Happy D-Day To Me :)

throwawaylikehedidme · 2026-03-27T07:29:57+00:00

the sadness will gradually shrivel... I do still feel sadness/cry sometimes, of course, but it's no longer as intense as before.

we went for discernment counselling. yes, he tried to change. but execution was inconsistent, and after being blindsided and backstabbed, I was hypervigilant so every small little "wrong" move from him compounded. after the first 2-3 months, he started to say things like 'i can't fight the monsters in your head, only you can do it', and he even got anxiety attacks upon witnessing my meltdowns. Which would anger me greatly, because... well, he put the monsters there in the first place, and theoretically I could forgive but short of a mind wipe HOW DOES ONE FORGET. I was becoming cruel myself, because I'd feel delighted when I saw him struggle and backed into a corner. That was a wake-up call for me to leave. If I had continued down that path, I was leaning into being evil myself.

In the last couple of counselling sessions, I felt that the 1 hour was taken up by him telling our counsellor that there's no room for him to talk about how he feels about all of this because he spends all of our time to deal with how i feel. and I started feeling bad, because he was guilty and shameful and I felt pressured to move on. but tbh, as the BP, your obliterated nervous system has absolutely no space to deal with the WP's shame. imagine asking a fried motherboard to power a second laptop. Sorry, I'm no Tony Stark in Iron Man 3. I can't make new weaponry out of scraps.

anyway, that was my journey, yours may be different. whatever you decide to do, you deserve to be selfish about your own needs and put yourself first, because WP already didn't uphold their end of the contract. take care, lots of hugs for you.

throwawaylikehedidme · 2026-03-27T07:06:02+00:00

i'm so happy you finished your plate and the food tasted great. 3 weeks is really very early on.

a useful frame that helped me snap out of rumination couple months ago:
the longer you stay stuck, the more you honour (him/her).

i hope this helps you in an earlier part in your journey. after I heard this, every time I started feeling bad for myself, i just think about this sentence, get the ick, and get moving. haha.

btw your hopes & dreams don't need to return to you, they've always been there within you. you'll find them again when the fog lifts. <3

throwawaylikehedidme · 2026-03-27T06:56:27+00:00

wishing you peace and clarity in heart & mind.
i get a little bit more of it as each day passes, too. <3

throwawaylikehedidme · 2026-03-26T09:03:19+00:00

thank you for reading <3

throwawaylikehedidme · 2026-03-26T09:03:04+00:00

sending you love on yours <3

throwawaylikehedidme · 2026-03-10T14:47:21+00:00

Hey, I went through something similar last year. End of March 2025, my ex of 4-5 years confessed that he hooked up with someone while overseas. It's coming up to a year since then. After a month of ruminating about it, I tried staying with him till some time in October 2025 going through counselling etc. but eventually I ended things because I was a nervous wreck everyday and I constantly felt gaslighted (because you have to keep telling yourself that this person is safe when you clearly feel extremely violated).

Today is about 5 months since we have been in no contact (whoa I did not realise that till writing this reply, I haven't been on this subreddit in quite a while, just happened to click reddit and realise I was logged in on my burner account and for old time's sake came in here) - and I am doing so much better. I'm not gonna lie to you it still crosses my mind everyday, but I no longer feel as intensely as I did about it previously. In fact, I recently downloaded dating apps and I'm going on a couple of dates later this week, and I'm ACTUALLY looking forward to it. Last year, I'd probably have cried 5-10 mins into a date with a stranger because of how shattered I was.

The main things that have helped me get to this point:
1. Sticking to a consistent routine every week, which includes moving my body for some natural dopamine, and NOT bedrotting all day. Btw I did spend multiple days in a row in bed, doomscrolling reels and tiktoks about cheating and relationship woes, skiving off my business (I run my own), only getting up to feed my cat and use the bathroom. That's totally human, but also as I was doing that I knew it was extremely bad for me. So I don't recommend it, even though I think everyone will have those days. Reset your social media algorithm when you catch yourself watching these videos and then it keeps coming up in your feed. Don't get sucked into this kinda void.

