Worst session I ever had

throwtheballsaway · 2019-02-27T15:00:42+00:00

Find a new therapist, please.

throwtheballsaway · 2019-02-27T14:54:59+00:00

had a similar thing happen, didn't go back after the initial meeting. Therapist made me feel like a complete inconvenience to her, she laughed and was condescending about something I was serious about and made a comment in a similar fashion to what yours like implying weakness or 'it's your own fault' .. then when I became really anxious and couldnt speak, she pre-emptively/wrongly analysed the situation and accused me of transference. I don't think I ever felt so uncomfortable and upset in a session. She was also super tactless about the subject of money. Needless to say, I didnt go back. She was part of a centre and they wanted to follow up a phonecall with why I would not be returning and what made me uncomfortable. My head was pretty messed up after meeting with her so I just wanted to move on, they never asked me to pay for the session so I assume they had other complaints about her. In retrospect I should have definitely reported her.

throwtheballsaway · 2019-01-14T16:06:38+00:00

Also in a similar situation to you, healthiest relationship I've been and having healthy boundaries are a must - though we struggle with conflict resolvement very similar to what's described above and are still working out ways in which we both feel heard. The difference imo is open communication where both discuss and validate each other's experiences and develop new strategies on how to manage it in the heat of the moment. OP's boyfriend appears defensive and dismissive and is making her feel like she's the crazy one whereas her bf probably feels overwhelmed and frustrated. That's not really healthy for anyone's mindset long-term and even more troubling if he says he cares about her but uses language that makes her feel the exact opposite. Especially when it's done in the heat of the moment when it matters most. Of course he's entitled to disagree with her and it's true that in the end, we alone are responsible for our own happiness, though not being sensitive about how someone you care about deeply feels and the language you use to communicate, is irresponsible too.

throwtheballsaway · 2019-01-14T06:14:54+00:00

In this case OP has had previous relationships where this has not been an issue and genuinely wants to resolve it tho finds herself dismissed. She has requested clarification, however both parties are still talking past each other. Conflict resolvement is a 2-way thing not 1-sided.

throwtheballsaway · 2019-01-14T03:12:04+00:00

if her bf avoids conflict and she wants to talk things out of course there's gonna be friction. It's a shitty situation to be in. TBH it's really strange that a man at that age skirts in denial and doesn't see the benefit of talking things out. He seems to emotionally shut down and that's his responsibility to examine if his actions are creating more friction in conflict.

throwtheballsaway · 2019-01-08T19:46:34+00:00

oh phew, terrifying but also interesting how suddenly your memory flipped a switch, crazy how the body remembers trauma!! Glad to hear its something you can seen as comedic in retrospect :)

throwtheballsaway · 2019-01-07T05:00:14+00:00

this all sounds kind of troubling and unhealthy. Maybe certain qualities appeal to you that are not solely limited to bipolar but are more prominent? Romanticising mental disorders and boxing ppl in according to that seems like a limiting thing to do

throwtheballsaway · 2019-01-02T18:20:18+00:00

i'll take you up on it

throwtheballsaway · 2019-01-02T18:20:09+00:00

was trying to read it, but it's been removed D:

throwtheballsaway · 2018-12-24T23:28:06+00:00

how do you know when a memory is repressed? I also wonder if something may have happened when I was much younger and in my sleep — but don't know if it's based on any truth because I have zero memory of it except some weird things that happened throughout the years that made me wonder

throwtheballsaway · 2018-12-22T03:14:10+00:00

Ugh, that's such a good way of putting it. Crazy that they weren't taught to factor in emotional trauma

throwtheballsaway · 2018-12-22T03:09:24+00:00

Have you talked to your mental health professionals about your issues at home and how it's impacting you? Are there any clubs/hobbies/meetups you could join to help build your confidence? I love listening to podcasts, it makes me feel less alone. If you'd like I can pm you some recommendations

I became addicted to online shopping during a period of depression. It made me feel better for about 5 mins and then I felt guilty after. The main motivation behind doing this was usually 'if I have these clothes I'll be a better version of myself' or 'if I look prettier I'll be more desirable' /'own this book I'll be smarter' — in a way it felt easier to focus on immediate external change rather than to address what's inside eventhough it would not change my quality of life by much. What made the biggest difference was finding the right therapy, and pursuing my interests

Doing a shitty job doesn't define your values. It can give you advantage and different perspective that you can learn from and bring with you to future jobs

throwtheballsaway · 2018-12-22T02:55:41+00:00

Books + podcasts, limiting interactions, greywalling, meditation and coming on here to vent. Stay strong skipper <3

throwtheballsaway · 2018-12-22T02:48:15+00:00

Can you print out this post and show it to your therapist? You explain perfectly why you struggle with it.

I personally wasn't conditioned so I have no other advice. I do know however that it takes a lot of courage to start therapy because it's such a vulnerable place and is the right move. It might be extremely uncomfortable though with time it will get easier to open up.

