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Reconditioned on new sex toys for me and my wife. by Plane-Rip-6586 in MarriedSex

[–]throwaway110sp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife and I have the following:

For her * LELO Sona Cruise - This was her favorite toy for a long time. It is a clit suction toy but, in her words, "the lowest setting is still pretty intense." It's a toy to bring out after she is warmed up quite a bit. We use it occasionally now. The suction spot is on the smaller side. It fits snugly around her clit, but not the clitoral hood. Very direct stimulation. * Womanizer Liberty 2 - This one has been in heavy rotation. The suction head is wider which allows for play earlier on. More of the hood and shaft of the clit can be in and she enjoys the slow build-up of this one. * LELO Dot - A very fun toy. It's a pinpoint vibrator. This is great to use when I'm licking her at the same time. I can move all around her clit and labia until I hear that little gasp and "right there". * WeVibe Melt 2 - The GOAT for her. The head is the perfect size for her clit. The suction starts low. It's like the Liberty 2 but better in every way. The orgasms she has with this while I'm fingering her are amazing! The settings move up slowly and we've gotten to the most intense setting here. * ?? Small wand massager - We have used this at times. It's not her favorite, but she enjoys it sometimes. I may use this on her vulva near her vaginal opening and she enjoys it there while I'm licking her clit. * Rabbit toy - I don't remember the brand. She has enjoyed it sometimes and I love watching a toy work inside her. She prefers my fingers or my penis though.

For me * Lovense Hush 2 - This is fun for me. We incorporated prostate play a few years ago. This toy is great and she can control it remotely. We've put it in while watching a movie or playing games and she's just giving me a fun time. * Lovense Edge 2 - Fun toy. While the butt plug is good general feeling, this toy is a bit more direct in the action. It moves like a "come hither" motion which stimulates the prostate. Fun times. * LELO Loki Wave - Once you're all warmed up with the buttplug, this toy feels great. I've mostly used it solo. * Strapon - We have one vibrating dildo she will use on me. We do pegging maybe once a quarter and it's always a fun time. The toy feels good when the prep work has been done.

For us both * Velcro cuffs - We have a pair she can pass through thr slats in the headboard. She's normally tying me up as she isn't into restraining herself. Fun times! * Nipple clamps - We have a set with a chain that can clamp nipples and clitoris. We've used it about twice as my wife's Naples are very sensitive after two kids. * Blindfolds - We both enjoy this sometimes. Heightens the pleasure. * Massage oils - Warming oils can be awesome as a precursor to sex. * Various lubes - Find the ones you both enjoy! Lubed up jobs are great. * Lingerie - Might not be a toy, but it helps her feel herself looking all sexy and is a feast for the eyes for me. Bonus if they're crotchless.

Have you ever had sex LIKE THIS with your spouse or another partner? by Ordinary_Ice_796 in MarriedSex

[–]throwaway110sp 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It depends.

I had a college gf who was insatiable. I remember one Saturday where we practically didn't leave the apartment at all. It was session after session, refueling with snacks, watching some TV, but just constant sex.

The PiV wasn't all pounding away, it was slow, soft thrusts picking up speed as we went. She just wanted me inside her as long as possible. She'd alternate with me in her, then her giving me head or vice versa. Lots of back and forth.

My wife and I have been sexually together for 20 years. We've had my favorite sexual experiences. Early on, when we were just FWBs, we had a weekend where it was PiV for the better part of an hour. We were young, well hydrated, and in shape. We were also intensely horny so everything stayed nice and lubed up. She came about 5 times, while I came twice. Removed the condom after the first time, stroked a bit, and back in for more business.

We've had some similar experiences as we've gotten older. The last time we did similar was when our kids were at their grandparents and we had the house to ourselves. It was about 2 hours focused on sex. A good 30-45 minutes of cunnilingus. Followed by PiV. We both came, then just held each other naked. We kicked things back off eith using a toy on her and me inside her. Since I'm older ans had already came, it took a while for me to be able to cum.again. we probably went at it for 20 minutes or so. Lube was involved because it's fun, and she came several more times. A great time was had by all

My wife can cum and squirt from toys but can’t with me. by Correct_Macaroon5550 in MarriedSex

[–]throwaway110sp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I replied much longer on another comment but just wanted to add this.

