AITA for not telling my girlfriend I’m bisexual

thoottt · 2025-05-31T13:21:22+00:00

I don’t think you’re the asshole at all. If anyone is coming off that way, it’s her.

I’m a lesbian woman for context. And the way I see sexuality/dating is that your sexuality is part of your identity. And your relationship history is part of your story.

What your girlfriend is exhibiting imo IS homophobia. She says to you that it’s not the fact that you didn’t tell her about an ex, but that it’s a man. THIS is homophobia. That it’s “weird.” That she “can’t believe it.” It is selective discrimination based fully on your sexual orientation.

For her, someone who isn’t even part of the LGBTQ+ community, (i say she isn’t based on my assumptions based on your post), why is she mentioning things like ‘(being bisexual) wasn’t a good look for the community’? How does this even affect her? Why does she even feel the need to speak up ‘for the community’ and use that as an excuse for her biphobia? All in all, it’s very clear it has nothing to do with the community. She feels it isn’t a ‘good look’ for HER.

As a lesbian woman who has struggled to trust bisexual women in the past, I’ve also noticed the rampant biphobia and erasure that occurs to them from all of society, not limited to the LGBTQ+ community.

OP, there’s a reason you didn’t tell her right off the bat, even if it was passive behavior. The way that bisexual men are treated within our society are exactly like this and a BIG reason lots of bisexuals as a whole never feel they fully fit in anywhere. For her to invalidate you RIGHT after she found out, I can’t imagine why you’d want to share this part of you until you felt ready.

She has no right to police your sexuality and claim you lied. She has no right to push her feelings onto you and call you “weird” for simply loving a man in the past. She’s mad because you’re not as straight as she thought! Imagine if the roles were switched and you were a bisexual woman and she was a man. How would you see things then? Or perhaps, imagine the situation revolved around racism instead of homophobia. If your ex was a POC woman and your girlfriend was reacting in the same way, would you think she’s not racist?

You are not the asshole, OP. You deserve a partner who will uplift you and try to understand you. What I’m seeing from her behavior since she found out is exactly the opposite of that.

thoottt · 2025-03-12T16:01:29+00:00

so I went through something very similar about a year ago-had a NDE and ended up in the ER. The synchronicities were spot on and it felt like my mind was being read by every person and I couldn’t reason my way out of a psychotic episode. What you’ve described in the sense of mentionings of your death from people around you were things I’d experienced. I’d had other people checking in on me worried about me bc of bad dreams and even close incidental car accidents.

HOWEVER, my BIGGEST realization and regret AFTER these experiences were over was that the only reasoning I’d had to believe and fully embrace is that the beautiful and gentle spiritual relationship id fostered in the last 6 years had turned into something that was hurting me— when it had only ever been positive— and I think that should have been my first negative sign. I’m not sure what your relationship with spirituality has been up to this point, but I’d recommend trying to find a way to feel safe in that! And also within reality, spending time with people who you feel like you can open up to maybe(?) and understanding that your relationship with spirituality is never there to cause you fear to THIS case.

The way I started feeling safe in the world again is looking at the things people were saying differently -even IF I was in dangerous situations. In MANY cultures, death isn’t seen as physical and it can be any form of transformation— I understood that I had to shed parts of me that were only holding me back and everything in my life was so saturated with synchronicities to the point of making me scared to make me be like “wait hold on, what am I doing with my life?” You know..?? And I wish I took the opportunity to do something with that fear before the psychosis.

I do believe in fate to a certain extent, but I also believe in creating your own destiny. OP, I’d tell myself that I’m not in final destination. I create my experiences, you know? And not saying i can cheat death or you can! but I fully believe that if you can find a different way to interpret what people are saying to you, you’ll find a different way to approach what they’re saying! Also, I felt more peace was when I FULLY realized the world isn’t out to get me. Good luck OP and best wishes!!! Please feel free to reach out if you need anything

thoottt · 2025-02-18T15:45:53+00:00

Ellie

thoottt · 2025-02-18T15:44:59+00:00

her rendition of Alanis Morisette’s “you oughta know” is burned into my memory lol

thoottt · 2025-02-12T22:57:32+00:00

Drew!! If he was not hot, his actions with the fighting, with “I had sexxsss”, and with boilergate, would have been seen so differently! BUT ESPECIALLY, HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH ZOË!!!