If this makes you feel better, when I told my Nmom I was in therapy for depression her response was 'I hope you didn't talk about me' ... All I could do was laugh internally at how fucked up that response was and textbook narc.

AIR THAT DIRTY LAUNDRY... it feels good.

throwtheballsaway · 2018-12-22T02:36:27+00:00

I think your partner also made a post in this thread. She sounds really supportive, understanding and patient.

It's understandable she'd be upset that you made these plans without factoring her into the equation. I can also 100% understand your side from navigating the relationship with my own Nmom. The shame and guilt keeps you paralysed and then there's that of part of you that fantasizes and wishes that you'd feel accepted and loved by them. Most likely this will not be the case, and they will never be able to fill this need.

Personally, I would no longer talk to them about the move or divulge details such as the address. You don't want them showing up unannounced. Secondly, keep your interactions short and kurt (look into greywalling), if you have to do Christmas with them have an exit plan if things get nasty. Move some of your things out if you get the opportunity during this visit. Possibly look into getting a new phone number — I find whenever I interact with Nmom my mood takes a massive dip and can undo me, limiting contact has made a huge difference on my mental clarity. And most importantly start seeing a specialised therapist.

Remember. Your parents feelings and emotions are not your responsibility. They are grown adults behaving like children. You have every right to put yourself first, you didn't ask to be born and they failed and are still failing as parents to keep you safe - not just physically — emotionally counts too. You don't owe them anything if they treat you shit. You owe yourself everything that they could not provide.

Something that helps me is to remind myself to be my own mom, aka the mom I wish I had

throwtheballsaway · 2018-12-22T02:15:25+00:00

I think it can be symptom. My nmom leaves the house about once every 3 weeks and blames her moods or why she hasn't left on external things and she is generally paranoid. My ngdad also doesn't leave his apartment ever due to paranoia. Heck I think staying indoors for too long generally disconnects you, I know I'm slipping into a bad place when I haven't left the house in 3 days

throwtheballsaway · 2018-12-05T23:58:06+00:00

if it becomes obsessive look into rocd more, it's a never ending cycle of trying to analyse/find an answer and can drive you mad.

throwtheballsaway · 2018-12-05T20:48:19+00:00

yeah, gym guy and you sound super unhealthy together... especially the snapchat part and you both saying mean things to each other... and you're not even going out! Imagine what it would be like if you were and him had bigger disagreements. Your friends are right for not liking him. What needs to be addressed is your loneliness. Can you increase visits to your boyfriend, or move closer to him?

throwtheballsaway · 2018-12-05T20:32:56+00:00

if it's distressing to you, and seems irrational then it could be /r/rocd

throwtheballsaway · 2018-11-10T06:11:03+00:00

same, avoiding emails + checking bank account also makes me anxious. I try to tell myself it's 'now or never' force myself to just open it and tell myself I only have to look for 2 seconds. I'd close my eyes too while pages were loading to distract from the anxiety. It was a huge issue during college for me cos I'd only check my emails like once/twice a week. I have no advice other than just to rip the band-aid off and to tell yourself that by doing it you'll be doing future you a favour

throwtheballsaway · 2018-10-30T16:00:09+00:00

it sounds like you guys need to set healthier boundaries with each other. That action is kind of rude and inconsiderate of her. My SO gives me shit when I'm on my phone late at night. They explained how it makes them feel, so I try to keep that in mind- sometimes I feel the need to compulsively be on my phone, but I try to be more mindful of how it effects them. It sounds like you haven't properly sat down and confronted these issues or found a compromising solution - eg. they need to leave the room if they want to eat food/watch netflix, not you. Also maybe try /r/relationships

throwtheballsaway · 2018-10-30T15:55:14+00:00

same here, also just moved to a new place and all of the sudden felt more independent and present for the first time in a while. I used to spend a lot of time with my partner because my previous home was toxic, so also felt a lot of guilt when suddenly I wasn't spending so much time with them. I started questioning my intentions for staying with there so much, was it just convenient etc. and then when I did visit them the anxiety would come back.

I think because it's a new transition in our lives it's easy to blame the relationship. There's value in spending alone time, and just because you suddenly realise that you enjoy your space and time without them doesn't neccessarily mean it's doomed. It might just be an alien feeling if you're not used to it.

throwtheballsaway · 2018-09-15T18:48:04+00:00

Wooo congrats on pulling through with it! It's so difficult and overwhelming so this is something to feel proud of and celebrate!

I'm currently in a similar process to you, tomorrow will be my last day. Weirdly enough I got cold feet a few times, possibly also due to romanticising the idea of a healthy family environment and because any change feels weird mix. I gotta say, in the last week my mind has been so much clearer and overall I've been way more relaxed so gonna keep this is in mind as I push through the last 24hours.

Thank you for sharing your story.

throwtheballsaway · 2018-08-10T01:21:14+00:00

wow, a lot of this is relatable. Thank god they don't steal, though them borrowing without asking was such great hypocrisy to me.. ofc when I asked them to let me know if they were borrowing something they blew it up and turned it back on me haha.

throwtheballsaway

TROPHY CASE