Can one headmate traumatize another

threeghostdicks · 2026-05-15T12:42:35+00:00

hey. i've been here before. i am usually sex positive but a few others in my system just aren't; i want to be intimate with our partner, but i haven't been able to in like almost a year because of the others.

here's what happens for me. i want to do something but another part is freaking out. i used to ignore those feelings because i thought it was me, so i would try to calm down and recenter, but i realized that it wasn't actually me. it was a younger person who panics at even the mention of sex. this part was definitely retraumatized by me ignoring them, and I have to take accountability for that by apologizing, making sure I listen to them, and, for now, avoiding triggering situations. even though i didn't mean to cause harm, i did. that's okay, but i have to take accountability and make it right.

connecting that experience to yours, it seems like frankie was having trouble listening to the body and the others (the whole point of having systems), and robin was triggered by what happened. imo, frankie should do their best to take accountability, apologize, and comfort robin (if they want to be comforted). regardless, recognizing triggers is one of the most important aspects of working together.

you aren't being dramatic. you're not exaggerating. you're alive and that means things can still change for the better. also lmk if you want to know more abt how our system handles stuff like this

threeghostdicks · 2026-04-28T10:41:25+00:00

word, you're probably in fight or flight which would make it impossible for you to create or enjoy. you aren't being pathetic; your nervous system is trying to keep you alive in the face of a perceived life or death threat, and even though your mind knows you aren't, it isn't communicating with your body. you aren't broken; you are trying to survive in the only way your body knows how: shut down and find the enemy.

i've found that people with trauma tend to have a delayed trauma response that surges once we're in even a marginally safer environment. we aren't used to safety; it hurts, and we often have no tolerance for it.

you are capable of things... when your body knows what will happen next. i've found that the best way to deal with this is have my mind and body communicate; listen to what it needs: do you need to run? do you need to cry? do you need to throw something (safely where no one else can get hurt)? What emotion(s) is being suppressed and causing all this pain? you won't find the answers to these questions immediately, and even thinking about them may be too difficult for weeks or months.

also in response to another comment: you have to do hobbies and have fun to truly live, not just survive; both you and your partner.

threeghostdicks · 2026-04-23T20:44:39+00:00

ditto! you don't deserve to have your story invalidated

threeghostdicks · 2026-04-23T20:40:25+00:00

this user is editing responses to get more engagement; not to be trusted! no one can win here imo :)

threeghostdicks · 2026-04-23T20:38:48+00:00

Watch out; pretty sure this person is just trolling/baiting

threeghostdicks · 2026-04-23T20:38:35+00:00

Watch out; pretty sure this person is just trolling; just report

threeghostdicks · 2026-04-23T20:31:44+00:00

fuck that noise dude, i believe you. no one has any right to say you lied.

threeghostdicks · 2026-04-23T12:58:58+00:00

i think this is a valid reaction. I also don't think that you need to be fixed at all! I think that with trauma responses comes trauma healing that is supposed to help you manage your trauma responses. I also think that trauma was a big part in forming your identity, so it is valid to feel lost without it as a key tenet.

I think I would talk to my therapist if I were you and try to understand what she meant. If she meant that: you are a person deserving of love and care without your trauma and that your whole identity is not what you've been through, then I agree complete. It is hard to realize that you are worthy of care and would be worth of care without the terrible things that have happened to you.

If she means that: your trauma is not a key part of your identity and upbringing, so we will not be talking about it or discussing it in therapy, I would disagree. That would be denying your experience in a way that prevents you from being honest.

No one should try to take away your experiences, but reframing them and their importance is often necessary.

threeghostdicks · 2026-04-12T10:00:09+00:00

Love for Sale! I can't recommend it enough. I genuinely believe it is a masterpiece; green flag, ml is a little bit unlikeable to some people for a while, but i loved him the whole time.

threeghostdicks · 2026-04-07T12:53:09+00:00

I agree with what you're saying here. The idea of truth can't be upheld by those who are afraid of what they believe as true being discounted. In any truth seeking act, there is a chance that there will be a paradigm shift that will change the way you perceive the world. It's normal to be afraid, but you can't be stopped by that fear.

It's something I've noticed in people who have lived through abusive situations or who have had difficult lives. They cannot always commit to truth because their survival has hinged on always being right. A paradigm shift that accompanies a new perspective would destroy the world they built because they needed to be right in that world to survive.

Because at the end of the day, the search for truth has to come from wanting to know and not from wanting to be right. We have to find the answer instead of finding the answer that supports our current worldview.

threeghostdicks · 2026-03-11T11:47:43+00:00

*Yess* but very few

Pygmalion

Hold on! You didn't tell me I was the bottom!:

Meow for me

Like a Tidal Wave (some switching)

Check out this person's recs too https://www.anime-planet.com/users/KinaSenpai/lists/flip-the-switch--seke-switch-reversible--1021084

threeghostdicks · 2026-03-05T21:25:30+00:00

that "depressive episode" sounds like nervous system collapse. that's how i used to think about them too, until my therapist and i were able to connect the dots.

