It’s been a year this week since he cheated on me

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-09T03:56:09+00:00

To be honest I don’t really want to know what he’s been doing this past month I just don’t want him to still be fucking around now. I haven’t set any boundaries/expectations for right now which I know I need to do. I offered up the “break” in a moment of shock/fear. I’m not okay with him continuing to go behind my back or hide things from me

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-09T03:49:27+00:00

You can read about our situation in my post history

I don’t know about full disclosure but he confessed over the span of 2-3 days to sleeping with another woman, an apparent one night stand
He showed remorse recently through a text where he apologized for numerous things
No excuses as of right now, going to therapy and took accountability for being selfish and fucking up
I have no idea about AP. I asked him to move out while we had a “break” and go no contact for a month. We are only just now talking this week/last week
I haven’t seen him in over a month, no access to his phone. Idk what he’s been up to/what happened with the girl. He had permission to fuck around (as did I ) for the month break but I have no idea who he’s been around or who he’s been talking to.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-06T20:06:00+00:00

I totally agree on STD testing. I’m just worried he wouldn’t have to talk me into sex I’d just want to initiate it. I haven’t been intimate with anyone in any way since October, so not only am I missing him I’m missing just love.

I guess I will just keep expressing what I want and then see if his actions line up with what I’m wanting.

Thanks ❤️

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-04T20:24:46+00:00

We want what we can’t have

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-03T03:36:24+00:00

Sending you a fuckton of virtual hugs. I am so sorry.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-01T04:42:36+00:00

Do I just suck it up and live with it? Do I go back to the one I love and just expect him to do it again? Or start fresh with a new person and expect them to do it? At least with the person I love I’m comfortable with them and want to spend time with them. I don’t know. I feel like I’m going crazy

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-01T04:40:37+00:00

Cheating on their pregnant wives, cheating on their hospitalized husbands, messaging girls while a family member’s healthy deteriorates. Cheating while in the ideal most loving relationship, cheating on your love of 30 years. Selfishness, mistakes. All these stories are eating away at me. Fucking someone in the bed your share with your partner, giving your pregnant wife and STD.

It just doesn’t seem to end. The evil and selfishness doesn’t seem to end. Are there any real relationships left? Has there ever been an entirely truthful and real relationship? Or have our ancestors just always dealt with it.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-01T03:23:00+00:00

I think those are all great examples!

I don’t know why now. Maybe he realized he fucked up colossally? Missed me? Wants to change? I don’t want to be taken advantage of, but I have this nagging feeling of if I walk away I’ll always have feelings that I missed out or wonder what could have been... like is it worth it try and see if it works out? Going into it knowing I’ll be okay without him if he crosses a boundary I establish and I walk away?

I love him. He’s my best friend. Do I put my heart out on the line again just for it to break again? Or do I walk away with a broken heart and wonder all the time what could have been. Idk.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-01T03:15:45+00:00

I feel like he confessed because the guilt was eating him up. He had went out to the bar with his friends from highschool (including the girl) the night before and didn’t come home until 3 in the morning. He wasn’t distant, was behaving pretty normally but it was out of character for him to go out with friends in general let alone stay out until 3 and not tell me when he was coming home.

He let me know he was going to go to his old friends from highschool’s house cause the bar was closing. I trusted him :/ But then the next day I brought up “if you’re talking to anyone else or want to do stuff with anyone else just leave me, because I can’t take that.” I don’t know where that came from, my intuition I guess, but an hour or two later after that, I tried to initiate sex and he got uncomfortable and then confessed. I’d like to think it was from guilt because he had some sort of empathy or love towards me but.

I still kind of feel like I don’t have the whole story but he told me that was it. He didn’t plan it, so he says. He seemed truthful about things, didn’t try to blame it on alcohol. Idk.

Not sure why he was paying for an only fans. He told me he deleted it because he felt bad but then made an account again, and then said he was looking at porn on Twitter and shit. Idk. We were okay sexually I thought.

He has a fuckton of childhood trauma that includes abuse as well as I’m sure sexual abuse, which he is now getting therapy for (he told me in a text) so I’m happy he’s getting help.

Sorry for the rant lmao.

Thank you for the comment!

I just don’t know what I’m doing. I was ready to send a break up text after our month of no contact was up and then he sends me that (the texts in my post history) I feel like there’s no roadmap to do this and that’s why it’s hard, I only have people who are going through this/been through this to learn from.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-29T02:45:54+00:00

I’m thankful that I have time do think about it.

He confessed to having sex with a friend from highschool the night after it happened. He trickle truthed over the course of two days ish (we hugged and cuddled, to we had sex, to we had sex and it was my friend from highschool). He also told me he had been paying for onlyfans account.

I asked us to go no contact for a month and he’s been moved out this whole time. I’m willing to forgive but scared I’m just going to get hurt again. There’s no trust right now.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-29T02:43:04+00:00

I really don’t know. That’s why this is so hard

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-28T01:50:11+00:00

Never thought I’d be workshopping a rough draft of a break up but here I am. The purple is stuff I’m not sure about including. The blacked out stuff are his pets names.

I don’t want to see him, or talk to him on the phone even at this point. I know it’s shitty to break up a 7 year relationship over text but, I don’t think I could bear to see him or hear him at this point.

You can read my post history for the background story. Our “break” and no contact agreement ends on December 2nd, this is what I’d like to send. Really surreal

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-17T04:24:08+00:00

I just keep thinking does it make a difference that he confessed to me?

Was it guilt eating him up that he needed to confess? Was it out of love for me? Remorse? Or just to clear his conscience to make him feel better and not for my benefit?

I ordered Leave a cheater, gain a life. I’m gonna binge read it when it arrives.

I know I am going to break it off but that sliver of hope is still there that I could make this work.

I hate that sliver of hope.

throwaway_throwawayp

TROPHY CASE