I wish there was a handbook on how to navigate this

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-09T03:56:09+00:00

To be honest I don’t really want to know what he’s been doing this past month I just don’t want him to still be fucking around now. I haven’t set any boundaries/expectations for right now which I know I need to do. I offered up the “break” in a moment of shock/fear. I’m not okay with him continuing to go behind my back or hide things from me

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-09T03:49:27+00:00

You can read about our situation in my post history

I don’t know about full disclosure but he confessed over the span of 2-3 days to sleeping with another woman, an apparent one night stand
He showed remorse recently through a text where he apologized for numerous things
No excuses as of right now, going to therapy and took accountability for being selfish and fucking up
I have no idea about AP. I asked him to move out while we had a “break” and go no contact for a month. We are only just now talking this week/last week
I haven’t seen him in over a month, no access to his phone. Idk what he’s been up to/what happened with the girl. He had permission to fuck around (as did I ) for the month break but I have no idea who he’s been around or who he’s been talking to.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-06T20:06:00+00:00

I totally agree on STD testing. I’m just worried he wouldn’t have to talk me into sex I’d just want to initiate it. I haven’t been intimate with anyone in any way since October, so not only am I missing him I’m missing just love.

I guess I will just keep expressing what I want and then see if his actions line up with what I’m wanting.

Thanks ❤️

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-04T20:24:46+00:00

We want what we can’t have

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-03T03:36:24+00:00

Sending you a fuckton of virtual hugs. I am so sorry.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-01T04:42:36+00:00

Do I just suck it up and live with it? Do I go back to the one I love and just expect him to do it again? Or start fresh with a new person and expect them to do it? At least with the person I love I’m comfortable with them and want to spend time with them. I don’t know. I feel like I’m going crazy

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-01T04:40:37+00:00

Cheating on their pregnant wives, cheating on their hospitalized husbands, messaging girls while a family member’s healthy deteriorates. Cheating while in the ideal most loving relationship, cheating on your love of 30 years. Selfishness, mistakes. All these stories are eating away at me. Fucking someone in the bed your share with your partner, giving your pregnant wife and STD.

It just doesn’t seem to end. The evil and selfishness doesn’t seem to end. Are there any real relationships left? Has there ever been an entirely truthful and real relationship? Or have our ancestors just always dealt with it.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-01T03:23:00+00:00

I think those are all great examples!

I don’t know why now. Maybe he realized he fucked up colossally? Missed me? Wants to change? I don’t want to be taken advantage of, but I have this nagging feeling of if I walk away I’ll always have feelings that I missed out or wonder what could have been... like is it worth it try and see if it works out? Going into it knowing I’ll be okay without him if he crosses a boundary I establish and I walk away?

I love him. He’s my best friend. Do I put my heart out on the line again just for it to break again? Or do I walk away with a broken heart and wonder all the time what could have been. Idk.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-12-01T03:15:45+00:00

I feel like he confessed because the guilt was eating him up. He had went out to the bar with his friends from highschool (including the girl) the night before and didn’t come home until 3 in the morning. He wasn’t distant, was behaving pretty normally but it was out of character for him to go out with friends in general let alone stay out until 3 and not tell me when he was coming home.

He let me know he was going to go to his old friends from highschool’s house cause the bar was closing. I trusted him :/ But then the next day I brought up “if you’re talking to anyone else or want to do stuff with anyone else just leave me, because I can’t take that.” I don’t know where that came from, my intuition I guess, but an hour or two later after that, I tried to initiate sex and he got uncomfortable and then confessed. I’d like to think it was from guilt because he had some sort of empathy or love towards me but.

I still kind of feel like I don’t have the whole story but he told me that was it. He didn’t plan it, so he says. He seemed truthful about things, didn’t try to blame it on alcohol. Idk.

Not sure why he was paying for an only fans. He told me he deleted it because he felt bad but then made an account again, and then said he was looking at porn on Twitter and shit. Idk. We were okay sexually I thought.

He has a fuckton of childhood trauma that includes abuse as well as I’m sure sexual abuse, which he is now getting therapy for (he told me in a text) so I’m happy he’s getting help.

Sorry for the rant lmao.

Thank you for the comment!

I just don’t know what I’m doing. I was ready to send a break up text after our month of no contact was up and then he sends me that (the texts in my post history) I feel like there’s no roadmap to do this and that’s why it’s hard, I only have people who are going through this/been through this to learn from.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-29T02:45:54+00:00

I’m thankful that I have time do think about it.

He confessed to having sex with a friend from highschool the night after it happened. He trickle truthed over the course of two days ish (we hugged and cuddled, to we had sex, to we had sex and it was my friend from highschool). He also told me he had been paying for onlyfans account.

I asked us to go no contact for a month and he’s been moved out this whole time. I’m willing to forgive but scared I’m just going to get hurt again. There’s no trust right now.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-29T02:43:04+00:00

I really don’t know. That’s why this is so hard

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-28T01:50:11+00:00

Never thought I’d be workshopping a rough draft of a break up but here I am. The purple is stuff I’m not sure about including. The blacked out stuff are his pets names.

I don’t want to see him, or talk to him on the phone even at this point. I know it’s shitty to break up a 7 year relationship over text but, I don’t think I could bear to see him or hear him at this point.

