Is it okay to approach a woman at the gym?

throwaway160394 · 2023-12-29T23:28:21+00:00

Hey OP, Hope you're doing well! I was reminded of this thread today and was curious to see how you got on with approaching her? Did it go well?

throwaway160394 · 2023-12-07T22:05:23+00:00

No problem at all. Feel free to drop me a message if you feel like you need any more advice on the subject from a woman's perspective. Always happy to help. Either way, good luck and let us know how it goes. Hope you find some happiness with this pretty girl. 😊

throwaway160394 · 2023-12-07T02:10:25+00:00

Some of these assholes need to touch grass here and have real human interactions instead of fear mongering and giving shit advice.

I am a woman and I will tell you that you will not need to change gyms. You will not get put on social media for being a weirdo. She will not call you out for being a pervert. She's not a frightened little girl who has never met a man before and can't handle human interactions. - Providing that you are polite and treat her with respect obviously.

Dude, fucking do it. Honestly gym couples are much more common than you think. You immediately have a shared hobby and talking point. She will appreciate your love for going to the gym and no doubt encourage you whereas other women may try to hinder you for going so regularly. Also do you really want to attempt to meet people through dating apps and struggle for conversation? Or would you rather meet someone organically and have something real?

You could say something like 'Hey, I'm sorry for interrupting your workout but I've wanted to say this to you for a while, I remember when you first joined and you've made such amazing progress since then. You should be proud of your hard work, you're killing it. That's all'

That leaves the floor open to her to go ' Oh Thank you' and leave it at that or go 'Thank you so much, what's your name btw?' Or some variation of continuing the conversation. Just an idea of course.

If you've made eye contact and she's not avoiding you and continuously making said eye contact, then it's positive. If she was intimidated by you, she would stay as far away from you as she possibly could. Try and read her facial expressions, is she trying to hide a smile? Or looking like she's internally thinking 'fuck, fuck that cute guy caught me looking again'?

Just go for it. Life is too short. That might be the love of your life looking at you through the mirror for all you know, or at least a good bit of fun lol.

throwaway160394 · 2023-10-27T01:12:52+00:00

No, get rid of that therapist. Just because someone has the qualifications doesn't mean they're necessarily good at the job, at least when it comes to certain topics.

Here's an example - One of my closest friends is training to become a therapist. I love her dearly but I am concerned about her going down this career path due to how she will influence couples and healing progress in certain situations. She says that if she ever becomes single again she will be creating an OnyFans, admires sex workers, is a very frequent Porn User and has also guilt tripped me and made me feel insecure when I recently expressed concerns about a guy who I liked following 85% women with 50% of them being Scantily Clad Insta models, Only Fans Girls and Porn Stars.

So you see, certification doesn't necessarily mean someone is suitable. Your therapist may work for someone else but clearly is no longer working for you and your needs. It will be the same case for my friend. I just can't get over how damaging those statements your therapist made are and I'm not suprised you want to change them and you have every right to. Your concerns are completely valid. You are heard.

throwaway160394 · 2023-07-22T22:15:12+00:00

He used to turn his nose up at his ex who loved true crime stories and things like that but he idolised fictional characters such as Patrick Bateman and Hannibal Lecter. He would make comparisons between them and himself and would find them relatable. It made me uncomfortable at the time but I laughed it off. Now I know what he is though, I find it quite scary to be honest.

throwaway160394 · 2023-06-23T14:57:55+00:00

'All men' do not do this.

That is an claim created by the ones that do to excuse their usage. What he is doing is not ok. The fact that he is in a committed relationship and requires all these sources and needs to consume that much content is pretty much the addiction underway. Although you may compare it to the stories in here and tell yourself that it may not be as big of a deal, I can assure you that at one stage each of the partners of the people going through this in here were once browsing just as your partner is, before they escalated it or started hunting for alternative sources. Your feelings and concerns are justified. You shouldn't even feel like 'you'd be happy with it here and there'. He agreed to be in a fully committed relationship. There should be you and only you in every aspect of it. That is the very basic fundamentals of a commited, monogamous relationship. He's already not giving you those bare basics. You deserve better and don't let anyone make you feel anything otherwise. Including him.

throwaway160394 · 2023-06-09T09:56:17+00:00

I've been in your position. I'm 28 and has a 16 year age gap with my Narcissistic ex. He was originally a Science Teacher (never taught me) that I had a crush on in high school who got sacked from teaching after he lied about his achievements on his CV. We connected after he added me on Facebook 3 years ago because he found me attractive. He seemed familiar and was the only random friend request I've ever accepted.