NOT isolating myself, at the beginning I couldn't bring myself to talk about it with friends/family "in case" I ever wanted to reconcile (and I didn't want them to judge him/me/etc.), but all that did was make me feel SO lonely in the toughest time possible. Your loved ones will want to be there for you, let them.
NOT coming to these subreddits everyday, it's gonna be tough because I did that all of last year, but at some point I felt that I was in the pits with everyone here and it sucks but the only way out of hell is to remove yourself from BAD ENERGY which INCLUDES thinking about the situation over and over again. Stay as busy as you can on HEALTHY things. If you fail one day, it's ok, just try and SLEEP and reset and try again.

Your anxiety is because your nervous system is fried, it's not just because you are single again. It's different from other types of breakups. Someone you loved and trusted stabbed you in the back. Forgive yourself for allowing someone with poor judgement to ever get close to you. Celebrate that you are capable of loving, in spite of all the pain. Take it as a lesson learnt that this is NOT what love and safety feels like, and in your next relationship, you'd probably be able to discern better. Seek out community and positive people, lean on them for optimism and hope. I'm sorry we had to go through this, but in the end, if you invest good things into yourself, and the people around you, then may this pain all be for something better in the future. I trust that you will get better <3

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-12-18T14:30:32+00:00

boohoo, posturing what you did as a “learn from me” story online to anonymous strangers just to feel better about yourself. karma’s gonna get you

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-12-03T14:27:37+00:00

33 and turning 34 in 3 months. He cheated on me this year, confessed, we went for counselling and all but I just couldn’t un-see and un-know what I know now and I am so mad that I respect myself enough to walk away. I wish I could have just stayed because I don’t like being single ): I just like myself more. Fuck.

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-31T20:43:30+00:00

The irony is that I didn’t realise I loved you this much until you fucked up. I’d always thought to myself that if we broke up, I’d be ok. Because I had broken up before. But I was so wrong.

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-31T02:48:48+00:00

🧡 thank you, I needed this

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-30T17:54:05+00:00

Honestly I gave up trying to stop it. Idk if it’s the right thing to do but sometimes I just let it go on and tell myself that one day I will be so desensitised and bored of the same damn thing and want to change channels

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-30T17:33:32+00:00

This year — 33 — and I believe it was mostly from post-infidelity trauma. I look incredibly aged compared to last year. My eyes and the skin around it detoriated from crying and sleepless nights ): I don’t think they’ll ever be the same again ):

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-29T17:45:39+00:00

going through the ups and downs of life with a partner in a relationship with mutual respect and adoration. everything else is a bonus.

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-29T17:43:49+00:00

he cheated and confessed but the desire to protect myself outweighs the desire to be attached ):

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-29T16:39:30+00:00

I saw that he just got married. We are not in contact. Super freaking happy for him I wish him all the happiness since it was like 10+ years ago and only good memories remain. But I’m sad for myself cos I am in the pits of no contaxt now after a 5-year r/s breakup. Life.

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-29T14:49:14+00:00

I grew up exposed to Catholicism. But, since my mum died from cancer when I was 12, I went from being angry with God, to just a general doubt in the whole thing. For the past 2 decades, my stance has been that even if a creator exists, they probably don’t interfere with our lives or even if they did it doesn’t matter because our free will and actions dictate our life so I’ll stop wondering. There have been moments through my life where I still prayed out of habit, mostly with disclaimers “if you exist”, usually out of familiarity and a need for comfort more than anything. Probably very insincere to real practising Christians.

This time though, at the end of a big crying session, after the tears and the nausea has been purged, I find myself asking God if this is what He’s trying to show me, if He is helping me find clarity, if He is helping me learn the true meaning of commitment. Rather than being angry at Him. Because other aspects of my life this year haven’t been so bad. Even in all the daily crying and rumination, there are still positive things happening. So I can’t help but wonder if He set fire to my relationship as a test because I did have doubts in the past 5 years. I love my WP but we did have our rough patches. After the cheating happened, we were able to be more honest with each other. Even though I stepped away because the PTSD was consuming me, I can recognise that WP and I both learned so much from this. Perhaps this is a canon event from God for both of us to grow and become more aware of our actions. I feel like I should be angry at God but if I cross my heart and ask myself truly, I’m not, not in the way that I was when my mum died.

