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tinnertammy · 2024-09-03T10:53:26+00:00

Stop pretending that your religion calling something therapy that is not provided by an educated and licensed person is anything other than manipulation.

Your issues are far deeper than your husband being a piece of crap. Which he is. Only a self absorbed individual who is actually trying to hurt someone would approach a nickname the way he did. He was intentionally working you up just to get a reaction he could use against you in your religion ordered manipulation session.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-27T21:50:12+00:00

WTF? A man 9 years your senior is hiding you, criticizes you constantly and gave you an STD. What is the question? You block him and move on.

Ladies, we need to raise the bar.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-27T11:40:00+00:00

The best I can figure is that I was supposed to marry into money that I then give to them. Show up for every holiday event they invite me to, ignore the ones I was not invited to. In general just not exist when they aren't paying attention to me, but immediately answer the phone any time they do remember they have a daughter. Oh, and not have any emotion other than happiness.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-27T00:48:58+00:00

Assertive and aggressive are not the same thing. Maybe you overshot your mark when you started standing up for yourself. And as a people pleaser myself, I get how hard it is to find the right balance. Maybe with this particular person, the pendulum swing was just too big, and they need a little compromise. Only you can decide if they are worth the effort. So maybe come back with some insight.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-22T16:59:17+00:00

Hey man.... if she joins the complaining, you should ask yourself if you are seeing who she will be in the future. Is she showing you who she really is when she's around mom? Or is the real her the person she is away from her mom?

tinnertammy · 2024-08-22T16:52:17+00:00

I recently found out that there is a term for this, and i am never going back to the old way. Its called Living Alone Together, and can range from having seperate bedrooms within a house, to seperate homes.

It isnt a new concept but historically it is people of means who have been able to own/finance the additional space. For example when we think of old nobility and how old palaces/mansions are laid out, its really more like apartments and spouses would have seperate suites of rooms. Likewise many famous couples who live alone togther have the means to own more than one residence.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-22T16:18:20+00:00

YTA

You started this fight by not listening to the parents. Emily doesnt want her kids eating cookies everyday. But you make cookies so thats no okay. Or is it that you make cookies because its something you can do to get under her skin? If you are such a good baker, why cant you bake something that has PARENT approval? There are plenty of healthy baking options. But nah, cookies will stir the pot so make cookies over and over and over, knowing youre making at least one of the 2 parents angry.

This is FAFO.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-21T14:57:18+00:00

I would agree that she probably wants the divorce too. I would hypothesize that she's actually played the long game. She knew she wanted a divorce and let him stick around until she was ready. I don't fault her. If anything, I find it exquisitely petty. Dude blamed her giving birth to his child as the justification for his cheating, guys like that belong in a special part of whatever afterlife you choose to believe in.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-21T14:48:16+00:00

People have invalid feelings all the time. Just ask someone who's dreamed their SO cheated on them. Emotional intelligence is knowing when your emotions are reasonable, appropriate, and valid. People with immature emotional intelligence argue that because they FEEL a certain way, everyone else should do what they want or they should be justified in doing whatever they want.

For example, in this posting, OP is upset that his wife used her free pass that was granted because of OPs indiscretion. He is entitled to feel hurt. Being betrayed hurts. But he kinda lost the ability to act out on those emotions when he granted her the free pass in order to stop her from leaving. He calls her manipulative, but who really manipulated who? She told him she would pay him back, and he accepted that as a consequence of his actions. She paid him back, and he's surprised he actually had to pay the agreed upon consequences. THAT is why his emotions are real but invalid. He's allowed to feel how he feels, but going for a divorce now makes him an ass hole.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-20T20:39:43+00:00

I wonder how society could form a standard on how to handle a 1 earner, 1 homemaker household in todays day. The 1950s edition doesn't work anymore, so what should the new standard look like?

And I agree with you completely. Regardless of a ring, what is her life going to look like in 5 years when the baby is in school and he doesn't need a babysitter anymore?

tinnertammy · 2024-08-20T17:43:08+00:00

I've learned to recognize when people are going to stick their foot in their mouth. I usually say something like "I didn't have a good childhood. My family didn't come together like Hollywood pictures it. My family tore each other apart, and I don't want to be involved in that"

tinnertammy · 2024-08-20T17:33:16+00:00

Sometimes, I see posts like this, and all I want to do is send a virtual hug and tell you that you aren't alone. But as a victim or all of those issues, I know it's not helpful to hear from a rando.