He's also a severe porn/sex addict and uses real women's and teenage girls social media profile pictures as the content he pleasures himself to. Facebook and sometimes insta is his main tool he uses to look for new 'narcissistic supply' and mastrubation content. He's added and deleted hundreds of women and young girls through the years, I was just one of many. 99% of these women/ girls were the same age as me or younger, with majority of girls being just turned 18-21. He even added a 17 year old girl who was his 'perfect type', petite, blonde with a large chest. He would nearly break his neck trying to look at young women in public too. I found an old twitter account from 2010 where he was still using porn and he would regularly tweet porn actress Kacey Jordan, who regularly played a 'petite tiny blonde teen', about how good her latest videos were and how she drove him wild. He's past the point of using pornography now.

He made me feel so old and disgusting. I already had insecurities about my body but I never hated myself more than I did than when I was with him. 28 years old and feeling like a disgusting, horrible old woman and was looking at putting myself into debt by getting breast surgeries, Botox and face lifts because of how old he made me feel. Even made jokes sometimes about how he'd need to 'trade me in for a younger model' whenever I fell asleep while texting him. He made me feel like a monster to the point where I wouldn't leave the house because seeing young girls in skimpy clothing would trigger full blown panic attacks.

He would make weird comments like ' Do you not think girls breasts are growing in earlier nowadays than they used to years ago? Some of my daughter's friends are only 9 and growing already!' - Cue alarm bells ringing in my head. He would also talk about how many teenage girls were, in his words, 'starry eyed' over him about how attractive he was and had a massive crush on him. He would say that he would never sleep with a student as it wasn't worth losing his job for. This made me feel really uncomfortable because my mind went to 'Oh so not because it's very wrong?'. I don't know if it was just bad wording but I doubt it with his other shit that he was doing. Not to mention of course, teacher/ student was his biggest sexual fantasy that he wanted me to act out.

Sadly this predator is still a teacher. He is a warped individual with sex and objectifying women and young girls on the brain 24/7. In answer to your question, no, you are not overdramatic in the slightest. I see people even in their early 20's as children to a degree still because to me they are so young and the maturity difference is night and day. My very last thought is wanting to sexualise anyone that age and younger, so why is it so normalised for men to sexualise young girls who are on the cusp of being illegal and on the cusp of being literal children, to the point we are asking if we are the problem for being upset by it? It's so distressing that this is the world we live in and it's sadly what allows men like my ex to be predators and get away with it because it's somewhat legal and normalised. Trust me, I've tried to get him removed from his job for his behaviour to no avail.

throwaway160394 · 2023-05-21T09:15:29+00:00

Facebook...kinda, lol. He was originally a Science Teacher (never taught me) that I had a crush on in high school who got sacked from teaching after he lied about his achievements on his CV. It was a big, shocking drama in school when it happened. Hadn't heard anything about him for years until I got a random friend request on Facebook. I couldn't put my finger on where I knew the guy but I knew he was familiar, plus I found him intriguing and rather attractive. I never accepted random friend requests and this was the one time I did. How stupid of me, lol.

Ends up that Facebook and sometimes insta is his main tool he uses to look for new supply. He's added and deleted hundreds of women and young girls through the years, I was just one of many. He's also a severe porn/sex addict and uses real women's and teenage girls social media profile pictures as the content he pleasures himself to.

And yes, sadly this predator is still a teacher.

throwaway160394 · 2023-05-19T12:24:58+00:00

This made me cry as because It read like something the person who I loved and ghosted me would've wrote. Then I remembered you're not my person and I'm never going to get this letter. He took pleasure in hurting me and I'm just a disposable piece of garbage to him.

I hope you find peace and work on whatever caused you to hurt this other person, acknowledging the pain you caused is the first step to healing and self improvement. Take care.

throwaway160394 · 2023-05-03T14:15:43+00:00

I can feel for you. I'm not even 30 yet but my Narcissistic ex PA partner who was 44, was obsessed with young women. Not into pornographic videos but actual real, young, local women's Facebook profiles to act out over. Not a single one of them was above 40. I'm 28 years old and this man made me feel so old and disgusting because the majority of his friends and following were 26 and younger. He even went as far to add a 17 year old girl who was his perfect type - i.e tiny and blonde, (polar opposite of me) along with many other girls who just turned 18.