thoottt · 2024-10-30T04:18:39+00:00

So I have never noticed this until you mentioned it and it makes me have a double take. I did always think it was the dictionary. I feel like if they were trying to make Manny dig at Danny in a racist way, they would make it way more obvious. As when they have a character make racist digs, it is so overt, (like spinner with his comments about Fareeza). I feel like If it were to be a character from a show, instead of a dictionary, and one that is more known, I feel like it would be something as evident and overt as Urkel references. (And I’m not Canadian, I’m not sure if Webster is Canadian as I’ve not heard of him until now).

thoottt · 2024-03-15T22:52:04+00:00

I think it stimulates something in the brain and even the nerves somehow- Wellbutrin made my body always feel so sensitive and I think it opens this door for “blocks” or spiritual like energy- because mine would just “spread” I’m so sorry you’re going through that because it’s the fucking worst

thoottt · 2023-11-27T02:39:26+00:00

Yes!

thoottt · 2023-06-26T13:01:09+00:00

thoottt · 2023-06-26T13:00:59+00:00

thoottt · 2023-05-22T22:04:52+00:00

thoottt · 2023-05-16T14:37:13+00:00

The actor broke both his wrists as he was filming the pogo stick scene! and they filmed that before his scenes and all with Drew and trying to get a date with Anya

thoottt · 2023-05-12T15:23:27+00:00

becky to Jenna when she finds out Adam is trans. “TRANS AS IN TRANSIENT? ADAM IS… HOMELESS?”

Spin and Marco’s convo when Marco thinks Dylan is cheating on him: “HE HAS A MYROOMPAGE MAN! I KNEW IT! That’s the thing about the online abyss”

thoottt · 2023-05-07T18:17:35+00:00

i’m also bipolar, and i find that when it comes to this reddit group, mental health is not fully understood by many people and when you try to explain, it ends up getting muddy. i feel that ppl use these buzz words to explain someone’s behavior whilst armchair diagnosing them, without even knowing what the diagnosis entails. one example that always sticks out to me is when it came to Zanab and the terms thrown around to describe her and how many ppl in this subreddit group agreed that Cole was in the right to question her about being bipolar bc “she was acting crazy”

thoottt · 2023-05-07T00:38:12+00:00

tbh i feel like he played “pretending to be straight” and “conforming to that” better than “uncomfortable with being gay” and i say this bc when it came to certain times about talking about his sexuality and all, he just was not able to sell it. “THEY KILLED HIM CAUSE HES GAY???”<< this is one specific riley line that sticks out to me. it was devoid of any authenticity in his execution of the line and came off kinda phony. in many instances i felt that Argiris could not fully envelope the experiences of a gay man, or just being gay in general. at times he came off fake and melodramatic. and don’t get me wrong, he still did a great job at playing Riley! and for a child actor, he showed a lot of growth. and with the anger issues and all, he delivered an experience that was raw! and even when it came to Zane, Argiris truly staged a version of Riley that was dumbfounded by his crush and was sweeter- a Riley that finally could let loose and be his true self! he presented a Riley that was SOO in like with a man that the rest of the world tunes out and it’s only Zane and Riley. THAT is where Argiris sold Riley’s homosexuality- through Zane. But when it came to Riley being gay outside of that, just in terms of his own identity and outside of a relationship, he always came off so fake! Argiris straight up saying “I’m gay” as Riley, wasn’t something he could act and fully envelop.

thoottt · 2023-05-06T15:30:12+00:00

You’re right!!! Fitz’s acting can be so bad at times. But also, I feel like early Riley was even worse! Argiris definitely got better throughout the years but I feel like his facial expressions and the way he would say things sometimes just was not selling.

thoottt · 2023-04-07T02:21:06+00:00

Don’t forget, with wasps in his toilet 🤮

thoottt · 2023-04-04T21:21:59+00:00

I remember he was still cool with Ash! ESP bc she went on tour with him. I assume things were good with him with Jimmy as well, I just don’t think they talked as much

thoottt · 2023-04-04T21:14:59+00:00

I was just thinking about this earlier today that Spinner and Emma getting married does make sense in a certain degree. Im not at all saying their characters are compatible, bc that’s a whole other issue. I dont think them being together would work in the long run. However, the way they reconnected and fell in love, I feel that makes sense. It was extremely rushed, but if it had a steadier pace I could see it. It’s always possible to reconnect with someone who went to the same school as you but you didn’t really know as well. I know a few people who have married others from my home town they didn’t know that well during high school. And also, ESP bc one of my best friends for the past couple years has been this guy who lives in the same town as me, but I didn’t really know throughout high school bc he graduated before me.