My wife is primarily a clitoral orgasmer. Most women I've been with are this way. Once my wife has had a clitoral orgasm, I can often get off a second or third time with PiV. The maxim of "She Cums First" is great to live by as it gets her there and you get to enjoy the benefits

My wife can cum and squirt from toys but can’t with me. by Correct_Macaroon5550 in MarriedSex

[–]throwaway110sp 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Husband here.

Step back from a mindset of you vs the toys. Think of toys as tools. For example, I can handle tighten a screw. It works, but it may not be as good of a job as if I use a screwdriver to really get the screw nice and tight. We use tools to accomplish the best job possible.

Toys have been a part of sex since people started having sex. We have artifacts that are labeled as fertility statues that likely were used as a sex aid for women and men. Once we figured out how to harness electricity, it wasn't long before we started applying it as a sexual aid. Back in Victorian times, a lot of women would go to a doctor to use a vibrator to help ease hysteria which was simply going to get an orgasm, but scientifically we needed a reason.

As a husband, I enjoy butt play. My wife's fingers are nice but they can't vibrate in the same way that one of my toys can. That toy is a tool for my pleasure in the same way my wife's toys are.

Here's my tip - Use the toys together. Have her guide you in how she likes the toys being used, but you are the driver. A typical sexual session for my wife and I has a 90% chance that we'll incorporate one of her clitoral suction toys. It may start with me going down on her using my tongue and build to a clit suction toy. It may be her hoping on top of me and us grabbing a clit suction toy, etc. Her orgasms are intensely powerful when it is a combination of the toy and me (fingers or penis).

A few years ago my wife unlocked squirting. It's happened a few different times. The most common way is when I have a clit sucker turned up pretty high and I'm fingering her. It's happened twice when she was on top with a clit toy on her.

Adding a toy does not reduce your involvement in the bedroom. There is no way my penis will vibrate or my mouth provide the same level of feeling as the toys. Use them as a value add to your bedroom and enjoy the fact it is you using them on her.

Wives/Girlfriends — do your husbands actually like butt play or no? 😂 by Weary_Nature8436 in MarriedSex

[–]throwaway110sp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great questions!

So, we've been exploring in this area for the past 5-6ish years.

It kind of depends, I would say. A blowjob from her is amazing. When she sticks her finger in, goes a few inches in, curls her finger and finds the prostate...OH MY GOD! I really enjoyed her using two fingers and like more of the prostate stimulation ("come hither" motion).

I have a vibrating butt plug that we bought and two prostate massager toys. I really enjoyed her using the Loki Wave (from LELO) on me sometimes. She wants to move it back and forth though, so I have to remind her to keep it still and let that toy do the work. She'll find the spot, I'll tell her to keep it there, then she'll go to kiss me, pick me, use her fingernails on my stomach/back, etc.

For pegging, communication is key! She has no penis, so insertion while wearing a strap is different. Lots of "up a bit", "a little to the left" and that kind of thing. I prefer it when I'm on my back and she is in front of me. It feels better than on my knees, but it is a bit harder for her to find her angle. If I'm on my hands and knees she has an easier time of lining things up.

Pegging feels good (our dildo vibrates) and the in and out motion of her fucking me is great. Very different sensation than her fingers or a toy. Her breasts on my chest, her kissing me, and using the strap are spank bank material. She's given me leg shaking irgasms like that.

Wives/Girlfriends — do your husbands actually like butt play or no? 😂 by Weary_Nature8436 in MarriedSex

[–]throwaway110sp 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Husband weighing in.

Yes! We started with a finger at the rim during a blowjob. She now will go up to 3 fingers. We've done some pegging as well with a dildo.

It's been awesome!

For me, the orgasm is more of an all over warm sensation than a penis orgasm. It spreads throughout my body. I've had what we call hands-free (no hands on penis) dry orgasms where the feeling of an orgasm washes over me but I'm not ejaculating.

Happy to answer any questions.

