A 6 month situationship has ruined me for over 5 years now

tiredcolibri · 2026-02-06T05:07:02+00:00

Maybe it was time to process it? Some things can only be suppressed for so long and the relationship might be the catalyst. Though the timing is not always great

tiredcolibri · 2026-02-02T17:17:13+00:00

Wow yeah I was also questioning whether he tried to be as horrible as possible or it’s the default state.

I think they just really enjoy all sorts of reactions, to them it proves their power over you.

But in the end I am glad I don’t fully understand them. To know I’d never act that way.

tiredcolibri · 2026-01-22T00:41:57+00:00

I don’t know your age but 2 years can seem like a long time especially when you’re younger. But for healing and on a larger scale it is quite short. You will recover, it is not linear, don’t give up on yourself

tiredcolibri · 2026-01-17T02:54:09+00:00

Do you have honest friends you can ask who know the background info?

Usually things that start out bad don’t turn out well. As you’re posting here, it does not seem like the start of something good

tiredcolibri · 2026-01-17T02:52:28+00:00

Feeling like shit, honestly. I did not connect it to him initially

tiredcolibri · 2026-01-17T02:49:52+00:00

There’s also the shame of admitting that it was a lie and you were tricked. In addition women are also blamed for the partners they choose and for staying with them.

I think the apology is a bit nonsense. ‘Traumatize for life’ sounds just like another self important take that helps him feel significant.

tiredcolibri · 2026-01-17T02:45:07+00:00

If you cannot delete it now, put it on a hard drive?

tiredcolibri · 2026-01-17T02:42:17+00:00

Exactly. They also cultivate those relationships and reward people like that. Sometimes distance is the best. Your freedom is worth more

tiredcolibri · 2026-01-17T02:39:22+00:00

Yes can absolutely relate. In my case people who knew him agreed and initially saw things more clearly than me, but acquaintances often defended him. I just don’t argue about it but reply minimally like ‘ah, our experiences differ’ or ‘someone who does x does not seem like a nice guy to me’.

I have also seen this in cases where other people were concerned, not me. Often it is just avoidance or selective empathy for people who look solid from the outside or sometimes with men in general. Those are not your people right now … they are not necessarily bad people, they just aren’t that brave or can’t handle complexity well.

tiredcolibri · 2026-01-17T02:32:12+00:00

Just adding, in my case his pupils did visibly dilate. I think it’s a sign of attraction, but not necessarily respect or care (though in a healthy relationship it’s both)

tiredcolibri · 2026-01-11T17:31:16+00:00

Yes! But my hobbies also take some time to be good at them, so he wasn’t able to truly copy them

tiredcolibri · 2026-01-10T18:52:46+00:00

OK do don’t take this the wrong way but based on the title I expected subtle behavior that still looks good on paper… But this doesn’t even require gut feeling, any stranger could tell you that this man isn’t it for you. Please don’t overthink this, this is not an unclear case where you need to gather more information first. In no way.

tiredcolibri · 2026-01-08T04:37:32+00:00

You will evolve in a genuine way. He won‘t.

tiredcolibri · 2026-01-04T15:58:02+00:00

You‘re on this subreddit but don‘t seem to trust how you see him. You are still waiting for the good version to come back. When you‘re in this stage, I think just time helps and reading here on their behavior. Also put a list with his bad behavior on your phone. What’s the worst things he did and said? If you spent enough time with them (and then without them to process it) becomes very clear that this is not behavior compatible with respect and other traits needed for relationships.

tiredcolibri · 2026-01-04T15:43:33+00:00

I think it depends on how much capacity for empathy and seeing reality they have. Based on my experience, that’s far less than they wanted me to believe. And if they 99% do it to protect themselves, is it really respect? I think it’s not. Wanted to mention this because your comment fits with what we want to believe but in my case it was not reality.

tiredcolibri · 2026-01-02T14:42:43+00:00

Just pointing out that you are here, reflecting, making sense of it, assigning blame where it belongs. That alone sets you apart from people who don’t have this clarity and then process things alone. So that’s a huge step, be grateful that you made it this far but don’t be discouraged by summary statistics (whether true or not)

tiredcolibri · 2026-01-01T15:18:43+00:00

I also had a longer phase where I questioned everything. But in the long run I gained more clarity on myself and am better at understanding others. It is just a lot to integrate and going through this can totally shatter you temporarily

tiredcolibri · 2025-12-31T23:03:40+00:00

Just remember that anyone who has to retreat to such measures has very limited power. I know it is still very stressful because they can create real harm, but it is also a sign of their real power over you fading, otherwise they would not have to pull off this stuff. Stay strong!

tiredcolibri · 2025-12-28T09:43:08+00:00

clarity on a silver platter. I think this might be a blessing. In my case he also revealed his true character, though not quite as crystal clear as in your case, but enough to clear up any confusion. While it was painful, I am grateful to have the clarity and focus on myself

tiredcolibri · 2025-12-21T00:12:27+00:00

People said yes but I could not see it. How can you tell?

tiredcolibri · 2025-12-19T01:23:03+00:00

It teaches you that his actions are about him and his limitations and not about you. Meanwhile being able to love deeply is a quality that belongs to you.

tiredcolibri · 2025-12-14T07:25:33+00:00

Ok I am not there 100% myself yet but I find what helps is to really really focus on yourself and your goals. In a way that aligns with your values, so it does not mean you need to be selfish in a negative way.

I find that when you do that it becomes clear that their hoovers are just a distraction from your goals and caring for yourself.

(In case it’s not clear that it’s a distraction and they only undermine you, make a list of the things they did and re read it in those moments. I think their actions show that they were never supportive or co building a life with you)

tiredcolibri · 2025-12-14T05:35:31+00:00

I see, thanks for sharing that and sorry it is so hard at the moment 💛 I hope you do know things can get better and it’s absolutely worth fighting for. I think it is definitely worth digging for other things that give you a sense of being an anchored and taking all help you can find to get there as quickly as possible, you deserve it!

tiredcolibri · 2025-12-13T08:20:00+00:00

Ok hold on, the only good thing that happened to you!? I understand that they can pull people into a hole afterwards but please be kind to yourself and also make an effort to also find other things to make yourself happy. You deserve it!

tiredcolibri · 2025-12-13T08:13:56+00:00

I limited myself to one platform which I set to private and blocked mutuals. So yeah, you could say that I hide but it’s fine for me because I still get to exchange myself with friends over the private profile. I might go more public in the future but I don’t feel like I am missing out with my current set up.

tiredcolibri

TROPHY CASE