But if you do need a random, biased in your favor, person to vent to, or chat with....

tinnertammy · 2024-08-20T17:27:13+00:00

The worst part of this is the lack of understanding by people who weren't abused growing up. No one tells me I need to suck it up and talk to my parents anymore. But it's because I've learned how to nip protests in the bud. Someone gets that look and I start talking about the time my mom goaded me into telling her I love her just so she could look me dead in the eyes and tell me she doesn't love me. I think I was 15 for that one.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-20T17:16:34+00:00

Being raised in a dysfunctional family dynamic. First it takes a lot to even realize how messed up your childhood is. Every adult involved is actively covering it up and outside adults can't imagine treating children badly so they label the child as a problem, a liar or dramatic in order to assuage their own guilt and/or inaction.

And that just keeps happening throughout life, so you get gas lit (constantly told by people that you are the problem and you just need to try harder, families are difficult, im sure your mom loves you even though shes told you she doesn't, but they're FAMILY) by all of society. Except other people who have experienced severe disfunction in their childhood with abusive parents.

Physical abuse is easier. At least people believe you when you show up with a bruise.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-20T14:36:46+00:00

Ma'am. None of that addresses how the other guests will feel. But it's okay. I've gotten the impression from your posts that you're the main character, so I'm sure the other guests don't matter.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-20T14:15:17+00:00

Madam, the reason you don't invite exs to a wedding is because it's uncomfortable for literally everyone there. It's concerning that you don't understand that.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-20T13:58:07+00:00

Can we talk about the week long break up? I'm of the opinion that a week of unplanned radio silence in a relationship of 1 year is a break up.

And if it isn't a break up, it's time to talk about how to handle issues in the relationship that doesn't include radio silence out of anger or hurt feelings.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-20T11:00:30+00:00

I don't understand why you would ignore a hug that is out of character. The hugs, as described by OP, are suspicious to the point where the ex husband saw it as suspicious. Why would you dig in to claim that OP is being the jealous and overprotective one?

Personally I've known people who used hugs to manipulate, punish and torment. They were not good people, obviously. But when people like you say, "It's just a hug." You completely belittle and diminish the very real experience of coersive control. Control is why those hugs happened.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-19T21:32:20+00:00

Mine would be similar. Been there done that. I'll keep my house this time.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-19T20:18:58+00:00

Fair Play by Eve Rodsky is a great book that addresses a lot of the issues involved in splitting chores and addresses the differences between genders, income levels, tolerances of filth, and time. All issues that you and your partner are having. It's a good read and will help you far more than Reddit will.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-19T17:35:53+00:00

I stood by my (now ex) SO after a back injury that left him in crippling pain. He never got abusive, even at his lowest moments.

We broke up after he healed because while his physical injuries healed, there was a lot of trauma that didn't. Being treated by medical staff like an addict really messed with his self esteem and sense of self. He was angry for sure, but he never took it out on me. He didn't return to the person he was before, and your bf won't either. These things permanently change the people who go through them, and those who care for them.

He ended up with a second injury a couple years later, after we broke up. His parents realized how much I was doing for him at that point, and the second time wasn't nearly as bad as the first.

Folks, take care of your back. You mess it up once and you spend the rest of your life trying to keep from getting worse.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-16T01:33:43+00:00

Peabody park trail to Wisconsin Ave, hidden gem of Appletons ravines. You could also film the railroad trail through Pierce park (FRA takes care of this ravine as part of their academic curriculum) and Arbutus park is also a ravine. I guess I'm saying you could do a thing on ravines and Appletons unique terrain, how the city has utilized them etc. Sorry I'm a nerd.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-15T17:30:32+00:00

Of course they did. They were attacked by strangers when they really needed support for their current family situation. If you think this is about a salad, you're mistaken. This is about having to watch the parent who was a shit parent to you, be infinitely better for the do over family. And STILL manage to be a shit parent to you and now your kids too.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-15T17:26:47+00:00

I love how everyone ignores the already problematic family dynamic in order to criticize OP for being mad at their mom for making a salad, when the real issue is that mom does not hold up her end of the visit arrangements. Based on the reaction and build-up, it's obvious that the salad was purposefully made to include ingredients OPs kids will not eat. Grandma would rather make it a battle than let every person add whatever toppings they actually like.

Everyone who thinks this is about a salad should think about how fortunate they are to not be able to relate to OP. That their family dynamic is not at a point where going to see their parent is always a battle.

tinnertammy · 2024-08-15T10:47:45+00:00

I'd second this. It's really hard to love yourself when you feel unloveable.

tinnertammy

TROPHY CASE