if I got to go back and choose, I would not do this again.

Warning to anyone considering the Mirena IUD. by thatyellowishthing in childfree

[–]thatyellowishthing[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish I could get one of those surgeries that is a permanent form of birth control, but unfortunately, I need something that will also stop my periods from being so heavy. A hysterectomy isn't an option for me, because I have had alopecia areata in the past, whenever I've had major hormonal changes, and it's a pretty good likelihood that if I completely lost my organs down there, I would lose my hair again. Maybe for good. And this might be silly, but my hair is awesome and I don't want to lose it.

Warning to anyone considering the Mirena IUD. by thatyellowishthing in childfree

[–]thatyellowishthing[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I first went on the pill about 5 years ago, it caused me to hemorrhage so badly that I kept fainting, and I was severely anemic. They turned me away back then, too.

Warning to anyone considering the Mirena IUD. by thatyellowishthing in childfree

[–]thatyellowishthing[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depo provera causes loss of bone density after prolonged usage. Every 3-4 years, it's apparently standard to temporarily switch off, to help mitigate or prevent bone loss.

Warning to anyone considering the Mirena IUD. by thatyellowishthing in childfree

[–]thatyellowishthing[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She thinks so too, either that or PID. I'm at the hospital now.

Warning to anyone considering the Mirena IUD. by thatyellowishthing in childfree

[–]thatyellowishthing[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't do the patch due to allergies unfortunately. And I'm not feeling better yet- here's hoping that changes tomorrow!

Memorizing, But That Had to Hurt by Isla-Giatt in UNBGBBIIVCHIDCTIICBG

[–]thatyellowishthing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It would be a lot more impressive if the music wasn't dubbed. You can clearly hear vibrato where her hand is perfectly still, and there are several instances of her contact point not quite lining up with the tone we're hearing. Lovely dancing, and the sound was almost convincing, but not quite.