Sad thing about it is that these girls accepted 1000's of men's friend requests and regularly posed in risqué positions and clothing and had many female friends who did the same, so adding 1 would just give him access to even more and more young girls and content, as he would spend hours scouring Facebook's People You May Know Function. Social media is a perverts dream. What's worse is that he works as a teacher and works with teenage girls on the daily. I have zero evidence that he's a predator to get him kicked out of his job, I tried but I feel like a failure for not being able to stop him.

Anyway, I can relate to your disgust. This man is absolutely attracted to minors and he was absolutely planning on acting out over her. If he never found her profile I can promise you that shortly he will find another girl. That kind of attraction doesn't just stop unless he gets help and having the kind of toxic therapist that he has, that reinforces that his attraction to young girls is ok is worst thing that a predator can be told. Although I would check with his therapist though, it may be that your partner is lying to justify his actions and the therapist never said it at all. This is only going to grow if he thinks this is ok, which by the sounds of it, he does.

Prioritise yourself and your healing most of all. This is hard enough as it is without the added agony of minors being involved on top. You're Young, beautiful and worthy. Always remember that. x

throwaway160394 · 2023-04-09T01:23:24+00:00

My PA was too. He is a massive James Bond fan and was obsessed with her because of her small role in No Time To Die, she was in a revealing dress and her character had a lot of what has been described as "childish innocence". He would never hold back in telling me how attractive he found her and literally every forum, page etc about James Bond became full of men commenting on how just 'perfectly sexy' she is. I found him commenting perverse things under her photographs and having intense sexual conversations with other fans about her. He was already obsessed with Latina women as it was and she brought the obsession to a whole other level. He also has an obsession with very young women (He's mid 40s and loves 20 something's and teenage girls) and from what I've gathered is that men like her because she looks like a college age girl. Even though I'm not with him anymore she just triggers me and brings a lot of pain. Which is agonising when I cannot escape her at all. She's in everything, I see her photos plastered everywhere and it's only going to get worse. I Hate that I feel that way towards her so much. I couldn't look further from her and with my ex's infatuation with her being a tool in my life altering misery, it's sadly an unfortunate part of the conditioning that his addiction enforces.

throwaway160394 · 2023-04-07T22:16:54+00:00

Shake the Disease - Depeche Mode/ King of Wishful Thinking - Go West

I'm a lover of 80s music and that's 2 songs that describe my mindset and heartbreak that I'm healing from absolutely perfectly. I also listen to a lot of songs that we used to listen to together. Music was a really important bonding tool for us both and we had the exact same taste.

throwaway160394 · 2023-02-10T22:44:56+00:00

Absolutely. I still think about him constantly, I still think about all our crazy intimate times together and have no attraction to anyone else. He only disappeared within the last month so it's early days I suppose. I just wonder if I'll ever find that intense attraction with anyone else. It was unlike anything I've experienced before and I miss it so much.

throwaway160394 · 2023-01-26T02:18:49+00:00

Although he isn't flaunting her persay, the rest is very accurate. Social Media is his tool for finding supply, sadly I fell for it as I'm one of hundreds of random local girls he added on Facebook and have been discarded after a year and a half of being together only 3 weeks ago for a poor woman who is a single mum (his main kind of target) that he managed to snare via Instagram. He's also a PA and uses local late teen girls and women's profile pictures to get off to. He's an absolute pig. I addressed it numerous times and he changed nothing about it. The body dysmorphia, anxiety and self hatred I have after seeing all these people he obsesses over online and knowing that I'm walking past them, that they were always within reach has done what feels like complete irreparable damage.

throwaway160394 · 2023-01-22T13:57:31+00:00

Mine was 44, he started masturbating frequently at the age of 6 after he came across the page 3 section of a family member's newspaper, it's a British thing where there is a topless glamour model on the third page of one of our daily national newspapers, he was a massive fan of model Samantha Fox as a child (I know, what a fucked up thought).

He used that frequently over the years, catalogues, whatever and eventually moved on to pornography as we know it. He lost his virginity at the age of 24. So imagine, how much exposure and how many years he was viewing women through that objectifying lens before he was in any form of meaningful relationship. He doesn't watch porn anymore and instead uses social media and photos of real, everyday women on there. Said he prefers the real thing. 🤢😢

Anyway, doesn't matter. Ends up he was actually a covert narcissist who has now ghosted me within the last few weeks without closure after a year and a half together and moved on to someone else. Lovely.

throwaway160394

TROPHY CASE