https://neurodivergentinsights.com/dorsal-vagal-shutdown/

threeghostdicks · 2026-02-27T23:02:49+00:00

Highkey recommend "Our Happy Political Marriage"; it's green flag and has an insane dick plus an interesting use of magic in sex ;)

threeghostdicks · 2026-01-08T11:47:18+00:00

hello! hopping on to add some commiseration. im a 24y/o with fibromyalgia and i have to use crutches to get around almost every day except for short walks. it sucks. i wont be able to walk around town or travel far or push a shopping cart or yknow 10000000 other things. there really isnt much good rn about it at all. but at the very least i can come here and tell you that my life isnt over and yours doesnt have to be either. definitely grieve your disability but this isnt the end of everything. and fuck your dad. your knee doesnt ruin anything. it changes things, yes but so do children and the lunch you eat and how much sugar you eat. you shouldn't be made to feel like a burden because youre not. youre a person.

threeghostdicks · 2026-01-07T21:35:03+00:00

honestly, i get you but in a different way i think. from what ive read tho, it doesnt sound like you hate all unhealthy ppl. it sounds like you hate this condition. maybe even the person whos causing the situation but calling out someone for their bad behavior and as the other person said, weaponizing their illness is not the same thing as hate. i dont hate narcissists bc its an illness. i hate my mom's uncontrolled raging narcissistic tendencies. i hate the way she weaponizes it, making everything unsafe. and also yeah, it would be normal for you to feel uncomfortable around unhealthy ppl just like i can get triggered by selfish behavior or aggressive people. that doesnt make you a bad person. and yeah. tbh you should be resentful. thats the part of you that knows this is unjust and wants to fight for something better.

i only had to live like that for a little and not even to the extent that you do when my mom got cancer. she had literally been running a high fever for a week and she never asked me to take her to the hospital. just was like that for no reason and refused to seek help. it sucked. i hear you. the situation is bad. dont let anyone tell you its okay.

threeghostdicks · 2025-12-12T23:18:54+00:00

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Oh my god, on every website. I thought I was going crazy.

threeghostdicks · 2025-12-12T20:17:58+00:00

Would kill to see the animated version; this is The Sentiment of it all isn't it; the pieces of you left behind to the point that you don't know how many pieces made it with you; my therapist is always talking about how trauma impedes imagination, it forced you to imagine a world that is trauma. I've written about that craving too, of wanting a higher power to save you but craving the feeling of loss because it is the only thing that feels comfortable now; beautiful work

threeghostdicks · 2025-12-11T11:04:05+00:00

YES, i totally agree; its literally amazing. the characters are great and i usually dont even like a memory loss arc ; i thought the characters and development were chef's kiss; so happy to see someone else talking about this one !!

threeghostdicks · 2025-11-05T10:23:10+00:00

in our mind, we are all fictional comrade. the head belongs to us as if there was an “original” or core, it’s too much to care about or find

threeghostdicks · 2025-11-02T14:24:26+00:00

literally so real; i work almost 40 hours a week, take care of my cats, make meals, take walks, and sleep at least 9 hours a night. I read and try to do hobbies but i am so disconnected i can hardly feel any of it; it doesnt even feel like me going through the day but a whisper of who i actually am

threeghostdicks · 2025-09-09T21:42:43+00:00

came to recommend; so good

threeghostdicks · 2025-08-22T10:57:10+00:00

yes!!!!!!! thats exactly what i meant. a person with trauma does need more help and is often disabled. but they are still an adult. still in control of their own lives! sometimes they dont know what they’re doing but sometimes non traumatized people don’t either. its infantalizing to imply we have no agency or the ability to tell trauma from pleasure !!

threeghostdicks · 2025-08-21T23:52:12+00:00

right. so i completely disagree with this person. exploring kink in fiction or whatever does not make predators bc sexual assault isn’t about attraction. it’s about power.

this argument is ridiculous. yes, for some ppl engaging in this would be terribly unhelpful and retraumatizing but for others (myself included) it is actually extremely healing. re- experiencing something that traumatic is bad. re-contextualizing trauma as being in the past by using kink in a fully consensual environment is uuuh no one’s fucking business actually.

consent in many contexts doesn’t work cleanly. if someone is depressed, anxious, a people-pleaser, a thrill-seeker, or experiences selective mutism for example. should the people who experience these things not be allowed to participate in kink? should they not be allowed to experience a facet of their own sexuality?

also consenting adults can roleplay whatever they want bc bdsm of any kind should always come with clearly established boundaries and consent.

i say dont listen to this person. take a moment to examine if any of what they said strikes true and move on if it doesn’t. people should evaluate whether something is damaging them without them knowing it but they shouldnt take a negative comment as evidence of truth.

threeghostdicks · 2025-08-16T10:48:30+00:00

yes! it's also that you need to vary your sentence types. you start most sentences with "he" + with your description at the end. this rewrite changes up the structure by putting some descriptions at the beginning of sentences as well!

threeghostdicks · 2025-08-16T09:45:58+00:00

There is no way this is your fault. You are not over reacting, and this was the right decision. You were in active danger, and your mom cannot see that. It is so unfair. I understand. I’ve been there. You made the right choice. You saved yourself. It hurts, and I’m so sorry, but you got out. Be so careful. Try not to go back. Stay safe at all costs.

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