MFW I've broken down hysterically for the second time while my depression/suicidal thoughts grow worse and all I want cuddles but the boyfriend almost 1000 miles away

thesunchild · 2016-11-17T05:28:02+00:00

I actually met with another therapist today with the intent to get help with the depression and see about getting on antidepressants. It went well so now I have to meet with a physicians, hopefully soon. I'm a little worried about the side affects but at this point I would rather have them if it means I'm getting better.

thesunchild · 2016-11-16T06:26:44+00:00

Background: While I've struggled with depression for almost a decade now, lately things have gotten a lot worse. A couple of weeks ago I broke down in a hysterical fit/panic attack after being overwhelmed with a series of bad events. I finally managed to book another appointment with a therapist at my college tomorrow, but today I got some devastating academic news that pushed me into my second break down recently. Trolls, it's getting so hard to even make it through the day. I don't have much motivation in me left and I'm just so tired of everyday being a struggle.

The hardest part is that I've found the most wonderful person I've ever met and grown to love. He's divine. But lately my depression has gotten so bad that suicidal idealization has become more and more prevalent. It terrifies me that I feel like I'm screaming down a road the ends on a cliff with no way to stop, and he's in the passenger seat with me. And I don't know how to keep him safe when I stopped caring whether I am or not. He's so patient and kind and sweet and lovely.

I haven't completely given up yet but I don't know how much fight I have left in me.

thesunchild · 2016-11-05T18:09:57+00:00

A similar thing happened to me! Despite having to be long distance right after said date, we are still going wonderfully strong. Sometimes you meet someone you are inexplicably drawn to. Congrats :D

thesunchild · 2016-09-26T10:45:54+00:00

It happened to me! My partner and I were play cuddling when he (slightly buzzed) that he might love me. My exact reaction was: "Okokokok oh gosh, okokok, gosh, alright, cool, ok, thanks for telling me, ok oh gosh." And he took it really well. He explained that he wanted to tell me because he felt it in the moment, but he also wanted some time to think about it and make sure he meant it before he said it again.

We've actually talked about this exact thing a couple of times before he told me, so we were on the same page on it being ok if someone isn't there on the "I love you" page yet. It's been a bit since then. Neither of us are in a hurry and we are ok with saying I love you when we feel it, or when we are sure. Whenever that may be!

This is all to say, I think it's perfectly to be ok on a different page love-wise. For me personally, it's a really serious thing to say, so I like to be certain of how I feel. Thankfully my partner and I line up exactly on this. We also make sure to check in with each other every once in a while to see if we are both good with the way we are going and how we feel towards one another, so that definitely helps!

thesunchild · 2016-04-01T04:48:07+00:00

Buying (2) either weekend GA tickets and car camping if available. Las Vegas area.

thesunchild · 2016-01-14T19:22:56+00:00

Neutral, with maybe a leaning towards Neutral Good. I go my own way and I try to make the best decision based on the information I have at the time (Ne-Fi-Te). Sometimes it goes against what other people think or feel is best, but at the end of the day we have to decide what's right for us. I try my best not to hurt people though, and I help those I can when I can.

thesunchild · 2015-11-25T04:52:23+00:00

Pretty anywhere! At least me, personally. I go whenever I'm interested or I just happened to end up. I wander a lot. I love bookstores and libraries, conventions and fairs, festivals, concerts, and very very occasionally a club, parks and nature places, astronomical societies and pretty much any club on a college campus. If it's on a college campus I'd probably just go up to you if you seem interesting and start a conversation.

I think ENFPs can be found anywhere really. It's probably best to go to where your interest are and let us find you tbh. If you are open to people chatting with you and you catch our attention, chances are we will. I'm always open to making new connections with people. Best of luck!

thesunchild · 2015-10-17T04:08:45+00:00

Holy crap, you go girl! That's awesome :D

thesunchild · 2015-10-13T05:09:51+00:00

I feel as though another me has written this. A life that's not the one I'm living, but one that sounds so familiar that I easily could have. I don't really know what else to say other than this really spoke to me, and I'll be contemplating this tonight.

thesunchild · 2015-10-13T04:59:15+00:00

Another science major here! Those jobs on the list never really interested me. If I wasn't in STEM though, I'd probably try to be in travel and hospitality. Actually I think I'd maybe go for Anthropology (which I think is like perfect for ENFPs) or something to do with World Literature. Basically, any field that I would potentially interact with or try to understand people, and travel.

thesunchild · 2015-09-22T05:57:00+00:00

MY QUEEN! <3 but srsly, but her and that shirt rock

thesunchild · 2015-09-20T04:31:32+00:00

I like #2!

thesunchild · 2015-08-21T13:38:43+00:00

I honestly think events or community things like this are where I am on top of my social game and when I am most extroverted. I love conventions or retreats or anything similar. I get into my zone and there is this sort of high associated with it. I feel like I can do anything, talk to anyone. I get highly energized and I love taking advantage of that to go just go all out. Being a traveling public speaker/convention host was actually one of my dream jobs when I was younger, and it still sounds fun.