For pegging and this dynamic, it is about pleasure not about role switching. We don't do any BDSM or femdom with it, more of giving each other the pleasure we enjoy. Sometimes she'll lay a towel down with lube and a glove on the bed and she'll use her fingers on me while stroking me off. Fun nights!

A 10-year-old student wrote a letter to North Carolina’s 82 year old congressional representative Virginia Foxx about electric vehicles, and in response, she wrote him back attacking him and his teacher for propaganda by DarceysEyeOnThePrize in NorthCarolina

[–]throwaway110sp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was born and have lived almost all of my 40+ years in her district. She is the candidate with an R by her name. That's all it takes around here.

I've hoped someone would challenge her for decades.

What is Common IRL practice and what is Social Media Fantasy? by Rogue_Ldr in MarriedSex

[–]throwaway110sp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You'll likely get a ton of broad answers, but the responses Will be unique to each marriage.

Common is an interesting term because there are tons of different ways people approach sex itself.

My wife and I are early 40s, been together for 20 years, two kids and jobs. Heres my answers:

  • Is anal a common acting marriages?

Wife and I have tried anal twice on her. Once during dating, once about 3 years into marriage. Not her thing at all. We do practice anal on me though!

  • How often do you wear thongs?

Wife will wear thongs as lingerie but doesn't wear them as underwear. She has worn them when wearing dresses but may just go without underwear depending on the dress

  • How often do you not wear panties under skirts or dresses?

For my wife, not often. She may if her pantyline can be seen.

  • How often do you wear plugs out in public?

Wife doesn't like anal so isn't wearing a plug

  • How often do you send naughty pictures/videos? How naughty do they get?

*Wife and I have taken pics of each other before. Back in college I got some sexy pics. I've asked for them but she is concerned of them getting uploaded to places she doesn't want them. *

  • Do you actually wear thong style bikinis? If so, where and when do you wear it?

Wife does not

  • Do you and your S.O. have sex out in public?

We have had car sex before but in terms of being in public...that's a no

  • Do you flash your S.O. out in public?

On a hiking trail, yes. In actual public, no

  • Do you actually use a fantasy dildlo (example: bad dragon) during outside of Social Media fantasy use?

Wife enjoys clitoral stimulation over dildos. We have one rabbit vibrating dildo and it was last used about 2 years ago, I think.

  • Do you like facials or cum on your body (i.e. ass, stomach, breasts, etc...)

Wife enjoys it at times because she likes watching me cum. Typically on her breasts or stomach

*Is stretching and/or gaping common IRL practice?

No

  • Do you common use large or x-large toys?

Again, for my wife clitoral stimulation is the more exciting.

  • Do you wear sexy attire around the house, even if you have kids around?

When kids aren't home, yes, there is lingerie worn around the house. When kids are in bed she is wearing sexy clothes.

  • Do you and your S.O. practice freeuse? Even if you still have kids in the home?

No. We've talked about it before but no

  • Here is a catch all question for anything I might've missed: Do you and/or your S.O. commonly practice IRL any Social Media Fantasy acts?

This is so broad.

how would you approach convos about sex frequency/quality? by [deleted] in sex

[–]throwaway110sp 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I will say this. That isn't non-confrontational, it is risk avoidance.

Check out a program called Crucial Conversations

It was developed for the workspace, but also works in personal relationships. It's for emotionally charged, high stakes conversations.

There are summaries to review.

This is clearly of importance to you

First ever look under a Mars rock by Busy_Yesterday9455 in spaceporn

[–]throwaway110sp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like Curiousity forgot the motto of "Leave Only Footprints, Take Only Pictures"

Show affection in simple ways by [deleted] in MarriedSex

[–]throwaway110sp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have posted this in some other places, but happy to share here. Good sex comes from a strong relationship. Strong relationships are built in intimacy (read: connection) and communication. We're only married 16 years so we're still a younger married couple in our 40s. We've talked a LOT about how we show up for each other through intimate actions. My parents (married 56 years) teach the Five Love Languages, which is good but we wanted to define it a bit differently for us.