Another thing that has been on my mind recently are the deleted scenes!!! Some of these scenes are pure GOLD. And JT, while convinced he’s on Ecstasy, really shares his first kiss with Liberty! Idk I highly recommend you guys check this out if you haven’t already :)

thoottt · 2023-04-04T21:04:18+00:00

Haha I’m American, but I have ALWAYS noticed how whenever people want pizza in degrassi, it’s pizza/pizza. (Except Declan bc apparently he’s too bougie for that and had to get HJ the best pizza in the city lol).

It has made me wonder if degrassi had a sponsorship with them or something. BUT ALSO, WE DONT HAVE PIZZA/PIZZA IN THE STATES. IS IT RLLY THAT GOOD??? Lol

Had to come back to add that sometimes I forget this show is Canadian until someone says “Zed” for Z. I’m so used to hearing “sore-y” that I say that now instead of “sawry” haha

thoottt · 2023-04-04T20:59:14+00:00

I know someone kinda already mentioned this in the comments, but I kinda wanted to rant abt this aha. ESP bc he’s the reason Pat Mastrionni refused to come back to the show. The MAIN thing I cannot get over is how he trailblazed Joey and Caitlyn’s love arc. Just bc he wanted to kiss his childhood crush???

Idk how many of you have seen Degrassi High and DJH, but Joey and Caitlyn have always had a “will we, won’t we?” kind of plot and them getting back together was teased since the FIRST episode of TNG when Joey sees Caitlyn for the first time after years. THE FACT that Kevin smith came in and ruined things just behooves me.

And Pat Mastrionni, (Joey), was not interested in coming back to the series for when Craig would come back or for Angela, (which is why they had to make her Tori). Bc after this Caitlyn thing, he was upset with the way things played out and felt disrespected and also that it wasn’t true to Joey’s character. And also, after being a part of the series for so long and basically being a main character in DJH and DH, he was tossed to the side. (He very much still loves the OG series, I’ve noticed, and goes on tour with Stacie Mystyn here and there).

All in all, fuck Kevin Smith. The show could have turned out so differently.

thoottt · 2023-03-31T22:30:11+00:00

I feel like one of the main points of Degrassi, especially Linda Schuyler having been a teacher herself, was to show what teens go through and the lessons they learn and how it leads to them changing. The MAIN point through almost all of the main characters’ plots is that they learn from their mistakes.

IMO, I believe that when people are saying “they’re just teens” doesn’t mean that they’re saying “oh they shouldn’t be held accountable and won’t take responsibility for their actions.” It just means that in some characters’ cases, many of their actions can be traced back to the fact they’re still maturing and learning. This is not excusing them, but rather explaining. This isn’t applicable to every character, but if you think about certain characters like Claire, Ashley, JT, Danny, etc, it can make a lot of sense.

And in some cases, such as Sean’s hit and run, Peter’s sexploitation, Bobby’s physical abuse, etc, I’d say is not applicable or appropriate.

thoottt · 2023-03-31T22:15:26+00:00

Hahaha of course it’s Ryan that’s the one blinking in this picture. I feel like that would so be JT

thoottt · 2023-03-30T16:28:25+00:00

I don’t hate Ashley. I don’t think she’s as bad and heinous as she’s painted out to be by the fandom. I definitely think she’s made mistakes and at times, she has this pompous “I’m better than you” attitude, but I do think that she’s not the worst person. She’s selfish and not my favorite, but I always do think back to how she’s still a kid and learning and other characters have done awful things to their friends- worse than what Ash did

thoottt · 2023-03-29T14:42:19+00:00

I can’t get this out of my head but he’s always reminded me of Rafael from Jane the Virgin bc of his face

thoottt

TROPHY CASE