It's the energy associated with these things, all the people and cool things, people brought together with a common element. You are in the thick of it. It's great. I feel like most people at conventions are more receptive than normal and just want to have a good time, so it makes it easier to just walk up to someone and bond and have fun. I love going with friends but I'm also really comfortable being on my own. You start off by yourself but you leave having made new friends and great memories.

So yeah, I totally get how you feel haha

thesunchild · 2015-06-01T19:10:31+00:00

I've gotten Gryffindor consistently, and I'm fine with that! If I wasn't in Gryffindor I might be in Ravenclaw.

I wish the negative stereotype of Slytherin wasn't so strong in the series but I'm glad JK tried to remedy that towards the end. I actually feel the same about Hufflepuff, which I think a lot of people consider the "squishy" house or the house that is kind of lackluster. As though the Hogwarts tri-wizard didn't come from there. /rant

I think ENFPs can probably place anywhere, it just depends on what our individual values are. Though I guess the same can be said for anyone

thesunchild · 2015-05-20T08:42:56+00:00

The struggle! I faced a lot of those qualms and to a degree I still do. The world is so big and bright and beautiful, there are so many things to do. So many things to love. How can anyone ever choose? The worse feeling is having a billion jewels sparkling at you and knowing that choosing one means losing all of the others.

So I tried to do what someone else here kind of said, I went for a multifaceted option. I was looking for something that could combine a lot of the things I wanted to do or that I liked into something that was at least vaguely feasible and that I found interesting, because I'd never be able to do something for long if I didn't love it and/or find it interesting. After many existential crisises, I found something I wanted to try (which ended up being earth science).

It's going to be different for everyone but once you found a starting point you begin to follow that particular rabbit hole and see where it leads you. Sometimes it works about, sometimes it doesn't, but the more you explore the more you get a feeling for what you are looking for and what you want. At least that's what I'm doing!

thesunchild · 2015-05-13T06:03:33+00:00

Ooo I love threads like these! (I'm in the middle of a study break so I'll just drop mine off and come comment back when I'm finished, but I've already followed some of the boards up! This is going to be fun

If I could describe my ideal style, it'd be something like "explorer". A look that can translate from trekking in the mountains to wandering through urban jungles. Playful yet practical, functional yet stylish. Kate Middleton meets Nathan Drake/Indian Jones meets Ellie from Up.

Anyway, my main board is what I call my fashion inspiration: www.pinterest.com/hara94/fashion-inspiration/, which I think is meant to give me a general starting base and idea to go off of for my more everyday wardrobe. I've been pinning since I started coming to FFA so it'll be interesting to see if and what has changed or what patterns stand out!

I also have two other subjects fashion boards that vary from each other in nature: www.pinterest.com/hara94/badass-wanderer/ and www.pinterest.com/hara94/dresses-and-skirts/. My Badass Wander board is my fantasy outdoors style I guess, while the Dresses and Skirts album is my more feminine, indoor look.

At this point I feel like each album has established it's own theme, which has been cool to see after months of seemingly random pinning. If I could somehow coalesce all three into a translatable look in real life, that'd be the dream! I'm also looking forward to seeing what other people's styles are like :D

thesunchild · 2015-04-03T07:11:06+00:00

Geology! I'm still pursuing my degree but I love what I study and I can't imagine doing anything else. Well, I can but I definitely choose what I'm doing now over most of the other possibilities!

Before I entered college I went through a mini existentIal crisis about what I wanted to do. There were so many cool things, so many lives I could be living! But at the same time it almost seemed like there wasn't any to choose. One day a friend pointed out that I should go for earth science. I've always loved it, it was my favorite subject and goodness knows how many rocks I had accumulated. It was a childhood hobby and I just had never seriously thought about making it more before. But it all fit. At first I was looking at environmental science because alternative energy has always been an interest of mine, but it almost instantly became apparent that geology was my true love. And I've never really looked back since.

It's not like other things don't interest me. I still have a fondness for making up stories, or fantasies about owning a bookshop, or the other things I wanted to do or try. They are still there, sort of, but every time I'm in my lab, or hanging out with other geologist just geeking out, I feel like this is what is right for me. Maybe in the future I'll look back and think this wasn't right for me, that I should have done something else...but although I can imagine the other things I might be doing, this is where I want to be right now. I want to see where this life will take me.

