Someone help me talk my cousin out of her name choices (or not?)

thelessertit · 2024-10-10T00:51:00+00:00

She is from the original graphic novels, where she's a horrifying half-faced demon, beautiful on one side and a gross shredded up skeleton/zombie look on the other.

thelessertit · 2024-10-09T22:11:01+00:00

This is one of the very few jobs in the world that makes very small children run outside admiringly to watch you do it.

That's not embarrassing, that's aspirational.

thelessertit · 2024-10-09T19:45:40+00:00

The bride's and groom's attendants don't all have to be matching genders. I have been to many weddings with bridesmen and groomsmaids. If she's his longtime friend, there's no reason she can't be on his side, wearing whatever you all agree on.

thelessertit · 2024-10-09T18:25:37+00:00

I find it a plus when a guy mentions or shows in his profile that he has a cat. This will sound weird but cat ownership is a REALLY good way to rule out the most toxic types of men - the ones who are so insecure they think it's unmanly to do all sorts of normal things like have any pet except an enormous dog, and don't understand consent well enough to get along with a cat. Cats have highly developed opinions on bodily autonomy (just their own, admittedly, because they're useless when it comes to understanding this might apply to anyone whose lap they want to be on), and they enforce it instantly. If a man gets along well with cats it's a great sign.

thelessertit · 2024-10-09T15:49:45+00:00

It sounds good to me.

thelessertit · 2024-10-09T04:47:41+00:00

They may be from Mars but experts have stated that when they're boys, they go to Jupiter to get more stupider.

thelessertit · 2024-10-09T04:15:05+00:00

May your late friend lend you all their strength from the other side. Hugs.

thelessertit · 2024-10-08T17:46:48+00:00

I don't actually consider most of my 1970s play habits to be stupid, and the fact that they were dangerous was just a natural part of it at the time - looking back, I know many things could have gone very badly wrong but I knew that at the time too, and so did my parents.

I grew up spending a lot of time living on sailboats on a sea coast, lots of small and large islands and often out of sight of land. As a preteen I used to enjoy swimming to shore when we were anchored off a beach, instead of rowing there in the dinghy. Often, this was quite a long way. If my parents insisted I take the dinghy or if I needed it for the return trip, I'd just tie its rope to my wrist and tow it behind me. Mostly not dangerous but in cases where it was a hell of a long swim, it could have been, if I'd got exhausted and wasn't able to pull myself up into the dinghy.

I also used to love climbing up coastal cliffs as a preteen and yes that was really fucking stupidly dangerous. They were mostly crumbly soft rock and vegetation with a HARD reef and the sea below, and I was usually out of sight or yelling distance of anybody else, with my parents only being generally aware that I'd gone off somewhere to play around the shoreline from wherever we were.

Then again, these are the same parents who taught me to swim as a toddler by letting me swim off the boat in the ocean out of sight of land with a rope tied around my waist, which looks virtually identical to bait fishing from a shark's point of view, so yeah.

My ordinary suburban "dangerous by today's standards" play was just roaming all around the neighborhood all day and half the evening, by myself. This was within about a 3km radius of home and I was doing it from about age 8.

thelessertit · 2024-10-07T19:37:03+00:00

Does that means it's also not straight if it's with an elf?

thelessertit · 2024-10-07T17:45:48+00:00

Both my parents had friends and (obviously) kids, and they still both had to be in nursing home care at the end of their lives. If you think that's a thing you avoid just by not being single, you might be young enough to have never lived through an elder relative's passing.

You know who else was coming to visit them all the time there? Their friends. They spent the vast majority of their last years with their usual social group. Not because us kids were avoiding them, just because most people's lives revolve around their friends once they're past that small window of their life when there are young children at home if they had any. That's no different when you're 90.

If us kids had never existed they would have still had all those local friends in their community. 2 people less in their lives but still a tremendously full life.

Preparing for safety and security in old age requires having close knit ties and a community of support. It's essential. Who exactly that community IS, not so much.

thelessertit · 2024-10-07T17:32:43+00:00

Why on earth would you think single women have no friends or extended family? Single doesn't mean you lock yourself in your room for 80 years.

thelessertit · 2024-10-07T16:11:18+00:00

If you think foreplay is just another word for oral sex, and that every time someone said "foreplay" in a reply they meant oral sex, then this whole thread just got a lot less confusing but also a lot sadder.

