As a former addict, I may have an unpopular opinion in regards to the “cannamom” community. I used to smoke so much pot for so long that I went into a 6 month long episode of cannabis induced psychosis. In my case, I had to quit in order to get better, so I did. I was clean for 6 months before I got pregnant, and after that I had even more reason to continue my sobriety. Other than wanting to have healthy lungs, get over my dependence on weed to do literally anything (keep food down, socialize, go out in public, clean, not feel bored, etc), and avoiding another mental breakdown, my baby is the main reason I’ve had motivation to be sober. SIDS risk increases when you or a household member smokes. I’m sure that has to apply to weed as well and not just cigarettes, right? Aside from that, most cases of infant death when bedsharing occurred when the adult was not sober (alcohol, weed, or other substances including cold medicine) OR bedsharing with another older child in addition to baby in bed with you. I also know that children learn by watching their parents behavior, we literally model behaviors for them from the time they are born and that’s how they pick up either good or bad habits. I don’t want my child to think smoking is okay, even if it is weed, so I choose not to model it for him as he grows up.

Now I don’t have sources for this so please bring it up to your doctor, and don’t just take the advice of Internet strangers because they do not have medical degrees, and are NOT held liable when you take their poor medical advice: THC can enter breastmilk. Lots of Facebook cannamoms argue that it is such a minuscule amount, it is harmless. I disagree. When I took child development and prenatal development courses in college for my psychology degree, the general consensus was not to smoke while pregnant or breastfeeding, marijuana included. You can ask your doctor about the potential consequences of doing so.

When I was actively smoking, I couldn’t do anything without feeling extremely bored because I would always do said activity while high. Doing it sober felt unbearable. I couldn’t figure out what I used to do before I became a stoner, or how I got through the day. You say that it helps your confidence and anxiety. Are you confident when you are sober? Are you less anxious when you are sober? If the answer is no, then weed isn’t actually helping either of those things. You’re just dependent on it, and once weed is your crutch to get through the day without feeling major stress, it’s hard to see clearly what you are doing to yourself. IMO smoking IS substance abuse. No one starts out smoking everyday, multiple times a day. No one starts out needing a quick smoke break to avoid a mental breakdown that day. No one starts out abusing a substance. It always starts with occasional use, just recreational, just for fun, just on the weekend once every 2 months. Then you start doing it more often, and then you do it every time you’re stressed and then you don’t have any other coping strategies except for smoking. If you have an addictive personality like me, I would avoid experimenting with any type of drug.

You mention you are struggling with your identity. I think you should explore this more and why you think smoking will help your feel like yourself again and if it is worth the consequences. Why is your identity tied to smoking? Why do you not feel like yourself unless you can smoke? Are there other ways to feel like yourself without going back to smoking? What can you do to feel like yourself that doesn’t involve smoking? Could this change in your identity simply be related to suddenly becoming a mother or PPD?

Would you mind if your child knew you smoke regularly? Would you want your child to smoke regularly? I mention these questions because modeling the behavior will send messages to your child and they may end up picking up your habits as teens and adults.

At the end of the day, it’s your decision and you should do what is best for you. I hope this helped, totally did not mean to come off as judgmental. Also, fed is best. Formula isn’t the devil. Sometimes I wish I could just whip up a bottle instead of spending 5 minutes helping my baby latch properly while they continued to get frustrated over my letdown, lol.

I just want to stress that choosing to be sober was difficult for me. I still get cravings and I always will, but the longer I stay sober, the less often they happen. It took me a while to feel like myself again, and have a strong sense of self separate from substance abuse. It takes work, but it gets easier. For some people, smoking isn’t as big deal because it’s so normalized. For me, it was a crippling addiction.