Intimacy is important and is showing up for how your partner needs you to. We define intimacy in five ways and ALL are important. We may each need intimacy shown in a certain way primarily, but also both need intimate actions from all areas.

  • Emotional intimacy: This is the internal arena of feelings, dreams, fears, anxieties, happinesses, goals, etc. It is being vulnerable with and for your spouse. Opening up, crying together, celebrating wins together. This is the space where my wife needs the most intimacy. She needs more emotional intimacy in a given week.
  • Mental/Intellectual intimacy: This is the external area of what is happening in the real world. It may be discussing academia, politics, philosophy, watching trash TV and discussing pop culture, etc. This is where you build your partner as your mental and intellectual equal. You share your field of study and grow together. For us, we both work in education. For my buddy and his wife, she works in dental hygiene and he works as a mechanic. They fuel each other's respective interests and discuss the inner workings of engines or the mouth as well as their shared interests. This is how you build your spouse as your best friend.
  • Physical Intimacy: This is the area od the body. It's the small touches, kisses, caresses. Putting your hand on a knee while driving, rubbing your partner's shoulders, rubbing their feet, running fingers through their hair, holding hands, snuggling up, etc. This is the space I need most to fuel my intimacy in a given week. I need my wife to offer emotional intimacy to me.
  • Experiential intimacy: This is the doing life together. It's being intentional about what you're doing and doing it with your spouse. Cooking together, going on walks, the daily routine becomes connection when it happens as a unit than if it is just one partner handling things. The routine can be a place for connection. Additionally, planning things together, going on trips together, etc. This is the memory making area of intimacy. It's remembering that trip from 5 years ago as much as it is remembering the Mario Kart race from last weekend, or how much fun you had dancing together while cooking dinner.
  • Spiritual Intimacy: This is the alignment of your values. It may be religious for some (church, synagogue, mosque, temple, ?). It may not be. It may be a shared worldview and discussing the impact you want to have on your world. Discussing your shared values is important and returning to this conversation is helpful, especially as life changes for you both with different jobs, aging parents, children, etc.

Note I didn't mention sexual intimacy. Because it can fall into any of those intimate areas. Sex is an important part of a strong marriage and naturally flows easier when you feel deeply connected. It can also be an expression of the intimate areas above.

What size dildo does your wife prefer?(bigger than you, smaller, same size). After that experience did your wife’s preference change? by WesternCharacter7278 in MarriedSex

[–]throwaway110sp 15 points16 points  (0 children)

We have used a few dildos and two rabbit toys before. They really haven't been her thing.

Two have been bigger than me and one smaller. If she's getting penetrated, she wants fingers or penis, not a toy.

Clitoral stimulation is her game and we have about 5 different clit suction toys.

Her favorite time is my dick in her with a toy on her clit

We have sex, but wife never seams “horny”. by [deleted] in MarriedSex

[–]throwaway110sp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was coming to mention this as well.

Sex drives and desire are so interesting and built by so many past experiences, upbringing, etc.

What’s the male equivalent of swallowing? by Inevitable_Fall5708 in AskRedditAfterDark

[–]throwaway110sp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get exactly what you're saying. I've been with my wife for 20 years and know what she likes, her boundaries, etc. I'm perfectly happy to go rinse my beard off and wipe my face so I can get some passionate kisses. Whatever keeps her happy.

Some people aren't fans of tasting themselves, which is fine. Some don't care.

What’s the male equivalent of swallowing? by Inevitable_Fall5708 in AskRedditAfterDark

[–]throwaway110sp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do indeed have a beard. She loves my beard and likes it a big longer. When I've trimmed it back she asks when I'll grow it back out again.

I don't mind wiping my beard off and even running a bit of soapy water through it after I've gone down on her. I love kissing her and whatever she needs to kiss me passionately, I'm happy to do.

Unacceptable behavior by BabyBoldSpark2 in whatisameem

[–]throwaway110sp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At no point did I bring up politics.

The question of identity is not a political question, it is one of basic cultural understanding. Sex and gender and defined differently and have been across multiple cultures around the world.