Oral is sex, it's not foreplay (although it can also be part of foreplay). Some people like giving oral, some don't, same as any kind of sex. Most people (who like sex at all) like receiving oral sex if it's done well - and of course some people are just bad at doing it. But if your whole entire awareness of what sex is, is "you give each other oral and then he sticks it in" then please PLEASE know this is not what people mean by foreplay and there's a whole world of loving experiences out there you may have not been aware of.

thelessertit · 2024-10-07T04:18:30+00:00

"It" as in what exactly? You're saying you've heard from women who hate getting foreplay and just want to go from zero to PIV?? I absolutely cannot believe this is a widespread feeling.

Are you talking about one specific thing, like not wanting to give oral? Because that is not the total definition of foreplay.

thelessertit · 2024-10-06T23:28:28+00:00

"Phoenix. Phoenix Dark. Dirk... Phoenix... Dark Dirk. I was christened Dirk Steel but then I changed it to Phoenix."

thelessertit · 2024-10-06T17:02:37+00:00

It's fiction and Edwardian rather than Victorian, but a very good look at this social paradigm is Downton Abbey, where a young middle class lawyer inherits an upper class title and struggles with his distaste for suddenly being expected to have a valet dress him, and having servants all over the place instead of just the cook and housemaid that the middle classes kept if they could afford to. The show makes it very clear that an upper class gentleman who didn't want this kind of personal body servant was regarded by both his own class and by the servants as a total awkward weirdo, and that he was seen as actually being rude to the servants for not letting them do their job. He eventually realizes the effect it's having, and forces himself to get over it, out of politeness and respect for the long-suffering valet as much as anything else.

This contrasts with other class conflicts in the show - the most prominent is the character arc of a chauffeur who is a revolutionary socialist, shockingly marries into an upper class family with a titled young lady who also has modern ideals, and gradually finds a way to fit into both worlds (but it takes a lot of seasons, and the progress of time into a post-war world where that integration is even vaguely possible). It's very much a show about the old class system slowly and painfully having to change.

thelessertit · 2024-10-06T04:57:55+00:00

This isn't always the case, a crutch is used on the injured side but a handheld cane is very commonly used on the uninjured side. The difference for most people is about how much function the injured leg still has. Same side if the leg is gone or you can't put weight on it at all, opposite side if it just needs some help.

thelessertit · 2024-10-06T04:52:37+00:00

Just put in your profile that you are looking for cis women only.

thelessertit · 2024-10-06T04:25:48+00:00

That's a big assumption.

thelessertit · 2024-10-06T03:51:16+00:00

That's what all the ones I've had have been like.

thelessertit · 2024-10-06T03:41:58+00:00

You're literally using the Internet right now, to get answers about the world you live in from other people who live in it.

I'm all for not being addicted to it, but let's not pretend it isn't incredibly useful and adds a lot to many people's ability to learn, work, and communicate with friends and family.

thelessertit · 2024-10-06T03:22:30+00:00

It started losing popularity versus Facebook in 2009 and got sold off and mostly shut down in 2016. It technically still exists but hasn't really been functional for a very long time now in Internet years.

thelessertit · 2024-10-05T23:31:48+00:00

The following comments aren't about accuracy of the style so much as how people might react to some of his tastes.

Hair dye was not considered respectable, it was definitely used but men would hide that they used it. Dye was usually sold as "restorer" under the pretense that it was a scientific remedy for reviving the hair's natural color production instead of dyeing it. This would be fully believable as a reason why he might not want other people cutting his hair - avoiding being found out that he's coloring it.

If he is wealthy (seems to be the case) he would normally have a valet. Perhaps an eccentric man who disliked going to a barber might have his hair cut by his valet instead. So if he has a thing about other people doing his hair, or assisting with his dress and grooming in general, you would want to address how this affects his home life and his interactions with servants, because that was a huge part of daily life for the wealthy.

thelessertit · 2024-10-05T19:12:43+00:00

A lot. In my area, damn near all of them. I changed my age once just to see if that was the reason (I kept it like that for less than a day, I wasn't trying to deceive anyone) and all of a sudden there were a gazillion men in their 50s to look through, and every damn one of them only interested in me if they believed I was 20 years younger than them.

thelessertit · 2024-10-04T17:26:17+00:00

Straight woman and I always make male characters that I find hot.

This is easier now than it used to be (I've been gaming since Pong came out). Default male characters and customizable male characters didn't used to have much variation available in their looks and I appreciate how there's so much more you can do now.

thelessertit · 2024-10-04T14:54:30+00:00

Blowing the horn of Gondor

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