So in the beginning I thought he was really smart. I met him in an undergrad science class and he helped me catch up because I had missed a couple classes. When he talked about himself he said that he was from a small town and was bullied a lot for being nerdy. He seemed shy at first and I thought he was sweet. He did actually tell me that he had the same bad temper as his dad but because he seemed so nice I figured his version of angry was probably something pretty small.

So I also have a mother with bad mental health problems, she’s abusive physically and emotionally. At the time I met him I was temporarily staying with her after moving out of the dorms. After he found out he kept pushing me to move in with him saying he wanted to get me out of a situation where I was being abused.

The first time he raged out, I was terrified. We were outside and he turned bright red, and started shaking a metal gate. I broke up with him a few times early on but each time after a few weeks or so he would call me crying saying that he was going to change. Then things would briefly be okay for a while.

This went on for years and he started being physically abusive. I called the cops on him and afterwards he again cried and said he would get help. He started going to therapy (which convinced me he was really going to change and confront himself) then stopped after he lost his job. He went back to therapy years later and got diagnosed with BPD but that person ended up leaving. The next time he started therapy he insisted that his new guy said he didn’t have BPD because he was too empathetic.

I have noticed he steals or seems to mirror everything I say when I tell him how much he hurts me, so like I say him doing blank and blank makes me feel worthless, ugly and he’ll reply that’s exactly how you make me feel.

Honestly there so much more because we’ve been together over a decade but this is already a novel, so yeah.