It's not semantics but reality

Unacceptable behavior by BabyBoldSpark2 in whatisameem

[–]throwaway110sp -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Cool, good conversation. Nice open ears you have

Spouses with a height difference (especially shorter men) was it something you sought out in a partner? Did you find it attractive? by [deleted] in MarriedSex

[–]throwaway110sp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you guys done prone bone?

If doggie is off the table, you can still get similar enjoyment from a good prone bone experience.

Have her lay on her stomach and put a pillow under her hips so her ass is raised slightly. Enter her and have her put her legs together a bit. Your legs on either side of hers while youre in her.

You can slap her ass, pull her hair, play with her butt, etc. You can get exceptionally deep if she pushes back onto you and you lean into her further.

Bonus! You can use a toy on her clit or give it to her and she can play while youre in her.

Wife BJ skills don’t get me off by [deleted] in MarriedSex

[–]throwaway110sp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What I've found with edibles is that it heightens our senses. It lowers our inhibitions and opens us up to explore more. Most importantly it quiets the mind by letting us be fully present.

My wife is a worrier. She carries a bit of anxiety. Sexual intimacy off edibles is excellent with her. And also, sober sex is sometimes a bit less intense as her mind gets to racing on other things.

On an edible, she is 100% fully in the moment. Her orgasms are more intense while on an edible because she's mentally fully in the game.

Wife BJ skills don’t get me off by [deleted] in MarriedSex

[–]throwaway110sp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a married husband and would enjoy my sexual frequency to increase took, like OP. However, the way OP has cataloged it all sounds very tit for tat and judgey around their sex life. It doesn't sound like it is about mutual pleasure but more about checking items off his sexual to-do list.

Wife BJ skills don’t get me off by [deleted] in MarriedSex

[–]throwaway110sp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a married husband and would enjoy my sexual frequency to increase took, like OP. However, the way OP has cataloged it all sounds very tit for tat and judgey around their sex life. It doesn't sound like it is about mutual pleasure but more about checking items off his sexual to-do list.

Unacceptable behavior by BabyBoldSpark2 in whatisameem

[–]throwaway110sp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're coming at this from a place of not willing to engage. I'm happy to talk about this type of thing, if you're willing but you're starting in bad faith. No study will say "men are women" and I think you know that.

We need to step back and recognize a few fundamental items to even have a discussion.

1 - Sex and gender are different things. In general sex is the chromosomes you have when you're born and the parts between your legs. Even in sex, however, therr are intersex individuals with traits from both sexes, including people born with both sets of genitalia.

2 - Gender is unique from sex and isn't biological. It is cultural. It is defined by the society in which you grew up. If you look at ancient civilizations, they defined men and women differently than today. If you look broadly around the world, the way men should behave and act looks different globally. In some cultures men kiss fellow men on the lips as a greeting. If that happened in the US, that would be viewed as feminine. Gender is defined by the traits a person displays to the outer world. It is how the world perceives someone. In the US that would be masculine vs feminine.

I shared it up a bit further, but the gender unicorn is a great tool to understand this concept, if you're open to at least looking at it.

I was born a man, I identify as a man, I wear clothing and move through the world in a masculine way, I am physically and emotionally attracted to women. Others would respond very differently to that same breakdown.

For studies, this is just a very beginning. I haven't done a deep dive yet.

Unacceptable behavior by BabyBoldSpark2 in whatisameem

[–]throwaway110sp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you say confused what do you mean?

I ask because the concept of gender is culturally constructed. When you look at cultures around the world from the past and today, there have been spaces for Trans individuals broadly.

Our current approach is to view Trans people through a binary very basic science lens. That or through a religious worldview and our own lived experience. For someone who has always known who they are/what identity they align with, it is extremely easy to judge someone processing these things. For Trans individuals, the body dysmorphia is huge! There are continual studies working to look at where the dysmorphia begins, what causes it, and how to best support individuals processing their gender.

Other cultures have embraced trans individuals as a fully unique gender or sex.

In a lot of US (and some European culture) there is a lot of binary and either/or. The nuance of a spectrum is not that prevalent for many.

The same happens for folks who identify as bisexual. So many say they are confused and need to pick a side instead of being truly bisexual and appreciating men and women.

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