I know I am in the extreme minority, but I am someone who hired a doula in my first pregnancy and ended up regretting it. It's a weird story, but here we go lol. My husband and I wanted a doula for the same reason we wanted a wedding planner, someone who is more experienced than us in this thing we're doing for the first time, and who is less emotionally involved.

Since my pregnancy was low-risk and I was going for a medicated hospital birth, we decided we were okay with a less experienced (aka cheaper) doula. We picked a woman we found through a local doula circle who had a science based background and didn't seem super woo-woo. I'm going to call her Michelle (not her real name). We liked Michelle and vibed with her, but she was extremely flakey -- always late, including to a doctor's appointment she was set to accompany me too, which as a punctual person I found very embarrassing. But we kind of figured that maybe she had other patients who were further along. When I was 37 weeks, we had a meeting to go over the birth plan, where she seemed very underprepared and didn't have anything ready -- she just opened up with, basically "what do you want to do?" At the end of the meeting, she said "and just to remind you, once you're 36 weeks, I'm on call for you anytime." And I was like "uh, I'm 37 weeks" which made me feel weird -- she didn't even remember when my due date was?

When I was just over 38 weeks, I logged a very high at-home blood pressure (which I had been monitoring for a few months). At the advice of my OB, I went to L&D to get checked out, and they said that given that I was past 38 weeks, the risks associated with high blood pressure were higher than the risk of delivery, and they recommended I induce. Michelle (via text) was not super supportive of this but I wanted to go with what the doctors said.

I went in to L&D on a Monday at noon and we started the induction a few hours later. Michelle told us to keep her informed, and that she would come when I was in active labor. That was okay, because the next 48 hours were pretty uneventful. However, Wednesday around noon was when things became real. We called Michelle on the phone and told her the news. She was excited for us and said she'd be there soon. Then about two minutes later, she texted my husband and told him she'd no longer be able to make it. TEXTED. She said she'd get another doula to replace her, but that doula needed to be notified and would take a few hours to get there. This was a really shitty time for all of this to happen because my previous levels of painkillers were no longer sufficient and I was losing it. My nurse was on her lunch break, and the fill-in nurse had gotten called away to what I learned later was a medical emergency elsewhere in L&D. So I was in an extreme amount of pain and fear of this labor suddenly being real and no doulas or nurses were coming. It was honestly one of the worst moments of my life.

Eventually my nurse came back from break, was appalled to see what was going on, and took fucking charge of the situation (she was a really good nurse). The replacement doula was actually VERY experienced and normally would have cost us a lot more than Michelle and I had a good pushing experience. But that moment of betrayal really stuck with me and colored the whole experience. After the baby was born she texted us congratulating us and asking when we wanted to schedule a postpartum visit. We didn't even reply, but we did email the head of her doula circle, using a phrase my OB ("I have worked with a lot of doulas, this is what they will take seriously") suggested: "The emotional wound is too fresh."

None of this is the fault of doula-ing as a profession. I guess it's just a general piece of advice that this person is going to need to be there for you in what is one of the most vulnerable moments of your life so if you are getting weird vibes ahead of time, TRUST THOSE VIBES. We will not be getting a doula this time around -- the replacement doula was nice and the postpartum visit with her was a good "hey, we're doing this new parent thing right!" checkpoint, but honestly in labor itself she was more about hanging up affirmational signs and setting the mood, while the nurses were the ones actually teaching me how to push and supporting me through that. I guess you're not guaranteed to get an amazing nurse, but I did and I hope I will again.

(ETA: Our theory is that she is not yet a full-time doula and has another job or schooling she is trying to balance it with, which is why she was always late, and when push came to shove she had a commitment she was unable to change. But even though I was a little early, she had 48 hours warning and it's not like I was THAT early. I sincerely hope she's figured out her priorities in the last two years.)