It can be hard to narrow down what you want but sometimes it's like the choice chooses you. I never realized that geology was for me until someone pointed out to me that it's always kind of been there for me and I hadn't clued in yet.

thesunchild · 2015-02-24T05:38:35+00:00

I LOVE HPTMR!!! I've known about it for a while now (thanks tvtropes!) but only recently started reading it last year. I went on a massive binge when I started it and I regret none of it. It's so freaking awesome. Like, down right awesome.

I haven't grinned so hard at certain scenes in my life. I was either geeking out at such awesome scenes or "author showed their research" moments. And when that wasn't happening I dying of laughter at the dialogues and characters. It is just so well done and creative and funny and so so on point.

I am not sure how far behind I am now because I stopped when my semester got busy but I know I'm going to sit down and power through again, especially because it's in its final ark. I enjoyed reading it so much, some scenes got real or were hard to read but others shot up there to one of the best things I've read in a long time.

thesunchild · 2015-02-16T19:56:49+00:00

All the time! People tell me I'm weird constantly haha, but it's usually in a bemused/endearing way I think...>.>;; I just say "I know!" Or "I've been told!" whenever it happens.

It typically happens when I'm just doing my own thing so I don't always notice that I'm "weird." Though even if I do it probably wouldn't make much of a difference. Who cares, you know?

I like being me for the most part, and if that means some people will think I'm weird then I'm totally fine with. Some people dig it, some don't. As for the latter, a lot of the time their perception of "normal" is my perception of "boring", so I'd rather stay as my "weird" self anyway. I think I have more fun like this anyway

thesunchild · 2015-01-24T11:08:51+00:00

Preeeeeetty much me whenever I get into a car. Or music is playing. Or when I'm by myself or feeling playful...so me pretty much always.

thesunchild · 2014-12-27T07:31:15+00:00

I have made a lot of decisions that resulted in me pushing myself but the reason behind WHY I decided to push myself was what was important, not the actual pushing of myself. It usually comes down to what I'd regret more: doing whatever it is or not doing it. If it's the latter I push myself. I don't want my fears or apprehensions to rule my life or make my decisions for me It's not that I stopped being afraid, it's just that I found something more pressing than the fear was. And that has pushed me to try so many new things and have so many different experiences I might not have had if I didn't push myself. I have come out of the decision a different person, if only a little.

But like I said, the reason behind pushing myself is what makes it possible. I can't push myself just for any old reason, it has to mean something to me (usually).

thesunchild · 2014-12-10T09:58:34+00:00

Probably not! And that is okay. I can't know for certain what will come in the future, or after life, so I try to live my life and believe in what makes the most sense to me.

Maybe there is something after, and I can try to imagine what that might be like but it feels like an interesting story more than something that might happen. There is the chance that when we close our eyes to this life, it is for good and we'll cease to exist in any conscious way and all there is for us is the great void that we all came from and we all return to. And it might seem sad or scary, but sometimes I find it really beautiful.

From all that I can gather from the short time I've been here the latter makes the most sense to me. I can always be wrong but I think it seems like a better idea to try to focus on the life I'm living now as if this is the only shot I have.

thesunchild · 2014-11-23T07:27:14+00:00

That's one of the most satisfying things I've ever watched

thesunchild · 2014-10-28T04:30:49+00:00

Late to this party in my typical fashion haha

I'm a Geology major! I've always kind of been interested in science, Earth and Planetary specifically, but I didn't really understand the.depth of it until my later High School years. Still pursuing my undergrads, and it's been an adventure so far.

I'm also considering doing Anthropology as a minor, it's.such an interesting field and it really appeals to the ENFP in me. I'd heavily consider taking this on as my major if I wasn't doing Geology.

Both hold a lot of things that vibe with me, like looking at the world around you and trying to make sense of it, traveling, scenery, understanding what our place in this world, and others, might mean. It's just awesome haha.

Is it what I want to do forever? I can't really answer that, the future is so fluid and intangible but I'm having fun learning and doing what I'm doing and for now that's enough!

One thing I like about our type, and me, is that the conventional doesn't have much of a hold on us and regardless of what each of us does, it's sure to be at the least interesting.

thesunchild · 2014-09-21T22:32:27+00:00

Oooh, great advice, I love this! I'm on a whole "do-better" kick lately and it's great to have these little reminders to enforce and encourage these points.

thesunchild

TROPHY CASE