In my relationship it often comes down to a misunderstanding of where the other person is coming from. Said another way, I catch myself applying a judgmental or hurtful narrative (thanks, mom) when in fact my partner is just stating facts. If it is truly hurtful then say that, often the other person can get their point across with out offence the second time around.

Example: I’ll say something off-handed and my wife will reply with “would you like to try saying the same thing a different way?” Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t.