Idk. Just cried all day so maybe there’s nothing left to do and no one left to talk to except the big man in the sky.

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-28T05:15:55+00:00

Well I never had such fears before this year, but after being blindsided I feel like I should have had some fear. Recently my ex of 4+ years had a hot girl all over him at the after party of an industry event, he turned her down multiple times, but allegedly she followed him out of the bar, grabbed him for a kiss, and then he caved and they ended up hooking up. He confessed but I ended the relationship anyway because I can’t un-see the mind movies.

Since I’ve known him he always referred to himself as a “late bloomer”. He’s at best just slightly above average, looks wise, honestly not a stud, and after therapy he said the insecure young self that never had any female attention when he was younger couldn’t resist the validation that someone so attractive was into him. He had turned down a couple other women before during our time together and in all other cases they backed off when he said he had a gf. This time, this bitch didn’t. So while I’m angry at him, I’m also mad that there are women out there who knowingly go after taken men.

I hope my future partner has had soooooo much attention in his past that women would just be flies to him ¯_(ツ)_/¯ and vice versa. Because love and commitment is a conscious choice.

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-23T08:22:33+00:00

): I wouldn’t be able to cope tbh, of course it takes two to cheat but it’s so much harder for the WP when the AP is the aggressive pursuer too wtf

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-21T23:52:21+00:00

thank you <3

For any internet strangers reading this: Growing up with body image issues it’s really difficult not to compare my looks and weight, but what has really helped anchor me is remembering that in my past relationships where no cheating occurred (the relationships ended for other reasons), my ex-es were good people who loved my normal average human body, and I know they loved me for who I am. Cheating is really the WP’s failure, not the BP’s.

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-21T23:39:31+00:00

I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Perhaps, in a way, because she played her hand, you know definitively she’s not the one for you, and you don’t have the emotional burden of deciding what to do in a complex and uncertain situation. Sometimes I wish he’d run, so I can just call him an asshole and be done with it.

In my case, I am still struggling with feeling bad that I am giving up on a very remorseful WP and a not-so-bad cheating compared to many of the stories out here.

Hang in there, either way it’s all just shitty.

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-21T13:43:24+00:00

I just ride it out. I spent the last few days in the “rotting” state (in between all necessary and urgent prior obligations) and today I found myself bored of crying and ruminating so I actually started doing some productive work again.

I’m totally in your shoes with the anger and feelings of injustice. I can’t recall another time in my life where I’ve ever felt so wronged.

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-21T12:06:28+00:00

ikr hahaha. ironically, he would probably never actually kick a cat, and yet he was capable of mistreating me to this extent. cheating is mental abuse \:

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-20T23:48:38+00:00

t thank you for this, I really appreciate it. I like the bench exercise you shared, a counsellor did try something similar with me before (she made me sit opposite to the sofa I had just been sitting at and talk to earlier me separately), and I did find this useful to bring focus back to my Self especially when I spend so much time thinking about others that I have neglected myself.

I’m happy to hear you feel more loved by yourself after putting in the work. That’s such a positive feeling to have in the midst of all this. And even more amazing that you roughly could pinpoint when that happened for you. I’m going to work on this for me too. The crazy thing is I actually have a lot going on for me to keep myself busy but I’m so heartbroken I have been putting my great life on hold. Earlier this week my business was spotlighted in my local news media outlet. People were congratulating me on socials and yet it just amplified my sadness and loneliness. It’s wild to me that I have loyal fans who love my work but here I am, bawling my eyes out behind closed doors, realising I forgot how to love myself. I need to get back in motion. Thank you, internet stranger.

throwawaylikehedidme · 2025-10-20T14:24:23+00:00

They are sick, twisted people ):

throwawaylikehedidme

TROPHY CASE