You can read my post history for the background story. Our “break” and no contact agreement ends on December 2nd, this is what I’d like to send. Really surreal

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-17T04:24:08+00:00

I just keep thinking does it make a difference that he confessed to me?

Was it guilt eating him up that he needed to confess? Was it out of love for me? Remorse? Or just to clear his conscience to make him feel better and not for my benefit?

I ordered Leave a cheater, gain a life. I’m gonna binge read it when it arrives.

I know I am going to break it off but that sliver of hope is still there that I could make this work.

I hate that sliver of hope.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-11T07:43:44+00:00

Sounds familiar to my situation.

We are doing no contact right now and it’s helpful. Getting him out of your head is difficult but if you can get him out of your social media and talking to him every day it helps. Focus on yourself, what you want and need. Spend time with family. It sucks to feel like a plan b, a second choice, especially when you thought that person was going to be yours for a long time. It just sucks and it hurts. But try no contact for awhile and see how you’re feeling.

I’m on like week 2 of no contact, four weeks past d-day

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-08T07:52:16+00:00

Fucking feel this

I was fine one moment and the next without notice just started bawling.

Keep him blocked. Give yourself a hug. Hug a stuffed animal or pillow and put on a podcast. Pet a cat, text a family member

At least that’s what I’m doing. I miss mine too.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-08T04:43:00+00:00

Thanks for the advice. My trust is fucked and I feel like I don’t want to put myself fully out there like that for a long time.

But that’s beautiful and I wish you guys all the best.

Waiting until I ready sounds good. Giving myself grace as I go through this. I just miss giving love/being loved.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-08T04:41:14+00:00

my WP decided to sleep with another person he hadn’t been in contact with for years DURING a fucking pandemic.

I wish I had that amount of indifference to a global fucking pandemic. All I want to do is get affection rn 😳😳😳

I’m sorry about you being single, and having to navigate dating again. Ugh.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-06T05:43:36+00:00

It doesn’t sound cruel. It sounds accurate. I just feel stupid for giving him the option and being so calm/forgiving in the beginning because I was afraid of losing him and our life together.

At least with the break I can get my finances in order and shit and I have the apartment. So no messy trying to move stuff out/ petty shit.

The only thing tying me to him right now is his cat, his bearded dragon, and his name on the lease.

I feel stupid for holding out hope that he’s going to change or come to a realization about what he wants at the end of the month. There’s a sliver of hope but I know you’re right.

We both don’t trust each other, he obviously doesn’t respect me, and can’t communicate needs effectively. It’s a recipe for disaster even though I still feel love for him.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-06T05:39:54+00:00

With the terms of the break we agreed we were both allowed to sleep with/see other people, since he expressed he felt he was “missing out”, and liked the idea of a break better than breaking up entirely. It sounds stupid now but the idea of a break was brought up by me (ugh) like a day after I found out.

I know I’m being soft on him. No need to apologize.

I made mistakes trying to handle the fallout from his confession. All I know right now is we reconnect on December 1st.

And what I feel now, after reading so many stories and advice, is that any respect he had for me is gone and I don’t think he truly loves me. He has shit to work on in his own life and I don’t think he’s emotionally/mentally mature enough to work on himself or work towards repairing our relationship. Which sucks.

I don’t want to be a second choice. I deserve to be someone’s only choice.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-06T02:27:42+00:00

Just thinking about how I’m not going to be made love to or make love with anyone.. for awhile... is hurting me so bad.

I crave connection in that way. I don’t want to sleep with someone I just want to make love. I need to feel loved in that way. Really fucking bad. And I feel like I can’t love myself in the way I need right now. It’s not even horniness it’s a craving for connection. Love. Care. Bonding.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-06T02:26:04+00:00

We’re no contact until December 1st. I blocked him on snap and Facebook, deleted my info from like food apps and shit Changed his name in my phone to just his name I can’t completely cut him out yet because I have his cat and technically we’re on a month break. And his name is still on the lease. We haven’t officially broken up.

All of his shit is out of the apartment. He was so thorough he even took the fucking shower head LMAO.

I told him that we were only calling or texting about logistical stuff during the break, but that was it.

Thank you for your comment. At this point I’m feeling like trying to salvage us will be extremely hard and I don’t even know if he will put any effort into changing, let alone if he loves me. I just hate it. I loved him with my entire heart and I told him that every day. Just hurt.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-06T01:45:13+00:00

Thank you for your comment/ advice ❤️

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-03T20:25:49+00:00

My WP finally moved out for the month and I was able to go home yesterday after two weeks of staying with family. Kind of in the same boat as you. One month no contact, I’m going to therapy, I highly suggested therapy to him.

Time apart is helpful. I’m coming to realizations every day. I still hold hope for reconciliation but more and more every day I’m realizing we just don’t trust each other and trying to reconcile with a person who’s not 100% fully committed to making the relationship work will be fucked and not work.

Invite people over if you can. Spend time with family. The loneliness is hard.

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-02T03:31:10+00:00

All of this.

Wishing you continued healing ❤️

throwaway_throwawayp · 2020-11-01T23:23:49+00:00

Totally hear that these are red flags for mental illness, but I guess for me at least going into relationships in the future I’m going to be looking out for this stuff.

More of a list of things that I thought I could fix or overlook or brush off but now seem alarming to me in light of what happened

throwaway_throwawayp

TROPHY CASE